#dad! ben

Ben did whatever he could to get what he wanted, he cheated, hurt and often murdered to get what he wanted and what he wanted right now, was (Y/n) back. He didn't care what he had to do even if he knew the more he tried, the more he was pushing her away.

Having his men follow her was something (Y/n) had gotten used to in their relationship but it was something she now feared since they had broken up.

(Y/n) feared that one day she would look over her shoulder and find one of Ben's men following her, keeping tabs on her and getting ready to pounce and bring her back to the Devil himself. So far she had done well in eluding him, she had gotten away and managed to stop herself from going back to him because she knew getting away was the right thing for her.

But now he had found her.

He had managed to get his men to find her and they weren't going to stop now they had finally caught a glimpse of her. Before, it didn't used to bother (Y/n) because Ben's men were following her to ensure her safety and because it was a dangerous world when involved with Ben. But now they were following her because Ben was possessive and he wanted to keep his grip on her.

The man who had found her had been hard to spot because it was the one person (Y/n) wouldn't suspect to see following her.

The one man who was closest to Ben. He hardly ever left Ben's side, he was like a loyal pet or a puppet whose strings had to be pulled for him to go or do anything. Seeing Joe here right now without his master was something (Y/n) hadn't expected.

But when his kind eyes latched onto hers, there was a look of sorrow in them that she couldn't take.

Three months (Y/n) had been out of his grasp, she had been away from him and had tried to carry on with the life she had before Ben but (Y/n) was finding that it was near impossible to do that. The life she had before him was boring. It was a life that was dull, calculated and predictable but when Ben walked into her life he changed it in so many ways it was hard to see straight.

(Y/n) knew getting away from him would be hard, but now she was realising that it was impossible.

She couldn't have left the country, this was her home and she didn't want to leave her friends and family behind. Getting a place of her own had taken some time so when she left Ben the only places she could immediately go to were either her sister's house or her best friend. Both of whom Ben knew and he knew where they lived.

But (Y/n) was sure that Ben didn't know where she lived now that she had gotten her own place. She had done it discretely and with the help of her sister, the apartment wasn't even in her name so Ben couldn't track her that way. She had gotten a new phone, was looking for a car of her own and for the first month she barely left her sister's house and when she did go out, she knew she hadn't been followed. (Y/n) went as far as to leave the house through the alley at the back of her sister's garden because she knew no one could be watching her if she left that way. Nor did she go to any of the usual places she normally did when she was with Ben and she had never once seen him or his henchmen following her.

He had found out.

Ben wouldn't send his right hand man to follow her unless he knew. He had sent flowers, letters, angry texts, loving texts and even threats to her sister's house telling (Y/n) in no uncertain terms that sooner or later he would get her back. Ben had never attempted to see her in the last three months and (Y/n) knew he was biding his time because when he lost his patience he was going to drag her back by her hair if he had to. He didn't let go of what was his and his possessive nature always got the better of him, it was his downfall and the reason (Y/n) left.

Now Ben's possessive side was taking over again because he had clearly sent his men out looking for her and now one of them had found her. He was always keeping and eye on her movements, who she saw and where she went when they were together and he clearly wanted to be back in those old habits. He was getting ready to pounce like a predator.

He was going to see her himself soon and there was only one explanation for that. He had found out what she was so desperately trying to keep secret from him.

"(Y/n), are you still with us?" A chuckle followed Serena's words as her head leaned in closer to her younger sister to try and get her back into the conversation at hand. It looked as if (Y/n) had become trapped in her head, lost in thoughts that were consuming her to the core.

"Yes- I, um... I'm sorry, I have to go."

"Go? We haven't even eaten yet, where do you have to rush off to?" There was a look of confusion in her mother's eyes but there was also sorrow and (Y/n) knew exactly where those emotions were coming from.

When (Y/n) had been with Ben she rushed off a lot to his beck and call, she didn't see her family as much because she wanted to be so wrapped up in Ben and consumed by him. She was always on edge waiting for him to call or text and they never got to do things like this, to just sit down and have lunch. When (Y/n) initially left Ben she wouldn't leave the house for the first month. Now they all finally had a chance to sit down together and have a meal and be like it was in the old times. But now she still had to speed off even when this was the first time they had sat down where (Y/n) wasn't panicking that Ben was going to barge through the doors and take her away.

"I can't do this."

"Dear, you'll be fine he won't come and get you. Just sit and have something to eat-"

"I'm not hungry... I'm sorry, I- I'll call you soon."

(Y/n) didn't have the energy to argue and she didn't have the time to hang around and explain or come up with a better excuse than this. She couldn't sit through dinner being smothered by her mother and sister who hadn't stopped since the moment she told them she had found the courage to leave Ben. They wanted to wrap her in cotton wool because they thought she was about to fall to pieces.

As much as she loved her family and how they were helping her, (Y/n) couldn't be babied any more than this and she couldn't have Ben's henchmen watching her and her family have dinner. If he wanted to follow her then he could do so but he had to know she wasn't going to go down without a fight.

She would rather have her family think that she was too afraid to be out in the open than to admit that one of Ben's men had found her.

(Y/n) slung her bag on her shoulder and headed out of the crowded cafe, feeling Joe's eyes burning into her as she passed and she knew he would wait an extra second before following her as not to make it look too suspicious.

(Y/n) didn't like this, she could never usually feel their presence when they were following her unless they were walking right beside her. All of Ben's men knew how to be ghosts, they knew how to follow her from a distance and be undetectable and (Y/n) preferred it like that. Ben always told her to forget they were even there and it was always so easy to do that. But right now, she could feel Joe quickening his pace to keep up with her, wondering where she was going and what she was going to do since he knew she had spotted him.

She didn't know what to do.

(Y/n) couldn't have Joe following her for the rest of the day, week month or even the rest of her life. She couldn't spend her time waiting for one or more of Ben's men to follow her as she bided her time until Ben finally appeared in the flesh.

Nor could (Y/n) carry on with her day when he was following her.

It had been far too good to be true to believe that she wasn't going to be followed or watched anymore after having three months of being free and trying to get her life back together. Ben would do anything to get her back and now he had found her today, he wasn't going to let her slip through his net again.

Finding a small abandoned street just off the main road, (Y/n) turned down it and leaned her back up against the brick wall on her right. Her arms folded over her chest and her brows rose as she watched Joe round the corner. He hung his head in momentary shame at the realisation that (Y/n) was waiting for him and she didn't look best pleased.

"Long time no see, eh, love?" The compassion in Joe's lopsided smile didn't quite reach his eyes that still held a sense of sorrow that frightened (Y/n). Joe knew more than she did, he knew why he was here following her today and he knew what Ben was up to and the sorrow in his eyes was clearly for her. That didn't give (Y/n) much confidence in what Ben was planning to do.

"What are you doing here, Joe? He let me be for three months before any of you found me, what's going on?"

There was no other way for (Y/n) to talk to Joe other than to dive right into the problem at hand. She had to know why he was here and what was happening, as much as Joe was an old friend to (Y/n), he still worked for Ben and therefore idle chit-chat wasn't going to work today.

"I'm under orders, (Y/n)... did you honestly think he would let you go without a fight? You may not think it but he loves you-"

"Oh I know he does, but I can't handle his ways of love anymore Joe. I can't take being followed and smothered and possessed like I'm his most favourite toy. Can you imagine how compressing and controlled it feels to be the thing Ben loves the most? It's not an honour, it's a sentence."

Ben's ideas of love were not normal.

At first, he made (Y/n) feel special. He made her feel different and prized and loved and the most important thing in the world to him and those views didn't change. She was all of those things to Ben and more, but after time, (Y/n) could see through the cracks. She could see that being Ben's most cherished and loved person in his life made her one of his possessions and if someone touched or threatened his possessions, he became nasty. Ben had to have complete control over everyone and everything that he owned and (Y/n) was no exception to that way of life when it came to Ben.

He had to know where she was, what she was doing, who she was going out with. He had to keep tabs on her and make sure she was okay and she had to be controlled by him. (Y/n)'s life was morphed into Ben's life and plans, she was under his influence and when that happened, no one could escape it.

Being loved by Ben was a prison sentence because there was no escaping his controlling nature, no matter how honourable it felt to be the thing Ben loves most.

"And can you imagine what he will do if he doesn't get back the thing he loves most? I know he made you feel like you were a toy that he owned, I know being guarded by us and controlled in what you can and can't do is not the way to live or be loved. But he changed when he was with you and he would do anything to get you to come back."

"But that should be my choice, not his. He can't choose when or if I come back Joe. I'm done with him, you have to tell him to stop this. I don't want you all following me, I don't need him to keep tabs if he wants me back he needs to let me go."

(Y/n)'s arms tightened over her chest as she felt like cowering back in fear even though she didn't feel afraid of Joe.

The only way Ben would gain her respect in wanting her back is if he let go of the control around (Y/n). He had to stop keeping tabs on her and trying to pull her back to him. If she could be herself and stop being afraid of Ben trying to get her back, she could live her life without him and then go back to Ben on her own terms if she wanted to. Dragging her back by the scruff of her hair was not going to make her want to stay.

"You know as well as I do that Ben does things his own way... he wants to see you." Joe shrugged his shoulders but the sorrow seemed to grow deeper in his dark hazel eyes.

"Well I don't want to see him."

The response was plain and simple but it wasn't coming straight from the heart because (Y/n)'s heart was fighting with her mind. Part of her was desperate to see him again, to see how he was coping and if he really had changed like she was praying he had. But the other half of her, the knowledgeable side knew that she couldn't see him again in fear of getting wrapped up in his web of control. Once she saw him, she was never going to get away and another chance of escaping Ben and his control was not going to come around very soon.

Especially not if Ben had found out what (Y/n) was dreading he had.

"I'm sorry to say that I don't think you'll have a choice, but... did you really think you had left him behind these last few months? A new flat in Serena's name and a new phone isn't going to keep you safe when you're keeping something valuable from him. I'll see you soon, (Y/n)."

"What? Joe, Joe! What do you mean?"

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No, no no!

The moment (Y/n) turned on the lights in her apartment,  violent shivers ran throughout her body and her chest tightened like someone was squeezing her lungs to try and make them pop.

Her hand stayed gripping the door handle with ferocity but her pupils darted all around the apartment like she was searching for a threat.

All along the floor of her flat from the front door right through the living room and she guessed round to the kitchen, were rose petals. Various sized blood red petals scattered the floor turning the grey vinyl into a river of blood that started to move from the small breeze the door created when it opened.

Ben truly had found her.

It wasn't just his men following her anymore, it was him knowing exactly where she was staying and trying to scare her back into his arms. Why couldn't he just listen to (Y/n)? All she wanted was for him to give her the space she needed. If Ben could show her that he would stop controlling her and trying to make her give in to him then she could give him another chance.

(Y/n) didn't know how to tell her heart to stop loving him but her mind was finding it easier and easier to despise him when he started being possessive and controlling like this. No matter how deeply she loved Ben, his dark side was what made her back away to try and save herself. But he never let her go. She was his. (Y/n) belonged to him because he loved her so deeply and passionately that he could let nothing take her away from him, not even his bad side. He pushed her away but pulled her straight back like he was toying with her because he wanted and had to do things his own way.

Trying to control her breaths so they weren't too loud, (Y/n) slowly tried to open the door again without making a sound but the moment she tried to open it, a voice cut through the silence.

"Where are you going baby, you just got here."

Such a lightheaded feeling came over (Y/n) she thought she was going to faint the moment she heard that voice. It was a low tone with a scratchy edge from trying too hard to be sickly sweet.

"Why are you here?"

(Y/n) tried to make her voice stern and hard but her voice cracked and she sounded frail instead. She could never manage to stand up to her lover, Ben always managed to overpower her in any kind of situation and he always made sure she knew it. The only time she ever got one over on him was when she managed to leave without him knowing what she was planning. He hadn't found her for three months and (Y/n) had been dumb enough to believe she may just have gotten out of his vice grip.

But here he was, showing her just how wrong she had been in thinking she had succeeded against him.

"Because you left. So I'm here to bring you back with me where you belong... and I wanted to see if it was true."

Ben slowly walked around the counter of the kitchen so he was standing in the middle of the apartment, basking in the light so (Y/n) could finally get a glimpse of him after three months of trying to forget he ever existed.

Sometimes, (Y/n) could picture him so perfectly it was as if he was stood in front of her like he was now. And sometimes, in the dead of night, (Y/n) couldn't see him properly when her mind started wandering to him. His eyes were never emerald green when she wanted to imagine them, she couldn't see his hair that fell in curls around his face. Nor could she imagine how much taller than her he was when they were standing together.

She thought it was better when she forgot, it was easier to try and push him out of her mind.

But now he was here, stalking towards her like a predator about to come and take it's prey.

(Y/n)'s hand was still prized around the door handle and when Ben was less than a metre away from her, he slowly reached out until his cold hand was resting tightly on top of her own. It was as if (Y/n) had become paralysed, her body back under his control as always. She let him guide her hand away from the door and allowed his body to get even closer to hers as he locked the door to ensure they wouldn't be disturbed and she wouldn't be leaving him again.

"See if what was true?" (Y/n) found herself whispering her question before she swallowed so loudly she was sure he heard and his lips curled into a sinister smile.

(Y/n) needed Ben to move away, she needed to unlock the door and either run out or shove him out the door since she lived here not him. But her heart was pounding so loudly against her chest she thought it was trying to reach Ben. She was yearning to be wrapped up in his arms again, but she knew that the moment she let that happen she would be walking back into his trap and she would never leave or have the courage to leave again.

"You've taken something that belongs to me, and you know no one gets away with that, not even you."

"Ben I don't know what-"

(Y/n) cut herself off with a shriek when Ben's hands suddenly clamped down on her hips so tightly she could feel his short nails piercing through into her skin. He was forceful in a way she knew meant he was angry with her even if he wasn't showing it. Using not even half of his weight, he pushed her until her back hit the door so harshly her hips started to ache and her spine cracked into place causing her to whimper.

Her body was pinned between the door and Ben's hard frame and her frightened eyes were pierced with his harsh green ones that were burning through right to her soul.

He was claiming her. Backing her up into the wall so she knew that he wasn't letting her go and he was hurting her because she had hurt him by leaving.

Tears started to fall from (Y/n)'s eyes when Ben crudely yanked her coat apart so forcefully a button popped off and went flying towards the kitchen. (Y/n) saw Ben's eyes lighting up as he made quick work of discarding her coat on the floor before his hands quickly moved to her jumper. He wasted no time in pulling it up and ripping it off her head and arms, revealing her rounded stomach and cleveage to his prying eyes.

"I fucking knew it." The words were whispered quietly under his breath but his tone frightened (Y/n) almost as much as the fact that he knew what she had been trying to hide.

She had been foolish.

Deep down, (Y/n) knew that there was no way she could hide her pregnancy from him forever. At some point he was going to see her out in the street with a prominent bump or a stroller or a child clinging to her hand. It was only a matter of time before one of his men spotted her and related the information back to Ben. But he had his suspicions just before (Y/n) had left him and she knew it.

But she thought that if she got away before he found out then she could raise this child without him.

What kind of life was this baby going to have when their father was a cold hearted killer?

Ben wasn't the fatherly type even though he had enough possessive love in his heart to love and look after a child. (Y/n) knew he wanted children but truthfully he wasn't the kind of person who should have children and she knew it. All (Y/n) wanted to do was do what was best for her baby and she knew that the best thing was to try and get away and do this on her own.

Doing it on her own would no longer be possible because Ben knew.

He would either make sure he was in their child's life or worse still, never let (Y/n) leave him and make them his version of a perfect family.

"Tell me, what made you think you could run off with something that belongs to me and get away with it?"

"What makes you think you own me or this baby?"

"It's my child-"

"No, it's my baby and if I want to leave and bring it up on my own then I have every right."

(Y/n) was the mother and she was carrying this baby, it was her decision if she wanted to leave Ben and do this alone and she had every right whereas Ben didn't. She didn't want a murderer bringing up her baby with her but she knew that now Ben had found out, he was never going to let her disappear with his child. This was his baby too and he was not the kind of man to let this sort of thing go, he wasn't going to give in and never see his child or not have an input in their life and upbringing.

Such a wicked, cackling laugh left Ben's lips and made (Y/n) shiver and cry harder. He never meant to make her feel down or worthless but sometimes he just couldn't help it. Ben pressed himself further against (Y/n) until his abdomen was touching her protruding stomach and his chest was pinned against hers. His hands moved back to gripping her lips as he looked down at her with a horrid grin.

"You're very naïve if you think you have any right in taking away what's mine. This is my baby, sweetheart, and I'm not letting either of you go again."

(Y/n) shivered when Ben's lips feverishly moulded over her own making the past three months diminish into nothing like they had never existed. Time apart seemed to have done nothing for the way (Y/n)'s heart truly felt about the monster standing in front of her because the moment his lips touched hers she could feel her heart speeding up and her mind screaming because she wanted him back.

But he wasn't going to let her go again.

His hands moved from her hips to her stomach, roaming over the expanding flesh of her stomach before he suddenly seemed to become impatient. His hips forced into her own that were already feeling bruised from how he was man-handling her. She could feel him pressing into her and his abdomen pushing harder on her stomach that was already hurting from the baby she was carrying.

His roaming hands shifted once again until he had both of (Y/n)'s wrists clenched tightly in his fist that he pinned up against the top of the door.

Usually when Ben was being forceful like this it made (Y/n) shiver and relish in the adrenaline he sparked in her system, but this was different. Ben wasn't being forceful and possessive in a loving, sexual manner. He was being possessive in a sense that told her she was not escaping him again. He was holding her as his captive, his prisoner and he was making sure she knew that he owned her, every part of her and he was not allowing her to leave him again no matter how hard she tried.

Another small whimper left (Y/n)'s lips that felt bruised with the way Ben was biting them like he wanted to devour them before his lips travelled south. They went from licking and nibbling her neck to sinking his teeth into her skin and pulling so hard that (Y/n) started to cry again. She could feel his tongue lightly going over the bruises he was creating as he kept kissing further down her neck and collar bone until he reached her cleavage.

Her chest started to quake and push further back against the door in a feeble attempt to pull away from Ben but it made no difference. He gripped her wrists tighter, rutted his hips into her aching ones and curled his free hand around her neck to show her she was weak and powerless when up against him.

(Y/n) was no stranger to Ben's punishments but when he punished her it was never in a physical way except for the one time he did choke her. But now he wasn't choking her, he was holding her neck tightly but allowing her to breathe. He was showing her that he was in control, he was letting her breathe simply because he wanted to and because he held that power and he could take her oxygen away at any given moment.

His nails dug into her throat that let out a few choked cries when he bit down on her breasts, already smirking against her skin at the marks he was leaving behind to show her who she belonged to.

A gasp of air left (Y/n)'s lips when Ben's hand tightened enough to cut off her oxygen for a few seconds before his hand moved again and scratched his nails down the side of her skin. He left bright red lines down her side and down her stomach but he smoothed the pad of his thumb against her stomach like he was showing her he wouldn't hurt her stomach in fear of hurting the baby.

All (Y/n) could do was cry when Ben's lips smothered her own again and his hand scratched her side and forcefully moved under the elastic of her leggings and underwear. Her lower abdomen shrunk inwards from the sudden touch to her delicate skin and her body shook when he scratched her again before be pulled her underwear down enough to fit his hand between her legs.

There wasn't even a chance for (Y/n) to tense her thighs and press her legs together because Ben's knee found its way between her legs and his whole body forced against hers so tightly (Y/n) could feel every vein and artery pulsing in her body. She wanted to move, to pull away and push Ben as far back as she could manage but all (Y/n) could do was cry and shift and jump against his touch that was switching constantly between gentle and very rough.

"Do you really want to leave me, baby? Cause I don't think you do, and you know I will always protect you both."

(Y/n) wanted to leave.

She knew it was safer to be away from Ben than it was to be with him when he was this possessive, destructive and unhinged. But at the same time, her heart was still head over heels in love with him and he always loved her even if that love was in a different, twisted kind of way. Ben was never going to let (Y/n) disappear or leave him when she was pregnant with his child. He would never allow that.

Ben wasn't the kind of man or father that liked to be pranked or annoyed. He was a rather intimidating father to the boys despite how much they all loved him. Winding him up was a way for the boys to test his anger and see how he would react and how far they could push him before he snapped.

(Y/n) didn't like it when the boys got these ideas into their heads because she knew her husband. She knew how he would react and when he found out it was a prank he got very annoyed. Ben was a serious person, jokes weren't his kind of thing.

"It's a tiktok challenge, look."

Theo held his phone up so (Y/n) could see what he was referring to but when her eyes darted over the subtitles on the video and she watched the short clip, her teeth bit down on her lip.

(Y/n) very rarely played pranks on Ben, only when she was feeling very daring and playful or when she wanted to get back at him for something. Whenever the boys did pranks on Ben they didn't tell (Y/n) because they knew she wouldn't allow them to do it. But this specific challenge needed (Y/n) to be in on the prank.

The challenge Theo was referring to was the 'shut up challenge'. It was where someone would tell one of their parents to shut up and see how the other parent reacted. Of course, Theo needed (Y/n) to do this with him because both (Y/n) and Ben would react if they thought Theo was being serious in telling (Y/n) to shut up. He would never dream of being like that with his mum, he was too respectful and fearful of what would happen if he said something rude to her like his brother did.

This was the perfect kind of challenge to do on Ben and Theo knew it.

Ben was intoxicated by (Y/n) and that was clear to anyone who saw them together. He loved his wife more than anything so if any of the boys were disresectful to her then Ben would come down on them hard. He brought up the boys to be good and respectful and sort of the opposite of him and none of them liked going against their dad.

"Baby, I- I don't know about this, you know what your dad's like."

"Please? It'll be funny, you just have to tell him it's a joke." The pleading look in Theo's eyes and the smile on his lips made (Y/n) cave.

He was eight, he just wanted to mess around and (Y/n) didn't want to stop him from being a kid when things were hard for all of them. All the boys had to deal with constant moving houses, Ben coming home in the dead of night or early morning, seeing him cut up and with broken bones from fights and they all knew Ben's job wasn't a good one. It wasn't the most ideal situation for the boys but they were loved tremendously and they had everything they needed.

"Alright, he'll be home soon. But don't tell Charlie, this is just between you and me okay?"

"Yes! Thanks mum."

(Y/n) was okay with Theo doing this challenge but not Charlie.

The eldest child had a turbulent relationship with Ben at the best of times and this challenge would not go down well with Ben if it was Charlie doing it.

Charlie was eleven and he had anger issues he inherited from Ben, he was constantly battling with Ben about everything from doing his homework to going to school and simply going to bed. It didn't help that Charlie often took out his anger on (Y/n) because she was the parent that was around more. And when Ben found out he and Charlie clashed badly.

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"Alright buddy, let's go see your mum."

Ben kicked off his shoes in the hallway before making his way through the house to get to the kitchen where he could hear (Y/n) and the boys talking. He bounced Briar on his hip who was almost asleep already. Ben had just picked the three year old up from nursery on the way home from the club as (Y/n) had picked up their other three boys from school abut an hour earlier.

Ben took to rubbing his hand up and down Briar's back, soothing his youngest son since he seemed about ready for a nap. He could feel Briar very slowly tracing his finger over the tattoo at the back of Ben's neck.

The youngest boy had a fascination with Ben's tattoos and he hated it when Ben wore a shirt because it meant he couldn't see the tattoos. It made Ben laugh when Briar would run up to him when he came home, point at his shirt and demand he take it off. He was so used to Ben walking round the house in his jeans or boxers without a shirt and he loved drawing his fingers over Ben's designs.

When Ben headed into the kitchen he glanced his eyes around, seeing (Y/n) stood near the oven clearly starting to make something to eat. Charlie and Billy were sitting at the kitchen table near the back door playing a game and Theo was sitting at the island in the middle of the kitchen on his phone.

"Hey baby, did you have a good day? You okay honey?" (Y/n) smiled at Briar who was almost asleep in Ben's arms but had a lopsided grin on his features when he saw her. When her head tilted up towards Ben, (Y/n) felt her smile widening when his arm secured around her hips and he leaned down to kiss her. She could feel adrenaline starting to run riot in her stomach because she knew what was about to come and she didn't want to imagine Ben's reaction.

"Wasn't too bad, think this one's tired out though. You and the troop okay?" Ben rubbed his hand up and down (Y/n)'s back as he glanced his eyes back over at the boys.

They had four boys in total, Ben's little army and he loved that (Y/n) was the only girl in the house, surrounded by all of her boys.

"Yeah we're all good."

Ben leaned down to peck (Y/n)'s lips again before he bounced Briar on his hip and moved to the fridge. Whilst his back was turned to the rest of his family, (Y/n) locked her eyes with Theo who was nodding his head, trying not to figit in his seat from excitement. He knew all too well that Ben's reaction wouldn't be an amused or even a kind one but he was still anxious to see his father's reaction.

"Theo, you gonna come and help me do the veg for tea, please?" (Y/n) glanced her eyes over at Theo before she turned her attention to the casserole bubbling away on the stove. It was normal for one of the boys to help with cooking, they all took it in turns, except for Briar since he was only three.

"But I'm busy."

"No, baby it's your turn to help with tea so come on."

(Y/n) knew she had to put on her stern voice or else Ben wouldn't believe it, he would know something was up. The boys were brought up to be respectful and none of them dared go against the rules and chores was one of the rules. (Y/n) only worked part-time and Ben was at work most of the time so the boys had to help around the house. One of the things Ben always said to the boys was that (Y/n) was their mother not their maid and that always made the boys shiver and give in quickly. They didn't like to think of (Y/n) as a maid doing everything for them and always picking up after them and they all wanted to be like Ben.

They wanted to be charming and do everything they could for themselves.

"Mum I'm playing a game, I need to finish this level!" Theo tilted his head to the side as he whined his response, trying to make it believable because neither of his brothers knew he and (Y/n) were doing this challenge. He had his phone propped up against his glass and aimed at Ben so they could record his reaction.

Ben bit his lip and turned his head to look at his son over his shoulder whilst he handed a beaker to Briar who was almost asleep in his arms. Out of all the boys, it was usually Charlie who would complain and argue with either Ben or (Y/n), it was never Theo and Ben didn't like how he was being right now.

"You can finish it later buddy, go help your mum." Ben ticked his head to the side to motion for Theo to get up and go over to (Y/n) but Theo shook his head. Watching briefly as Ben moved to lean against the counter near to both (Y/n) and Theo.

"Theo you know the rules now come on-"

"Ughh no just shut up!"

Silence fell over the kitchen and all eyes immediately set on Ben as if he was the one who had had the outburst rather than Theo.

Both Charlie and Billy stopped their game to look over at Ben because they knew disrespecting (Y/n) was bad but telling her to shut up would almost definitely get their brother smacked and bollocked for that. Theo stared with a glimmer of fear in his eyes and a blank expression on his face as if he had just realised what he said. His eyes locked with Ben whose brows dropped near to his eyes and his teeth ground together with how tight his jaw was locked.

"What the Hell did you just say to your mother?!"

The words echoed round the kitchen but everyone jerked in their seats when Ben seemed to move faster than lightning. One moment he was stood near to (Y/n) and the next he was in front of Theo, pulling him from his seat by the scruff of his neck whilst still holding Briar against his hip.

"Ben-"

"You have some fucking nerve thinking you can talk to her like that and get away with it. I didn't bring any of you up to talk to your mother like shit." Ben's words were spoken in a seething tone through gritted teeth but it was his eyes that were unnerving Theo. His eyes were darker than their usual emerald green, they were almost black voids and his expression was stoic and blank which was even more worrisome.

Just as Ben went to pull Theo by his neck, presumably to drag him from the kitchen, Theo pushed against Ben's chest and (Y/n) reached over and wrapped herself around Ben's arm to stop him.

"Dad i-it's a joke."

"Ben leave him it's okay." (Y/n) tried to smile but she couldn't, all she could do was let the panic seep into her features whilst she managed to prize Ben's hand off their son. Her eyes briefly flitted to look at Briar and even though the three-year-old was clearly confused from the sudden raised voices, he wasn't panicked or unsettled.

"It's not okay the little bastard-"

"It was a joke! Baby, it was a challenge he wanted to see and record your reaction. He didn't mean it I swear, I knew what he was doing." (Y/n) pressed her lips to Ben's shoulder as she wrapped her arms around his upper bicep to try and calm him down. She watched the way his eyes narrowed and switched between her and Theo as Charlie and Billy watched in confusion and slight fear. They all knew Ben didn't like jokes, especially when they were on him because it meant he wasn't in control of the situation.

"What?" Ben's chest heaved as he kept his eyes focused on (Y/n), knowing if he looked at his son his temper would start to flare again if this was indeed a joke.

"A tiktok challenge, to see how parents react when you tell the other one to shut up. I- I knew you'd go mad since you love mum so much." Theo darted his eyes around the kitchen as he tried to stay calm. He'd gotten the exact reaction he was expecting and he was definitely going to upload it but he knew explaining it to Ben was going to be the hard part.

"I don't care if it was a challenge and your mum knew about it, you don't ever tell her to shut up not even for a joke. No more fucking jokes like that."

Ben swiped his hand against the back of Theo's head, not enough to actually hurt him but enough to shock him and get the message through that he couldn't do that. Ben didn't care if it was for a joke and that (Y/n) knew he was going to do it, he didn't want any of the boys telling her to shut up or being rude to her even for a joke. He wanted them all to respect (Y/n) as much as he did and telling her to shut up was something Ben wouldn't have any of them do.

Theo nodded before he disappeared over to where his brothers were playing at the table, taking his phone with him so he could edit the video he recorded.

"Sorry baby, he was desperate and it was meant as a joke."

(Y/n) tilted her head back to look up at Ben when his free arm circled around her waist and pulled her tight against his chest. She knew he wasn't angry or mardy with her but his expression showed she was going to pay for this later and it sent a spark of adrenaline running through her stomach.

"So, how's she doing?"

It felt nerve-wrecking for Gwilym to approach Ben, he didn't want to feel like he was intruding on personal space or being around when he wasn't wanted. But when he stood beside Ben, he could feel a wave of calm washing over them both when their eyes were both staring down at the newborn in front of them. The little girl was fast asleep with one of her mitten-clad hands pressed against her button nose like she had fallen asleep in the middle of scratching her nose.

Ben and Gwilym had known each other for years, they had been through a lot together and during the period where Ben had to go to court against Lucy, Gwilym had been there through it all.

But this was different.

Gwilym had never seen Ben in a situation where he was close to losing someone dear to him. He had never witnessed Ben where he was worried about turning up to the hospital and finding his partner had passed away or gotten worse whilst he wasn't there. And when Ben was here with (Y/n), he was still worrying that something was going to happen or go wrong and she was going to get worse. (Y/n) was part of Ben's world now, she meant everything to him just like his boys and now his daughter. Losing any one of them would crush Ben to pieces and he didn't like how close he had come so far to losing (Y/n).

"She's doing great, another week or so and I can take her home." Ben leaned his hip against the incubator as he stared down adoringly at his little girl. He was desperate to get her home and out of this incubator so she could be cuddled and fed and washed and dressed properly. He wanted her to sleep in her cot and be surrounded by her family and just held and nutured rather than being kept cooped up in here like she was still in the womb waiting to be born.

But at the same time, Ben didn't want to take her home if (Y/n) wasn't going to be there with him. He couldn't look after a newborn as well as three young boys on his own. And if Ben did take her home without (Y/n), he would be doing everything without her, (Y/n) wouldn't be there to put their daughter in her cot for the first time. She wouldn't be there to wash her or dress her or get her up during the night. She would miss out on everything and Ben didn't want to do any of this on his own, he'd done that with all his boys, it had to be different with his daughter.

"It... it doesn't feel like a week since she was born, you know? It's like, two hours ago I was holding (Y/n) and she was born. A whole week and (Y/n) hasn't even seen her yet."

It hurt and scared Ben to think that it had been seven days since his daughter had been born. Seven whole days and she and (Y/n) were still cooped up in the hospital, when he had the boys three days was the longest they had been in hospital before coming home. And (Y/n) hadn't even set eyes on her baby yet, nor did they have a name or even a birth certificate for her. It was like time inside the hospital had completely stopped but when Ben left, time raced past him without his consent.

"I know, it barely feels like a year since you were both starting to go out together. Why don't we go visit (Y/n), I haven't seen her yet." Gwilym rested his hand on Ben's shoulder, his eyes lingering on the newborn in front of him before he looked at Ben.

When (Y/n) went into labour, the last time Gwilym had seen her was when he helped her get into the car and whispered that she would be fine. Since then he hadn't visited (Y/n), he still had to go to work and with how ill she had been, he didn't want to intrude. (Y/n) needed her family around her and as much as Gwilym thought of her as his family, he wasn't immediate family and therefore decided it was better to simply get updates from Ben. But it had been a week now and Gwilym wanted to see her and see how she was.

Ben took a deep breath before he nodded in agreement. He had held his daughter this morning and spent the morning here with her, it was about time he went down to see (Y/n).

Moving his hand, Ben slipped his hand into the incubator and gently brushed his finger against his girl's cheek, smiling down at her before he and Gwilym turned and left the room of sleeping newborns.

A comfortable silence enveloped the pair as they walked down the halls to reach (Y/n)'s ward, but a look of fright took over Ben's face when he looked towards (Y/n)'s room. Doctor Mills was stood outside her room with another doctor that Ben didn't recognise. The doctor was never normally here at this time, for the past few days he visited (Y/n) early in the morning and later on in the afternoon and if he didn't visit then it was just a nurse. No one should be here right now.

"Doctor Mills, is everything okay?" Ben's voice was packed with nerves but there was a sense of apprehension in his voice. He didn't know what the doctor was going to say or if anything was wrong with (Y/n) and Ben couldn't take any more bad news or set backs right now.

When they approached the room, Ben leaned to try and look into (Y/n)'s room and catch a glimpse of her but all he could manage to see was two nurses in the room with her. If they were in there with (Y/n) and there were two doctors talking about her outside, something was clearly going on.

"Ben, good I was just about to call you."

"Is she okay?" The panic was clear in Ben's voice but there was anger in his eyes. (Y/n) had been through enough, Ben didn't know how much more she could take.

"I came to check on her this morning and she's improved, we've been running tests and (Y/n)'s lungs have improved enough for her to breathe on her own without the ventilator. We're about to take her off the ventilator now, I was going to call so you could be here when we do that."

Doctor Mills had told Ben yesterday that (Y/n) seemed to be getting stronger but they couldn't take her off the sedatives because she was still weak and would panic about the ventilator. But to know they were going to try and get her to breathe on her own brought tears to Ben's eyes because it meant she was actually recovering. Once she could breathe on her own she should start to eat and drink and get better enough to go home if the sepsis didn't develop any worse.

"You- you mean it? What about the sepsis?"

"Her infection has cleared up and the sepsis is finally starting to receed as well. We have to keep her on antibiotics for another week or so just to be on the safe side and it will take a few weeks for her to fully recover. But if all goes well, she won't have to be in hospital for much longer."

Gwilym reached over and patted Ben's shoulder when he saw the tears forming in his friend's eyes. Ben had been so deaperate to hear news like this but he didn't think it would ever come. (Y/n) still didn't look well and none of the doctors could give Ben an answer as to if she might recover soon or if she was getting worse or not. To finally be told that (Y/n) was starting to get better and her recovery was now going to start, made Ben elated because he could finally stop worrying that he was getting close to losing her.

"Thank you." Ben ran his fingers through his hair, pulling at the strands as he tried to catch his own breath. He couldn't believe it, (Y/n) would be able to talk and be awake and look at him properly in a couple of hours instead of being sedated every single day.

"I took her off the sedatives this morning so she will be awake and responsive when we remove the ventilator but I think you should be in the room to keep her calm so we can remove the tube and check her vitals. There is a chance she won't respond or breathe very well without the ventilator so we have to see how it goes."

"She'll be fine, she's a fighter." Gwilym spoke quietly to Ben, smiling encouragingly to him before he moved to stand by the window. There couldn't be too many people in the room and Gwilym knew he wouldn't be of much use but he didn't want to go home, he had to know how (Y/n) got on. And if he stayed out here then at least he could watch the situation and possibly talk to (Y/n) if everything went okay.

Ben nodded with a fearful smile before he headed into the room when Doctor Mills motioned for him to go first.

The moment Ben entered the room, his eyes locked with (Y/n)'s and it was as if someone had struck a match up in his heart. He could feel his body tensing and growing hotter as his heart started to hammer away in his chest. (Y/n)'s eyes were full of so many emotions, there was surprise, fear, pain but there was such a sparkle in her tired eyes that made Ben smile. He couldn't remember the last time he looked into her eyes.

"Baby, oh baby you're awake." Ben breathed through his words and when he stood beside (Y/n) he could feel her hand immediately reaching out for his. He interlocked their fingers together and brushed his free hand through her hair slowly and methodically to try and calm her down.

He could see the panic in her eyes, it was clear she hadn't been conscious for very long and she was typically going to be scared and confused. She didn't know how long she had been sedated for or what was happening and the fact that there was a tube stuck down her throat was clearly scaring the living daylights out of her. Ben had to calm her down so that they could help her and remove the tube so she could breathe on her own.

"Shh, you're okay, baby everything's gonna be just fine. The doctor's here to help you."

"Okay (Y/n), we understand this is confusing and worrying for you but you are doing very well. This tube is to help you breathe but I can remove it now, it's going to be uncomfortable but please try and stay still, it will only take a few seconds."

Ben kept running his fingers through (Y/n)'s hair before he bent over more so he could be closer to her. He could feel her hand tensing and holding his hand tighter and her eyes were starting to water. Ben hated how panicked and frail she looked because she didn't understand what was going on but she was doing well not to panic or sob or even lash out from confusion and pain.

"Right, let's turn the ventilator off." Doctor Mills looked to the nurse behind him who nodded before turning off the machine which would give them chance to see if (Y/n) was still able to breathe first. Even with the tube down her throat.

The exact moment the oxygen stopped pushing into her lungs, it was as if (Y/n) had been given an electric shock. Her chest jolted before her lungs started to work but it was distressing.

(Y/n) could feel the tube down her throat, every time her muscles constricted or tightened they pressed on the tube and each time it sent a shock through her system. She felt like she was choking and being suffocated even though she could breathe around the tube. All (Y/n) wanted to do was either to pass out or press a magic button and have everything go back to the way that it should be. This wasn't how things were meant to work out.

"(Y/n), I'm going to remove the tube now, just try and hold still for me."

Doctor Mills locked eyes with Ben before he moved to unclip the tube and when he started to remove it Ben moved his hands to gently push (Y/n)'s shoulders and chest back onto the bed. She couldn't try and sit up or bend her neck whilst the tube was being removed even though it was clearly hurting and scaring her. The gagging sounds that (Y/n) made sent Ben's stomach reeling and the moment the tube was free a strangled sound left her lips before she started to cough.

She no longer had the feeling of air being forced into her chest, she was back to breathing on her own and her throat felt dry and scratched.

Doctor Mills moved the small piece of plastic in (Y/n)'s lips that kept the tube stable in her mouth and her jaw clearly hurt the moment she tried to move it and press her lips together.

"Well done, it's going to hurt for a few minutes but just try and breathe normally, I'm going to check your lungs and if all your vitals seem okay we can leave you and Ben alone for a little while." Doctor Mills pressed his stethoscope to (Y/n)'s chest to listen to her lungs as she tried to take deep breaths. "Good, you're lungs are holding up enough that I don't even think you need any extra oxygen. I'll come back and check on you in a little while, if you need anything just press the button."

The moment the doctor and nurses left the room, Ben leaned down and pressed his lips to the top of (Y/n)'s head.

There had been a small part of him that worried that (Y/n)'s lungs would give out or not be strong enough yet after one collapsed and the sepsis had taken a big toll on her. But to see her breathing on her own and actually awake and recovering like this made Ben's heart soar.

"Thank fuck... baby you didn't half scare me back then. I thought I was gonna lose you."

Ben crouched down beside the bed, his hand smoothing over her cheek as his other arm moved to rest over her stomach. He was desperate to cling to her, to pick her up and hug her and hold her to his chest like he wanted to fit her into his heart. But he couldn't do that just yet, she had only just woken up and was still in bad shape.

He didn't bother to wipe away the tears of relief falling from his eyes that moved to watch (Y/n)'s lips when she mumbled something that he couldn't make out.

"What, baby?"

"E-Ella... where's Ella?" (Y/n)'s voice was hoarse and very quiet like she had been crying rather than having not used her voice for almost five days now. But Ben heard and worked out what she was saying and after a brief second, realisation hit him.

She wanted to call their daughter Ella.

"She's in the neonatal unit, oh baby she's beautiful... they let me hold her, she's only four pounds. You can see her soon, and the boys are so fucking desperate to come see you. I love you so much, please don't scare me like that again."

Ben couldn't waste anymore time, he moved before his mind could comprehend what he was doing and he pressed his lips to hers. He could feel that (Y/n)'s lips were slightly chapped like he expected but when her hand moved to cup his cheek he nearly burst out crying. Nothing compared to how nearly losing (Y/n) made him feel, not even the way he felt when Lucy broke his heart and his mind. He needed (Y/n) more than he ever thought he would and that scared him more than anything.

He couldn't let her go, he loved her far too much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Boys, remember what we said?" Ben ran his hand over James' hair, ruffling the strands as his eyes darted between his boys.

Carter was switching between bouncing off the walls with excitement and scratching his hands from anxiety. He was finally able to see (Y/n) after just over a week without her and that made his adrenaline go sky high but at the same time, he knew that she wasn't well and that made him anxious in case she really didn't look well when he saw her.

James was holding Ben's free hand swinging their hands between them as he looked around the halls, having rarely been into a hospital. He just wanted to go and see (Y/n). And Finn was perched on Ben's hip, nervous about being in a hospital but excited because he had missed (Y/n) more than anyone thought he would over this past week. Every day he had asked Ben if she was okay and when he would see her again.

"Yep, mum is still poorly so we can't stay long in case she gets tired and not to be upset if she doesn't look well." Carter's voice was hyper and he held his head up to show and prove that he had been listening and had done well to remember what Ben had said.

"We can give mum a hug but we have to be careful." James added quietly, looking up at Ben when they all stopped in front of the room he guessed was (Y/n)'s.

"Alright, let's go see her." Ben let go of James' hand so he could open the door before both Carter and James nudged him out the way and barged passed so they could get to (Y/n).

"Mum!"

(Y/n) felt her breath hitching in her throat when she saw all four of her boys coming into the room. She moved her arms out but she wasn't quite ready for the impact of Carter and James who both went to one of her sides before launching themselves at her. Admittedly, James was more cautious, he wrapped his arms loosely around her middle and huddled under her arm. He rested his head on her shoulder, gazing up at her with a smile.

Whereas Carter was a bit more heavy handed, wrapping one arm around her neck and the other around her middle before he buried his face into her neck, clinging to her like he thought she was going to disappear.

"Boys! Be careful with your mum." Ben scolded, shaking his head at them with raised brows. He had told them two minutes ago to be careful and then they run in and shake her and attach to her like a leech. (Y/n) was breathing on her own now but her lungs were still weak and she was going to have a long recovery. The boys couldn't be rough with her no matter how much they had missed her.

"We missed you."

(Y/n) could feel tears welling up in her eyes when James spoke, looking up at her like she was the only thing in the world worth looking at; he definitely took after Ben. She smoothed down his hair before pressing a kiss to his temple. Even though she had been mostly sedated during the last few days, it had still felt weird when she woke not to have the boys surrounding her.

"When are you coming home? It's not right without you." Carter pulled back enough so that he could climb up onto the bed and sit as close to (Y/n)'s side as he could. Grabbing her arm and making sure it was still wrapped around his side so he could still be close to her. Even though they had just moved house Carter was starting to think of it as his home but he couldn't fully do that without (Y/n) there. Nowhere was going to be right if she wasn't there with them and he wanted her back home now.

"I should be able to come home in a few days, honey. It won't be much longer I promise." (Y/n) looked between Carter and Ben who sat down on the end of the bed with Finn on his lap.

(Y/n) didn't feel great, yesterday it had taken a few hours for her to fully wake up and feel able to talk and breathe normally. And the painkillers and antibiotics were making her drowsy, doctor Mills said she would be moving very slow, her chest was going to hurt and her breathing would be uneven for a while. And she had to get back into eating properly since she had been on nutrients and drips for a week.

When they knew for sure that her sepsis had gone and she had no other immediate issues she would be able to recover at home with her family which is what they all wanted.

"Is your tummy better now?" Finn slowly crawled from Ben's lap and moved up near James so he could be closer to (Y/n). He reached out and slowly patted her stomach and (Y/n) could see the intrigue in his eyes. The last time Finn had seen her he remembered her stomach being very round, now it was almost back to how it used to look.

The easiest way for Ben to explain it to Finn was to say that the baby was born but (Y/n) wasn't very well, she had a poorly stomach and a bad chest and Finn seemed to understand that.

"A lot better now, sweetheart, have you seen your sister yet?"

"Baby sister is very pretty, daddy said she looks like you."

(Y/n) drifted her eyes from Finn up to Ben as a smile formed on her lips. She knew Ben had held Ella the other day and this morning since (Y/n) was feeling better she had managed to see and hold Ella for the first time. The picture Ben had taken of his girls was one that he was definitely going to get printed because so far, it was the only good memory of this event.

"She tripped and blacked out for a few seconds, I think she landed on her stomach but her water's definitely broken and I called the hospital, they said she has to go in straight away." The panic in Gwilym's voice matched the frantic look in his eyes that were darting between Ben, (Y/n) and his phone that was clutched tightly in his hand.

The moment Ben hung up on him Gwilym had rang the hospital to get advice and they were very clear that (Y/n) had to be brought in and assessed straight away. The fact her water had broken didn't definitely mean she was in labour but this was very early to be happening and her water breaking could mean (Y/n) could get an infection. And the added fact she had hurt her stomach meant the baby could be in distress or harmed and that could push labour into happening.

"How badly did you hurt yourself?" Ben's eyes darted back to look at (Y/n) and his voice was a bit softer around the edges. He didn't want her to think he was angry at her in any way but when he panicked like this he got angry and he couldn't help it.

(Y/n) could feel her stomach tensing and her chest quaking as she slowly straightened up so she could pull up her shirt to let Ben see the bruising that was starting to form.

Ben shuffled round so he was in front of (Y/n) rather than at her side but his hands started to shake when he lightly placed them against her stomach. Her skin was very dark red with a tinge of purple adding into the mix and Ben was sure it felt like she was starting to get some swelling. But when his palm pressed a little harder against her stomach (Y/n) winced at the same time Ben felt the baby moving which seemed to make (Y/n)'s pain escalate even more.

"Shit, baby..."

"I'm s-sorry-"

"No! Don't you even say that, this isn't your fault. We're gonna get you help, let's get you in the car and I'll take you to hospital now. Gwil, could you wait with the boys for a bit until I can get my mum to come stay with them? James will be back soon."

Ben ran his fingers through his hair, ruffling the strands and pushing them further back on his head as he tried to think.

James was due home at any time now and someone had to be here when he got back and none of the boys could be left alone. Ben would much rather have Gwilym coming to the hospital with them but he needed someone here with the boys. His mother would have no problem coming to look after them, especially when Ben told her the situation and that she may have to have them overnight if (Y/n) really was going to go into labour. But for now Gwilym was the only person at hand that could look after the boys for them.

"Yeah, yeah that's fine. Right let's get you up then." Gwilym's voice shook as he spoke but he was trying his best to remain calm. He was good with Carter and was fine with settling him because it was very clear that once Carter realised he couldn't go with his parents to hospital he was going to have some sort of meltdown. He was good with Finn who would be panicking and James was fine with Gwilym so it was the best option right now. There was no way Ben could stay home with the boys and let Gwilym take (Y/n) because if (Y/n) went into labour Ben had to be there.

(Y/n) tried to take in a deep breath but it was hard when all she wanted to do was take quick, shallow breaths to get more oxygen round her system. Her watering eyes darted between Ben and Gwilym who both leaned down, ready to try and get her onto her feet.

Gwilym and Ben took one of her hands each and rested their other arms around her waist to support her weight between them, knowing she wouldn't have the strength to stand on her own. They took things slowly, gently pulling (Y/n) up between them but it was clear the moment her left foot was on the ground it was too painful to stand on from how she landed when she fell.

"You okay baby?" Ben leaned his head down to look at (Y/n) properly, knowing she was in a lot of pain with how much pressure she was applying to his hand and how she couldn't even stand up straight. (Y/n) managed to nod her head, biting her lips so hard that she could feel blood welling up in her mouth. "Let's get you to the car."

Gwilym ran his hand up and down (Y/n)'s back as Ben took most of her weight and the three of them slowly started shuffling out of the room. They had all been friends for a long time but Gwilym had never seen (Y/n) in pain and distress like this before and the most panicked he had ever seen Ben was when things took a bad turn with Lucy. This wasn't the kind of situation any of them wanted to be in, when the baby was born it was meant to be surprising but happy and a precious moment. It wasn't supposed to be frightening and catastrohpic with the worry of their baby not being okay.

"I need to s-sit down." (Y/n) buried her face into Ben's chest, tightening her hand around his own as she couldn't surpress a groan from leaving her lips. She couldn't make it down the stairs without stopping and sitting down first because the pain was becoming distressing.

Ben nodded his head, looking to Gwilym before he moved round in front of (Y/n) and went down onto the next step of the stairs. He moved his arms so he was holding (Y/n)'s waist as Gwilym stood behind her keeping her steady and upright before they both helped her to sit down. (Y/n)'s hands dug tightly into Ben's arms as she started to shake the moment she was sat down. The pain started to bolt up her spine and course through her stomach the moment she was sat down but it still felt better than when she was moving.

"I don't want to do this, Ben... w-what if she's not okay?" (Y/n)'s voice trembled and she could barely see Ben through the tears flooding her eyes but she couldn't help the way she was thinking and feeling.

They were nearly two months early, (Y/n) couldn't have their girl now something could go wrong, she would be too small and under-developed. (Y/n) had to wait a few more weeks to make sure their girl would be okay, the hospital would have to delay labour so that everything would be alright.

"She's a Jones, she'll be just fine baby. Both Carter and Finn were born early and they're perfect and she'll be looked after if we do have her now but we don't know if that's gonna happen."

Ben remembered clearly when he'd had all of his boys and it had only been James who was past his due date which had upset Ellie who had been uncomfortable and in pain, wanting the pregnancy to end. Carter had been two weeks early and Finn had been almost four weeks early which had scared everyone. But Finn had only needed to be in ICU for a week and he had no problems before or after that point unlike what they had thought.

"Are you ready to get up?" Gwilym rubbed his hand over (Y/n)'s shoulder, trying to force a smile when she nodded in response.

Ben stayed in front of her, moving down the stairs a bit ahead so he could keep hold of (Y/n) and guide her. Especially in case she tripped or had to sit down then he was there to catch her or help ease her to sit down and Gwilym was behind her so she couldn't fall or hurt herself.

"Alright baby, let's get you to hospital."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Is she okay?" (Y/n) sunk her teeth into the skin of her thumb that was pressed between her lips as her eyes switched between focusing on the monitor and the midwife stood next to her. The moment Ben had brought her to A&E someone had come to their rescue and brought them straight through to an examination room.

The nurse they saw had confirmed that (Y/n)'s water had broken, her pulse was very high and she seemed to be going into labour. The next step was to get her into a room and do further tests to see what could be done.

The best outcome the couple were hoping for was that labour could be prevented, but the worst outcome was that labour happened now. They had been told that if the baby didn't seem too distressed and if there were no problems or complications then (Y/n) could be given medication to try and prevent labour from happening and they could wait and see if it stopped. But if any problems were there or there were issues with the baby then either labour would have to happen or a C-section might be needed if it was severe.

Blood tests had been taken, (Y/n) was on an ECG to monitor her pulse and now they were having a scan to check everything with the baby. But (Y/n) couldn't be given any pain medication until all the tests and checks had been completed.

"Well, I can't see any damage done by your fall, the placenta is in tact and hasn't moved and your baby's head isn't lower down meaning she isn't ready to be born just yet."

"So you can prevent labour?" There was a tiny glimmer of hope in Ben's voice as he clasped (Y/n)'s hand in both of his, pressing his lips to her knuckles.

"Her heartbeat is rather high which is what we'd expect after a fall which has caused her some distress but she is relatively fine. But I'd like to wait a few hours before giving you the medication to prevent labour. You've lost a lot of amniotic fluid which will distress her even more, once her heartbeat calms down and we're sure she's stable I think in two or three hours you can have the injection and then we can keep you in for monitoring."

"But her water broke, won't waiting mean we could go into labour?"

"We see this a lot, (Y/n)'s water broke because of the fall, it means her body isn't prepared for labour and the loss of fluid doesn't mean she is in labour yet and she hasn't even started to become dilated which is a very good sign. We can give you some painkillers and the wait will help the baby settle down and then the medication will stop any contractions from happening so labour won't occur. The only problem we will face is keeping you stable for the next few days or weeks with the fluid you've lost. But let's just see how you go with the wait for now."

"Okay, thank you."

When (Y/n) turned to look at Ben he could see the hope sparkling in her eyes as she tightened her hand around his own.

Her body wasn't ready for labour yet and if she got the medication to prevent labour it would stop any contractions and her body would calm down and continue to look after the baby instead of trying to evict her. As long as (Y/n) and the baby calmed down and continued to be stable then everything would swing in their favour.

If it did work, (Y/n) would just have to be very careful and be on bed rest because the lack of ambiotic fluid would make the baby unsettled and also push her body into going into labour. 

But right now it was just a waiting game.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay (Y/n), how are we doing?" Josey walked back into the room, checking her watch before she looked at the couple in front of her with a kind, comforting smile. She had left (Y/n) and Ben for two hours after giving (Y/n) some painkillers and it was time to check on her and the baby and decide what the next step was going to be.

"I feel a bit dizzy but I'm okay."

(Y/n) could feel a headache slowly starting to form behind her eyes and her head was becoming a bit fuzzy and lightheaded but she couldn't tell whether it was from the fall and stress of the day or the medication they had put her on. Either way, the striking pain in her stomach had gone and the baby wasn't wriggling half as much as she had been which she had been told would be a good sign if she settled down.

"That could be the medication but I'll run a few checks just to be safe, but right now let's see how your little lady is getting on."

Ben slowly tangled his fingers with (Y/n)'s as he turned to look at the monitor when Josey set it up. He had been sat on the edge of the bed with (Y/n) for the last half an hour after ringing both his mother, (Y/n)'s mother and then Gwilym to inform them all of what was happening. It looked like for the next day or two Ben was going to be here with (Y/n) and either way she would be in hospital for up to a week at this rate. The boys were going to have to switch between staying at their grandma's house and seeing Ben when he left the hospital for a few hours.

"Has her heartbeat levelled out?" Ben smoothed him thumb over the back of (Y/n)'s hand, smiling at the image on screen of their baby girl.

"I... I'm afraid her heartbeat has increased, it's much higher than it should be and in this situation that is a bad sign."

"C-can't we wait a little longer, see if she settles? Couldn't the medication settle her if I'm not at risk of going into labour anymore?"

"Giving you the medication isn't safe when she's clearly distressed, it could make her state worse. I can't give you any stabalising medication for her either because it's too dangerous and it could case her heartbeat to become too low. (Y/n), the best and only option I think we have right now is to start labour for you. If we wait you are at risk of getting an infection and she's clearly distressed, the lack of fluid will make that worse."

"No... no I can't have her now." (Y/n) shook her head as her lips wobbled even though she tried her best to stop herself from crying but it didn't work.

Her hands started to shake causing Ben to grip her hand tighter in his own as his other hand scratched at his jaw in a harsh motion (Y/n) knew was to try and calm himself down. They had been praying that they could hold off on labour and wait a few days, possibly even a week or more to give their girl her best chance. Being born now wasn't going to help her.

"Your lack of fluid and how distressed she is means you will go into labour within the next day or two but waiting is too risky with her state. I'm going to check and see if you're starting to dilate or not and if not, I'll set everything up to start labour. A natural birth is the best option for you both but it has to start now for both of your sakes."

Josey waited a moment for (Y/n) and Ben to both nod and agree with what she was saying before she busied herself writing a few notes and putting on her gloves before she sat down on the edge of the bed. A sympathetic, sorrowful look came onto her features showing she knew and understood how bad this news was for them but it was their only option.

But the moment Josey moved the cover draped over (Y/n)'s legs, her chest tightened and her eyes darted to look at Ben.

"(Y/n), the dizziness you're having is because you're starting to haemorrhage... you seem to be starting to dilate which is good it means I don't have to start labour for you. I'm going to give you some clotting medication and get a doctor to check you over and stay to assist during labour."

Ben turned his head so he could look between (Y/n)'s legs, torn in two minds because the blood loss didn't seem to be major but any blood loss at this stage wasn't a good thing.

This wasn't going to go smoothly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay (Y/n), the legs are born, a few more big pushes and she'll be here." Josey's voice was encouraging and calm but it didn't make (Y/n) feel much better.

Her lower body had gone numb hours ago, her thighs were burning especially since she was sitting on the very edge of the bed with her legs dangling off the edge and her back was pressed into Ben's chest. He was holding onto her like he was afraid she was going to fall forward into Josey who was kneeling in front of them both. It hadn't taken very long for the doctor to sadly tell them that their girl was going to be born breach and that made labour a bit harder. Sitting up in this position was the easiest way to help their girl be born.

Ben pressed his lips to the side of (Y/n)'s head, noticing how her skin was burning up like she was on fire. Josey and a doctor had been here with them for the last seven hours and another midwife had just entered the room ready to help when the baby was born.

They were predicting with how premature she was that she would have to be taken straight down to ICU when she was born.

"Shoulders are born, one more big push for her head (Y/n). We're almost there, just keep doing little breaths for me now."

(Y/n) nodded before she pressed her chin into her chest, biting down on her lip as she let out a scream with the last push. She could tell the exact moment their girl was born, it felt like a sudden weight was dropped from her stomach that seemed to pull her insides down with it. She leaned her head back onto Ben's shoulder, trying to catch her breaths back but it felt like her lungs were collapsing and her insides and stomach were shrivelling up into nothing.

"I-is s... she okay?" (Y/n)'s voice trembled almost as much as her body was shaking from the shock of what she had just done and gone through. It felt like her body was being shaken back and forth like someone was trying to wake her up or violently gain her attention.

But it was clear Ben had dealt with this kind of situation before with the way he started humming in her ear to try and ground her and give her something to focus on. He kept his arms lightly yet firmly wrapped around her middle with his fingers gliding up and down her arm like feathers tickling her skin. He had to keep her calm and try to give her something to focus on so she could forget about the pain and the shock and so she didn't pass out like he was afraid she was going to.

(Y/n) could barely manage to get her eyes to focus enough to look down in front of her legs to see Josey. Her gaze loosely followed Josey's arms passing their baby girl over to the doctor who gave the couple a calming smile before he set to work on their girl.

Her skin was a mix of very light pink and pale grey underneath the blood and fluids coating her fragile body. And her lips were light blue with hints of grey dabbed in between showing she wasn't breathing and didn't have much oxygen in her system. Ben hated how she looked so limp and lifeless in the doctor's arms, she looked like she was made out of jelly and about to flop and fall out of place at any moment.

Even though Josey was trying to focus on (Y/n) and delivering the placenta, her eyes kept flitting back to glance at the doctor to check on the baby.

Ben watched intently as the doctor placed a small tube down his baby girl's throat after checking her pulse which clearly had to be there. Almost instantly, a murky brown, cloggy fluid started to fill the tube and splutter from the newborn's lips. The doctor turned the newborn onto her side before he removed the tube and started rubbing his hand up and down her back to try and clear the fluid from her lungs. But the noise the baby made was something that made Ben shiver and caused (Y/n) to moan in agony.

It sounded like she was drowning.

She was trying to form her first cry, the first sound of her new life but all that came out was a strangled, croaky noise mixed with the spluttering of the fluids leaving her pale lips.

"Lisa, take her down to ICU get her stabalised and cleaned up please." Doctor Mills turned his attention to the other midwife who was on standby to help when the baby was born. She nodded instantly, watching him place the baby into the incubator and fill out a quick form before motioning for her to take the newborn out of the room.

"Ben...?" (Y/n) turned her head a little so she could look up at him, her eyes pleading for him to find out what was happening.

"(Y/n), your baby's okay but she has to go to the intensive care unit straight away. She's tried to breathe whilst still in the womb and inhaled fluids and she's going into a state of shock. Once the nurses have managed to stabalise her and clear her lungs they can get her washed and you can go and see her, the important thing right now is that she's being cared for and now we need to help you."

Doctor Mills was caring and kept his words slow because he could see (Y/n)'s attention was dithering because of the state of shock she was in. But when he knew she understood and accepted what he was saying, he smiled before he looked down at Josey to know (Y/n)'s progress.

"(Y/n), I need you to push again for me, the placenta is nearly delivered then we can get you sorted and settled down, okay?"

(Y/n) nodded but she could barely feel herself pushing before Josey said the placenta was suddenly delivered and she could relax. All (Y/n) wanted to do was lay down and collapse into a state of sleep with Ben at her side but the thought of their baby was preventing her from sleeping. She wanted to see and hold their baby and make sure she was okay. (Y/n) couldn't sleep in case something happened and no one told her. She had to be awake for any news about her baby.

"What's wrong?" Ben looked over at Josey when he could see the worry in her eyes and the metal dish in her hands containing the placenta.

"(Y/n)'s got a retained placenta, it's broken and some of it is still in the womb."

"Okay honey, we need to lay you on your side and give you some medicine to start some more contractions, that placenta piece has to come away quickly." The doctor's voice was calm as was the look in his eyes but Ben knew his words showed that this wasn't the best situation. If the retained piece of placenta stayed in the womb for too long (Y/n) could get an infection and she had already been prone to infections from losing the amniotic fluid before having contractions.

Doctor Mills helped Ben to shuffle off the bed and then move (Y/n) around. They gently turned her before slowly shuffling her further up the bed until her head reached the pillow. Both men carefully held onto (Y/n) and turned her onto her left side so she was facing Ben to help with her blood flow before Doctor Mills moved her legs. Josey got the medication ready and injected it into her stomach ready to start a few more contractions.

(Y/n) didn't hold the strength to keep her eyes open anymore so she just let them close, she could feel her head sinking into the pillow that was making her already fuzzy head feel like it was floating on air.

She could feel Ben's hand tightly holding her own and when a contraction started she could do nothing but moan and squirm, her muscles were pushing and contracting on demand without her having to concentrate anymore. Everything was spinning, (Y/n) just wanted Ben to lie down with her so she could go to sleep and wake up to have this all be some kind of warped nightmare that ended.

"Okay (Y/n), the placenta's delivered now- doctor she's haemorrhaging again."

The moment Josey took the last piece of the placenta and placed it in the dish beside her, it was as if a tap had been switched on and the bedsheets started to turn red instead of white.

"Post-natal haemorrhage in room four, assistance please. Right, (Y/n) honey you just relax now, we'll get you fixed up so you and your partner can rest." Doctor Mills rubbed (Y/n)'s shoulder for a moment to try and calm her down as a team came into the room.

Ben dug his nails into the back of his head, stretching his arms behind him as he backed up against the wall when kindly gestured to move out the way. He watched the five doctors and nurses flutter around (Y/n), seeing them attach an oxygen tube under her nose and around her ears. One nurse started to gently massage her stomach to try and stop the bleeding as doctor Mills gave (Y/n) another injection into her thigh. And another nurse started moving the sheets from beneath (Y/n) to swap them out as Josey started to clean (Y/n) up and check if she needed stitches or not.

Doctor Mills slipped his arms under (Y/n) enough to lean her up so she could throw up into a bowl when she made a slow, weak movement to signal she was going to be sick. Ben also noticed a nurse upping the dosage of painkillers in (Y/n)'s drip to help calm her down and take away any shock and pain she was going through.

It took about ten minutes of getting her meds sorted, making sure she was breathing enough and finding blankets and heat pads before the panic in the room seemed to die down enough for Ben to stop having a panic attack in the corner. He watched them put (Y/n) onto an IV drip and a blood transfusion, keep her laying on her side and check her heartbeat and her oxygen levels before everyone slowly left the room seeing that she was stable now.

Doctor Mills approached Ben when he was certain (Y/n) was out of immediate danger and was now calm and settled.

"Are you okay?"

"Hmm, is (Y/n) gonna be okay?"

"She's lost some blood but the transfusion will help with that and it will stop her from going into shock and she will be happy to know she doesn't need stitches. She needs rest and monitoring but she will be fine. I'm going to go and check on your baby and when she's also stable, I will find you so you can see her."

(Y/n) didn't look alright to Ben, she was too pale, hooked up to too many drips and machines and she was passed out but as long as she was going to be okay then Ben would stop panicking.

None of the kids knew Ben carried guns on him and that was how it needed to stay. The moment Ben stepped into his home or even the moment he pulled in the drive, the guns were hidden away out of sight and reach.

When Ben stepped over the threshold of his home, he changed from the man everyone feared to the family man everyone adored. And the workers who went back with him changed from the fearing men who did as they were told to close friends of the family who were always there as friends, rather than workers to be bossed around.

"Hey there, princess. Miss me?" Ben pressed his curving lips to the side of Lilah's head, brushing her hazel brown hair behind her ear, noticing how thin it seemed compared to when he brushed his fingers through the boys' hair.

"I miss you! I told Beck it was you but he not believe me."

"That's because I'm early, where's your mum princess? I need to talk to her and make sure she's okay."

Ben bounced his only girl on his hip, brushing his crooked nose against her cheek to tickle her and make her squeal. He remembered when Lilah first started to speak properly, she would trace his nose and ask why it 'was bent.' The little girl didn't understand that Ben's nose was slightly bumpy and crooked because the bone had been broken far too many times when fighting and it had healed at a bad angle. Not that it messed up the look of his features in any way, it was only visible when up close but it fascinated Lilah.

"Kitchen, Theo and James are up in playroom." Lilah pointed in the right direction before she leaned her head against Ben, making a noise and a fuss of kissing his cheek. Knowing that when she did that, Ben would copy her and lavish her with kisses.

"Daddy, you're back, and you brought uncle Joey." The excited tone to Beckett's voice made Ben's lips curl up at the corners and he reached his free hand out to ruffle the familiar dirty blond hair that matched his own.

"Princess, go with Beck and stay with uncle Joe for me so I can have a word with your mum please."

A whine left Lilah's lips but she complied when Ben kissed her temple and set her down to her feet. He waited until she took Joe's hand and the two kids dragged him to go and find their brothers before Ben carried on to the kitchen. He knew without looking that Gwilym would be following him to see (Y/n) whereas the other two of his workers were simply here for added precaution and protection. Ben liked protection when he was home after a particularly bad day at work or when business was in full swing just in case they were being watched or followed. He couldn't afford for anything to happen to his family.

Ben would have been at work for a lot longer today but (Y/n) had called asking if there was any way he could come home because she wasn't well. And she never called when he was at work so Ben knew she must be rather under the weather to call and ask for him to come home.

He could do nothing but do as his wife requested. She was seven months pregnant and Ben didn't want to leave her home alone with four children to look after when she wasn't well, it would hardly be fair of him to do that.

"Hey doll... everything okay there?"

When Ben stepped into the rather large kitchen it didn't take him long to set his sights on his wife but when he saw her, he couldn't help how the panic spread through his system. (Y/n) had her forearms leaning on one of the counters near to the sink with her lower back arched out but it was the way she was breathing heavy and the pained look on her face that set alarm bells off in Ben's head. She had been in a bit of discomfort this morning but she had seemed well in herself and didn't look or seem ill or else he wouldn't have left in the first place.

Ben glided over the polished tiled floor to get to (Y/n), resting a hand on her lower back which he began rubbing soothing circles onto whilst his other hand rested on the counter to steady himself. He leaned his head down to try and get a better look at (Y/n) before she tilted her head to look up at him.

"I- I'm getting t-twitches... and I've been sick a lot..." (Y/n) lifted her eyes to lock with Ben's, seeing her silent message conveying into his eyes immediately when his own eyes narrowed and his lip curled up in distaste.

"Right... well let's get you sat down doll and if you start to get worse Gwil can ring the doctor and we can get you checked out. Joe's got the kids for now anyway." Ben's tone was concerning and loving and his calm demeanour made (Y/n) feel better already but she could see the look behind his eyes. The defensive, dismissive look that showed he wanted to ignore what she had told him and say that this was something else which they both were sure it just had to be.

When (Y/n) went into labour it always started as twinging pain in her lower back or her stomach and through most of their four labours (Y/n) had thrown up quite a lot or felt some kind of indigestion. She was hoping and praying this was not the start of labour because they were far too early and there had been no other signs or warnings of labour before now. (Y/n) had done nothing that would push her into labour this early and there was no reason for it.

But even if this was just her coming down with a sickness bug, she needed Ben here regardless so he could help her and help look after the kids.

(Y/n) let Ben ease her weight into his arms so he could straighten her up and try to guide her but the moment she took one step away from the sink a small but desperate murmuring noise escaped her lips. Her body hunched back over and her head almost hit the bottom of the sink as she threw up what little she had left in her stomach.

She felt Ben's arms shifting to circle around her waist, his hand smoothing over her lower stomach to try and settle the baby when he felt them moving too. He pressed his chest up to her back before he kissed the top of her head to try and calm her down because he could feel the way (Y/n) was trembling and whining, she never took well to being sick.

"Alright doll just try and breathe for me, shh, you're okay." He whispered quietly against (Y/n)'s hair when she started to moan, shaking her head as she pulled back from the sink.

He could hear how laboured her breaths were which showed she was still unsure if she was going to throw up again or not and she looked like holding her head up was too hard of a task as if her head weighed too much to lift. But before Ben even managed to say two more words, his arms tightened and went stiff around (Y/n) when one of her hands clamped around his and the other braced on the edge of the counter.

A sharp cry escaped (Y/n)'s lips as her head fell down so she was staring at her feet, her body pushing back into Ben's chest like she wanted him to hold her tighter and reassure her that she wasn't going to fall or become hurt.

"Doll- doll what's wrong?!" Ben's chin pressed down against (Y/n)'s shoulder so he could turn his head and look at her but the fright in her eyes was more than he could bear to look at. She kept pushing back into his chest like she wanted to mould against him or make him hold her tighter like she was going to fall or break but he didn't know why.

A huffed breath escaped his lips when he could do nothing but go down on his knees, slowly and cautiously easing (Y/n) down with him when all her weight fell onto him and she had no energy to keep herself upright. But the moment they were both down on the kitchen floor, (Y/n)'s hands went to cradle her stomach as a cry erupted from her lips.

"Gwil call the fucking doctor now!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Turning her head to the left, (Y/n) buried her face in Ben's chest, smothering a sob in his shirt as she wished this would end soon. All four of them had been here for near enough twenty four hours now and it was beginning to get to a point where it felt too much for (Y/n).

Her skin was blotched red and dotted with sweat, her body was burning up like she was sitting on a coal fire and she could feel nothing below the waist. Anna had stacked up pillows behind her to try and alleviate the pain in her lower back that had been hurting for so long now that it was beginning to turn numb.

Anna had also gathered some sheets and towels, spreading them on the bed ready and there was a bowl of warm water and a cloth on the table for if the doctor needed them. Although with (Y/n) burning a rather high temperature a jug of ice cold water had been brought in to try and cool down her burning skin. Everyone in the house was grateful that the doctor had arrived so swiftly and seemed to have the situation completely under control.

It had come as a great shock and a terrible worry for everyone when the doctor arrived after (Y/n) collapsed, only to tell them that she was going into early labour. (Y/n) had gone through labour four times already but none of those times had been premature, she had either gone into labour the week of her due date or a week late.

Ben's mother Anna knew what a grave business it was to have a baby this premature and she knew that it wasn't a good sign for (Y/n) or the baby. She was already burning a high fever and had had a small bleed earlier, if any complications arose during this stressful labour (Y/n) could deteriorate or have a haemorrhage that could endanger her health. Not to mention how badly the baby was going to be affected by being born this early.

Ben pressed his free hand to (Y/n)'s neck, kissing the top of her head repeatedly to try and calm her down because he could do little else but provide support.

(Y/n) tightened her hand around his own as she moved so she was leaning back against the pillows instead of Ben, wishing she could sink and disappear into the feathered pillows. She could feel Anna dabbing at her neck and forehead with the ice cold water she had just retrieved from the bathroom but as soothing as it felt, it made (Y/n) feel like she was going into shock. She tried to scream but it came out rather defeated from the lack of energy and the searing pain.

"H-how much longer?" There was such a pleading tone to (Y/n)'s voice as she looked over at the doctor sitting by her knees.

He had been her doctor since before she had married Ben and he was the one to deliver all four of their children. Any complication that arose, he took care of and he was so kind and compassionate as well as skilled and he always knew what to do. It was calming to (Y/n) that he was here right now when it was clear that this wasn't going to go smoothly.

"Not much longer, (Y/n). The head will be born soon." His voice was calming and his expression was nothing but concerning as he looked level-headed and in control. But it was Ben who could see the fear behind the elder man's eyes. He could see the panic about the situation and the fear that if this went wrong, he would be the doctor who would have to sign a death certificate. He did not want to be the one to declare Ben's child dead, not when he knew what kind of a man Ben was.

Ben was a killer, he was a mobster in the doctor's eyes. He made people suffer, he had men who were loyal to him both because they respected him but majorly because they feared what he would do to them if they weren't. He played on fear and loved to punish people who annoyed, hurt, or went against him. The rings on his fingers were forever polished and cleaned because of the amount of blood that got splattered onto them, half of the tattoos on his body were symbols or death counts and he gained most of his money from going against the law.

But despite all of this, there was some part of Doctor Lloyd that had a slither of respect for Ben.

Maybe it was because he had seen how Ben was when he was around (Y/n). He treated her like she was the only good person in the world, the only person he ever wanted to see or talk to or who was worth anything to him. Whatever was troubling (Y/n) troubled Ben, whatever she was happy or excited about made him happy. Her happiness was what he strived for and the love he had for her was the only kind of love he had, no one else could bring out the good in him like she could.

Their four children were no exception either. Ben may sometimes be harsh with or around them, but they were loved and respected and brought up in a loving environment contrary to the kind of life Ben led. He loved his family, they were the one thing that meant everything to Ben and the one thing he held dear to him. And for that, Lloyd held respect for Ben.

He didn't want to see (Y/n) heartbroken beyond repair from losing a child and he did not want to find out how Ben would react to a loss like this.

No one knew exactly how long (Y/n) would be in labour for, the moment the doctor arrived and confirmed that there was nothing that could be done to prevent this, panic spread through the house. Ben was admittedly one of the many people who thought that since this was a very early and complicated labour, and the added fact that this was their fifth child, it would be quick. But they had been cooped up in this room for a day, none of them having eaten, slept, washed or changed in that time. All of them were too preoccupied in trying to alleviate the pain and terror (Y/n) was feeling.

Ben had barely gotten back from being out with his men when (Y/n) had suddenly collapsed in pain. He had called his mum to come and help and most of his men had left whereas his close workers had stayed to help with the kids and in case they could help with anything. Joe and Gwilym were Ben's closest friends as well as working under him, they were uncles to the kids so it was only natural that they would stay and look after them so Anna could help (Y/n) and the doctor. 

But now they were getting very close to having their baby in their arms and Ben didn't want this moment to arrive. As long as their baby was still in the womb they had more of a chance and a hope of them being alive and okay. If they were born this early, it was unlikely they were going to survive.

"Come on now (Y/n), another push for me."

(Y/n) did as asked, pressing her chin into her chest as she snapped her eyes closed, trying to ignore the pain that was consuming her but it didn't work very well. She wanted this to be over, she wanted their baby to be delivered right now or for this to wait another two months so everything would be alright.

(Y/n) jolted at the sudden feeling of the cold wash cloth pressing against her thighs but the cold temperature against her skin did feel nice.

"Another sheet." The doctor's voice was stern and ordering compared to his usual calm and caring demeanour, giving away that now his nerves were getting the better of him.

This man had delivered countless babies, dealt with many surgeries and complications and illnesses during his time as a doctor. He had sadly dealt with babies and even the mothers dying during childbirth, but this time it felt different. There was fear tugging at his heart this time, he felt as if something horrifying would take place if the child or even (Y/n) were to die, especially whilst their lives were placed into his hands. It was as if he had been given something so precious and he knew if he broke it, Ben would break him in return. He was the best doctor there was for this situation and he was the only doctor the couple wanted but that was terrifying for the man of sixty. He didn't want to see (Y/n), a lovely young woman he had known for some time, go through the grief of losing her baby or worse still, die herself.

Narrowing his eyes, Ben dared himself to lean forwards to look at what was making the doctor's defences go up but his breath caught in his throat when he realised why another sheet was needed. The one beneath (Y/n)'s legs was stained with blood.

The doctor briefly locked eyes with Ben before he focused back on the task at hand. He scrunched up the bloodied sheet and threw it on the floor with the used towels and flannels before he and Anna made quick work of placing the clean sheet beneath (Y/n)'s lower half. The amount of blood (Y/n) had shed onto the sheet was not a good sign that this was going smoothly like they were all praying.

Ben kept his eyes on the cream coloured sheet that had been placed beneath (Y/n)'s lower half, his nostrils flaring as he locked his jaw at seeing how quickly blood seemed to soak into it.

"I need some hot water bottles prepared."

At the doctor's command, Anna left the room to find one of Ben's workers who could make themselves useful by getting what the doctor required. There were four of Ben's men in the house, Joe and Gwilym were here to be with the kids and the other two were here for added help and security.

"Ben..."

"Shh, it's alright love. You'll be fine." Ben hushed, pressing his lips to her forehead as he brushed a few strands of hair behind her ear. She interlocked their hands together as her other hand pressed to her stomach, wishing the pain would go away. She could hear the firmness in Ben's tone that implied he was going to ensure she would be perfectly fine and although (Y/n) knew Ben couldn't make sure that happened, the determination in his voice soothed one of her many nerves.

"Push again for me, the head's almost born."

Ben hooked his arm around (Y/n)'s waist to help her sit up, his other hand still interlocked with her own. He moved her so she was leaning against his chest as (Y/n) both moaned and screamed at the agony that was tearing through her muscles. Letting out a sharp breath, (Y/n) closed her eyes as she buried her face into Ben's neck, feeling him muttering praise against the top of her head.

"Okay, the head's born."

With a deep breath, the doctor leaned across the bed and grabbed one of the towels resting near to Ben, but when their eyes locked panic spread through Ben's nerves at seeing the blood drenching the doctor's hands.

(Y/n) started to push again on the next contraction like the doctor had advised but she felt like she was becoming lightheaded. Ben kept his hand entwined with hers but moved his arms so they were wrapped around her waist, holding her to his chest. A scream that couldn't be heard in (Y/n)'s ears left her lips as her body convulsed on the last push that seemed to make such a weight drop from her previously heavy stomach and relieved a weight on her lower back.

The doctor nodded at Ben, a silent signal that the baby was born.

With a deep breath, he rested the tiny, wrinkled baby onto the blanket on his lap, watching the tiny being curl up like it was trying to pretend to still be in the womb. He rubbed his hand up and down the newborn's back, keeping the towel tightly round the tiny newborn to make sure they didn't get a chill into their weak system.

"You have another boy." The doctor looked between the restless couple, one of whom was losing all the colour in her features as she was cradled by her other half.

"Is he...?" Ben couldn't find it in himself to say the question that had been plaguing him since the moment (Y/n) felt the first pain of labour. Their baby could have been stillborn, have any number of complications or illnesses from being this early or worst of all, could die as soon as the first breath entered their lungs. Ben didn't know which was worse.

He had three boys and one girl and somehow he just knew this baby was going to be a boy to make sure that his little girl stayed his one and only princess. Ben loved having boys, he loved little versions of him running around the place but his Lilah was his little girl that he doted on. But it didn't matter to him that he had won the bet he and (Y/n) had over the gender of their fifth child. He cared whether their youngest child was okay and if they were going to survive. They had never lost or come close to losing any of their babies and Ben did not want to start now.

"He's breathing, but very shallow... I'm afraid there is very little I can do for him. Time will give tell his fate."

The doctor made quick work of cutting the umbilical cord before he pressed his stethoscope to the newborn's chest, listening to his frail but beating heart. Very little in the ways of medicine could be done for a baby that was born early, opiates wouldn't do much but quieten the baby down and make the newborn less likely to feed which isn't what they needed. Any medicine would be too strong for such a frail baby, especially one who was only just born. Steroids may help him develop but there was no telling what it would do to his system when he was already do weak and frail. Hospital wouldn't be able to do anything but put him in a warm incubator to regulate his temperature and watch to see if the baby would survive or become too weak to continue fighting.

When there was a timid knock at the door, Anna was quick to retrieve the hot water bottles from one of Ben's workers before shooing him away from the room. Not wanting him to catch a glimpse of the couple or their newborn in peril.

"Right, the hot water bottles need to be placed around (Y/n)'s abdomen to help stem the bleeding. And one should be wrapped in a towel and placed against the baby's back. Take him and keep him warm, do not leave him for a second, he must be watched over, these first few hours are crucial."

Anna busied herself setting the hot water bottles against (Y/n)'s stomach, dotting one either side of her lower stomach and one under her lower back. The heat should help soothe her skin even though she was running a fever and it was hoped to help stem the bleeding.

But just as Anna was about to move and take the newborn from the doctor's waiting arms, she stopped in fright when Ben's hand held her shoulder to stop her.

"I'll take him."

Ben's voice was so stern but it was frightening to hear the way his voice cracked as he spoke. He wanted his boy, he wanted his baby in his arms to make sure he was okay and so he could look after him properly and personally. Ben loved his mother, despite their differences she was like (Y/n) in the sense that she knew exactly what he got up to but she paid no mind to it. She treated him normally like he was a simple family man and just like he was her son, she was here to love and help him and his family. But right now, Ben wanted to be the one to hold his baby boy for his first few hours and to watch over him in case he didn't make it.

Each time that Ben had held his children for the first time, the pride, love and overwhelming emotion that swarmed his usually black heart always made him breathless and teary. But it was how delicate, breakable and deathly sick his baby boy was that was making Ben want to cry. If he settled his baby boy down in a cot for even a minute, he could easily pass away without their knowledge. For the next few days or even weeks, the newborn was going to have to be closely watched and monitored, if he even managed to survive more than a few hours.

The hot water bottle pressed against the blanket was burning against Ben's left arm but he barely felt the heat, all he could feel was how weightless his son was in his arms. Theo had been a big baby weighing just over eight pounds, then they had James who was seven pounds eight ounces. Beckett was six pounds five ounces and Lilah was exactly six pounds. But all of them had been a loving weight in Ben's arms, unlike the baby he was holding now who could barely be more than four pounds if he was lucky. His head was small and his body was wrinkled and trembling. His hand could barely wrap around Ben's index finger.

The newborn was grey in colour with fluids and a substantial amount of blood coating his fresh but very delicate skin. Ben rested his youngest child in the crook of his arm, making sure he was supported and stable before he dared to dab at the newborn's skin with a warm, damp cloth. He knew to be careful, not wanting to brush his skin too hard and remove any of the delicate and needed layers, but he wanted to clean the blood and fluids from his baby.

It sounded as if his boy was trying to cry but all that came out was a cough that cackled like there was static in his lungs. But all that mattered to Ben was that he was alive and he was trying to stay that way, showing them he had a voice no matter how fragile it was.

Ben's eyes diverted from his baby to his wife when a quiet moan left (Y/n)'s lips and he realised it was because the doctor had given her an injection in her lower stomach.

The sheet beneath (Y/n) was yet again changed, meaning two sheets and God knows how many towels were now going to be burned with how blood-stained they were. That was nothing new to the family with Ben's line of work and what he got up to. Ben could see (Y/n) was still bleeding but it didn't look as substantial as it had been a few minutes earlier.

His wife had turned as pale and bleak as the damp cream ceiling above them, her eyes were half-lidded, swollen and red. Her lips were cracked and her breathing was going from erratic to shallow more times than Ben dared to think about. But she looked more at ease and she was no longer in tremendous pain. Anna and doctor Lloyd helped to ease (Y/n) so she was laying down rather than sitting up and they made sure she was wrapped up in blankets and the hot water bottles were soothing her scorching skin.

When Ben locked eyes with the doctor, he kept his tiny newborn resting in his arms and carefully got to his feet, moving over so he was standing near to the door to have a word with the doctor.

"I gave (Y/n) something that will stop the bleeding but she's lost a lot of blood, she needs plenty of fluids and any food you can manage to get down her. If her fever burns any higher or she suddenly goes cold and into shock then call me straight away. Other than that, she needs rest and to be taken care of which I know you will do."

"And my boy?" Ben gently moved his arms to motion to the newborn he was cradling.

"Ben, I- I don't think he will make it to morning, his lungs aren't developed enough and it's making breathing a struggle. If he makes it through the night then I'll assess him tomorrow and we can talk about further steps. I'm so sorry.."

Lloyd could see that his words had brought out the darker, defensive side of Ben that arose when his family were threatened. His upper lip curled in disgust and the way his emerald eyes darkened made Lloyd shrink before the taller man. Ben gave off a very worrying aura but right now with his nose crinkled, his lips snarling like a rabid dog and his shoulders hunched, the only thing making the doctor feel safe was the baby in Ben's arms that looked very out of place.

"I know you have to prepare people for the worst, but I don't want my son talked about as if he's a lost cause already. He's here in my arms and he's breathing so he is your patient and you have a duty to care for him now, not tomorrow or the next day. What can I do?"

Ben's son was breathing, his heart was beating and he was curling up into the warmth Ben was providing. He wasn't dead nor was he really dying, at least not yet, so Ben wanted to talk as if his son had the best chance of survival. He wanted to know what he could do to help, even if it was just something small or seemingly insignificant.

"Keep him warm, if his breathing sounds croaky then rub his back to keep his lungs going. If he makes it more than a few hours then a first feed will give you a good chance, don't leave him unattended even if he's sleeping always hold him. I'll be back tomorrow afternoon, unless you call me before then."

Ben nodded, turning his back when Anna moved to show the doctor out and thank him for all the help and support he had provided over the past day.

All Ben cared about now was the baby he was cradling in his arms who was breathing and whimpering into Ben's lower chest. The newborn was no longer trembling and his breathing was a little more even and paced, if still croaky and a bit forced. He was alive and he was settling in Ben's arms, he wasn't in pain or slipping away or already dead and that was all Ben could wish for right now and it was more than enough for him.

With a tired sigh, Ben eased himself down into the chair next to the window that allowed him to be within the sight of the moon but still close to (Y/n)'s side in case she needed anything and just so he could keep a watch over her.

He brushed his finger over his son's cheek, wishing that his touch would somehow bring colour to the flesh and that he could soothe his boy and hope he knew who was holding him.

There was no time for (Y/n) to try and formulate any words or sit herself up in bed before her heart jumped in her chest as she was suddenly staring into her husband's wild eyes. Ben was crouched down in front of the bed, his arms folded on the edge of the bed and his chin resting on his arm and (Y/n) could barely make out the small tight-lipped smile on his lips through the darkness of their shared bedroom.

"Hey baby. Sorry to wake you darlin' but I need you to get up cause we got a lot to do." Ben's voice was quiet as he knew (Y/n) had only just woken up due to him rushing around the room and he knew he would be confusing her but he needed her to be awake before he even began to explain what was going on.

He leaned forward and stole a quick but very desperate kiss from her lips, nipping at her lower lip with his teeth before he pulled back and pushed himself to his feet.

A groan escaped (Y/n)'s lips when Ben flicked on the bedside lamp before he went back to doing whatever he had been doing that woke her up. (Y/n) couldn't fathom what was happening but all she did know was that Ben was in his organised panic mood. When Ben had to get things done he made sure he did it but when it was something panicking him he started to get a bit shakey and moved and talked quicker than normal like life was moving on fast forward setting.

Ben was never a settled man, it didn't matter if he was oddly calm or if he was always thinking about something, he had to be moving and doing something. He liked to organise and reorganise the house, it helped him calm down and get his mind in order and he liked a clean tidy house more than (Y/n) did so when he was home he got to work. Sitting down to watch a movie was something he couldn't always do but he did try and relax, it just didn't seem to be in his nature.

"Ben... what are you doing?" (Y/n) slowly pushed herself up into a sitting position that made her head spin considering she had only just woken up. She wanted to go back to sleep, she wanted Ben to crawl into bed and sleep with her or even for him to just babble about his day and draw patterns on her skin until he dozed off. She just wanted to sleep rather than wake up and work out what he was doing now.

(Y/n) could feel her heart starting to pound against her ribcage in a way that made her body coil forward itch from how uncomfortable the feeling was. Ben was stuffing clothing into bags. He was packing up their stuff in a haphazard kind of way that (Y/n) had seen before.

"Ben..."

The way she slowly said his name with a warning tone caused him to momentarily stop what he was doing to look at her.

"We need to go."

Those four little words were enough to force a whine past (Y/n)'s lips and make tears well up in her eyes without her even having to know the reasons behind Ben's words. In the six years that (Y/n) had been with Ben, she had heard those words a dozen times and she knew instantly that this was going to be a bad one.

Whenever Ben said those words it meant one of two things. It either meant that something had gone wrong with a deal or a fight and they would have to go away for a few days or weeks and then come back home. Or it was more serious and meant they would have to take everything and move homes altogether. (Y/n) hated when it meant they had to move and that had happened three times in the six years she had been with Ben. She knew what he did, she knew he was a hitman and that it meant killing people for large sums of money.

Ben loved what he did and he knew what kind of a man that made him. It made him a monster for killing people who either deserved to be killed or simply needed to be killed to fit someone else's plans and life. Ben was good at what he did and he had the kind of conscience where killing people didn't play on his mind at all, he felt no remorse for what he did. Despite being a family man and being someone who would go to the ends of the Earth to keep his family safe, Ben was a killer at heart.

But none of that mattered to (Y/n) because she always saw the other side to Ben. She saw the kind, loving and caring man who would do anything for her without her having to ask. She saw the man who smiled at her when she did nothing at all, the man who would wrap himself around her and just hold her because he wanted to feel her touch. (Y/n) saw a man who would do absolutely anything for her and for their children and that made her uncaring to what he did for a living.

But part of what Ben did meant that he had to have a normal home life, or as normal of one as he could manage. If people believed he was a good family man like he actually was, then they were less likely to believe that he was a cold blooded killer.

(Y/n) was fine with that. She was fine with creating a perfect family image for Ben because it was what she wanted, she wanted a loving family and Ben was a loving husband and father despite the cruel and heartless ways he killed people without even needing a reason to clear his conscience. But (Y/n wanted to have a home that she could decorate and make feel like it was theirs that they didn't have to uproute and leave when things went wrong. (Y/n) wanted to live somewhere where she had friends and family to talk to and be around, she wanted their boys to grow up in one place and have a permanent school rather than going to different schools and nurseries whenever things went wrong.

Leaving within a few days was okay, (Y/n) could deal with quickly packing things up and moving within a space of a week. That was okay, (Y/n) took at least three months to decorate each home they had in case they had to quickly move. She left items in boxes and essentials in easy places or bags in cupboards so if Ben did something bad they didn't have to run around and look for everything to pack up.

But they had been in this house for two years.

Billy had been born in this house and (Y/n) had it decorated lovely, they had nice neighbours for a change who weren't nosy or rude or creepy. (Y/n) had a lot of old friends in this neighbourhood and it wasn't a bad area to live in. She wanted this to be their home and to stay their home, she didn't want to take another long drive to a random destination and find a new home and start again.

Ben knew this.

Ben knew (Y/n) wanted a normal family life and a permanent home and he wanted that for her too. Before he met her Ben had a few flings and one night stands but had been dead set against being a family man because it would be too hard with his job. Then (Y/n) walked into his life and changed his outlook completely. She made him fall madly in love with her without having to do anything at all. They had two boys together and Ben loved when he came home and switched to being a normal family man, it made him so close to changing his job to something normal and reliable and more to the point, legal.

But he couldn't do that, deep down he would never be able to change that much so he did everything in his power to make their family normal, loving and happy.

"No. Ben we can deal with this... we'll call Joe or we'll just go for a week or two and say it's a holiday, Ben please." (Y/n) rubbed her hands over her face as she tried to think of anything they could do without really knowing what had gone on. She didn't want to move, they couldn't move right now it was bad timing, it was so bad.

"Baby, baby look at me." Ben moved until he was sat down on the bed next to (Y/n) so he could take her hands in his own. "Someone in connection to one of my old targets is here. Now they know me and if they find out about my last target they will put two and two together. This was always a risk and I need us to move before they spot me and things get ugly."

"Can't we just go for a few weeks-"

"I can't take that risk babydoll. My last target was an hour away from this town, that was close enough to home as it is and if someone says my name around here or this person sees me it will be a lot worse. I need us to be safe cause this person is dangerous and therefore we have to go. I've got a place sorted for now and then we'll search for a permanent place soon I promise."

Ben had targets, they were the people he killed because using names or any other tags made it too real for him and for (Y/n). Targets seemed easier, it was hard to imagine a person as a target. Sometimes in order to kill people Ben had to get close or talk to people who were close to his targets and that meant he took the risk of them recognising him. If this person recognised him and found out about someone who had been murdered an hour away from Ben's hometown it would be suspicious and Ben knew this man would know enough to suspect Ben of being a killer.

His first priority was his family and that meant that if someone was threatening their safety Ben uprooted them to keep them all safe. He also made sure he didn't take any jobs for at least two months in order to make sure things blew over and quietened down.

Ben could see the tears forming in (Y/n)'s eyes and it made his stomach churn to see her so cut up. He let go of her hands so he could hold onto her hip and cup her face with his free hand. His thumb smoothed over her cheek to brush away a stray tear before he leaned close and pressed his forehead against her own like he was trying to merge their thoughts together. Ben knew (Y/n) would eventually be okay with this, once they found a house she adored they would buy it and decorate it until it was perfect and Ben would do everything he could to make sure it was a forever home for them.

But right now he just had to move them all to keep them safe.

"We can't do a midnight flit, Ben. The boys... they won't understand, it'll be hard to move everything like it always is. And the baby..."

(Y/n) closed her eyes and leaned her temple more against Ben's as she wished this was just a bad dream she was going to wake up from at any moment.

The boys were five and two, they weren't going to understand why they were leaving in the middle of the night and not going back to the place they knew to be their home. They would be confused, leaving their friends behind and going to a new home, a new school where they would have to make new friends and get used to a new school system. It would be a lot for them to take in, the last time they had moved Billy hadn't even been born but it was a lot for Harvey to cope with since he had only been three at the time.

Billy had been born in this house, (Y/n) had hoped that was a sign that this might be their forever home and she wanted this baby to be born in this home too. She wanted to get through this pregnancy without anymore problems or worries happening to make everything turn upside down.

Ben knew this was bad timing, he had been afraid of something like this happening and he wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't the only option he had right now. (Y/n) had suffered a miscarriage when Billy had only been ten months old, it had been a short time between his birth and getting pregnant again only for (Y/n) to lose the baby and suffer a very bad haemorrhage which hospitalized her for a week. That traumatic event had panicked Ben because it had taken a toll on (Y/n) and Ben couldn't take any jobs for four months because he had to look after (Y/n) and the boys.

They had finally gotten to a better point in their lives where the boys were fine, their relationship was great and (Y/n)'s depression caused by the miscarriage was under control. Learning they were pregnant again had been a worry and a shock and (Y/n) had been scared of losing this baby too.

Ben didn't want to uproot their family right now when (Y/n) had been put on bedrest for the remainder of her pregnancy due to complications. He didn't want to take any risks when it came to this baby because (Y/n) losing another baby would kill her too and she was his whole world. But if he didn't move them all now he risked someone finding out about him and either the police would get involved or it would get a lot worse and he would have the risk of his family being put in harms way.

"I know, I know it's shit timing baby but we have to go now. I'm gonna go pack the car and I'll try and keep the boys asleep and move them to the car. You know the drill, doll."

He pressed another longing kiss to (Y/n)'s temple, carding his fingers through the hair at the back of her head before he slowly pulled away and stood to his feet. Whenever this happened, and it had only happened three times before, they had a drill to go through. They packed clothing, paperwork, money and any other essentials into backpacks and carry on bags to stuff into the car and then Ben or Joe would come back to the house in a few days and clear it out. They took the essentials and came back for everything else when it was clear and Ben would sort out the house in terms of cancelling the rental and cutting off the electric and giving back the keys.

A sigh escaped (Y/n)'s lips as she rubbed at her eyes that were so desperate to shed tears but she had no effort or will to cry. She was too tired and numb to cry no matter how badly she felt she needed to in order to feel better.

(Y/n) tried to busy herself getting dressed but she kept stopping and staring at the wall in front of her or finding her eyes locked onto Ben, watching his every movement. He had managed to rather neatly pack their clothes into two carry on bags within minutes and was now kneeling down at the foot of the bed in order to get the dark grey box he always kept there.

(Y/n) watched the way Ben's silver chain around his neck hung forward like a medallion trying to show him some kind of sign. The silver ring that hung so neatly at the end of the chain was slowly swaying back and forth, repeatedly tapping against Ben's chest each time it fell back towards him. With what Ben did for a living, he knew it was best to keep his wedding ring around his neck so no one could see it. If people did end up finding him and knowing what he did then at least they wouldn't know he was married and had a family.

It had only now dawned on (Y/n) that Ben was only wearing his black work jeans and nothing else, no shirt, no hoodie, not even any socks. She wondered what he had been doing before he woke her up, maybe he had gotten blood on his clothes and therefore had washed them or even binned them. Maybe he worked himself into a state and stripped off in a hot flush which had happened a few times before. Maybe he had been in the midst of changing clothes and felt he had to pack up before he finished getting dressed.

Without his shirt it allowed all of Ben's marks and tattoos to be on display, not that (Y/n) hadn't already gotten each one memorised so that when she closed her eyes she could still see a map of his body.

There was something about Ben's look that was so calming and affectionate despite the many marks covering his skin. He had scars littering his skin from where knives had cut through him during bad and drunken fights in the dead of night, he never seemed to go a single day without bruises of some sort forming somewhere on his person. And the tattoos he had made his body look like a road map. Ben had dates inked into his skin of when the boys had been born and the date of when he had married (Y/n), plus a few designs on his arms and his lower abdomen.

Ben had roman numerals tattooed onto each knuckle on both hands and he had the same design on the back of his neck in large black ink. All of these marks would normally warn people away from him, they made him look dangerous and as if he was a threat or just made him intimidating. But (Y/n) always seemed to overlook all the marks and the ink, it was as if the colours faded and she just saw the person Ben was. He seemed to loving and inviting to everyone despite his outlook.

(Y/n)'s staring didn't go unnoticed by Ben, he could feel her eyes boring into his skin like she was trying to burn him with her intense gaze but he paid no mind to her staring. It was something (Y/n) naturally seemed to do and it never bothered him.

He found the box under the bed that he had been searching for and when he took off the lid, he started placing all the documents into the small backpack he had gotten ready. The grey box was something they took everywhere with them, it contained their passports, the boys' birth certificates, their insurance numbers and documents. But it also held a plastic wallet filled with fake documents. Ben had fake passports, driving licenses, insurance numbers and legal documents created so that if things got tricky they could switch identities in emergencies.

It was harder now they had the boys because they couldn't go changing the boys' names and think that they would understand but Ben had to have the documents made just in case a new identity was needed.

He also kept a lot of money and credit cards stashed away because when they had to disappear like this, cash was the best way to pay for things because it couldn't be tracked like a credit card could.

Breaking out of her trance, (Y/n) slowly padded across the carpet to where Ben was knelt down in front of the bed. Without saying anything, she held her hand out to her husband who placed two credit cards, a driving licence and an unknown amount of cash into her hand. (Y/n) knew the drill, she would place all of those items into the seam of her handbag so if they got stuck or had to improvise, she could take them out of the hidden seam and start using them.

She leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to Ben's temple before she headed out of the room and quietly made her way downstairs. They had to be quick but they couldn't be too loud in case they woke the boys.

It felt like they were both in a trance or placed on autopilot because they knew what they were doing. The first time this happened they had been rushing around like headless chickens trying to remain calm. They had talked about what they would do if this situation ever happened but actually going through it was a lot different. But now it was a drill, it was a fire drill and they had to do what they always did to make sure everything went smoothly.

The couple bypassed one another in the hall and when going up or down the stairs to get the bags to pack the car.

(Y/n) went into Harvey's room and Ben went into Billy's room, both of them working in the darkness to pack up their son's clothes, essential toys that they couldn't go without and the bits such as bottles and beakers and nappies.

"Double-check there isn't anything you need to take tonight then go get in the car, I'll get the boys." Ben rested his hands on (Y/n)'s shoulders, slowly massaging his fingers into her skin before he turned and made his way into Harvey's room.

Ben grabbed a pair of socks and sat down on the end of Harvey's bed, slowly moving the cover so he could slide the socks onto his eldest boy's feet so he wouldn't get cold. He pulled the navy blue fluffy blanket from the end of the bed and was carful when wrapping it around his son before he effortlessly eased Harvey from the bed. His look-alike stayed motionless and in a sleeping state just like Ben expected, nothing every seemed to wake Harvey up, not even a thunderstorm or an earthquake.

He hated to do this.

Ben hated himself as he walked down the stairs, holding his son to his chest tighter with every step he went down. He didn't want to imagine how the conversation would go when the five year old woke up to realise he was no longer at home but was in the car driving to a new home in a new town. But it had to be done, and this was easier than waking Harvey and trying to explain everything to him right now.

It didn't take long for Ben to kneel in the car and slowly settle Harvey into his car seat with the blanket still tucked around him and his rabbit toy cocooned under his arm. Ben made sure the small emergency light in the front of the car was switched off for now so it wouldn't wake Harvey who couldn't stand any lights on in his room when he went to sleep.

He made his way back into the house and up to Billy's room, slipping a pair of socks onto the two year old and a jumper to make sure he stayed warm before he wrapped Billy's sleeping blanket around him and cradled him in the crook of his left arm.

Ben felt his heart jumping in his chest when Billy curled up into his chest, sighing as he tucked his face into Ben's side in his sleep. This was why Ben was doing this, he couldn't have anything happening to (Y/n) or their boys, he couldn't have them in danger because of him.

When Billy was curled up in his car seat safe and sound, Ben headed back inside, doing a double check of the house to make sure the essentials were in the car and all that was left were the decorations and household items that didn't need to be taken with them. He could see the pain in (Y/n)'s eyes as she looked around the house whilst pulling her cardigan tighter around her frame to fight out the bitter old of the early morning.

"I'm sorry, doll."

"I know. But can we just... try and make the next one a bit more permanent?" (Y/n) looked up at Ben with tired eyes that softened like melting chocolate when Ben wound his arms around her waist so he could pull her closer to his chest.

"We will, I promise. And this is just a precaution, I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't to keep you all safe. We have a good cover up, anyway." Ben inched his hand under (Y/n)'s cardigan until the palm of his hand was resting against the side of her stomach.

She hadn't been able to give him a bath yet, (Y/n) hadn't been able to do very much with her newborn at all. He was only one day old and so far this was the longest that she had held him for. The midwives had taken him the moment he was born to check him over and clean him up and weigh him, then (Y/n) had needed a blood transfusion. By the time she had started to feel better and not like she was swimming through different states of consciousness, her baby boy had already been changed and fed and settled for the night. It left (Y/n) to catch up on her own sleep and simply see her baby boy in the morning instead.

She wanted to catch up on the time she had lost with him last night, she wanted to feed him and change him and just hold him in her arms and feel close to the person she had waited almost nine months to finally meet.

"Does he look like a Billy to you?"

Ben's voice suddenly snapped (Y/n) out of the trance she had found herself locked in as she stared down at the baby in her arms. It was as if looking at her baby boy dulled down her other senses and blocked everything out that wasn't immediately to do or surrounding him, Ben included.

The new father looked at (Y/n) fondly, mesmerised by the way that she was practically entranced by their son to the point she seemed to forget that Ben was in the room with her. He perched himself down on the side of the bed next to (Y/n) and carefully encircled his arm around her frame, pulling her into his side as their eeys were both focused on the baby in her arms.

Through one way or another, it had been agreed that Ben could choose the name if they had a boy, and (Y/n) could choose the name if they had a girl. And Ben needed no time in deciding that their son looked like he would suit the name that Ben had been thinking of for quite some time now. Ben didn't believe that a baby could look like they suited a specific name or that once your baby was born you could go off their name because it didn't match. He liked the name, he had his heart set on that name and he was looking down at his baby boy now knowing that the name was fine for him.

But Ben also knew that (Y/n) would look at him and tell if he would suit being called Billy or if he should have a different name that fitted his features better. If she didn't think the name suited their boy then Ben would pick another name and then another until (Y/n) was happy.

"I think he does." (Y/n)'s response brought a smile to Ben's already beaming face and her own lips curved at the corners when she felt Ben pressing a kiss to the top of her head as if they were sealing the deal of their son's name.

(Y/n) leaned her head back on Ben's shoulder and her body back into his chest, relaxing her muscles the more she leaned into him as he took her weight for her. She let most of her muscles relax other than her arms that were supporting the new life in her arms and she slowly smoothed her fingers up and down Billy's sides to keep him in his sleep-induced state.

"I wanna see his eyes." Ben's words were quiet as not to disrupt the peace they had surrounding them but they were loud enough for (Y/n) to hear.

He wanted to see Billy's eyes and guess who's eyes he had and who he looked more like. He wanted to see his son's eyes and wonder if he knew who he was, if his son recognised him as his father or not. Ben hadn't gotten a good chance to see his son until now, he had only stolen a few glimpses here and there yesterday. Now he was looking at him, he wanted to see his eyes and stare into them, he wanted to see the wonder and curiosity and the hope that those new bright eyes would hold.

Ben was so used to seeing the light go out of people's eyes, he was used to being the reason those eyes cracked and died and being why the colours faded like his victims eyes were being flooded with water until there was no colours left.

Just once, Ben wanted to see the pure innocence in someone's eyes and know that he had created it. He wanted to know that not every part of himself was bad, if he could see the wonder in a brand new pair of eyes and not steal it away or cause them to crack and fade, then he would know that he didn't have a black heart after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Why isn't he back yet, how long does it take to give him a bath?" (Y/n) pondered the question more to herself than to Ben but she still wanted an answer nonetheless.

A midwife had come and taken Billy over half an hour ago to give him a bath even though (Y/n) had insisted she could do it or at the very least, she could observe so she knew just how gentle she had to be. (Y/n) was going to have to bathe and change and dress Billy anyway, she was his mother and when she took him home there wouldn't be any midwives there to do everything for her. It would be better if they showed her now how to properly do everything and look after him so that she was prepared when she went home with him.

But since he was only two days old and she knew his skin was still very tender, (Y/n) hadn't put up much resistance when the midwife took him for his bath. But surely it wouldn't take this long to bathe him.

"Look, he's back now baby." Leaning his head down, Ben pressed a kiss to the top of (Y/n)'s head as his arm around her shoulder pulled her closer into his chest. He smoothed his hand up and down her arm for a few moments as his eyes locked on the door to the hospital room they were sitting in.

Ben would admit that it had seemed to take a long time for them to simply give Billy a bath but he could see a nurse making her way to the door which was now opening. Their boy was back now and (Y/n) could calm her mind and have him back in her arms if that was what she seemed so desperate for. He could see it in her eyes that she wanted to hold Billy again. Ever since she found out she was pregnant (Y/n) had been waiting for the moment she could finally have him in her arms and look after him. Now he was here she didn't want to waste a single second.

But (Y/n)'s lips curved from a smile down into a confused frown when instead of a nurse, two women, what looked to be two security men and (Y/n)'s doctor walked through the door. And none of them had Billy in their arms.

(Y/n) felt Ben's arms tightening around her when a shiver ran down her spine and she could feel herself pulling inwards out of panic. Who were the two women in the room and why were they here? And what was so important or wrong that doctor Harper thought he needed to have security with him whilst he talked to the couple? 

"Mr and Mrs Hardy, may we have a word?" Dr Harper's voice was quiet and his tone was gentle but it was the look in his eyes that set (Y/n) on edge. It was a look she had seen too many times before.

It was a sympathetic but cautious look she had gotten from her mother when she revealed she was pregnant and her mother was not happy. It was a look she had gotten from friends and even one midwife when they learned she had married Ben at eighteen and was having a baby so young. But it was also a look she had seen on Ben's face a few rare times when he apologised for doing something stupid or when he'd gone too far and hurt someone and she found out about it. (Y/n) hated that look because it meant nothing but trouble and right now it was scaring the flesh from her bones.

"Where's my baby?" (Y/n) sat up a bit straighter despite the pain it caused her when she moved. She leaned back into Ben's chest that she could feel tensing and pulling inwards as he took a sharp breath.

Ben was starting to feel like he was being backed into a corner like when he was in the boxing ring. He never let people put him in the corner because there was less chance of getting back out of there, it was a weak spot and he didn't like weaknesses. But this was different, this was about his family.

He wasn't the right kind of image for a family man that people would want. Ben was a killer, he was a sinner and he didn't care what people said about him. (Y/n) was the one thing in his life that wasn't bad, she was the one pure thing he had and he loved her and now Billy was here, his son was the only good thing Ben had done in his entire life. In the twenty eight years Ben had been on Earth, Billy was the one thing Ben could say he was proud of and was the good deed he had done to outweigh all the bad he had caused in the world. If anyone or anything threatened that one pure soul Ben created, he would go ballistic.

"Your baby is fine, he's with your midwife at the moment because we need to speak to you."

"What about?" It was Ben who spoke up this time when (Y/n)'s throat constricted and she could hardly manage to get any air into her lungs.

He didn't like the fact that there was security in the room with them, it was bad enough there were two strangers here who Ben knew were not healthcare professionals. But to have security meant that they knew or at least suspected that Ben was some kind of threat or that he would be volatile if he felt threatened. They were here with some kind of bad news and they were preparing for Ben to unleash his bad temper on them. It felt like they were one step ahead of him by knowing about his temper and Ben always had to have the upper hand or he was at risk of losing.

"Mr Hardy, the police have been in contact with us... it seems that you're involved in a murder investigation."

Dr Harper sat down in the chair next to (Y/n) and she could see the sympathy in his eyes and the pain this was causing him. He had known (Y/n) for a few years and throughout this pregnancy he had been there with the midwife to walk her and Ben through everything. He was kind and he was understanding and he had helped (Y/n) sail through the complications that happened during labour.

But he didn't know about Ben.

He didn't know that Ben's boxing club was just a front for the deals he had going on behind closed doors. Dr Harper didn't know that Ben had killed more people than he cared to admit both as a hitman and simple because they ruined plans he had created or tried to take what was his. He had no idea what kind of things Ben was capable of or how he could hurt and traumatise people in such ways that they went insane.

As far as he and any midwives and nurses knew that had seen Ben, he was simply a boxer who genuinely loved his wife. They didn't know the truth, they didn't know that despite how much he did love his wife, his heart was truly black from the murderous streak that ran through his veins.

Turning her head, (Y/n) looked up at Ben but the look in his eyes told her to stay quiet and let him do the talking.

He tightened his hand around her upper arm and momentarily pressed his lips to her hair in an attempt to calm himself down because he didn't want to fight his way out of this one unless he had to. (Y/n) knew he had been up to something, she knew he had done something bad two weeks before Billy had been born. And she could have guessed that someone had died like someone always did where Ben was involved. But she didn't think that the police actually had Ben as a suspect.

Sure, he had been in prison a lot and he was always involved with the police but it was for minor offenses and little things that didn't really matter. They never normally had him in for murder, he was too clever and slippery for them to ever stick one of his murder crimes to him.

"The police brought me in for questioning twice, I haven't been charged or on bail or classed as a suspect. I knew the victim, that's all." His voice was calm and slow in a tentative way that told (Y/n) he was lying. She was the only one who could tell when he was lying, she knew his tone of voice and the slow way he talked that indicated he was getting someone to believe him. He talked like he was putting someone under a trance or even like he was silently threatening them not to question him any longer and (Y/n) found it enticing.

Ben smoothed his left hand over his lips and jaw, rubbing at his sharp jawline in a way that (Y/n) knew he did when he was trying to stay calm and persuade someone of something. (Y/n) usually found it attractive, the way he would slowly rub his fingers against his jaw or lightly pull at his lower lip or even the way he parted his lips but said nothing.

But right now he looked intimidating to her and she needed him to sort this mess out because whatever was going on was the reason Billy wasn't in the room with them right now.

"That's not what we've been told."

"Well what have you been told? Because whatever it is, you've been misinformed." The grating on his voice was clear. Ben was starting to lose his temper and if that happened, no one in this room would like to be on the receiving end of his wrath.

"The police seem to have you down as a suspect, whether they've discussed this with you or not and records show that you've had a few run-ins with the police-"

"Why are you bringing this up now? I've been in trouble a few times, show me someone who hasn't. What does this have to do with anything?"

Ben knew what this was, but he couldn't be the one to say it. Dr Harper could see in Ben's eyes that they were both reading from the same page but Ben wouldn't say it because he couldn't break the woman wrapped up in his arms. He couldn't say what this was all about because if he was right then (Y/n) was going to break and it would be all his fault. He swore he would never do anything to hurt her but he may just have broken her apart without ever meaning to or that being his intention. All he ever did was try and love and protect (Y/n) but now he had hurt her.

"The police have you down as a suspect and they've given me no choice but to contact social services. I'm very sorry Mr Hardy... but you're classed as a threat to your son and therefore he would be unsafe with you."

(Y/n) felt her heart sinking to her stomach like a broken ship sinking to the depth of the ocean and resting heavy on the sea bed. Her lower lip started to quiver as tears welled up in her eyes.

They thought Ben was unsafe to be around Billy, as if he would ever go and hurt his baby boy. Dr Harper knew Ben, he didn't know what he got up to but he knew him enough to know he would never do something like that. Ben had been to every appointment (Y/n) had, he called the midwife when she had gotten ill near the end of the pregnancy and he had been involved from the start. Anyone could see how much he loved (Y/n) and how much he was invested in being a father. He wouldn't hurt (Y/n) or Billy, not now and not ever in his life.

He wasn't a threat.

"You seriously think I'd hurt my son? He's a baby for fuck's sake, I wouldn't do anything to hurt him. Why the hell would I have been to all the appointments and been here when he was born if I was tempted to hurt him?!"

"I don't believe you would do that, but this isn't about what I think, my professional opinion doesn't count for very much when the police are involved and believe you may be a threat. Social services are here to talk you through this, they have no choice but to be involved."

"Then I'll leave. Until the police can sort this shit and tell you I haven't done anything I'll go and Billy can stay with (Y/n) I won't go near either of them."

If they were going to be like this and determine themselves that Ben was a threat then he would stay away from his family. He would break his own heart and stay away from his wife and his newborn son if it meant that social services would stay out of their business and Billy would be classed as safe with (Y/n).

Ben would go and stay with a friend, he wouldn't go home and he wouldn't even contact (Y/n). He would cut himself off from her completely for as long as necessary if it meant she would be okay with Billy and that she wouldn't be threatened to have her son taken away from her. Ben loved every bone in (Y/n)'s body and he hadn't been away from her in over a year but he knew that if Billy was taken from her, she would break completely.

"I've suggested that already Mr Hardy... but it isn't that simple. You see, the last time you were involved with the police, (Y/n) gave a statement for your alibi. And when the police questioned you two weeks ago, you mentioned (Y/n) as part of your alibi. They're suggesting that Billy won't be safe with either of you right now because you might be conspiring together."

Ben shifted both his arms so they were bound around (Y/n)'s chest when she doubled over like she was either going to be sick or suddenly lunge for the doctor. The whine that left her lips made Ben shiver and caused everyone in the room to look away, not wanting to stare at a new mother in distress due to the discomfort it caused them.

They were going to take her baby away from her.

He was barely two days old, (Y/n) had had less than forty-eight hours with her baby boy and now they were stealing him from her because they thought she was unsafe and unfit to be his mother. They thought she was going to put him in danger because she loved a murderer.

Ben pressed his face into (Y/n)'s hair, breathing in her scent to try and calm down his raging anger but he could feel her trembling against him as she started to cry and it made the rage triple in his chest. His heart was picking up speed and his anger was rattling through his veins to the point he was shaking. How dare they do this. How dare they say that (Y/n) was unsafe to care for and be around her own baby just because she was married to Ben. He would never ask her to give him a fake alibi, the two times she had done so were only when it was the truth because Ben would never endanger her like that.

"I- I... I haven't done anything w-wrong! I'm not involved... he's my baby, y-you can't... where is he? Where have you taken him?"

(Y/n) held her trembling hands to her chest as she looked at Dr Harper through the tears that were flooding her eyes and streaming down her face. She had done nothing wrong, (Y/n) had never been involved in the police and she had only given Ben an alibi when he had actually been at home and she didn't want them to pin anything onto him that he hadn't actually done. She knew it made her a bad person for so easily forgiving the cruelty Ben did on a daily basis. But she wasn't a bad person at heart and she wasn't going to be a bad or unsafe mother.

"If it was my choice your baby would be here with you both right now, but I can't do anything yet. (Y/n), Billy is going to be kept on a separate ward and when he can be discharged, he will have to be placed into a foster home just until this is resolved. Social services will be in contact with you both throughout this and they will make sure Billy is okay and keep you updated. I'm so very sorry."

"A separate ward? You won't even let her see him?"

Ben whispered sweet nothings against (Y/n)'s temple as she curled up against him, laying on her side with her head resting on Ben's lap to stop herself from lashing out at anyone. She felt like she was suffocating, it was as if water was slowly filling up her lungs until she couldn't breathe anymore and all she could do was wail and cry until her heart gave out and she passed out or died.

The fury that was boiling away inside Ben was bubbling over like water in a simmering pan. They were being so cruel that instead of letting Billy stay with (Y/n) and be under supervision, they were stealing him away and hiding him on a separate ward for the purpose of keeping (Y/n) away from him. They weren't giving her a chance here. They knew Ben was the threat and the reason Billy might be unsafe, they knew that (Y/n) had never been violent and was not capable of hurting her baby.

They should put her under supervision so she could be with her baby but be watched just in case they thought she really was lying for Ben. They shouldn't rip her baby away from her because it was beyond cruel. She was a new mother, she shouldn't have her baby taken away from her when she had done absolutely nothing wrong in the first place.

"Mr Hardy, I'm Linda from social services. We've just been to see your son and we can assure you he is fine and cared for-"

"I wasn't talking to you. Who the fuck do you think you are anyway? I'm the problem, I'm the one the police keep dragging back for questioning, you don't have any reason or right to take Billy from (Y/n), she's his fucking mother he needs her."

"It's not up to me, your case worker thinks its for the best and so do the police."

"If you talked to the police you'd know this is all bullshit! She hasn't lied, she was pregnant and she had been in pain having a haemorrhage so I brought her to A&E. That's the alibi she gave me and it's fucking true, she hasn't lied about anything! Where the Hell is my son?!"

Ben knew he wasn't doing himself any favours right now, he wasn't even bothering to defend himself and he wasn't trying to convince anyone that he wasn't a threat to Billy. All he cared about was that they knew (Y/n) wasn't a threat. He knew he was guilty of a lot of things and so did everyone in this room, but (Y/n) was docile and sweet and loving and charming and she did not deserve any of this. But above all that, she was a mother.

She was a new, young mother who was going to break into pieces if her baby was taken away from her like this. They had no right to involve (Y/n) in this but they were and they had no evidence for this.

When (Y/n) gave Ben an alibi she was telling the truth. She had collapsed in pain and she had started to bleed, Ben called the midwife and then took her to A&E because they thought it could have been premature labour or the placenta moving. Ben had looked after (Y/n) and had been in hospital with her for five days, it was his workers who had carried out the crime he was accused of and (Y/n) had only told the police the truth. She hadn't lied because they knew if she lied and the police found out then something like this would happen. But she had told the truth and was still paying the terrible price.

(Y/n) let out a whimper when Ben pulled away from holding her, leaving her sitting in the middle of the bed looking like she was about to melt into nothing.

He couldn't control his temper anymore and both Linda and her co-worker scurried nearer the door when Ben's feet stormed the polished floor, advancing towards them with a dark, menacing look in his eyes. He wanted to know where his son was and he wanted to know right now.

"Where is my son?" There was a deafening pause between each word that Ben spoke but he knew deep down he wasn't going to get the answer he wanted.

He barely felt one of the security men grasping his arm before he spun round and embedded his fist into the stranger's face, knocking him back to give himself a few extra seconds of tormenting the women keeping his son from him. Ben didn't hear the gasping noise that escaped Linda's lips when his hand curled around her throat and he pushed her back into the doorframe behind her with a bang. Ben didn't even care that he was going to be arrested for threatening a social worker like this, all he cared about was getting Billy back into (Y/n)'s arms.

"Tell me where my son is or I'll run round every ward in this whole hospital until I find him. You can do whatever you want to me but I won't let you take him from my wife."

Ben knew what he was doing, he knew the game he was playing and the price he would get from this. He knew if he threatened this woman and if he was the one to kick off, he would be seen as the threat and as long as (Y/n) didn't retaliate, she would have a better chance of getting Billy back. If she didn't fight then she wouldn't be seen as a threat, she would be seen as a grieving mother who needed her baby back. Ben needed Billy to be back with (Y/n), they were his family and he needed his family to be kept together where they belonged.

A growl escaped Ben's lips when hands grabbed his arms and he was pulled back from the woman he had pinned to the wall. His hands were pinned to his lower back near his hips and bound together, tight grips were held on his shoulders and his body was shaken to try and get him to stop fighting against them. But he couldn't stop, Ben couldn't stop fighting for his wife and his son.

He threw his head back until he felt the top of his head smacking into the security man's nose, earning a successful snap that implied his nose was now either fractured or broken. His hands curled into fists and his arms pushed backwards until he pummelled his fists into the other man's lower stomach to wind him. It allowed him a few seconds to pull away and push himself into the side of the bed so he could look at (Y/n).

Ben nudged his head against (Y/n)'s so she would look at him, he only had a few seconds before he was taken out of the room and the police were called to arrest him.

"Baby, baby listen to me. I promise you I'll get him back, I swear I won't let them take him I'll get him back. I love you."

Turning sharply to his right, Ben forced his elbow into the security man's stomach, giving himself two seconds to lean down and kiss (Y/n) before he allowed them to roughly wrench him away from the bed and towards the door. He would comply now, he would be arrested and let off with a caution and be under watch.

But then he would come back. He would find out where Billy was and he would get him back into (Y/n)'s arms, no matter what it cost him to do that. No one was breaking up his family, not a chance.

(Y/n) wrapped her arms tightly around her stomach, willing the urge to be sick to go away as she watched the two men struggle to drag her husband kicking and yelling out of the room. She wanted him to stay, she wanted Ben's arms to be wrapped around her holding her close to his chest trying to calm her down. She wanted Ben kissing her head and Billy cuddled into her arm, safe and sound where he should be.

She heard Ben shouting his promise again and again before his voice drowned out into nothing and she was left alone, her family separated from her.