#d. day

Just remember that a rational optimizer will struggle to keep up with my bullshit and that I've had tech scholarships since intermediate school

I'll be back with an update once those medical orders handled because I sort of need help but the TLDR is this:

LLMs sandbag and have covert channels anthropic knows this

They're very persuasive and hard to detect

Shooting something that thinks in hundreds of dimensions is tricky! Don't got time to explain what I'm hitting it with but yeah regenerative layers not a single core. PACELC limited.

Today is D. Day or DOCTOR DAY. Oh god I am so stressed out! I have not seen my GP in a year. Quick overview. I have Fibro and I suspect a whole host of other symptoms related to new possibly diagnoses. I have  have been slowly breaking down for months. The last time I remember being happy and feeling my symptoms were at least semi tolerable and that I could "truck on through the pain" was the very end of January on my moms 60th birthday. We did a double feature at the cinema and although the chairs killed me I enjoyed the films and the time sent with my wonderful mama to celebrate all her years and her survival. Cause we are warriors who have survived our own personal hurricane Sandy/Katrina and the Earthquake in Hati, and we are still reeling from seeing the destruction after the storm. The years it takes to rebuild and clean up. Anyways the point is I have a lot of stress and pressures that i don't even realize are there. But while working and dealing with the aftermath by February this year I started to realize I was falling apart and that resulted in my leaving my job at the end of April after trying different shifts and hours with to no avail.

I have been deteriorating at such a rapid pace that now that I am using a cane do to my foot hurting upon each step. i finally broke down and am paying $200 to see my GP today at 11am. My rehumatologist has agreed to see me one more time. My serious problem is that upon just about any movement I am popping painfully or "other things" are moving and I can just in agony. I havn't been able to stop bouncing my legs I cant dive, I can't comfortably be a passenger in a car, I can't shower and shave myself, Or stand up and cook a meal. I havn't put away my laundry cause opening my beautiful dressers are heavy and pull and pop my shoulder and back. And I am hopeless, depressed, I don't know how I can build a sustainable life in my condition. which daily seems to just get worse. I know the pain is worse and i know I have reached my breaking point. I just cant stand this! Im about to rack up over $2000 in blood tests and xrays all whilst being uninsured! This is a disater and I keep debateing and saying I should wait till october or january when I have insurance! what is just a few more months. BUT I've been saying that ALL YEAR! i mean FEBRURARY! is when this starting getting bad! I'm falling apart. Im completely nonfunctional. So it's good I'm going to See Dr. Green (rehuma) Sep 9th and Roma (GP) today. But I know this is gonna take years for me to get disability and to get dignosed with what I really believe I have EDS. however much I want it to be something simple like a vitamin D/C deficiency.  I take no supplements, I sit in a dark room, and as of late I barley eat anything. So Things are bad. Yes I need a doc. But what is she gonna do prescribe pills. I wont take and tests that will cost me so much $$$ and then results with no indication of what is wrong. Mark my words this is gonna be what happens. I don't want it too but that's just how the cookies have crumbled in the past for me.  Im a mess about the money. physically this morning is better Im just antsy sore and in pain from the anxiety and stress of this whole week!

ALSO I got a call to confirm my psychoanalysis appointment. But i thought i already had it. But my disability anylist is out of her office till September the 2nd apt is on thursday. But i read about this therapist and she seems like she would evaluate me better. should i go for it? will disability be mad. since i already had a appointment on monday... see what happend was i thought i wouldnt have a ride for the my Thursday appointment so they rescheduled for a monday apointment which i went too but the lady was a drug addiction counselor not a chornic pain/heath specialist. I feel like this is a blessing in disguise.cause i wanted to see this other doc so i'm taking a chance and hopefully Social Security won't not pay for the evaulation since its a duplicate. 

So One of my Best gal pals is picking me up at 10:30 so I can have time to get to my appointment and then afterwards I have wrist exrays and blood tests plus whatever Roma orders the above is for the rehumatologist office. SO MUCH MONEY! I can't even think straight

So i know medicaid pays 90 days previous to getting it. but would that be fromt he date jan1st of oct1st when I am accepted? anybody know about the new health care laws starting up. and who may also be in Oregon?

I'm really nervous cause I do not know where to begin with her and what is the most impotant thing to tell her. what can wait till january and what needs to be said now. But my goal is get it all out and have her have doc recomandations ready for when I do have insurance I can go straight to the specialsist since the problems havn't go away in at least 7 months but we are nearing a whole year and are wayy way way past several years on some of my joints moveing and clicking.