#cycleboat

Last September, Buffalebrity brought you ground-breaking coverage about the Woooo People: Woooo People Woooounded. We have recently learned that, undaunted, they are planning a new way to travel this summer: Buffalo Cycleboats.

Pictured above: Ladies enjoying a pedal tour outing just before tragedy stuck last September. 

Like their landlocked cousins, the Cycleboats will allow Woooo People to vaguely exercise as they drink beer. While sister station Step Out Buffalo has offered up the following reasons to rent one of these with a list including “birthday parties, bachelor and bachelorette parties, family reunions, corporate outings, plain old fun times out on the water” the sleuths at Buffalebrity have discovered the actual motivation for the Cycleboats is much more mystical: to discover the lost city of Lackawantis.

As the smoke has cleared in the City of Lackawanna, and all the green beer has been consumed from St Patrick’s Day, a small clandestine group of Woooo People have been meeting inside the Curtiss Hotel planning, plotting, and exercising.

Pictured above: An anonymoooos wooooer involved with the discovery efforts.

One Woooo Person, who asked for anonymity, told Buffalebrity: “It’s been rather intense. We decided the best way to hide was in plain site, and so the Curtiss [Hotel] was a logical choice. We look just like a Rotary Club—but there is much more going on.” While, for reasons of personal safety, specifics were not offered, they did go on to say that the Woooo People have a general idea of where Lackawantis is and that they have been training quite hard in preparation.

Pictured above: The official excavation site map for the hopes of locating the Lost City of Lackawantis 

“After the servers set-up the coffee station and leave the room, we go through a rigorous Pilates routine—it’ll be summer after all—and then we break off into groups and work on breath control techniques,” the informant said. When asked why they wouldn’t scuba, the reply was swift: “People in Lackawantis didn’t use scuba gear, and we need to honor their heritage. Also, it would look awkward and we don’t want to rock the Cycleboat.”

Pictured above: Capt. Paladino looks on as he sizes up how to get around these aquatic urbex explorers