#ctsd

It's #AutismAwarenessMonth, so get aware! Here's an article I stumbled onto last year that clarified so much for me: #IntenseWorldTheory. Too much, not too little! Identity, not disorder! #ActuallyAutistic #neuroqueer

My greatest strength: my brain. Greatest weakness: my brain. I can remember saying this as far back as middle school. I think too much, too many things, all at once. The simple and the complex all together. The brush of a shirt against my chest, the long-spanning oppression of the working-class, this or that task, one hair out of place brushing my shoulder, a rush of panic brought on from Blue…

It was a force, but not just any kind, with a weight that so confidently went up against gravity

A mass that made a pact with space           & time to test my sensitivity 

A weight so dense & deep even earth itself questioned its value 

A pain so intrusive all I wanted was to be like the birds, it seemed oblivion was the only way through 

It broke down my barriers like a dam being let loose 

Running rabid without aim not knowing the truth 

Flowing blind fully yearning for a tender kind of love 

Blissfully relying on faith by looking up above 

God please show me a sign these septic thoughts have meaning & matter 

Am I lost giving my heart to the stars being they’re dead & shattered 

This force left me bare bones making what was left home 

We all curate our lives to some extent. And for people-pleasers, the ways in which we do that “curating” piece often stems from a place of fear.

Most people know about fight, flight, and freeze — but another trauma response, “fawn,” is at the core of what people-pleasing is actually about.