#cyberyouth

                 his hearing could be falling at the moment, or did he heard what he thought he did? it absolutely did not, he had a perfect hearing for a young adult his age. regardless, erick most certainly wasn’t someone to keep his hopes up for anything or anyone for what matters, so why nancy’s own presence was a threat to all the attitude he spent years crafting it to perfection? she must be clearly drunk — he thought, antagonizing with himself a battle against the instantiable yes. ‘ sorry. i don’t take pleasure in someone’s vulnerability. ’ he shook his head with a scoff, containing laughter that was clearly not meant to be hidden under the circumstances. that wasn’t the most compelling and honest answer, however, since his own profession consisted of assisting people in the best possible way within science, perhaps that was the main reason was against it in the first place. but how could someone like him be so full of apathy for close ones and empathy for strangers? his own father claimed him as a ‘piece of work’ which he most times would take as a compliment, coming from his father anything at all other than money was itself well-appraised. daddy issues? how fucking original. but how did the way his father treats him had anything to do with nancy calling him to a corner? oh, yeah, the specification of alone time meant working towards a relationship and even if they decided not to see each other after his name went on the media, she hooks up with somebody else and razzle-dazzle, things were more complicated than they once were, and maybe as they were ever gonna get. ‘ didn’t we talk about it already? i agree with whatever so keep up the low profile for now. ’ erick’s main intention wasn’t shutting her down, but that was exactly what he was doing. it wasn’t about payback, it was securing his feelings, right?! nothing wrong with being extra careful. pew! wrong. he was an imbecile. he actually came to the conclusion that girl had the deepest, most confusing, nerve-wracking, and disastrous effect on his heart and the worst part was that he had no intention of saying so because he’d still appreciate it if he could keep a little control for himself. she left him for good once, in spite of what he felt and that — liking him or not  — hurt. and this idea that nancy, the idol, could have the slightest sway over him dangered his mind. the time he spent collecting his thoughts in silence, sitting on the sofa with her body pressed against him and his ears burning in intensity were pressuring the front part of his brain. whoever picked the electrofunk music wasn’t exactly on their right mind either, so no complaints there. erick took the phone out of his back pocket to check the time and pretend he was busy, but the zero notifications and blank prompts in the course of actions announced his fear of confrontation. instead of wasting time debating, he got up and chewed off his own bitter medicine like a child after losing a game. ‘ jesus, you can’t just get whatever you want whenever you want, nancy. someone needs to remind you of that. ’ he pointed an illustrate finger towards her heard and just like that left the room with empty hands and the same hollow, shadowy heart.

              ‘ language! gorgeous, you can’t expect to go to many places with that attitude.’ ruy chuckled in attention, he was still determined to follow the recipe but being honest there was much more intuition put into it than actual ingredients. before starting his homemade souffle he was almost positive he had everything in his pantry to make it happen, but as soon as he did he realized that wasn’t the case, and now with everything already on the bowl he was just trying to make sure everything wasn’t going to waste. there were no wasting products on that house, even if he had plenty of money and a closet full of things he still hasn’t worn, still there was no wasting on that house. coming from a place of having little but making it look like a lot made it easier to shop, save and afford better by the end of the month, he didn’t even need to be good at math for that. things would be better though if hai wasn’t such a colossal pain in the ass, trying to ruin everything without even trying and making ruy’s patience go from one to zero real quick. he didn’t know where he was going with this, ruy was just bored, there was no practice today and no one to hang with because everyone was just dating, traveling, or whatever. there was no real reason to make music, at least nothing inspiring. nothing was going on in general so the least he could do was stuff his ass with sugar, baked sugar, but clearly, this was the last time he ever tried something which he was definitely not good at. finally, he signed, wiped his hands of flour on the towel, and gave up, with hands up in the air and a loser frowned face. ‘ fine. whatever. fuck off. you’re right.’  the drama queen in him was something natural, not like a switch he decided to turn on, but despite what people might think of someone with his unshakable confidence, ruy was pretty much and very much emotional all the time. he wouldn’t be a great musician if he wasn’t one, to be honest. he had to feel more than anyone else even if it was buried to look like theatre, even if had to be completely dramatic. he stopped face full-on puppy eyes in front of his boyfriend, which he wasn’t even sure what he was doing at his place during the day. was hai sleeping all day and he didn’t even notice? did he just come back to spend time together? was he off a lot lately? or was ruy just so focused on his own spectacle to notice? it was hard to answer any of these questions when they were so inconsistent with each other, for their own protection of course, or more so -- ruy knows -- for hai’s personal peace. nevertheless, whatever the reason he was grumpy there now in front of him still trying to look whichever numb way he wanted for the day. ‘ do you live here now?’ ruy simply asked with a shy grin on his face, a dare i say rare occur. he didn’t wanna push out his luck, he always did anyway. even though he couldn’t help but tease this gay off his game. ‘ i mean... i’m just asking. because you have to start paying for the pizza too. even isabel does sometimes and she is not as rich as you. ’ not being able to contain his bigger grin this time, giving in to the urge to kiss hai on his pale cheek, that was cold and lonely but felt warmer the minute his lips found that perfect spot. ‘ baking is not my forte, but you know what is? now that you’re here, you’re giving me ideas again...’ 

                her fuzzy hair waved as ella looked right back into john’s composure by the door of her bedroom, who the hell did he think he was? her face was asking such question, quivering for the answer, but instead her efforts went back to herself in a wonder of her own behavior and self-refletion, sometimes pitying down who she turned out to be to put up with that. ‘ so this is my fault? seriously? ’ she wasn’t shouting or anything, but neither was him and as much as they were trying to pretend it was all cool, that they were gonna fuck and afterward it was all gonna be okay, it wasn’t like that. there was some feeling unspoken or perhaps just too much conflict not being exposed like it was supposed to. ella hated arguments though, she was never the kind of person who would pursue a fight because she handled things with logic and grace. as she was taking her earrings off, then the necklace and all the accessories off, the realization that she was too naked in front of john all the time could be the problem. why did she have to be like that? ‘ can we not do this right now? ’ sitting on the bed with her two longing and wide eyes trying not to tear looking at john like she always does — completely wary and diligent, a way that many men would probably kill to be eyed by a woman like her. she then composed herself with a smile and waved him to come to her at once, trying to play the love game they had always going on, unintentionally. despite her effort to try to put on a sad face over her leaving the country in the next month, ella was excited and she wouldn’t prevent herself from wanting different things, new things. aiming for something was all she was ever about, that’s how she made her career in fashion so successful and that’s what everyone else loved about her work, her eye to fashion and photography was worth a lot. knowing that was maybe the best motive to leave. the second was john. yeah, even though he was the reason she loathed leaving behind as well. they wanted different things in life, actually, she couldn’t tell exactly what john wanted but she would always forget this the minute he would come to her once again. like tonight and probably like many other nights before, even after. ‘ you’re the worst part of me, you know that right?! ’ regardless of her words, she was still perpetuating through him in a harmless way while he didn’t fight his instincts to kiss her. soon enough, pinning herself to her own bed with a rushed feeling it was worth living in, definitely remorseful in the morning though. ella couldn’t read well in that this was it for their story —searching for meaning in the meaningless sea of emotions that could only be described by ego, subvert and libido.