#csss 2022

She had always believed those who grew up with their real families around the holidays had it better off. They must have - not feeling like an unwanted spare piece thrown into a place it didn’t belong. Getting everything you always wanted - being well off enough to feel joy and comfort and all the warm fuzzies.

In fact, she had woken up just that morning still very ingrained in that belief. She had gone about the day leading up to her foster sister’s new inlaws’ Christmas party feeling all kinds of envious and ill-fitting. Emma was finally going to see how all those all-American families in all the holiday movies lived in real time. 

Only, she hadn’t. What she had witnessed was a narcissistic ass of a father shower praise on his oldest son while dragging his younger son through the proverbial mud. Sling around words like ‘successful’ and ‘ambitious’, and ‘lazy’ and ‘rudderless’.

It had been a shock to her system, to say the least. Because if there was one thing Emma Swan had always known about Killian Jones, it was that the man knew what he wanted in life. His confidence and his drive had come off as quite arrogant and aggravating at first, in fact. She had wanted to hate him because of it - that and his obvious privilege. The son of a wealthy businessman and certainly not lacking in charm and self-assurance, there was nothing in the world that could shake Killian. 

Nothing, it seemed, except his own father. 

Emma had never seen him look so ashamed of himself as Brennan Jones continued to boast on and on about Liam’s achievements before and since marrying Elsa. It was all she could do not to rush across the room and punch the pompous jerk’s nose straight through the back of his skull. In order to keep her hands to herself and not cause any kind of scene, she had kept a close eye on Killian. When he had slowly begun to back out of the room and make his way towards the side door that led to the expansive back porch, she had soon followed. 

He had looked so small and lost, sitting with his knees tucked up to his chest as he stared absently out into the Christmas-light covered shrubbery. 

“How long has it been like this?” She had asked softly after sitting quietly next to him for a while. 

“As long as I can remember.”

Killian had confessed to her that it was always worse during the holidays. That the expectations of his father had always been so exceedingly high, and that the reputation of the family had always been the most important thing. He’d never been able to live up to any of it. Even as a kid.

“I’ve always fallen quite short. Though I’m sure that doesn’t surprise you, Swan.”

She had shoved at him in mock indignation. It was true, they’d had a rocky start to their friendship. Emma had always considered them like oil and water - didn’t mix well at all. But ever since Elsa and Liam had announced their engagement a year and a half prior, she had felt herself getting closer and closer to her sister’s fiance’s little brother. 

It was what had prompted her to suddenly ask Killian if he’d wanted to get out of there. That she had everything needed to whip up some chocolate chip cookies and maybe they could find some Christmas movies on tv or something. 

Which was how she now found herself staring at him in the blinking green and red lights, wondering how anybody could look at him and see disappointment. It had been somewhere between him accidentally flinging flour around her kitchen with the hand mixer and her slipping on some egg she’d dropped on the floor that Emma realized…

She loved him. 

It hadn’t hurt that he had caught her as she fell, their lips mere inches from each other as he softly asked if she was okay. She had snorted and brushed flour along his cheek as she climbed out of his arms, but not before she’d caught the flash of that familiar kind of feeling in his gaze. 

“Something wrong with my face?” 

Emma jumped slightly as she realized she’d been caught up in the moment from earlier in her kitchen. She blinked back into focus and saw Killian watching her with a lazy, sleepy smile. His blue eyes sparkled from behind white Santa fuzz and half-closed lids. 

“Oh yeah,” Emma nodded solemnly and got a curious eyebrow raised at her in return. “It’s smothered in chocolate, you slob.”

His smile grew and she got a two-eyebrow wiggle this time. “I mean, if you wanted to help me clean myself up…” His finger came up and tapped at his lips.

Emma knew he was teasing. That Killian was just trying to make light of the obvious, yet not completely uncomfortable, tension that had been hovering around them… well, for quite some time. 

And yet, she couldn’t stop herself from leaning forward and pressing her lips tightly to his. He hummed in mild surprise before his hand came up and curled around the side of her neck, his fingers brushing up into her hair. With his other hand on her hip, he helped her find a comfortable position straddling his lap. 

Emma tried the best she could to convey all her feelings into the kiss. To let him know that he didn’t, in fact, fall short in all that he did. Not even a little bit. 

Killian seemed to get the message well enough because, when Emma pulled back from him after some time, he looked dazed but happy. 

“Swan, that was…”

“I know.” She pressed her forehead to his, bringing her own hand up to play with his hair much like he was still doing with hers. “Now how about we make some more new traditions together… snuggle up like two birds of a feather or… however the hell it goes?”

He reminded himself it was an act, since David and Mary Margaret were curled up together on the other couch.

"Sorry, I just..." he shook his head, feeling his heart beating faster as he thought of what waited for him once he went back to the city.

Then Emma grabbed his hand, giving it a small squeeze. "We'll figure it out. But right now, there's nothing to be done. Okay?"

She had said 'we'.

Killian made himself smile and give a small nod, turning his gaze back to the movie.

Emma had included herself in figuring out this problem.

But would she include herself in a possible solution if it involved moving back to Storybrooke?

And no matter how hard he tried to focus on the singing from the movie, his thoughts were back to the argument, bringing it up with perfect clarity.

***

He had done his research. Of course, he had done his research. Emma was the kind of person that needed to see the details of a plan, something drawn out up to the fifth, tenth, even twentieth year of said plan.

And he had done it all.

It was perfect.

The only thing he was going to have to try hard to do was convince her it was a good idea to move back to Storybrooke.

He had lost count of how many times she told him she would never move back to her hometown. Usually, it was always after coming back from one of their visits. She would complain about not being able to walk anywhere unless you lived in one of the apartments on Main Street. How the only good restaurants was a diner where everyone in town went to gossip or the Italian restaurant that was incredibly overpriced for a place like Storybrooke. And then she complained of the people, how they were always in each other's business and why couldn't everyone just keep their thoughts to themselves and not spread everyone's secrets.

Perhaps Killian did agree with some of the points she made about Storybrooke, but he also knew that she never felt quite at home in New York City.

She had been living in the city for seven years and the only friend she had that she would consistently hang out with was him. And they had been friends since high school, and he moved to the city two years after she had.

He wasn't even sure if that should count.

Yes, maybe there was her boyfriend, Neal, but Killian didn't count him either. Because the few times Emma invited Killian to hang out with the both of them, he noticed how Emma always seemed to diminish herself in Neal's presence.

He didn't like Neal but kept his opinions to himself since it was obvious Neal didn't like him either.

Not only did she not have friends in the city, but she also hated her job. She complained about how ruthless and cutthroat these people were. How they didn't seem to care at all about small businesses and how pretentious they all were. Not to mention there was talk of a merger happening with another company that was even worse.

Killian kept a mental log of all of those complaints of hers and used them in this business proposal he had. Wanting to remind her of the community she had in this town. How she still had friends and her brother and sister-in-law lived here.

And if anyone were to take serious issue with how quickly town gossip spread, it should be him after what he had done.

The only reason news about his affair with Milah Gold hadn't spread like wildfire was because it came out that Rumple Gold was having an affair as well with Belle French.

Both Killian and Belle had to sign an NDA, but that didn't stop the town from talking about it. But for some reason, the town hadn't paid much attention to Killian's involvement.

Instead, it was Belle that took the fall for everything when the Gold's moved out of town. Killian had stuck around, doing what he could to try and help her out, but she rejected his every offer.

Then Liam died in that boating accident a few months later, and Killian needed to get away from everything.

When he moved, he had heard from the rumor mill that Belle had a mental breakdown. She was 'sent away', as her father had put it.

But five years later, Killian was back in Storybrooke with a plan to stay permanently and hoped Emma would agree too.

Because one, he worried about his best friend staying in New York all alone. He reminded himself there was Neal, but Killian didn't think, or hope, that would last much longer.

And two, Killian had thought he caught a glimpse of Belle a couple months ago when they came down for Labor Day weekend. He held nothing against her, but seeing her reminded him of terrible decisions he had made. He thought that if he managed to convince Emma of this business proposal, then his decisions hadn't left a lasting, negative effect on his life.

When they walked onto Main Street, Killian had walked behind Emma and put a blindfold over her eyes.

She moaned and complained, but Killian said it was part of the surprise.

"Killian, I'm not really in the mood," Emma said, but made no move to stop Killian from covering her eyes.

"Come on, Emma. Indulge me. It'll be worth it, I promise." He looped his arm through hers, guiding her down the few blocks towards the empty storefront. He tried his best to keep his smiling to a minimum as they stopped in front of the empty building with a 'For Sale' sign stuck in the window.

"Emma Nolan, you are amazing at numbers and I'm amazing at making drinks. Have you ever thought about how amazing we'd be if we did those things together?"

Killian pulled off her blindfold, extending his arms towards the empty building with a huge smile, waiting to see her face break out into a grin as well.

Instead, her brows furrowed. "What am I supposed to be looking at?"

He moved to stand next to her, placing his arm over her shoulder. "The second and newest location of the Jolly Roger Coffeeshop!"

She didn't react the way Killian had hoped.

In fact, she hadn't reacted at all.

"Think about it, love," he said, releasing her to stand in front of her. "There could be a small table right out here for outdoor seating when the weather is nice. And then inside we'll fill this half with couches and plants and books and make it cozy. And then this other part will be small tables, and maybe even create a conference room in the back that people can rent out."

Emma blinked. Blinked again.

And the small frown didn't leave her face.

"You're wanting to open a second location?" she finally asked.

Killian nodded and knew he needed to make things absolutely clear. "I want us to open a second location."

In the back of his mind, he registered how she seemed to reel at that declaration. But he was too excited about the possibility that he continued speaking.

"I take care of drinks, and staff, and the general business of running the coffeeshop. You handle the books and doing reorders and talking with suppliers to get the best possible rate."

Now, Emma was shaking her head. "Wait, you're asking me to help you open up this second location?"

Killian nodded, feeling as if Emma wasn't quite as excited about this idea as he was. "Yeah. We'll move back to Storybrooke and open it together."

Then Emma scoffed and crossed her arms.

Killian saw the exact moment she closed herself off to him.

He hadn't seen that expression directed towards him since the day they had first met.

"Killian, I...I have a job. I have a life in New York."

"Do you though?" he asked, knowing he should proceed with caution. "You're always complaining about your job, and especially with this potential merger. You keep going on about how it's probably going to make things worse. And really, Emma, who do you hang out with in the city? Not including me."

Her face hardened.

This was not going at all the way he planned.

As much as he hadn't wanted to say it, he included the small clause in his proposal in the case that she didn't agree right away. "You could even ask Neal to move too, if that's what your concern is."

Her eyes flashed the moment he brought up Neal.

Emma took two steps forward, jabbing a finger into his chest. "Don't you dare bring Neal into this," she hissed.

Killian frowned. "Why not? He is your boyfriend after all."

And maybe there had been a hint of sarcasm in his tone, but there was a possibility that Emma wouldn't pick it up.

"Oh, admit it, Killian! You never liked him! You've never liked any of my boyfriends!"

Now she was yelling, and Killian felt his own temper beginning to rise. "So what if I never liked him or the others?" he countered. "That's never stopped you from dating any of those jerks."

She laughed loudly. "Oh, that's rich! Coming from you. Do I really need to remind you about your last relationship?"

"What happened between Milah and I has nothing to do with this," Killian said in a low voice.

Emma let out another loud laugh. "Fine. Maybe she has nothing to do with this. Or maybe this is you trying to prove a point. To yourself, to everyone in this stupid town. You want to move back to prove that you're this smalltown hero, bringing small businesses back instead of the homewrecker you were! But you know what the funny thing is? No one even thinks that of you! Because when it all came out, they knew what you did, yet said nothing. No, instead, they focused on Belle. And you let them. You and the Gold's let Belle take the fall for everything!"

"That's not what happened!" Killian hissed. "Why the bloody hell are you bringing that up when it has nothing to do with this?!"

"It has everything to do with this! The only reason why you want to move back to this place is because you want to relive whatever glory days you think you might have had! To prove that you didn't screw up your life as badly as Belle did! Sure, your coffeeshop is going fine, but for how much longer?! You're already wanting to cut your losses and move back to a place where you know you'll succeed because you are such a darling in the eyes of these townspeople!"

Her words stung more than Killian cared to admit. Because this was Emma. She was the first friend he had made after he moved with Liam to Storybrooke. She saw straight through the charms he tried on everyone, instead asking if he was trying to imitate a pirate.

Because maybe this was his attempt at trying to see if something could work between them. Yes, he knew she was dating Neal, but really, was that relationship going to pan out?

But these words seemed to have come easy to her. It was obvious it was something she had been thinking about for a very long time.

And it hurt.

So when Killian opened his mouth, it was to speak words that he knew would hurt her right back.

***

After the movie, David and Mary Margaret went to the kitchen to make some gingerbread cookies for them to decorate that night.

Emma could clearly hear the low murmuring of David followed by Mary Margaret's laugh and then her quickly shushing David, even if she was still giggling some.

Emma hadn't gotten up from her spot on the couch, letting another Christmas movie play in the background with the volume low. She wasn't paying too much attention to it, but quickly figured out the plot.

A fake dating scenario where the ending no doubt ended with the two main characters falling in love.

Emma tried not to roll her eyes, considering she was currently living through one of those cheesy holiday romance movies.

She insisted it was different between her and Killian though because there were no growing feelings.

Yes, maybe things felt different today. There had been apologies and they reached what felt like an agreement to maybe go back to the way things had been before.

And all the kisses and touches from the day were only for David and Mary Margaret's benefit.

That was it.

But after the movie had ended and David and Mary Margaret left, Killian had stood from the couch, pacing the living room floor as he stared at his phone. Then he stepped out to the front porch to make a quick call before coming back in to pace again.

When heard the sound of the mixer in the kitchen, Emma finally got up from the couch and grabbed Killian's hand.

"You're going to dig a trench with all the pacing you're doing," she said, offering him a smile.

Her touch seemed to startle him out of his thoughts, before he let his shoulders relax and he let out a breath. "Right. Sorry, I just...I can't stop thinking about what's going to happen now."

Emma didn't blame him. Of course she didn't. His entire livelihood was on the line right now, and there was nothing he could do. "I know. And it's going to be okay. We're going to figure something out once we get back to the city."

This was the second time Emma included herself in helping Killian find a solution to this problem. Because her company did the exact same thing to hundreds of businesses. Hell, they might have even sent out notices to the businesses today too if no one read her emails to wait until after the holidays. And she had no way of finding out until after she bought a new charger.

There was a tiny part of her that tried to remember the names of the businesses on that list. Because what if...?

She quickly shook her head free of that thought. There was no way. New York City was huge and there were hundreds of other big businesses that daily screwed over the smaller ones.

There was no way.

Regardless, Emma knew she needed to start doing her part to help small businesses.

Especially since she had a chance to prevent this whole thing from happening two years ago.

"Come here," Emma said, giving his hand a small tug as she led him back to the couch as she sat down.

But then she positioned him in front of her and pulled him down until he was sitting on the floor right between her legs. She then leaned forward to run her fingers through his hair, scratching and lightly massaging his scalp.

Killian let his head fall back into her lap, eyes closed as he let out a small groan.

She smiled a little, seeing the tension visibly disappear from his face as her hands began kneading his shoulders.

As her fingers continued working out knots in his shoulders, then moved to rub his ears, Killian let out a soft chuckle.

"What?" Emma asked, brows furrowed, but lips turning up in a small smile.

He shook his head. "It's nothing."

Emma tugged his earlobe harder than necessary, making him wince before she began rubbing it more gently. "Oh really?"

He opened his eyes, head in her lap still as he looked up at her. "I missed this." She saw his throat bob as he considered his next words before speaking. "I missed you."

And the moment he said it, she could see regret cross his eyes and the tension returned.

But her fingers moved from his ears to massaging his scalp again. "I missed you too," she admitted.

He smiled and the tension left again.

For a moment, Emma considered leaning down to kiss him.

It's what they were pretending to do anyways, right?

But the small nagging guilt she felt prevented her from doing so.

That if she had actually listened to his business proposal two years ago, he wouldn't be having to deal with this now.

***

Something heavy settled on Emma's chest the moment the words were past her lips.

She immediately wanted to take the words back.

Because while she was angry, she hadn't meant to direct any of it to Killian.

Yes, she felt some frustration with him, but she wasn't angry with him.

It was being in this town, and then she found out from David that Belle was back, and she had a job in the library. And she wasn't mad at Belle either, but thinking of her reminded Emma of Milah, and how Killian had overlooked Emma to go after a married woman who had been much older than him.

It had happened years ago, and she was over it, but then there was Neal's stupid comment about why he decided to cheat on her so fresh on her mind.

He had said he did it because he was getting back at her for doing the same thing to him.

Emma denied his accusation, not knowing where he had come up with something as ridiculous as that. She had never cheated on him.

Her denial had only seemed to make Neal even more angry, claiming that she was lying and that of course she had cheated on him. With Killian, of all people.

He threw in her face how they interacted with each other. How she was always so ready to hug him or hold onto him on the few occasions the three of them went out together. How it had taken Emma six months before she let Neal kiss her in public.

He asked her what he was supposed to think.

Still, Emma denied it, because it wasn't true. Then, Neal had said words that cut her to her core.

"I don't believe it. But you know, whatever helps you sleep at night. I will tell you one thing though. You're not going to make it in this city. I give it a year, tops, before you shack up with that bastard. You'll move back to that quaint little town you're from and pop out two or three babies with him. You won't amount to anything, Emma."

Then Neal had walked away, leaving Emma feeling as if she had been the problem, even if she had caught him red-handed in the act of cheating.

The first person she had wanted to tell was Killian. Because what Neal had said hurt, but she hadn't felt heartbroken. If anything, she was upset at how he had shifted the blame to her.

But if she had gone running to Killian, wouldn't that have been proving Neal's point?

Now, a week after Neal broke up with her, she was standing across from Killian in Storybrooke, with words she had spoken in anger hanging between them.

All because Killian had presented her an offer that would only prove Neal right.

And she wasn't mad at Killian, but he ended up being a casualty of her anger.

The moment she said the words, she wanted to take them back.

Going by the look on Killian's face, she knew it was too late though.

"You don't know a bloody damned thing about what happened with Milah," Killian hissed. "And I think the only reason why you're even bringing her up is because you're terrified of my offer, Emma. Because you run. That's what you do. You ran away from this place and that's why you're always so annoyed about having to come back to visit your brother. Because you know it was the wrong thing to do."

She tried not to flinch at his words. "Oh, so now you're the one that knows everything? I didn't run from this place. I outgrew it and you want me to come back and live in a place I don't belong in anymore!"

"That's not what I'm asking of you!"

"Oh yeah?! Then why the hell does it sound like that?! You want me to go into business with you and then see where it'll take us!"

The moment she spoke the words, he seemed to jerk back. But only for a second because then he was leaning towards her, face dangerously close. "Maybe that's what I was planning. But you've just proven that this was one of the most idiotic things I could have ever come up with. What the bloody hell was I thinking trying to go into business with you? Because guess what, Emma? This is a chance for you to be happy. But you won't take it. Because you're scared it won't be what you want it to be. So why the hell would I want to go into business with someone who is so scared that they jump at their own shadow? Forget the offer. Forget all of this."

They had argued before. Of course they had. You weren't friends with someone for ten years and never have an argument.

But this one felt different to Emma and judging by the look on Killian's face, he was feeling the same thing.

That this argument held a finality to it.

She wouldn't be the one to say it though.

Instead, she held her breath, waiting for Killian to grumble something about needing to take a walk and he would leave, but then he would come back, and they would talk things over and-

Killian cleared his throat and took a step back. "Perhaps it's not a good idea that I stay anymore. I'll book the next flight out."

Then he turned from her and walked away.

Emma didn't actually think he meant it. He couldn't mean it. So she wandered the town a little, giving him space and trying to convince herself that when she went back to her brother's that evening, he would be there and they would talk and work things out.

Instead, when she walked into the house, Killian's bag he kept stored in the living room corner was gone.

"He said something came up with the coffeeshop that he had to take care of," David said when he noticed Emma staring at the place where Killian's things should have been.

The argument had been different.

There was no taking back anything that she had said.

That evening, she excused herself early from dinner and curled up in her bed, tears silently rolling down her cheeks.

She didn't cry after Neal had broken up with her.

She hadn't felt the need.

But after that argument with Killian, that she knew irrevocably damaged their friendship, Emma couldn't get the tears to stop.

***

It was after midnight by the time they finally made their way upstairs. After dinner and decorating and eating the gingerbread cookies, the four of them played charades. They started out as guys against girls, then couple against couple.

When Killian and Emma were teamed up, they had won the most points of the entire night.

There was so much laughter and joy in the evening, Killian had forgotten two things.

One, the issues waiting for him once he returned to New York.

Two, that he and Emma were supposed to be pretending.

In regard to the latter though, they didn't have to pretend.

Well, at least Killian didn't really feel like he was pretending anymore. He was finally being honest with himself and admitting he hadn't been pretending this entire evening.

How his arm easily lifted when Emma curled into his side. Catching on quickly to what Emma was miming during their game. Both of them laughing loudly and easily with their bodies pressed close.

It was so natural and easy.

He didn't want the night to end.

But now, standing in the room they were sharing, Killian figured Emma's act would finally drop.

She would avoid looking at him, mumbling when she spoke to him, and maybe even saying she would take the floor tonight.

Instead, when she came back from the bathroom, freshly changed in her pajamas, she looked at him as she passed him. "Ready for bed?"

He nodded, scratching behind his ear as he moved to start grabbing blankets to spread out on the floor.

"What are you doing?"

He paused, looking at Emma and seeing she was settling in on one side of the bed instead of taking up the middle. "I'm getting ready for bed."

She pursed her lips, considering something for half a second, before pulling down the comforter and blankets on the other side of the bed. "It's Christmas," she said with a shrug, not meeting his gaze anymore. "I don't think it'd be fair if you slept on the floor tonight."

"You're sure?" Killian asked after a few moments of letting silence hang in the air between them. Because what if she ended up changing her mind the moment she said those words?

Emma looked at him and for some reason, her green eyes seemed even brighter in the dim lighting from the lamp. "Yeah, I'm sure."

He didn't hesitate as he moved towards the bed, climbing under the covers. Killian laid on his side as did Emma, their faces so close he could smell the lingering toothpaste.

"Goodnight," he whispered.

"Goodnight," Emma whispered back.

And for a second, he swore she inclined her head towards him.

Before he could react though, she was moving to turn off the lamp and laid down on her back.

Even if she hadn't kissed him in the privacy of the room, three words were still lodged in his throat.

I love you.

***

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She would recognise his black leather jacket wearing ass and Jet black hair from a mile away. Still with the same smirk he had after he kissed her for the first time at her 18th birthday.

“Swan. Nice to see a familiar face around.” 

They dated for less than six months before they went separate ways to college but they were actually friends for years. And compared to her last shitty relationship, Killian was actually a really decent boyfriend.

“Jones. Nice to see even the Big Apple pales in comparison to Grannys.” She’d seen him around every break, but it always felt awkward between them.

“Big cities aren’t all they’re cracked out to be, you're still in Boston I assume?”

“Best part of telling people around here that I go to college in Boston is when they assume I go to Harvard, I don’t correct them.” 

This emits a smile from Killian. “Glad to see college hasn’t changed you of all people. See you around Swan.” 

——-----

One of the few things Emma did like about coming home was seeing her family. 

Well granted now that her foster mother died last spring, she was left with just her big brother David. He was a couple years older than her and never went to college so throughout Emma’s high school years he was always around, she would come to him for advice and he would help her anytime she got in trouble. He even drove a eight hour round trip when Emma broke up with her ex-boyfriend a few months back and couldn’t face being in her apartment alone. And even though he had a wife and a baby on the way, he never made Emma feel any less loved.

“Guess who I saw lurking by the docks earlier?” Her brother asks. They’re sitting down for dinner, Emma sitting opposite David and his very pregnant wife Mary Margaret. Mary Margaret who had been David’s girlfriend ever since she came into this family, and was like a big sister, she was amazing and couldn’t think of anyone better for her brother.

“Leroy trying to escape getting caught leaving the White Rabbit drunk and disorderly again?” Her brother was the sheriff of the town, he didn’t go to college and had been interning since he was 17 so when the last sheriff retired, David was the obvious choice to take over. Although his job did mainly consist of rallying the town drunks when he wasn’t up to his eyeballs in paperwork.

David just chuckles, “no actually not today. Killian.”

Emma inwardly groans. Whilst David was never his biggest fan before they were together, he eventually grew to like him and since breaking up David always wants to know if there is a chance they will get back together. “Yeah I saw him coming out of Granny’s on my walk over here.” 

“Did you notice his missing hand?” Mary Margaret asks and Emma snorts,

“Is that a euphemism or something?”

Her sister in law shakes her head, “don’t you remember the crash that he and his brother got into last year?” 

“Shit, I forgot. Did he ever have a funeral? I don’t remember getting an invite.” Despite their breakup, there wasn’t any bad blood really, she knew Liam pretty well and she would have liked to be there.

Mary Margaret just shakes her head, “What I heard is it was a private burial, I’m not even sure his father was there.” 

Emma rolls her eyes at the mention of Killian's father, Emma met him maybe twice in the time she was in high school. One day he just got up and left because of a new girlfriend and left Liam and Killian alone. 

“I didn’t know he lost his hand, I heard he was in hospital for a while but I assumed it was all minor. I should go see him.”

“You may get the opportunity sooner than you think.” David mumbles in between the sips of his wine.

Emma knew what that meant and she groaned, “please tell me you didn’t.”

“He’s coming to dinner for Christmas. He doesn’t have any family left, you know better than anyone how that feels.” It wasn’t meant in a cruel way, and Emma knew he was right, she knew what it was like to have nobody and he didn’t deserve to feel that way. 

_______

The next day Emma sees Killian in town and doesn’t run in the other direction. Baby steps. 

“Swan.” It’s as if his face lights up when he sees Emma, which Emma hates. They had been broken up for over 3 years, she did not want to get back together. 

Still, she offers him a genuine smile. “Hey,” but this time her eyes linger to his hand, or rather, lack of.

“It’s okay, you can ask, it’s just a prosthetic, not a Hook.” 

“I should’ve said something last night, I feel awful about it. I’m so sorry.” She had no excuse for forgetting that his brother was killed.

“Don’t be sorry Swan, it’s not your fault. We were on our way home from a concert, Liam dragged me along. I didn't really know the band. It was raining pretty bad and the roads were slippery and next thing a car comes out of nowhere and hits us at speed flipping the car over and over. I woke up in hospital a few days later to the news that Liam didn’t make it, and as for my hand, they said the bone was sticking out so they had no choice but to amputate.” He explains taking his left glove off to reveal his prosthetic hand. 

Emma isn’t at all sure what to say, what do you say to the man who loved you and you were too much of a coward to say it back, and so break up with him instead. They were young and stupid and that didn’t excuse it, she couldn't help but wonder if they stayed together would any of this have happened. “I’m glad you’re coming to dinner, it’ll be nice to catch up.” She settled on, and it was true, she did want to catch up and see how he was doing, just hopefully without causing any feelings to resurface.

Over the next few days Emma will see Killian in the street, the store or at Granny’s and it felt like High School again. Suddenly she felt like she was 17 and was transported back to walking the halls of Storybrooke High with a smile on her face whenever she saw Killian. They were best friends, she was his biggest supporter aside from Liam, cheering at his football games and he was there to tutor her when she was failing Math. One look at each other would tell them everything they were thinking.

___

Yes they were best friends, but that didn’t stop Killian from flirting with her. And she never shot him down, never let on it made her uncomfortable because it didn’t, she enjoyed it. She would roll her eyes at him calling her “princess” or “love”, but she enjoyed the way it made her feel. At the time she thought it was because it made her feel special, an unloved orphan getting attention. It was stupid because she didn’t exactly realise until her 18th birthday party when they both had a little too much alcohol that Killian wasn’t just flirting with her for fun, he was flirting with her in the hopes that one day she may flirt back.  

It's not that there was anything wrong with Killian. He was insanely attractive, dark hair, light eyes and a british accent that was fucking hot. Emma would be lying if between the ages of 15 and 17 she hadn’t thought about kissing him at least once, and had woken up in a cold sweat from a very strange sort of dream about the two of them. But he was her best friend, and it would be weird to go from being friends to suddenly being more than that. 

“You would still be friends, just friends that kiss and have sex.” Was Ruby’s advice, which didn’t make her feel any better, that would surely just make things even weirder. What if they tried dating and it was horrible and they have an awful fight and things are never the same again. Which ironically is kind of what happened in the end, things got weird and they aren’t exactly friends anymore.  

The night of October 23rd. The night that changed everything. Emma's 18th birthday party. Ruth and David were away for the weekend so she had the house to herself with all the alcohol David conveniently “left behind” and everyone from school was invited. The house was not in the best shape when they returned  but that is a story for another day. Killian wasn’t there to help set up as he had practise for the upcoming game so he came when it was in full swing and the beer was flowing. Emma was not exactly sure how many beers she had by the time he arrived, letterman jacket in place of leather. Fuck it was hot. 

“Killian!” She runs over and hugs him as soon as she sees him.  

He hugs her back, and lingers for maybe a little too long, “Happy Birthday Swan.” 

Emma hands him a cup filled with whatever mixed beer and vodka concoction she had been drinking and leads him to the makeshift dance floor in the living room. “I was worried you weren’t going to make it.” 

“It’s your birthday Swan, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”  

The two dance together for a while, beer after beer and Killian gets a little more flirty, and Emma just smiles and lets him flirt. 

It's past midnight and they’re still dancing together, but Killian takes her hand and leads her outside to the swinging bench on the porch, claiming he had something important to say.  

“I need to be honest with you Swan.”  

“What’s going on?” Emma asks, brows furrowed in confusion. 

”Emma, I-” Killian hesitates, looking to the door and back to Emma, afraid someone would walk out and ruin his only chance.  

The use of her first name and not her last baffles Emma, still unsure where this conversation was going. 

Instead of saying words, Killian grabs Emma’s face and kisses her. It feels strange at first, because it’s Killian, her best friend, but then it starts to feel right. It feels safe and he feels like home.  

“What was that?” She asks when they eventually pull away. 

“Something I have wanted to do for a while.” He admits with a smirk, gone was the shy facade he had before and was now more confident and slightly cocky.  

Emma kisses him again, just to make sure it was not a strange fluke and glitch that it felt good to be making out with her best friend, and turns out it felt even better the next time. Sure his lips tasted mostly of beer, but she couldn’t think of a single reason why she shouldn’t be doing this.” 

One thing leads to another and the next morning Emma wakes up with the worst hangover, and Killian in the bed next to her. Things were strange but over the next few months the two started officially dating and it felt totally normal, it was exactly like Ruby said, still best friends that just occasionally have sex. She had never felt so safe and comfortable, he felt like home.  

But when Graduation came around and College applications and scholarships came into play and ruined everything. They started arguing because Killian got a full ride to NYU and Emma hadn’t applied to any colleges in New York, she eventually got a scholarship to a small university in Boston, 4 hours away.  

“I don’t want to have a long distance relationship. How do we go from seeing each other every day to maybe once a month if we’re lucky?” Killian asks, he was in love with Emma and hated the thought of them being apart. 

“Then let’s just break up.” Emma tells him, coming out more blunt than intended, seeing the clear hurt on her boyfriend's face. “I just mean, let’s be friends whilst in college, whatever happens between us will only end badly if we stay together. Then when college is over, we can see if feelings and shit between us are still there. 

And that’s what happened, well to an extent. They went their separate ways, and the first few weeks would call and text all the time but as both had papers to write and tests to take, contact became less and less frequent and the first summer break they barely saw one another.

Emma did regret not keeping in touch with Killian and touching base more often, but it was inevitable, he was getting closer and closer and the walls Emma had spent years building were slowly crumbling and she hated it. David was the only person who could see past her walls and that took a while but he was her brother and it was different. Killain was tricky, she wanted to let him in but was so afraid of getting hurt. 

So sitting beside him on Christmas Day was a strange feeling. She was getting strong deja vu from the many family dinners he attended when they were dating. And clearly so was her brother who kept looking between the two of them and then back at his wife with a wide grin on his face.

“This is really nice of you to invite me Dave, I appreciate it.” Ever the gentleman with her family, not much has changed.

“It’s the least we could do, you were practically family once.” David smiles despite the glare his sister gives him across the table. “So what are your plans for after college, have you decided on a major?”

“I decided to major in Math actually, it always came naturally to me and it’s a good major that I think I’ll need for the Navy.” He tells them, taking an awkward sip from his beer, a conversation that was not going to go well.

“The Navy?” Emma almost doesn’t pick up on that last part, her mind flashed back to one of many study dates with Killian who was always better at Math than she was, a study date that started off with genuine studying and ended up with the two making out for hours. 

Killian doesn’t make eye contact, just simply takes another sip of his drink and continues. “That’s why I came back here, I have a few things of Liams to sort out, then I’m selling the house and moving back home where I’ll enlist in the British Royal Navy. I can graduate early if I do a few credits over the next few months.”

Home. Where he was born, a place Emma knew he hadn’t visited since he left when he was 7. This place had been his home for over a decade and suddenly it's not anymore. Bullshit. “Excuse me, I need some air.” She says getting up from the table, plate of food barely touched and practically runs from the room. 

“I should follow her, I’m sorry.” Killian says to David and Mary Margaret suddenly feeling awkward.

He finds Emma sitting outside on the porch swing and he debates whether or not to sit beside her, unsure if it would make things more awkward, eventually deciding to just stand beside it. “Swan, can we talk?”

Arms crossed, and not looking at him she tells him simply, “I don’t want to talk. There’s nothing to talk about.” It was immature but she didn’t care.

“Swan, I don’t get it.” He finally sits next to her on the swing. “You’ve barely spoken to me these past few years since we broke up, I assumed you’d be happy to see me go.” 

“Why are you leaving?” Emma simply ignores his comments, true as they were.

“There’s nothing here for me.” He sighs, not wanting to argue right now. “I have nothing left here, no family, no friends, nothing, I may as well start fresh.”

“You don’t have anyone? What am I then?” She asks, a little angry that despite everything that had happened, he didn’t see her as anything to him anymore.

Killian just scoffs, “You tell me Swan. What are we? Because if we’re being honest I have no clue. All I  know is I loved you and  you broke my fucking heart and then everything in my life goes to shit.” He wasn’t blaming her for anything that happened, but it hurt that when everything went to shit he didn’t have his best friend beside him.

“Are you blaming me for your brother's death right now?” It was a low blow, but in the heat of the moment she didn’t care.

“Of course not. But having you by my side would have made things a hell of a lot easier. All that bullshit about how we’ll stay friends and then whenever we’re back in the same town it's as if you make an excuse to avoid me. I don’t want a fucking pity party right now. I need to be alone.”

And with that, Emma is left on the porch swing by herself not knowing what to do. For the first time in years, she allows herself to cry. Actual tears spring from her eyes, wetting her face. Was she really such a horrible person? Is that what everyone thought of her? 

Emma had walls. Built up from half her life spent as an orphan, tossed about by different families and never really feeling loved. So she built walls over the years that only grew stronger as someone tried to chip away at them. David blasted a hole and forced himself in, which is exactly what Emma needed, he was family. But Killian.

Killian was different. He didn’t try to chip away at her walls, the wall chipped by itself when she was around him. When he kissed her for the very first time, it was like a huge chunk had just fallen, and she was becoming a lot more vulnerable. It was the first time it had happened. It was scary. She felt safe, but she was so afraid of being open that if something happened, it would hurt more than anything else.”

___

The next few days, Emma barely leaves the house. She has a paper to finish off which keeps her mind occupied, occupied away from Killian. She can’t face him again. But she equally doesn’t want to lose him forever. 

“His flight leaves tonight.” David lingers by her door, “thought you deserve to know.”

“Thanks, but I don’t think he wants to see me ever again.” 

David comes away from the door and on the side of the bed where his sister was. “I don’t believe that for a second.”

Tears begin to slowly form in her eyes “You didn’t hear our argument. Everything he said about me was true. I broke his heart and I didn’t even realise, I’m no better than Neal.”

David wraps his arm around his little sister, “never compare yourself to that dichead. You broke up because you didn’t want to go through an even messier breakup six months later after failing at a long distance relationship. Your walls were up, and I know that, but I don’t think he knows that.”

“You think he’ll listen to me?”

David just shrugs ‘Only one way to find out. Go, before it's too late.”

And so Emma takes off for Killians, honestly not knowing what to say or how. When she gets outside his house, going over and over what she was going to say. When the door doesn’t open, she knocks again. And again. “Fuck sake Killian, where are you?” Looking through the window to see if she could spot him ignoring her, she remembers behind the house is a path leading right to the docks. And if he wasn’t home, there was a pretty high chance he was by the docks.

She climbs over the gate, something she used to do a lot when she was in high school, and follows the path, And it doesn’t take long to spot dark hair clad in leather sitting on the edge of the dock, looking into space. She approaches slowly, and slots herself beside him. “Hi.”

He glances a look at her, debating whether to get up or stay. “Swan.” He finally settles on, and stays put.

“I came to explain myself, to tell you that I-” She begins before getting cut off,

“-If it’s an apology you’re here to give, I don’t want to hear it.” 

“Not an apology, Just, an explanation. You deserve to know why I acted the way I did and why I said what I did.”

“Go on then.” he gestures, feigning little interest.

Emma takes a deep breath. “You know I grew up in the foster system, and I was thrown in and out of different foster homes up until I moved here. In those years I experienced a lot of hurt, especially when I got my hopes up of a foster family liking me and adopting me, and it fucking hurt like hell when they threw me back in the system. I built walls up, to guard myself and not let myself feel that hurt, and I wouldn’t let anyone in, if they tried I would push away. David and Ruth punched a hole in that wall and filled it with love, but they’re the only exception.” She manages to smile through the tears beginning to form. “You were always there though, trying to get in and I wouldn’t let you. I think I loved you since you smiled at me that first day in class and helped me find my classes for the day, but I didn’t realise until it was too late. I should have let you in, you wouldn’t hurt me. I know that now, but I didn’t at the time. I felt so safe around you, it was me and you against the world and when I realised I was falling in love, I got scared, and we were moving 6 hours away from each other and I got scared as I was feeling all these things and I thought what if he finds someone better and I feel like I did when I was 7 years old again, so I thought breaking up would help me but I was selfish as I didn’t think how that would affect you. Then whenever we were back in the same place, I didn’t know how to act, my walls were back up and I shut you out. I made terrible mistakes, and I understand if you never forgive me, but you deserve to know the truth.”

When he doesn’t say anything, she simply gets up and walks away. It was out there and at least she could 

“Emma, wait.” She feels her arm grabbed and looks to see Killian, no words forming but its as if he's asking her to stay.

“You deserve to know the truth before you leave. If you never want to see me again then I get it.”

“You loved me back then?” He asks, afraid to know the answer, he had told her a few times that he loved her, she never said it back though, he assumed she just needed time and he was willing to give her that, but as time went on and then the break up happened, he thought maybe she doesn’t actually love him.

“How could I not love you Killian?” She half laughs, half cries. “You were everything to me, and I know that life was pretty good when you were around, the last few years haven’t felt the same.” She had only dated one guy since Killian, and he shattered her heart as soon as she was opening up to him, and she never felt the way with him as she did when she was with Killian. 

“And, do you love me now?” It was a risky question, and one that left Killian pretty bare, but he had to know.

Fighting the urge to deny it, she couldn't. “I think I never stopped loving you, and I know I never told you back then and looking back-”

She's cut off by Killian grabbing her face, similar to all those years ago and capturing her lips in a kiss. She was an idiot for ever letting him go, and she knew at that moment, she would never let him go.

“Is this a reason enough to stay?” Emma asks.

Killlain just nods, “You can’t get rid of me now Swan.” And he kisses her, putting all the longing from the past few years into it, she tasted the exact same.

"So," Mary Margaret said the moment she was on the highway and there was nowhere for Killian to escape. "That was quite the argument last night."

Killian wanted to groan, wishing the ground would open up and swallow him whole.

He should've known better that he was not escaping a 'talk' about his argument with Emma.

He couldn't decide if it was better or worse for it to be Mary Margaret.

"I promise, we weren't trying to eavesdrop," she said, glancing at Killian as she placed a hand over her heart. "We just so happened to be in the kitchen and figured that if we made any kind of sudden move that...I don't know, it might have made it worse?"

Killian hadn't even considered Mary Margaret and David when the argument broke out. He had been so consumed by his feelings of anger, uncertainty, and betrayal.

This was going to be a long drive to the airport.

"Did you talk with her this morning before you left? Maybe try and patch things up?"

Killian shook his head. "I didn't want to wake her."

"Or you didn't want to deal with the confrontation."

If David were the one taking him to the airport, he would be berating him, telling him he was an idiot and to call Emma right now and apologize so they could make up.

He hadn't considered that Mary Margaret could be even more straightforward though in the areas Killian was trying to ignore.

"It's a bit more complicated than that," Killian mumbled, wishing this conversation would end.

Mary Margaret gave a small hum, made another sound as if she was going to say something, then closed her mouth.

Five minutes of silence passed, and Killian actually thought that he was getting his wish.

"One thing I don't understand is how did you not know it was Emma's company that bought the building?"

This could be it. The moment Killian finally revealed everything. The vindictive part of him said that he owed Emma nothing anymore. If anything, this was the least he could do to get her back for destroying his livelihood.

But that part of him was small and shrinking by the minute.

It hadn't been Emma. She didn't know. But perhaps she had been passive in the whole situation. Knowing and understanding how the company ruined lives and still choosing to work for them.

Instead of joining him and opening a coffeeshop in Storybrooke.

"I don't know. I guess I wasn't paying attention to the company name and Emma was always talking about one day quitting so..." he trailed off, hoping that was answer enough for Mary Margaret.

"Really? If I ever got a notice like I would have looked into the company and read every single thing I could find on their website."

Which was exactly what Killian had done. But despite working there for seven years, Emma hadn't even been promoted enough to have any kind of mention on their website.

"I was preoccupied. Trying to figure out a way to not let them raise the rent."

Another hum from Mary Margaret and silence lapsed for ten minutes this time.

"And I mean, Emma never even mentioned any of this to us when she talked about her boyfriend. I wonder why."

Killian shifted in his seat. The pretending was over. He didn't need to do this for her anymore.

"I asked her not to. I didn't want the two of you to worry."

"Oh." Two minutes of silence. "I mean, I didn't want to say anything, but when you mentioned it the other night, it looked like that was the first she had heard of it."

Killian clenched his jaw as he did his best to remember every single lie they told this weekend. "Well, we all had a bit more than usual to drink that night," he said with a wry grin.

Another hum from Mary Margaret and silence fell between them again.

Five minutes into the silence and Killian was tempted to lean forward and turn up the volume on the radio a bit.

"I don't know. It just doesn't seem like the two of you. I really would expect better from you Killian than to not even know the name of the company that Emma works for."

He shrugged. "It just never came up too much in conversation."

It went on like this for two hours. Mary Margaret making some kind of comment or question that would unravel the whole thing if he didn't answer correctly. A few minutes of silence, then another comment or question and the cycle would repeat itself.

By the time they pulled over for gas, Killian stepped out of the car, offering to fill it up and pay for it, no matter how much she insisted it was fine.

But of course, he did it because it was the least he could do for this favor she was doing and it provided him the opportunity to step away from her for a few moments and regain his composure.

If only Emma knew how hard he was trying to keep up their act.

Once done, Killian got back in and Mary Margaret pulled back on to the highway, only an hour left in their drive.

Not even a minute into driving again did Mary Margaret give a loud and exaggerated sigh. "Oh Killian, why won't you just admit the truth?"

He swallowed hard, looking at her with his best frown. "What are you talking about?"

She turned to look at him, and for a moment, he felt like a teenager getting in trouble with his mother for sneaking around to buy a pack of beer with his friends.

"You two might have fooled everyone else, but did you really think you'd fool me and David? We knew the two of you weren't actually dating."

"Bloody hell," Killian mumbled, dragging a hand down his face. "You both knew?"

"I was trying to give you a chance to admit to it this entire drive," Mary Margaret said, giving him a pointed look that didn't hold much of a threat.

Killian felt his body sagging in both relief and dismay. "How long did you know?"

"We figured it out the first night after I went to grab an extra blanket and saw that more than half of them were missing."

Killian turned to look at her and could see that she was actually smirking.

All that time. All that pretending. Then Killian remembered a specific interaction. "The night of the party, when David joined me outside-"

"In his defense, he was already a little drunk by that point and wanted to see how far he could push you."

Killian groaned. "And you with the mistletoe?"

Mary Margaret laughed a little. "I was a little drunk too."

Another groan escaped Killian and he wanted to somehow melt into the seat and escape this conversation.

"We both knew you were pretending, but then...something shifted in the two of you after the party. It was more real. I even thought the two of you would start dating once you were back in the city."

And that had been his thought too.

Now, he had no idea what would happen once Emma made it back to New York.

"But then you two had that argument."

Killian didn't need her to remind him of it.

It was the only thing he could think about.

Just like last time.

"Something else happened between the two of you though," Mary Margaret continued. "And I think it has to do with when you left early from your trip two years ago and then we never heard from you."

She glanced at him while Killian tried to sink down in his seat. "Do you want to talk about it?"

And the maternal nature was so evident in Mary Margaret. It had Killian telling her everything. From their last trip together to the note he left Emma on the nightstand.

Well, almost told her everything.

There were certain things he didn't say. Things that might portray Emma in a negative light.

Because despite what happened between them, he didn't want her sister-in-law to have a negative view of her.

By the time he finished, they were entering Boston city limits.

"So, what should I do?" Killian asked after it seemed like she had taken it all in.

"Oh, Killian," Mary Margaret said, almost gently. "I can't tell you that. This is something you and Emma have to work out on your own. But I will tell you a secret."

Killian looked at her, seeing a fond and amused expression on her face.

"When we were all still in High School and Emma first brought you home, I remember afterwards that David was so worried for his little sister. He said watching the two of you together was the first time he had ever seen her let someone past her walls. And you had done it so easily, which was why he was worried. He thought that you were going to hurt her and leave. But then you never did. You even followed her to New York. David knew that you were going to look out for her. And yes, I know, she can look after herself, but it's always nice to do life with someone else."

It was quiet in the car for the rest of the drive to the airport. Partly to let Mary Margaret concentrate in the traffic of the city, and also because Killian was thinking of all she said and trying to weigh the possibility that they could work things out.

When Mary Margaret pulled into the drop off lane for his gate at the airport, Killian almost told her to turn around. That he and Emma would work this out right now.

But he still had the coffeeshop to attend to and his own feelings that he needed to sort out.

The talk with Mary Margaret might have helped, but he still felt lingering betrayal.

And he said some hard things.

Again.

He left her that note. If she wanted to work things out, then she would call him.

He hugged Mary Margaret, thanking her again for driving him all the way to the airport. She reassured him it was nothing.

"It's going to be okay, Killian. Trust me. I have a good feeling that this is going to work itself out."

He let out a deep breath, wanting to believe that as much as she did.

As he walked into the airport and headed towards security, he felt in his heart a little bit surer that he would get a phone call from Emma.

***

Emma was awake. She had been awake for what felt like hours.

Or it could have also been only a few minutes.

She wasn't sure and she didn't care.

She had ruined things between her and Killian.

Again.

She didn't move from the bed, bringing the blanket up to cover her head in an attempt to hide from the world.

Briefly, she wondered how the blanket ended up covering her in the first place. From what she remembered, she had fallen asleep on top of the covers. But when she woke up, a blanket had been draped over her.

She figured it must have happened sometime last night. That she had been half awake and cold when she grabbed it.

While hiding under the blanket, there was a knock on the door before it opened.

"Emma, you awake?"

She uncovered her face from the blanket to see David come in with a glass of water, setting it down on the nightstand.

"Morning," she mumbled. She hoped he only came to give her some kind of update before leaving her to wallow in her misery.

Instead, David sat down on the bed. "You want to talk about it?"

Emma shook her head.

She expected him to give a small sigh before lightly slapping his thighs and standing up, making up some excuse as to why he had to leave.

He didn't though. "Emma, I know you were lying."

Doing her best to maintain her adult dignity, Emma pulled the blanket up to cover her face again. "I don't know what you're talking about," she mumbled.

"Come on, Emma. Do you really think your brother is that stupid?"

"Well..."

He shoved her leg and despite still feeling miserable, a tiny smile found its way on her face.

"You and Killian haven't been dating at all, have you?"

Emma pursed her lips, wanting to disappear and forget everything that happened in the last two years.

She lowered the blanket from her face, glancing up at her brother before focusing on a loose thread in the blanket. "When did you figure it out?"

"The night you came in."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

David shrugged. "Mary Margaret said not to. And then it didn't seem like the two of your were pretending anymore after a while."

Emma pulled the thread slowly, watching as it made a gap between the other threads.

David was right. They hadn't been pretending.

But that lasted all of one day before it blew up in their faces.

Maybe they weren't meant to be.

"Is he gone?" she asked.

David nodded. "Mary Margaret took him to the airport. She messaged me a few minutes ago that she was heading back."

Emma bit the inside of her cheek, not wanting to cry again.

He hadn't even said goodbye.

"Emma, what happened? Do I need to go find him and beat him up?"

Her mouth twitched up a little, knowing that while David was trying to tease, he would also do it if she asked it of him.

No matter how much she insisted she could take care of herself, her big brother was always ready to fight for her too.

Then Emma was telling him everything. She left out a few things though. Things that might make him think badly of Killian.

"I don't know what to do," she said, her cheeks wet again after telling David everything.

"Well, I can tell you for sure that you need to quit that job already."

Emma gave a small scoff. "And do what?"

"Something that doesn't involve taking over small businesses."

And she felt shame creeping up her neck and it was so tempting to hide under the blanket again.

"Emma, there's so many other things you can do. Trust me. I know my little sister. Most stubborn person I've ever met."

Emma shot her foot out to give him a little kick.

David chuckled as she barely moved his body. "All I'm saying is that when you really want to do something, you set your mind to it and it gets done. Which is why I have no doubt that you can find a different job that's a hell of a lot better."

She smiled a bit easier that time, grateful for the confidence that her brother had in her.

"And what about Killian?" she asked, feeling her heart and mood sinking once again.

"Did you know that when Mary Margaret first met him, she told me the two of you were bound to get together? All the way back in high school, that's what she told me. And I knew it was true because he was the first person, aside from family, that you let in."

"That's not an answer," Emma grumbled, picking at the blanket again in attempt to loosen another thread.

"Because I can't give you an answer. This is your decision, Emma. I can tell you what I think you should do, but that doesn't mean that's the right thing."

"And what's that?"

David smirked. "Join Sister Astrid at the convent."

Emma rolled her eyes, giving David another kick, but grateful that in the midst of a hard conversation, he was still able to make her smile.

He laughed before threatening to grab Emma's foot and flip her next time she kicked him. Then he stood to leave, pausing in the doorway. "Mary Margaret mentioned going out for lunch when she came back. Want to join?"

"I'll think about it," Emma said, knowing fully her answer was going to be no. It was one thing to face David after he overheard her argument. It was another thing to face her sister-in-law who seemed hell-bent on seeing Emma in a relationship. Preferable with Killian Jones.

David left, closing the door behind him.

And even though her conversation with David left her feeling somewhat better, she still wanted to wrap herself in a cocoon and never come out.

Not unless she knew Killian would be waiting for her when she did, ready to listen to her and to work something out.

She attempted to fall asleep again, even covering her head with the blanket to block out the sun. Sleep wouldn't come though. Instead, she laid there with her eyes closed, her mind replaying over and over everything that was said.

Emma wanted to call him, to try and give him an explanation.

But he might be on the plane already and if he wasn't, what made her so sure he wouldn't screen her calls or messages?

No, he had said he needed space. As hard as it was, she would have to wait for him to be the one to call her.

Mary Margaret finally came back, and Emma still hadn't gotten out of bed. David came in, asking if she still wanted to join them for lunch and she shook her head.

"I'll bring you back a grilled cheese then. With curly fries?"

"No, onion rings."

And Killian wouldn't have forgotten that she hated curly fries.

When they left, her body finally began yelling at her to take care of her physical needs. Like drinking some water, using the restroom, brushing her teeth.

All of that involved getting up and Emma couldn't find the willpower to do so.

But then she looked to the nightstand, remembering that David had brought her some water when he first came in.

Emma shuffled a little on the bed, stretching out her hand to try and grab the glass. Her fingers just barely grazed it. She moved a little bit more to grab it, but she reached wrong, and the glass toppled over, spilling the water on everything.

That was when Emma finally got up, pulling her phone away from the puddle of water. That was the last thing she needed right now, to be left without a phone again.

She went to the bathroom and grabbed a few hand towels to soak up the water. As she did, she noticed a piece of paper that had been there. She couldn't remember putting it there though.

Whatever it had been, there was no way she'd be able to read it now. It had soaked up most of the water and all the ink had bleed together, making it illegible.

At least that was the only thing that had been ruined, Emma thought as she tossed the dripping paper away.

***

By the time Killian finally made it into the city, it was late. There had been a small delay when flying out of Boston and they sat on the tarmac, waiting for something to defrost.

The entire time, Killian stared at his phone, willing it to ring or a message to come through from Emma.

He wasn't sure if he'd actually answer it though.

Killian had to remind himself though that he told her to give him a day. To call him tomorrow instead.

So, without any headphones, he closed his eyes as he sat in the plane, willing his mind to think of anything but his argument with Emma.

And he tried to push away the thought that he had really lost her this time.

No matter how hard he tried though, the thought plagued him, all the way up until he was lying alone in his bed in his tiny apartment in New York.

Then his mind wandered to what would happen to the coffeeshop and was it really worth fighting for when the only thing he had to show for was this tiny apartment that he could barely afford in a city he didn't even like?

But it wasn't fair for this company to come in a destroy so many other small businesses in the city and he remembered Emma's part in it, bringing up feelings of betrayal again.

When his alarm went off for the opening shift at the coffeeshop, Killian had slept maybe three hours.

He splashed water on his face, doing his best to wake up. The cold air on his face when he stepped outside helped too.

He was the first one at the coffeeshop, which was fine because it wasn't like they had a line waiting for them to open. He turned on all the machines, set down chairs from the tables and ten minutes later, the morning crew was coming in, greeting him with sleepy smiles.

There was a small morning rush around seven. People not wanting to wait in a long line at the chain coffeeshop across the street and a few of their loyal customers.

Killian had missed this. The busyness of this work and how easily it distracted him from his worries.

But as ten rolled around, the coffeeshop seemed to have died and his mind was racing with different outcomes to his problems.

He left his employees behind the bar as he grabbed his computer and sat down in the back table.

The one that was theirs where Emma would sit in the green chair that always made her eyes shine even brighter.

He glanced at his phone, seeing that he only had a few promotion emails come in.

No call or text from her.

But it was still early, and he needed to contact that lawyer and then figure out how he was going to afford to pay them.

The afternoon shift came in, Smee being one of them. Killian continued working on his computer, running the numbers and always coming out in the red, no matter what he tried.

And every five minutes, his eyes were moving towards his phone, waiting for it to ring with her call.

But nothing happened and as the hours of the day moved on, his heart sunk further and further.

Before Smee left, he called him over. Smee sat in Emma's chair and gave Killian a few updates on what happened while he was out.

"What's going to happen now?" Smee asked after he had made sure Killian knew about everything.

Killian leaned back in his chair, eyes looking at both his computer screen with the red numbers staring back at him and his phone that remained black with no incoming calls.

"I don't know," he responded quietly, referring to both problems.

By the time he was making it back to his apartment that evening, his phone hadn't rung at all and the numbers never changed from their glaring red.

Killian collapsed on his bed, staring at the ceiling and wishing the world would swallow him whole.

***

Emma allowed herself that one day to wallow. The next day, she got up, brushed her teeth, showered, and made a phone call.

"I quit."

She expected her boss on the other end to sputter with surprise and tell her she couldn't quit and how she was a valuable part of their team.

Instead, in a bored tone, he asked when the best time was to set up an exit interview and that she would receive her final paycheck on the next normal payday.

Emma hung up, sitting at the breakfast table in the kitchen, and feeling at a complete loss as to what she was supposed to do now.

She moved to the living room to scroll through different job listings close to where she lived.

All of them seemed to be businesses that were just as merciless as the one she just quit from.

What would have been the point of quitting if she went and worked for a company with the same business practices?

Besides, it was hard for her to concentrate, especially in the living room.

Her mind kept playing over and over her argument with Killian, trying to find the place where she could have changed things if she responded differently, or if she came downstairs earlier, or even waited until her phone connected to a cell service and messaged him the info instead of sending that damning email.

When Mary Margaret came and asked if she wanted to join her antiquing, Emma jumped on the opportunity to get out of the house and hopefully get her mind off of Killian.

And to her surprise, Mary Margaret hadn't brought it up either. Aside from the random squeeze on her arm when they first came to the antique shop, her sister-in-law didn't bring up the subject.

It didn't help to keep her thoughts from Killian though. No matter how much Emma tried to smile and nod when Mary Margaret would grab a random knick-knack, and ask her opinion, Emma's mind kept wandering. She kept waiting for the moment her phone would buzz with a call or even a message from him. Even if it was to tell her again that he needed space, it meant he was thinking about her and that maybe he wouldn't reject an incoming call from her.

But aside from the random spam email, there was nothing.

By the time it was dark and Emma went back up to the room for bed, she still hadn't heard anything.

And for the third time, she curled up on the bed and cried because of damn Killian Jones.

She went through the motions for the rest of her stay there in Storybrooke. Looking for a job in the morning, hanging out with Mary Margaret or helping David with some errands.

Until it was finally New Year's Eve.

And Emma hadn't heard anything from Killian.

Well, she supposed that was the answer to one of her problems.

Killian didn't want to work it out.

And even though he promised, she knew she lost him permanently this time.

***

It was finally New Year's Eve.

And Killian hadn't heard anything from Emma.

Well, he supposed that was the answer to one of his problems.

Emma didn't want to work it out.

And he was going to have to break his promise to her, of her never having to lose him again.

***

Emma said her goodbyes in the morning, driving the rental car back to the airport.

"Why don't you just go ahead and stay?" Mary Margaret asked as Emma loaded up her few bags into the trunk of the rental. "You could find a job here."

"The only thing here is to either be a bank teller or bagger at the grocery store. No thanks," Emma said, not meeting Mary Margaret's eye as she closed the trunk.

Because, while she didn't want to admit it, Emma had considered the possibility.

But it was in the form of working on the bookkeeping for a certain coffeeshop that didn't yet exist in this town.

Then David finally asked the question Emma was sure he had been wondering since Killian left. "You haven't heard from him at all?"

Before Emma could answer, Mary Margaret was frowning. "He wasn't going to call her."

Emma blew out a heavy breath. Of course he wasn't. She already knew that. She had her phone as proof of that.

She was just a little surprised he had been calloused enough to tell Mary Margaret that.

But then Mary Margaret continued, looking to Emma. "He was going to wait for you to call him."

For the first time since before she sent that email, Emma felt her heart flutter with hope. "What? No, he said he needed time."

"Yeah, but then he said for you to still call him the day after he left," Mary Margaret said. "He left you a note asking you to."

"A note? I didn't see any..."

That paper.

The one that had been ruined when she spilled water all over it.

The one that she threw away, thinking it was nothing.

He had been waiting for her to call and when she didn't...

Fuck!

"I have to go," Emma said, her heart now pounding with possibility. "I'll call you two later." She gave them a quick hug before climbing into the car and driving off.

Her phone connected to the car's Bluetooth and Emma considered calling him right then.

But he had expected her call right after he left. What made her think he would want to answer a call that was days late?

No, she had to make sure he would listen to her.

She was going to have to go to his coffeeshop.

***

They were going to close early today. He wanted his employees to have a chance to make it to whatever festivities they had planned for tonight.

Killian would close up, just like he always did.

Because, like always, he didn't have any plans for New Year's Eve.

What was there to celebrate?

He was going into the new year, once again losing his best friend when they were on the cusp of becoming something great. That wasn't even mentioning how he would most likely end up closing the doors to The Jolly Roger Coffeeshop. It just couldn't make it in this competitive market.

He wouldn't do it until he was sure his employees had another job lined up. He would write all the recommendation letters they asked for because they really were a good crew.

But would they be just as crushed as he was to see this coffeeshop shut down?

When everyone had left and there was only an hour left in the closing shift, Killian pulled out his computer again, running numbers for the thousandth time.

Nothing changed.

He remained in the red.

And he couldn't help but think what would have happened if he had opened a coffeeshop in Storybrooke two years ago. Would this location still be struggling like it was? Or would it be two thriving locations in such different areas? And one of them he would've been running with Emma.

He slammed the lid of his laptop and went to the supply close for a mop and bucket.

There was still ten minutes to closing, but no one was coming in. Might as well start mopping.

***

Despite the people walking around her, Emma stood in front of the coffeeshop in the middle of the sidewalk with her luggage still in hand.

She hadn't even bothered going to her apartment first to drop off her bags. She would've run out of time if she had. No, she took a taxi straight to his coffeeshop.

And just like she predicted, Killian was the only one in there, mopping with his back towards the door as he got ready to close.

She looked down to her phone, seeing that there was only five more minutes until he closed.

For a moment, she considered that maybe he didn't want to see her anymore or that she had lost her chance to work things out.

But she had to try. She had to tell him that she hadn't seen the note and was just trying to give him space, even if it had been some of the hardest few days of her life.

She would not let things become like last time.

The bell chimed when she walked in, and Emma had to force herself to take a step inside and stay there.

"I'll be with you in a moment," he called from over his shoulder, still not looking up.

He stepped carefully as he put the mop in its bucket then finally turned around.

Emma's stomach churned as she saw his body immediately tense at the sight of her.

"Emma," he said, quietly, his eyes showing his surprise. "What are you doing here?"

With her hands in her back pockets, Emma stepped forward, leaving her bags by the door.  "Any plans for tonight?"

He gave a small shrug, looking out the side window. "Just going down to the pub after I close up."

And even though it had only been a few days since she last saw him, part of her had been terrified that maybe he had found someone else within that time. Someone who didn't have such high walls and accepted his offer with open arms.

Someone who wasn't so scared of relationships and commitment that they pushed away any good thing that came into their life.

Someone who was the complete opposite of her.

"You?" he asked, looking back to her and returning the question only to be polite.

Emma swallowed hard, trying to get her tongue to work in her dry mouth. It was now or never. "Yeah, I've got something planned after this."

Killian nodded, rubbing the back of his neck before gesturing to the small kitchen. "Do you want me to prepare your drink, then?"

She shook her head, still trying to summon up the courage of why she was here in the first place.

He let out a heavy sigh before giving her a wry smile. "Then why-?

"You're my plan for tonight," she blurted out, cutting him off. She cringed inwardly, the words sounding so much better in her mind.

But they still took him enough by surprise that his eyes widened even more, and his jaw went slack.

Emma took a couple steps closer, bringing her hands out of her pockets to wring them together. "I didn't see the note. I only found out about it this morning when Mary Margaret mentioned it," she gave a wry smile. "I spilled water on it and didn't even know what it was. The ink ran together, and I couldn't read it so I...threw it away."

She took a breath, trying so hard to read his expression.

But right now, she still couldn't see past the shock. "I didn't know and I...I was waiting for you to call."

She wasn't sure what she had been expecting. For him to say it was still too late. That it was better this way. For him to still make her drink before asking her to leave.

Instead, he laughed.

Softly, but it was still a laugh.

"And I was waiting for you to call."

And he was smiling.

Cautiously, but it was still a smile.

Emma could feel her heart pounding in her ears. She had come up with all kinds of speeches during the drive to the airport and on her flight. There had to have been at least a dozen different versions she came up with.

"I quit," she said instead.

His brows furrowed. "You quit your job?"

She nodded. "It's something I should've done years ago." She gave him a cautious smile of her own. "Two years ago, to be exact."

Taking a deep breath, she continued. "Last week was the first time in two years I have felt even close to not being completely miserable. And every time I leaned into that feeling, I had to remind myself that it was all pretend because that's what we were doing. Pretending. And then we weren't, and I knew it and you knew it and I didn't want to go back to the way things were before. When we had argued or even before that when we were friends. I wanted this new thing that we were just starting to uncover. And then I sent that damned email and I just...I should've quit a long time ago. Things would be so different if I had quit."

She could see the war behind his eyes. Of him wanting so desperately to believe her, but she knew there was just one more thing he had to be sure of.

"And you wouldn't be settling?" he asked, the word still holding the hurt he felt.

She took one more step closer, moving so slowly to allow him the chance to back away. But he didn't and Emma's hand was cupping his cheek. "No, Killian Jones. Being with you would be the furthest thing from settling. And the people we care about, the ones we love, they would know that too. Whether it's here in New York, fighting to keep this coffeeshop open, or back in Storybrooke, creating a new life, I would not be settling for you. When you left and I thought that you were finally done, it hurt so much more than that first time we walked out of each other's lives. And I don't want that to happen again. I don't want to go through the rest of my life without you. I...I love you, Killian Jones."

There it was. Her heart on full display for him. For the second time in her life. But this time, it hadn't been done in a fit of anger, resentful that he had pulled a truth from her that she had been so afraid to admit.

No, this was Emma holding out her hands as it cradled her heart full of cracks and holes and tape trying to hold it together.

This was Emma was holding her heart out to him and hoping he wouldn't shatter it with a rejection.

Even if that's what she had come prepared for. Telling herself that when he did reject her, she would just have to pick up the pieces and learn how to be okay.

Even if it took a lifetime.

She wasn't sure how much silence had passed between them before Killian's hand took her own, holding it as he stepped close enough that she could feel his breath on her face.

"Emma."

The way he whispered her name sent a shiver up her spine. And she could see it so clearly, him reaching out and gently wrapping her small, broken heart in his hands and bringing it to his chest. A promise in his eyes that he would take care of it as he offered her his own heart.

He released a small breath, smiling as he did. "Call me old fashioned, but shouldn't I be the one making the grand declarations of love?"

Emma laughed, hearing the disbelief and joy combining in it.

His smile only grew at the sound. "I love you, Emma. I love you so much. I don't think there ever was a moment that I didn't love you. And I don't intend on making you doubt that ever again."

Hearing those words made her realize that he wasn't giving her his heart in this moment.

She had it all along. She had just been too afraid to realize it, afraid that if she touched it, his heart would only end up looking like hers.

Killian's warm hands cupped her face, blue eyes staring into her green ones. She could see the truth of his words reflected in his eyes and she felt her smile growing to the point that her cheeks were beginning to hurt.

Then he was leaning in and kissing her.

It wasn't at all like their first kiss under the mistletoe at David and Mary Margaret's, with a crowd of spectators around them and they were still pretending to pretend. Or when they were living in the bubble after being snowed in, ignoring the problems that waited them the moment they stepped back into reality.

No, this kiss was just for them, taking into account all the work that laid ahead of them, but knowing they would make it. Saying everything they couldn't with how finite language was. The pain of the past not disappearing but healing into an old scar that would remind them of how far they came. The promise of a bright future that they would figure out together. And the absolute joy and peace and love they were sharing in this present moment and every moment that followed.

***

Five Years Later

Killian stood in front of the small storefront, arms crossed over his chest as he looked at the dream coming true, after ten years in the making.

A coffeeshop in the place he considered home.

He still kept the first location open in New York. Because miracle of miracles, they had won the case, thanks of course to Emma's inside knowledge and emails and meeting notes.

Now, Smee ran the coffeeshop in New York, having proved his capability of running the coffee shop almost as well as Killian himself. It took training, but it finally came to the point where Killian felt confident in giving Smee full reign, allowing him to move back to Storybrooke to open a second location.

The front door opened of the coffeeshop and a dream that had been a lifetime in the making stepped out.

"I think I finally got the hang of that foaming machine," Emma said as she approached Killian with a small skip in her step and two cups of coffee in her hands.

Killian hummed as he took the drink she offered and sipped.

It was too hard to hide the grimace that covered his face.

"Yeah, I got the hand of that foaming machine, but still can't figure out the right measurements of coffee grounds and sugar."

Killian set his cup on top of her yellow bug, then pulled her into his arm, allowing her back to rest against his chest as they both faced the coffeeshop that was having its grand opening event tomorrow. Right as Storybrooke's Christmas Market was opening. "I assume you've got hot cocoa in your cup?"

"I do. Drinkable, but still not as good as the way you make it."

Killian smiled, pressing a kiss to her neck and inhaling deeply.

She rested her left hand on his and Killian looked down as she entwined their fingers.

He moved his thumb across the ring that now rested on her finger. "I thought we weren't telling anyone yet?" he whispered in her ear.

"No, but...we aren't planning on seeing anyone right now and I just wanted to wear it."

He could hear the smile in her voice, and it made his own smile grow. "Well, you know how much I love seeing you wear it. However, I do prefer that it's the only thing you're wearing and for us to be in a much more private place."

Emma barked out a laugh. "God, I still can't believe how insatiable you can be."

Killian bit her earlobe. "Considering the woman in my arms, it's a wonder I'm able to get anything done."

Emma moved a little in his arms, her body teasing his.

He nipped her neck. "Cheeky minx."

"But you love me for it."

"You know I do."

She turned in his arms, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "We aren't meeting David and Mary Margaret yet for another hour. I think there's something very important that needs to be looked at in the pantry."

"Oh? Have we run out of something already?"

"No, not yet at least. But I think I need to a quality control on the whipped cream. Are you joining?" She darted her tongue out, running it along her lips as she walked backwards out of his arms and towards the coffeeshop.

"How can I deny the future Mrs. Jones anything," he said, following after her.

They walked into the coffeeshop, and Killian made sure the front door was locked.

He didn't think anyone would have any interest in checking in on them as they did 'quality control' with the whipped cream.

And after it all, with Emma nestled snugly in his arms, she whispered, "I love you."

Killian kissed her, darting his tongue out to clean up lingering whipped cream at the side of her mouth. "I love you, too."

***

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Instead, the first thing out of David's mouth was an apology.

"I'm sorry. I forgot Mary Margaret invited Belle. I think she forgot too, because I know she would've given both of you a heads up first. She might have even called Belle and tell her maybe it wasn't a good idea for her to show up."

Killian sipped his beer, wishing it was something much harder. "No, it's fine. I have nothing against her and I know she has nothing against me either."

The only problem was that it reminded Killian of one of the worst mistakes he had ever made in his life.

That mistake had ended marriage.

The only positive thing he could think of from that situation was that somehow, it hadn't become public knowledge. That in itself was a miracle considering how it was almost impossible to keep a scandal like that from the small towns rumor mill.

"You're a good man, Killian," David said. "Yeah, you've made some mistakes, but who hasn't? But that doesn't change the fact that you're a good man and you've grown and learned from those mistakes. I know Liam would be proud of you."

Killian took another sip from his beer. This time, drinking more than before.

He didn't agree with David. About being a good man or that Liam would be proud of him.

Not with this lie he and Emma had everyone convinced of.

There was no point in arguing with David though. The man wasn't going to believe him.

David drank his beer, both men standing in front of the fire quietly.

When David next spoke up, Killian wished he hadn't said anything.

"Don't think I'm pressuring you or anything. But I know you, know how old-fashioned you can be and...well, when you're ready to ask, I don't think Emma could end up with anyone better suited for her than you."

Killian's heart sunk as he saw the look of pride on David's face.

Pride in Killian.

Killian didn't think he could ever be more undeserving of David's pride than in that moment.

David went back inside, and Killian knew he would soon have to follow.

But he stayed by the fire long enough to finish his beer. He looked up at the night sky, watching as the snow continued falling.

The forecast had said it was only going to be a light dusting, but it didn't seem like it was going to stop anytime soon.

It would be just his luck if it turned into a snowstorm and Killian was stuck here for more time.

***

Emma tried her best to keep the smile on her face as the party continued.

They had kissed.

They had kissed.

And part of Emma was still reeling from it. How it had made her toes curl and her skin prickle with desire.

She blamed it on the alcohol.

But that wasn't the only thing making it hard to get through the party now.

Killian had disappeared.

Well, no, she knew exactly where he was.

He had gone outside to sulk.

Killian almost never sulked.

Before, he would even tease her about the moments when she would sulk.

After he would get her wet while they hung out at the beach. When he stole an onion ring from her. During car rides when he said he was in charge of music.

Emma would sulk because it was what she did.

Killian did not sulk.

And it worried her that people would see through this act.

She was surprised they hadn't seen through them when they had to kiss under the mistletoe.

Somehow, that display of theirs seemed to have only further cement in the minds of the people at the party that Emma Nolan and Killian Jones were perfect for each other.

If she wasn't trying to convince them of that exact thing, she would've yelled at them all and asked if it was normal for someone to go sulk immediately after kissing someone.

Her heart rate had only increased when David had gone outside to join Killian.

If anyone figured them out, it would've been David.

She was half tempted to follow after her brother, smiling brightly and latching on to Killian's arm. Doing whatever it took to sell the idea that they were completely in love.

Instead, she watched from the kitchen window, doing her best to not be noticed.

They drank their beer and seemed to be quiet for a bit. Then their conversation picked up.

Killian barely looked at David, his eyes focused more on the fire. He didn't seem at all pleased with the conversation, and David's back was facing her. There was no way for her to properly gauge her brother's reaction to whatever they were saying.

But then their small exchange was over, and Killian looked even more miserable than before.

She quickly turned away from the window though, hoping that David hadn't caught her watching.

She grabbed a glass of wine, and went to find someone she could mingle with, wishing she was drinking something much harder.

Emma melded into the small group Mary Margaret was talking to, laughing and going along with their small talk. She even managed to ask a few questions about their work and say how nice it was to see them.

But Emma didn't even know their names, much less where these people actually worked.

That little reprieve didn't save her from David coming up to her and draping his arm across her shoulder.

Emma scrunched up her nose, doing her best to put on the act of annoyed sister. "David, stop. You're leaning all your weight on me and you're heavy."

David scoffed. "I am not. Besides, I just wanted to come over and tell you that I know your secret."

Emma froze before reminding herself that maybe, just maybe, she could say something that might convince David.

She laughed. "What are you talking about?"

David hummed, finishing off his beer. "It wouldn't be a secret if I told you."

Emma rolled her eyes. "You just said it's a secret of mine, so technically, I should already know what you're talking about."

"True, but this is something that I don't think even you realize."

David bopped her nose and Emma scowled up at him, unable to really do anything to retaliate since it was obvious her brother was tipsier than she.

That didn't stop him from giving her one last squeeze and smacking a loud kiss to the top of her head.

When he was gone, Mary Margaret looked at Emma with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. "I think I know exactly what secret David's talking about," she said while the people around them were engaged in their own conversation.

Emma rolled her eyes and tried to search for a way to re-enter the conversation of the small group.

It didn't do her much good though as by the time she found an opening, Killian was walking back inside.

Her eyes were immediately drawn to him and somehow his eyes found hers instantly.

As if they were two natural forces colliding with each other, no matter how much they insisted that they wanted nothing to do with each other.

Mary Margaret's eyes followed Emma's, then she began coughing on her drink, placing a hand on Emma's arms. In a loud whisper, she asked, "Did he mention anything about Belle? Damnit, I'm so sorry, Emma. Did he say anything? Was he upset?"

And her sister-in-law was definitely drunk as well, considering she almost never swore in her normal vocabulary.

"It's fine," Emma said with a shake of her head and feeling suddenly very sober.

Mary Margaret smiled, squeezing Emma's arm as her eyes seemed to fill with tears. "I'm just so happy for you. I knew it was only a matter of time."

Emma gave her a tight smile, wanting to feel just as tipsy as Mary Margaret. So she downed the rest of her wine and tried to make her smile seem more relaxed. "I'm happy too," Emma lied.

When she looked again for Killian, he had disappeared once more in the crowd.

At least it wasn't hard to find him.

It was never hard for Emma to find him in a crowd.

And she revisited the thought of them being two natural forces on a collision course, but immediately shook that thought from her mind.

That kind of thinking only led to the potential of dangerous choices.

And there were still appearances to keep up, so Emma made her way back to Killian, sliding easily into his side.

She smiled up at him, hoping it was convincing enough for the people around them.

But then he smiled down at her too and her stomach flipped and why did it suddenly feel as if they weren't pretending anymore?

With her glass recently refilled, Emma took a long sip, downing half of the drink.

There was no way she was going to make it through the rest of this evening sober.

It seemed Killian had the same idea as he constantly held a bottle of beer in his hands and when it seemed like it was getting close to empty, Emma would blink, and he had a brand-new bottle in his hand.

In her alcohol-induced mind, she wondered if his hands were magic.

Then she began wondering what other kind of magic he might work with those hands of his.

She felt her face flush, her mind immediately going down the gutter and damn her for even thinking like that.

"You okay, love?" he whispered, his own words slurring a little.

Emma quickly nodded, feeling the world spin around her.

Oh, damn him.

They mingled a little more, until finally the people that had trickled in were beginning to trickle out.

Their play relationship was finally done. In the morning, she would drop Killian off at the airport, and this entire thing would be behind them. They would carry on like they had been for the last two years.

Completely ignoring each other and pretending the other doesn't exist.

This was good.

It was better this way.

And Emma told herself that the more she repeated it to herself, that she would eventually believe it.

When the final guest was gone, Mary Margaret let out a loud sigh as she toed off her heels at the door, looking around at the state her house had been left in.

Emma half expected her to start cleaning, pulling out the vacuum and duster.

But instead, she opened her arms in an exaggerated manner and threw them around David's neck. She gave him a kiss and smiled up at him. "Another successful Christmas Party."

David kissed her again. "I would think so. I don't think we sent anyone home too drunk this year."

Mary Margaret giggled, looking to Killian and Emma who were standing a full foot apart. "Don't worry about any of the cleaning. We'll take care of it tomorrow."

Emma gave a quick nod, then looked out the window. It was still snowing. She had heard the comments from everyone as they stepped outside to head back to their cars.

Comments revolving around the fact that they didn't think it was going to snow this much.

She gave Mary Margaret a tight smile, doing her best not to sway too much. "I'll help as much as I can as soon as I drop Killian off at the airport."

David gave a small snort, glancing outside the window too. "We'll just see what happens there."

Mary Margaret lightly slapped David's shoulder, giving him a faux stern look. "Killian, don't you worry about anything. Either way, you're going to be taken care. If it just so happens that we're snowed in tomorrow, you are obviously still welcome to stay here."

And Killian was the one to give them a tight smile this time, their façade for the night quickly slipping. "As much as I appreciate it, the ideal situation would involve me actually get back to New York. I really don't like leaving the coffeeshop unattended for too long."

Emma couldn't help her eyeroll.

David noticed it, his head tilting a little with his brows furrowing.

Part of Emma didn't care. The night was over, and Killian would be leaving back to New York, bright and early.

Hadn't it always been part of their plan for them to have a public breakup anyways?

Again, Emma found herself blaming it on the alcohol as she grabbed Killian's hand. "Babe, I appreciate your work ethic, but tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Weren't you already planning on not even opening tomorrow?"

Because that's what he always did. Since opening the coffeeshop, he closed Christmas Eve and Day to give his employees time to travel home to their loved ones.

Then Killian's lips were turning up into a smile that seemed a little bit too genuine to be blamed on his own alcohol consumption.

She wondered what she could have possibly said that would've brought out a reaction like that. She had meant to subtly annoy him with her comment.

As she repeated the words in her head though, she immediately picked up what had been different.

She had called him 'babe'.

And it had come out so naturally that she didn't even realize she had said it in the first place.

Then Killian was releasing a heavy breath and looking at the ground as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Normally yes, but remember, love? I told you things were going to have to be a bit different. The competition is opening both days and there's the issue of my rent possibly going up."

Emma nodded, even though she immediately felt terrible.

She hadn't known. She hadn't known that his business was struggling. This was something she should've known but didn't. And not only that, but Killian had put so much hard work into that coffeeshop of his. The Jolly Roger was his pride and joy. She hated the idea that it was struggling enough he had to open Christmas Eve.

"Oh, right," she said, hoping she wasn't fumbling too much with her words. "Well, it'll be fine. You'll have nothing to worry about."

"I hope not," he said, again with that smile of his.

And then he leaned down and pecked her lips as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

It had felt like the most natural thing in the world.

They said their goodnights, leaving David and Mary Margaret downstairs. Because even if she said clean up could happen tomorrow, she still wasn't going to let dirty dishes stay in the sink overnight.

The moment the door closed behind them though, they were turning to each other, and both blurted out at the same time, "I'm sorry."

Emma felt her chest heaving as she looked at Killian, his own breaths seeming to come in short bursts.

She knew what she was apologizing for. For asking this favor of him. For not even bothering to ask him how business was at the coffeeshop.

And maybe she was also trying to apologize for their argument that had ruined thing between them. Being in this town, seeing Belle, being around _him_. God, how had she been able to live these past two years with all this regret in her?

But what was he apologizing for? The kiss? His own words in the argument? For needing to leave so soon already?

No, it was good he was leaving. They needed the space again.

"What are you sorry for, Emma?" he asked, his voice low as he stepped in close enough that she could smell his breath.

It smelled of alcohol and peppermint.

She gave a shrug, forcing herself to hold his gaze. "For asking this of you. It was harder than I thought it would be."

He took another step forward. If she moved her chest just right as she breathed, it would rub against his own. "You're right. It was hard, Emma. But I don't think I would ever take this weekend back."

She swallowed hard, her eyes briefly lowering from his to his lips. Because somehow, when she wasn't paying attention, his head had lowered some, bringing his lips inches away from hers. "What are you sorry for?"

"That it took me so long to realize the truth."

There was a part of her that knew exactly what truth he was talking about.

Because she was beginning to realize it too.

But too much had happened between them. She didn't even think it was possible to salvage a polite friendship.

"And what is it?" she asked, her eyes once again darting to his lips.

He opened his mouth to answer her.

No words came from him though.

Instead, his hand was moving to cup the back of her head, pulling her closer as his lips crashed with hers.

And this didn't feel like their kiss they shared under the mistletoe or the small peck he gave her in front of David and Mary Margaret.

This was much more different. Raw and angry and hurt and something else too that Emma was afraid to put a name to.

This kiss was not a performance.

It was a moment when they were both finally baring to each other their hearts.

It terrified Emma.

But she was moving towards him, her own lips moving against his as her mouth opened, and his tongue darted inside. Her hands rested on his shoulders, then dragged down to his biceps and she remembered him cutting wood just that morning.

She groaned, squeezing him and needing to feel his skin against her fingertips.

Killian's hands rested at her waist, and his fingers were digging into the fabric of her dress, letting her know that he needed to feel her just as badly.

Then she was moving, their lips barely parting as they walked until the back of Killian's knees hit the bed and he momentarily lost his balance.

He was falling backwards on the bed, and hadn't released his hold on Emma's hips, bringing her toppling along with him.

That's when their lips finally parted, and Emma couldn't help herself.

She giggled.

And with her straddling his waist, Killian looked up at her in a way that made butterflies explode in her stomach.

Then his hand was reaching up to gently tuck some hair behind her ear.

Emma swallowed hard, pulling away a little as she shook her head. "We shouldn't be doing this..."

But not even she could deny the lack of conviction in her own words.

"Why not?" he asked, leaning his head up to lightly kiss her, lips moving from her lips to her cheek, until they were at the shell of her ear. "It's just pretend, isn't it?"

The warmth that had been steadily growing in her exploding into a fiery heat.

He had a point. This was just pretend.

So, she leaned down, still straddling him as she continued kissing him, her fingers pulling his shirt out from his pants so she could finally feel him.

Then he was flipping her over, moving her body up on the bed as she laid on her back underneath him. His fingers fumbled with the zipper on the back of her dress, his lips leaving a burning sensation on every part of her skin they touched.

And as both of their hands roamed and explored, Emma told herself that it was fine. That this was all pretend.

Besides, they had both consumed enough alcohol that they might not even remember tonight.

She tried to convince herself that was for the best.

***

Killian groaned, throwing his arm over his face to shield his eyes from the light shining in through the windows.

His head was pounding, his mouth felt like it was full of cotton, and his left arm was completely numb.

What the bloody hell happened last night?

He made an attempt to open his eyes, then immediately regretted it as it made the pounding in his head even stronger.

But he was going to have to eventually open his eyes because there was something important that he had to get done this morning.

Was it something with the coffeeshop? It was syrup, wasn't it? They were low or caramel syrup or...no, that was a couple weeks ago, and he had already taken care of that. A napkins reorder? Cups? Straws?

No, it was the rent. It had to be the rent. It wasn't due yet, but they were trying to raise it on him, and he was fighting it. But he had to take a pause because it was the holidays and he had taken the weekend off to go to Storybrooke with Emma and-

Emma.

The party.

His flight.

"Shit!" Killian exclaimed, throwing his eyes open as he scrambled off the bed to reach for his phone and check the time.

But then he realized why his arm was numb.

Emma had been lying on it, comfortably curled into his side.

Until he had suddenly gotten up, of course.

Emma groaned, hair a tangled mess as she squinted, pressing her hands to her head and muttering curses and promises to never touch alcohol again.

Killian didn't listen to her, grabbing his phone and checking the time.

He had an hour to get to the airport.

"Shit!" He scrambled off the bed, his left arm still hanging limply as it tingled with blood beginning to rush back down. "Emma, we have to hurry. I'm going to miss..."

His words trailed off as he took in her disheveled state.

Her makeup was smeared from not washing her face last night and her dress was half on, bunched at her waist.

Killian's eyes widened as he quickly checked what he was wearing.

He didn't have a shirt, but his pants were still on, including his belt.

Relief coursed through him, because when they finally had sex, he sure as hell planned on remembered every detail.

Killian shook his head, then groaned as he felt the pounding throb even more.

What the hell was he thinking?

No, he wasn't thinking. That had to be it. He was still suffering from all the beer and wine he had last night and now he was panicked because he only had one hour to get to the airport when the drive was at least three.

He grabbed his shirt from last night and threw it on. "Emma, get up," Killian said in a tight voice. "We have to leave."

She groaned, burying her face into the pillow and mumbling something unintelligible.

Killian started throwing his clothes into his bag, not caring if they were folded or not. "Emma, I'm serious. My flight."

"What time is it?" she grumbled, blindly reaching for her phone on the nightstand.

Except it wasn't there and her head immediately popped up, staring at the empty nightstand. "Where's my phone?"

Killian rolled his eyes. "You probably just left it downstairs. Right now, we have to go."

Emma finally turned to look at him, her eyes taking in that he was still in his clothes from last night. Then she quickly looked down to what she was wearing, feeling the same panic followed by relief Killian had felt at realizing that nothing had happened last night.

"Get dressed. I'll wait for you downstairs," Killian said, unable to look at her anymore.

Because while they hadn't had sex, they had at least a heavy make-out session that he couldn't even remember.

He was screwed.

But he would think about all that later when he was a healthy distance away from Emma.

Like back in New York while she stayed in Storybrooke.

He went downstairs, his bag over his shoulder. As he reached the final step, he noticed two things.

One, Mary Margaret was already awake, getting coffee going.

Two, it was still snowing outside.

"Oh, Killian, you're up," Mary Margaret said with a smile as she grabbed some creamer and sugar for her coffee. "I thought you and Emma were going to sleep in."

He shook his head, eyes still focused on the window. "No, I still have my flight to catch."

But as Mary Margaret spoke, Killian came to the same realization.

"Oh, I don't think you're going to be going anywhere anytime soon," she said with a small laugh. She blew her coffee before taking a sip, then adding just a bit more sugar. "It's all over the news. We're snowed in and most flights are canceled. Looks like you're just going to have to spend Christmas with us."

Mary Margaret looked absolutely delighted by the idea and Killian hoped he was smiling.

But really, he could only feel dread.

Snowed in.

Stuck with Emma.

Her brother and sister-in-law still believing they were the happiest they had ever been together.

Bloody hell.

***

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Part of Emma wanted to stop him. Tell him that maybe they should talk about what had happened last night.

Except that had kind of been her plan last night when she apologized to him. To talk.

Look where that left them.

His hands rested on his waist as he paced, and Emma's eyes lingered on his arms, how the hem of the sleeve was tight around the muscles and-

”Damnit, Emma! Get a hold of yourself!” she silently reprimanded, biting down hard enough on her thumbnail to make herself wince.

"Maybe this is a good thing," Emma said, trying to convince herself too. "I mean, this could be the chance for us to have our public breakup."

"Don't think that's going to work since your brother was practically giving your hand in marriage to me last night."

He had mumbled and the pacing carried his voice strangely, but Emma had almost been positive she clearly heard the word marriage. "What did David say?" she asked, trying to keep panic from her tone.

Killian looked at her, eyes wide as if he hadn't realized he had spoken those words aloud. He quickly shook his head. "It was nothing. He was drunk. I was drunk. It was nothing."

Yeah. Right. There had been a lot of alcohol last night. It had all been just one big nothing.

So then why did that thought make her heart ache?

"It's David and Mary Margaret," Emma said, making herself gain confidence. "It won't be like last night where we were trying to convince half the town. We just...have to act normal."

Killian looked at her, his arms crossing over his chest and the sleeves being stretched even tighter along the muscles and-

"'Normal'? Bloody hell, Emma, I haven't had a normal conversation with you in two years! And don't you dare say that we've had plenty of conversations this weekend. None of those count because they have all revolved around trying to get through this act we decided would be a good idea."

"What is there to talk about?" Emma threw back, feeling defensiveness rise up. "You still know everything about me!"

"But what about work? What about your friends? Hell, is there even another guy that you've been talking to that you didn't want to risk bringing into this situation?"

At that Emma scoffed. "I don't think I've talked to another guy since..."

Since Neal.

Since he broke her heart with his accusations.

And she could feel her mind coming to a realization that she did want to come to in front of Killian.

The realization that while Neal's words had hurt her, what hurt more was that Killian had already done what Neal accused him of.

Except it hadn't been with Emma.

Killian had picked someone else.

She was firmly against cheating and had seen how badly it had affected Killian when it had all come to light.

But before, right after graduation, there had been a time when Emma thought that something might happen between her and Killian.

And she had wanted it.

Then her parents died in an accident, and she moved to New York.

A month later, Killian was telling her about Milah Gold.

Rumple Gold's wife.

It had looked like he was actually in love, eyes hopeful as he told her that Milah was planning on divorcing Rumple, and yeah, she was much older than him, but he loved her.

Emma had swallowed down her own feelings and desires until they were nonexistent, smiling at Killian and telling him she was happy for him.

Of course, as any good friend, she told him to be careful. Mr. Gold was infamous in Storybrooke for his temper.

It hadn't ended well for anyone involved when it all came to light. For Rumple and Milah Gold.

And then of course Killian and Belle.

But she was pulled out of her musings when Killian sat beside her with a heavy sigh.

"The merger finally happened," Emma said after a few beats of silence. "And if I'm being totally honest, I hate my job."

Killian gave a soft and amused snort. "I don't think I remember a time when you've ever been happy with that job."

Emma shrugged, looking down to her hands in her lap. "No, but it brings enough money for me to keep living there in the city." She glanced to his own hands, resting still in his lap.

She found herself wanting to reach over and thread their fingers together, just to see how it would feel like.

"And you? How long have you been having trouble with the Jolly Roger?"

Another heavy sigh from him. "Funny enough, since two years ago. A big chain coffeeshop moved in and we've been struggling ever since. Doesn't help that we've got a new company that bought out the building and is going to raise our rent, despite what the contract says."

Emma hated that she worked for a company that did the same exact thing. Especially since she seemed to be the only person on her team that actually thought about how it affected the small businesses who couldn't afford the ridiculously high rent. "I think I might know of a lawyer than can help you," she said, thinking to a law firm that the company she worked for had to constantly face in court.

The other law firm almost never won the cases but would at least settle for an amount that was a lifeline to the small business.

"I can get you their number. They're good people."

Killian looked over at her, eyebrow raised. "Really?"

"Really. I just need to find my phone."

Killian nodded. "Okay, yeah. That'd be great. Thank you."

Emma smiled, giving a small nod as well.

They could do this.

They could be normal for however long they were still stuck here.

But then he was looking down, his hand reaching to scratch behind his ear. "Emma, about last night..."

She shook her head. "No. We don't have to talk about it. We have to be normal, remember?"

Because she knew for a fact that if they brought it up, things would definitely not be normal.

He opened his mouth in protest, but then quickly shut it.

Perhaps he thought the same thing.

What happened last night would just be a blip in the map. Nothing they would ever have to revisit again.

Because the moment the snow cleared, things would go back to the way things were.

And it was starting to get harder and harder for Emma to convince herself that was a good thing.

***

Act normal.

Killian wasn't sure how many times he repeated that mantra to himself over the course of the morning.

He had to continuously repeat it every moment he was within touching distance of Emma.

Which was basically the whole morning.

It was a slow start to their day. The only thing to do was clean, since they couldn't go out anywhere. Well, David had suggested seeing if maybe he could drive out to the grocery store later today to pick up a few things they had run out of from the party.

Mary Margaret insisted it was fine and that he shouldn't bother risking it, especially since it was likely the store wouldn't even be open. Not only because of the snowstorm, but because it was Christmas Eve.

Storybrooke shut down in the late afternoon of Christmas Eve and didn't reopen until after Christmas Day.

Killian silently hoped that David still made an attempt though, because that would give him a chance to get out of the house and away from Emma.

Every time he looked at her, he wanted to grab her in his arms, pull her upstairs, and lock the door behind them as they tore off each other's clothes with their bodies coming together perfectly.

But sometimes, while his mind imagined that, it also imagined an argument springing up between them. One that might even be worse than what they had said two years ago.

It would the final nail in the coffin of their friendship.

He needed to get away from her.

"I know you said you had hoped to get back to New York today because of the coffeeshop, but what were you going to do over there for Christmas?" David had asked as he and Killian carried folding chairs from the party back up to their place in the attic.

"Well, like I said last night. I just wanted to make sure things were running smoothly and I was supposed to take the last shift for this evening."

Killian had called Smee though, knowing out of all his employees, Smee would be the one with family understanding enough that he had to work the closing shift for Christmas Eve.

It helped too that the plan was still to close fairly early, so Smee would probably be back to his home by five the latest.

"No, I mean for Christmas. What were you going to do?"

Killian pursed his lips, giving a small shrug. "Well, I would've sent Christmas wishes over the phone to some people. Probably would've gone for a jog in Central Park."

"Killian, you know you're always welcome to spend Christmas here. I'm actually kind of surprised that wasn't your plan for this year. And why haven't you come the last two years either?" David paused at the ladder leading up to the attic, looking at Killian with a small frown. "Actually, I haven't even heard from you in the last two years."

"Yeah, sorry about that, mate," he said, doing his best to keep his palms from sweating. It seemed like their lie was finally beginning to unravel. "It's just been complicated with the coffeeshop ever since the competition moved in. It's definitely taken up more of my time than it used to. And then, you know, I just assumed Emma told you everything anyways."

David hummed a little and Killian couldn't tell if he was satisfied with his answer or not.

Killian couldn't figure it out as David turned his back, climbing up the stairs of the attic to put away the chairs as Killian handed them to him.

When they finished, David went to start folding up tables while Killian went to find Emma. She was holding open a storage bench in the dining room while Mary Margaret put away several casserole dishes.

They needed to up their acting just a little, while acting normal.

So Killian placed a hand on Emma's lower back and brought his mouth close to her ear to whisper quietly enough for Mary Margaret not to overhear.

He tried his best not to cringe as he felt her immediately stiffen at his touch. Seconds later though, she seemed to remember herself and relaxed.

"David's asking questions," he whispered. "We need try a bit more." Then he placed a kiss on her cheek before pulling back and giving her a smile for Mary Margaret's benefit.

She understood the message though, smiling back at him with a nod of her own.

And so the rest of the time they spent cleaning up, they both exchanged small touches. Nothing too passionate, just simple touches exchanged between a couple that had been together for years, to let the other know that they were right there. That they would always be there.

With every touch, Killian felt his heart thudding in his chest. Because it felt so right, but he couldn't picture it becoming something lasting between them.

It would end the moment he was dropped off at the airport.

They wouldn't talk about what happened last night, and he wouldn't mention how her touches left him feeling.

They would be normal for right now, but back in New York, they would begin pretending something else.

Pretending that this weekend had never happened.

And between the four of them, they had finished cleaning before noon. Mary Margaret said she would make some soup, David joining her as her sous chef.

Killian and Emma had nothing left to do, but Killian found that he couldn't be inside.

It was too suffocating.

So he went outside, carrying two beers with him to sit on the back patio.

Not even a minute later, Emma stepped outside, a glass of wine in her hands.

"Is it okay if I sit out here too?" she asked.

Killian didn't like hearing the hesitation in her voice. He looked back at her and saw that her hand was still on the doorknob, as if she expected him to deny her request.

There had been a time when she wouldn't have cared whether he wanted her there or not. She would've sat next to him, their arms brushing while they sat in companiable silence.

And Killian wouldn't feel so alone in the world with Emma sitting next to him.

"It's fine," he said, hoping to give her a reassuring smile before turning to look at the snow-covered field that was part of the Nolan farmhouse.

She walked towards him, sitting down next to him and it was almost like before.

The only difference was she had left a tiny space between them. Not big enough to be noticeable to David or Mary Margaret if they happened to look outside.

But just enough that no part of them was touching.

It was barely past noon, but here they were, Emma with a glass of wine in her hand and Killian already popping open his second beer.

It wasn't like they were going anywhere anytime soon, and it was Christmas Eve.

Time to celebrate.

Killian took a sip of his beer, thinking that if he drank just the right amount, the festive cheer of the Holidays would fill him.

"Do you remember our last real conversation?" Emma asked after a few moments of silence passed between them.

Killian took another drink. He was going to need more alcohol if she really wanted to have that conversation now. "Right outside the abandoned building in downtown?"

Emma shook her head, taking a drink. "No. Before. During the drive in."

"Oh." And he found himself smiling a little. Because of course he remembered that conversation. "I do."

Emma had been quiet while they drove. Which was strange. So Killian tried his best to pull some kind of conversation out of her.

He told her the Mama Mia! movies were the worst musicals ever made.

It had riled her up enough that she hit him hard, not caring that he was the one driving and began listing out bullet points of why they were the best movies in existence and Meryl Streep was a goddess.

Halfway through her rant though, Killian had started laughing, to which Emma responded with another slap to his arm, telling him how much she hated it when he tried to rile her up, but then she quickly devolved into her own laughter.

Killian had apologized by putting on the soundtrack for the second movie and they both sang along as loudly as they could.

He looked over at her and saw her smiling at the memory too.

"I still haven't seen the first movie," Killian admitted.

"We're going to have to fix once we get back."

And she spoke as if they were going to continue talking to each other after this was all said and done.

Would it even be possible?

Would she want things to go back to the way they were before their argument? When Killian had begun silently pining after her for an entire year before, hating himself for realizing too late what he had in front of him the entire time.

After last night and this afternoon, Killian wasn't sure he wanted to go back to that.

He wanted to try something new with her. Something that wasn't pretend.

"I...said some things that wasn't fair," Emma said after taking a large drink of her wine.

"As did I." Killian said, keeping his eyes locked on the flurries falling around them.

"Did you ever sign that non-disclosure?" Emma asked.

He brought his beer to his lips but didn't actually take a drink.

Maybe he should be a bit more sober for this conversation. "Aye. That's the money I used actually to open up the Jolly Roger."

And they had never talked too much about what had happened. Partly because of what he had signed, but also because he had been so ashamed of the role he had played in everything that happened.

"Did Liam know?"

He snorted at that. "God, no. If I had told him, things would definitely have turned out differently."

"Like what?"

Killian released a heavy breath. He could so clearly hear Liam's voice, telling him what he always imagined he would say.

"Seriously, Killian? Her? Are you really that dense that you don't even see what you have right in front of you with Emma? Come on, brother. I thought I raised you better than that."

And Killian was positive he would've listened to his brother.

Maybe he and Emma would be sharing a life similar to David and Mary Margaret if he had only told Liam.

He shrugged. "I don't know."

He drank some more beer. Screw being sober. If he was going to say what needed to be said, then he was going to need more alcohol in him. "I'm sorry for how things turned out. I'm sorry for everything I said. It wasn't fair to you either, how I reacted."

Emma blew out a deep breath, nearly draining the rest of her wine. "I'm sorry too."

It was quiet and even with the two beers warming his body some, it was still cold enough that he was thinking about going back inside.

But it was peaceful and for the first time in a long while, the silence between them didn't feel strained at all.

"Where do we go from here?" Emma asked. "Are we supposed to just start over completely from scratch?"

He shrugged. "I don't see why not." He turned to her and gave her his best smile. "Oh hello. I didn't see you there, lass. I'm Killian Jones. What's your name?" he held out his hand, ready to shake hers in greeting.

Emma looked at him, and he could tell she was fighting the urge to roll her eyes.

Instead, she smiled back at him and shook his hand. "I'm Emma Nolan. Pleasure to meet you, Killian."

Killian didn't immediately release her hand. Instead, he brought her hand to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to her knuckles. "The pleasure it all mine."

And Emma finally rolled her eyes, but she laughed too as she bumped her shoulder into his and left it there, resting her head against his arm.

Killian still held her hand, feeling as if he could breathe freely for the first time in two years.

Then the back door was opening again, and Mary Margaret poked her head outside. "Would you two get back inside? You're going to catch a cold and I don't want either of you getting sick on Christmas."

Emma huffed a soft laugh as she straightened, her cheeks tinged pink as she pulled away from him and stood.

Killian wasn't sure if it was from the cold or embarrassment.

He stood as well, expecting her to walk in front of him to go inside.

Instead, she stayed next to him, entwining her fingers through his.

***

David had actually done it. He had left right after they ate lunch to see if the grocery store was open.

Killian had joined him.

"Okay, Mary Margaret, I really need my phone back. I know you still have it," Emma said, turning to face her after washing up the last dish from their lunch.

"Oh, right," Mary Margaret said, nodding as she set down the towel she was using to dry the dishes. "I'm sorry, it totally slipped my mind with the party and then being snowed in now. But just promise you aren't going to try and get any work done. It's Christmas Eve and once the guys get back, I wanted to put on some hot cocoa and watch White Christmas."

"Only if you promise to add cinnamon," Emma said with a half-hearted scowl.

Mary Margaret grinned. "Who do you think you're talking to? Your brother?"

They both laughed before Mary Margaret went to grab Emma's phone from wherever it was she had hidden it.

A few minutes later, she was coming back downstairs, phone in hand. "I guess it died sometime last night."

Emma gave a small shrug, taking her phone back. "It's fine. I've brought my..."

She was going to say charger, before Emma really thought about it.

She didn't remember actually packing her charger.

"Damnit," she muttered as she went upstairs to look through her bags.

And there wasn't much to look through, but Emma still made sure to go through every pocket and shake out her clothes.

But her charger was nowhere to be found.

Emma groaned as she went back downstairs. "And of course, I forgot to actually pack my charger. Do you have one I can borrow?"

Mary Margaret clicked her tongue. "Sorry, honey. You know we're an apple household. Which is why I don't understand why you decided to go with an android."

Emma glared at her, then to her dead phone, muttering under her breath about privacy and it being cheaper than an iPhone to do the same exact thing. "Let me borrow your phone then. Maybe Killian can pick up a charger for me."

When she dialed his number though, Killian informed her that the store was in fact closed.

"Is everything all right?" Emma asked, after he told her they were already on their way back. Because there was an underlying frustration in his voice.

He let out a heavy sigh, only confirming what Emma believed "I'll tell you when I get back."

She handed Mary Margaret her phone back, telling her sister-in-law about the store being closed and now Emma was left without a phone until after Christmas.

To her credit, Mary Margaret tried her best to seem upset on Emma's behalf.

She pulled down a few mugs, all of them in the shape of Christmas animals. "Well, it just looks like you'll have to be completely focused on spending time with your family for Christmas," Mary Margaret said, doing a terrible job at hiding her smile.

Emma rolled her eyes at Mary Margaret, heading into the living room to pull out blankets and set up the movie on Netflix.

It wasn't long before David and Killian were coming back, David staying in the kitchen with Mary Margaret and Killian heading straight towards Emma.

He plopped down on the couch beside her with a heavy sigh as he drew a hand down his face.

"Hey, what is it? What's wrong?"

"Smee called," Killian started. "The new company dropped off a notice this morning saying they've officially raised the rent starting this next pay period."

***

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She was afraid that maybe she would see reflected what she had felt for years, denying it up until yesterday. Even then, she was still afraid to put words to that feeling.

She was also afraid that he didn't feel the same thing.

Even if she had dozens of hints from his behavior yesterday.

The only thing that let her doubt linger was the thought that maybe he was still pretending.

Because for Emma, she wasn't pretending anymore.

She had truly remembered what they had been before. And what they could have been if it hadn't been for that argument.

Emma pursed her lips as she thought over those words again, wishing she could take them back for the thousandth time.

Maybe she couldn't take them back, but maybe she could say other words that would make up for it. And they could move forward.

"Maybe we can remember us," she whispered, one hand finally slipping free and moving until it was just a hairsbreadth away from his fingers.

Even if she had whispered though, it seemed to have been enough to wake Killian up.

His eyelashes fluttered as his shoulders moved a little in stretch. He brought a hand up to rub his eyes and the lingering sleep in them.

When his blue eyes finally looked at her, Emma felt herself smile.

Killian smiled back.

"Merry Christmas," she said softly.

"Merry Christmas," he responded.

And he moved an inch closer the same moment that she moved closer to him too.

They hadn't been awake for too long and there was morning breath to consider and the fact that this shouldn't even be happening right now.

But Emma didn't care about any of that.

She wanted to kiss Killian Jones. Her mind completely sober and not even thinking of what they were supposedly pretending to be.

She wanted to kiss him.

It seemed like he wanted to do the same too, as his eyes flicked down to her lips, his tongue darting out for a moment to lick his own lips as if in preparation.

When his eyes met hers again though, it wasn't because he was leaning forward to kiss her.

Instead, he spoke words she never thought she would hear him say.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "For what I said two years ago. I didn't know about Neal, and I was inconsiderate for not even taking into account that you were obviously upset. That's not how a friend should behave."

And even though she felt that wound healing at his apology, her heart still sunk a little.

Friend.

That's what they were.

What they had been.

What they would only ever be in his eyes.

She didn't realize he wasn't done speaking until his fingers found her own. "Especially when that friend was trying to think of way to become something more.”

Emma's smile grew as she suddenly felt breathless. "I'm sorry too. I was angry, but not with you and..."

And the words were stuck in her throat now and she was afraid that maybe, even after all this, he still wouldn't feel the same.

Then his fingers were lightly squeezing hers, and it gave her the strength to continue on.

"And maybe I was a little bit angry with you actually. Because before everything happened, you didn't choose me. I wanted you to choose me because I..."

I love you.

But those were words she couldn't bring herself to say out loud.

Not yet.

"I was afraid of losing you. And I did lose you, for two years, I had lost you. I don't want that to happen again."

If Killian knew what she had been about to say, he didn't call her out on it.

Instead, he brought her fingers to his lips. "You'll never lose me, Emma. Even those two years, you didn't lose me. Not really. Because there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think of you."

And the moment was suddenly too much for her, so she smirked at him, and said something that she hoped would bring some lightness back to their conversation. "Good."

He chuckled and she wanted her head to be on his chest to feel how it rumbled through his body.

She settled instead on moving close enough to press her lips against his in a chaste kiss before getting up and pulling him along with her. "Come on. Mary Margaret makes the best waffles for Christmas morning."

***

The entire day felt like a dream.

Killian felt as if he was holding his breath the entire time. Waiting for the moment he would wake up and find himself alone in his apartment back at New York.

It never happened.

They had some of Mary Margaret's famous waffles before exchanging some presents. Killian apologize profusely for not having anything, considering he wasn't even supposed to be there for Christmas, but everyone reassured him it was fine.

Then Emma came up behind him, wrapping her arms around him and standing on tiptoe to rest her chin on his shoulder. "It's fine, babe. I'm good with waiting until we get back to the city for my Christmas present."

And another statement of hers that promised this wasn't going to end the moment they were back in the city.

The rest of the day, they did absolutely nothing aside from watching Christmas movies and eat.

Emma and Killian were touching in some form or another the entire time. Arms brushing as they sat together on the couch. Emma's hand trailing across his back as she walked past him to grab something from the kitchen. His thumb rubbing her knuckles.

It was perfect.

Killian was sure that once they went back to the city, they would need to have some kind of conversation about the status of their relationship.

But one thing he was sure of was that it wasn't pretend anymore.

For neither of them.

The day ended much sooner than Killian wanted it to. But not this new, delicate balance they had found in their relationship.

Because as they said their goodnights and final merry Christmases to Mary Margaret and David, Emma held his hand as they went up to the room.

She didn't let go of his hand as she pulled him onto the bed with her.

Neither of them overthought it when she kissed him, slow and lazy.

They were lying on their sides, her hands tugging him closer to her. Killian let his fingers run down her side to the hem of her shirt. Her own hands squeezed his biceps and she gasped into his mouth as his fingertips grazed her ribs.

He felt the need for her growing stronger every second and he almost rolled her onto her back, straddling her hips to bring their bodies even closer.

But then her hands were on his shoulders and pushing him back a little.

"We can't," she whispered, even as her eyes were darkened with desire.

And there it was. The two words that confirmed to Killian that he had read too much into this. That it was still an act and-

"I feel weird with David just down the hall," Emma said, with a small wince.

Killian laughed a little, feeling his worries ease.

As he laughed, Emma pressed her head against his chest, and he heard her give a soft hum.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her even closer to him.

Any lingering doubts he had that this wasn't going to last, faded away with her in his arms.

This was real and when they got back to New York, Killian would ask Emma out on their first official date together.

***

Christmas was over, but Emma still felt a lingering warmth in her that she only ever felt during the holiday. It grew even more when she realized she was still in Killian's arms that morning.

But it was time to start returning to reality. Over breakfast, David had mentioned snowplows would be going around the town since no more snow was expected and stores should be open again. He took Killian with him again to try the store. Emma reminded Killian again of getting her a charger so she could forward the contact info for the lawyer.

His face seemed to darken at the reminder of what waited for him, but then softened the moment she leaned forward to give him a quick peck to the lips. "It's going to be fine," she whispered, giving his arm a reassuring squeeze.

He let out a heavy breath, before smiling back at her. "Let's hope so." And he kissed her again before walking out the door with David.

His words echoed in her head for some reason though. How he hoped things were going to be fine.

And a pit started growing in Emma's stomach.

They were going to go back to New York in a few days.

Well, Killian might even leave tomorrow if he could get a flight out there and Emma would be flying out New Year's Eve.

Then the real test would begin.

Would they really be able to go back to the way things were? To the way things could have been so much earlier if they hadn't let their pride get in the way?

There was something more though. Something that Emma felt she was forgetting.

Whatever it was, she put it aside for the moment, still wanting to linger in the moment where being stuck in Storybrooke was her reality. That there were no outside forces pulling her attention away from the little bubble she found herself in with Killian.

She wished it could be like this permanently and for the first time since their argument two years ago, Emma allowed herself to revisit the idea of moving back to Storybrooke.

And maybe, if she presented it right, Killian would come with her, and they could open up that coffeeshop together.

She wasn't running away from anything. And she most definitely wasn't settling.

The idea felt right.

She just had to hope that Killian would listen.

She comforted herself with everything that had happened yesterday though. The apologies shared that made it feel as if Emma could finally breathe after those two years. Knowing for certain that he wasn't pretending anymore, and neither was she.

And then this morning, waking up in his arms and feeling as if she had finally made it home this December.

It was nearly two hours before David and Killian came back. While Emma and Mary Margaret stayed inside in the warmth, watching re-runs of reality TV and drinking wine, David and Killian found themselves helping out a little to shovel up snow on the sidewalk of Main Street.

They set down the grocery bags and Killian pulled out the charger for Emma, which she happily grabbed, hurrying upstairs to put her phone to charge.

When she came back downstairs, she threw her arms around his shoulders and kissed the tip of his nose that was still red and cold from outside. "My hero," she said with a teasing grin.

Killian laughed a little, kissing her right back. "All in a day's work."

But even though he was smiling, she could see something in his eyes that was off. "What is it?" she asked, grabbing his hand and pulling him to the living room where they could have a little bit of privacy.

"Well, it's not Christmas anymore and I can't seem to stop thinking about what's going to happen to the Jolly Roger. I called Smee and it's another slow day." He ran his hand through his hair, while blowing out a heavy breath. There was no way he could hide his concern now. But he still managed a small smile when he looked at her. "While we were out though, I did manage to rebook my flight. I'm leaving tomorrow."

And even though Emma hated the idea, she had known it was a big possibility.

Killian needed to get back to try and save his business.

"My phone should be charged enough to send that contact info for the lawyer."

Emma went upstairs, sitting down on the bed and pulling her phone as close as she could with it still connected to the charger. It had turned on but was refusing to connect to any cell service. She at least could get on the wi-fi though, so sent the contact info for the lawyer by email.

While she had her phone in hand, she decided to go ahead and check what ended up happening to the rent increase notifications that everyone, but her, was pushing to get out by Christmas Eve.

She swore under her breathe as she saw that they went ahead and sent out the notifications.

They had completely disregarded her opinions and sent out these rent increases on Christmas Eve, as if the company was run by Scrooge himself.

She pulled up the list that held the name of every business that received the notification, and she scrolled through it, hating how long it was and thinking of all the families that would be affected by this news.

Then her thumb froze in its scrolling as a name came on the screen.

The Jolly Roger Coffeeshop.

It felt as if someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over her.

There was no way it could be true. Emma checked the list twice, the building names, the addresses.

It didn't change the fact that the company she worked for essentially screwed over Killian's small business.

Fuck.

She had to tell him. It was the right thing to do. She had to reassure him that she had no idea, and that she would do everything she could to make this right.

The moment she went downstairs, she knew it was too late though.

Somehow, Killian had figured it out.

Killian sat on the sofa, staring down at his phone as he spoke in a voice barely above whisper. "You work for them?"

Emma didn't respond, trying to figure out a way to salvage this situation.

Killian scoffed, still staring at his phone. "You sent that contact info from your work email. Emma at Hyperion properties." He finally looked up and Emma took a step back at the betrayal she saw in his eyes. "Did you know? Did you know the entire time and were simply laughing at me?"

"No. No, I swear, Killian, I didn't know," Emma said, crossing the room and sitting on the coffee table to be directly in front of him. "I didn't know. They do this kind of thing at least once a month and it gets hard keeping up with the list of businesses and-"

"This is my life, Emma! I have put everything into this coffeeshop and now I don't even know how we're going to make it through the next quarter!" He stood, placing distance between them as he started pacing.

"Killian, please, just listen to me. I swear I didn't know. I even tried getting them to wait to send out those letters until after the holidays."

"But you were okay with them sending out those letters one way or the other. Just so long as it wasn't on Christmas Eve, and your conscience would be clear."

"No, that's not it. I swear!"

"You know what they do. You know how many businesses and lives they've ruined. Yet, you haven't stopped working for them. Not even when I presented you a chance to start something different. Something better. As much as you complain about that company, you like working for them because you know you'll have a comfortable life. Even if it's at the expense of others."

Emma felt herself bristling as he brought up their argument. She thought they had moved past that. "That was not the reason why I didn't take you up on that offer and you know it."

"Oh, isn't it? Because I've been trying to figure out exactly why you didn't want to go for it and the only thing I could come up with was you throwing out accusations of my own motives. Surely that wasn't the only reason."

"Killian, I don't want to do this right now," Emma said, her jaw clenched as she spoke in a low voice.

She didn't want to have a repeat of their argument after they finally apologized for it.

"Then admit that money had no part in it."

"It didn't!"

"Then why, Emma?! Why the bloody hell were you even so angry that day?!"

"Because when Neal broke up with me, he said that the only thing I would do was settle for you! That I would never make it in New York, and I would settle for whatever little life I made with you back here in Storybrooke. And then a week later, you're telling me of this idea that would only have proved him right!"

For the second time in her life, she saw Killian reel back from words she had yelled at him.

And she wanted to take them back.

"Killian, I don't mean-"

"You don't mean what?" he asked, voice quiet with the hurt evident on his face. "That you're settling for me?"

"No," Emma said, hoping that the conviction she felt was evident in her voice and expression. "I have not settled for you. That is not what's going on here."

For a brief second, she saw belief and hope flash in his eyes. Enough so that Emma took another step towards him, reaching out for his hand.

But he pulled back before she could touch him. "I'm sorry, Emma. I need some space."

And for the second time, he was walking away from her.

She didn't move until after she heard the front door open and close, turning to look as Killian headed down the walkway and continued moving until he was out of her sight.

He stayed out for the rest of the evening. Dinner with Mary Margaret and David was awkward as it was obvious they had heard the entire thing, but were trying to pretend that they didn't.

Emma reminded herself of that word. Pretend. That's what their agreement had been. To pretend.

And they had, for the most part.

They had even done a good show of a public breakup.

Because what else had that argument in the living room been?

She excused herself early from dinner, heading upstairs and curling up on the bed, waiting for him to come back. To say that he believed her and that she really was going to help him with the coffeeshop and maybe then she could even tell him she was considering his offer again from two years ago.

But would he throw her words back in her face? Ask if she believed that she was settling for him? For the simple life he was asking of her if they did move back to Storybrooke to open another coffeeshop?

She knew in her heart that wasn't the case, but would he believe that?

He didn't come back upstairs, and Emma fell asleep, curled up on top of the comforter of the bed and crying for the second time in her life over Killian Jones.

***

It was close to midnight by the time he finally made it back to the Nolan household. He was both surprised and embarrassed to see that both David and Mary Margaret were still awake, sitting in the living room as they waited for him to come back.

"I'm sorry," Killian said, trying to hold their gaze and resist the urge to scratch behind his ear. "I lost track of time and...I'm sorry you had to hear that argument."

David looked ready to say something, the anger obvious in his face.

Mary Margaret grabbed his hand though, giving what seemed like a warning squeeze. "It's fine. A bump that couples go through."

Except Killian was afraid this was more a concrete wall instead of a simple bump.

A sign from the universe that he and Emma Nolan would be terrible together.

That she would be settling with him.

Killian couldn't ever remember wanting to hurt someone so much than when Emma told him what Neal had said.

For Neal's sake, it was a good thing that Killian didn't know where he lived anymore.

"I can drive you to the airport tomorrow," Mary Margaret said, not bothering to ask if he still planned on having Emma drop him off.

She was providing an out for him and Killian was grateful.

He nodded. "Yes, I'd appreciate that."

Mary Margaret stood, pulling David with her. "Don't worry, Killian," she said, despite David glowering at him from behind her. "I know you two. You'll work this out."

Would they though? They hadn't even officially been dating at this point and they had gotten into another argument that rivaled the one that caused them to stop talking to each other for two years.

He knew that this time it was partly his fault for blowing it up bigger than it should've been. But he couldn't stop thinking of the coffeeshop. Of all the work he had put into it. How that was how he lived.

And the company Emma worked for was the one that would tear it all down.

In his mind, he knew that Emma hadn't gone out and deliberately added his business to their list. But his heart still told him it was betrayal.

But there had been something else too. Something he hadn't mentioned to Emma.

When he and David were in downtown, he saw that building where he envisioned a second location of The Jolly Roger.

And it was still empty and up for sale.

He had almost considered asking Emma again if she would go into business with him.

It was a good thing he hadn't, considering that would only tempt her to settle.

Killian shook his head as he sat on the couch. She had told him that wasn't what she was doing. And his mind believed her.

But the issue laid in his heart again, believing something different.

He needed space from her. Space to think and to deal with this rent increase and...

And to really consider if he and Emma had a future.

He ended up falling asleep in the living room. He knew his dreams weren't pleasant, but every time he woke from them, he couldn't remember what they had been about.

All he could remember was feeling a great loss.

Was this his mind's way of preparing himself for what awaited him in the coming weeks? Not just with the coffeeshop, but with Emma?

By the time the sun was turning the night sky to a deep purple and gray, Killian was wide awake, stretched out uncomfortably on the couch and trying to figure out what he should he do. If he should go in and wake Emma up to say goodbye before he left. Or let her sleep and leave a note, or nothing at all.

When the sun was completely past the horizon, Killian had made his choice.

He would leave without saying anything, hoping she didn't wake when he went into the room to grab his things. But he did plan to leave a note, saying he still needed some space, but if she was still willing to work something out and to try, he'd wait for a phone call from her tomorrow. If she didn't call him, then he would have his answer.

He hated that his mind told him that this was a coward's move, but his heart refused to let him do otherwise.

In the bedroom, he saw her curled up on the bed, not even tucked under the covers. Her face was pinched, as if her own dreams were unpleasant too. He gathered his things, ready to make a quiet exit after leaving the note on the nightstand.

Before he did though, he grabbed one of the blankets he had used when he slept on the floor and spread it over her, at least wanting to make sure she was warm before he left.

Mary Margaret was waiting for him by the time he made it downstairs. She gave him a sleepy smile as she asked if he was ready to go.

He nodded, even if his heart and mind finally agreed on one thing as they yelled no.

***

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He couldn't even bring himself to look at her when he told her it wasn't a good idea.

Killian didn't tell her he couldn't do it, because honestly, he wanted to jump at the opportunity the moment she suggested it.

Except, he reminded himself of the words he almost told her right before everything went to shit.

He would win her heart. And it wouldn't be because of any trickery.

It would be because she wanted him.

And he just really didn't like the idea of having to pretend to be her boyfriend. Especially in front of her brother, David. That man had basically become his own brother from how close he and Emma had been.

Killian had actually believed that after everything happened, she had ran and told her brother. If that were the case, why did she think it was a good idea to ask him? Surely, David wouldn't forget something like that so lightly.

David probably hated him as much as Emma did, and whoever those two hated, Mary Margaret was sure to, at least, dislike.

Again, Killian wondered what had possessed her to ask that of him.

It didn't matter though. Because she took it back and she had left. She was out of his life again and he doubted he would see her again, excepting the odd social media post she would be tagged in by a mutual friend.

This had only been a random interruption in his daily routine. It wasn't going to change anything and he would move on and pretend like it had never happened.

The only issue was that he spent the rest of his day thinking of it and willing himself to not think of it.

By the time he was closing up the coffeshop and making sure the inventory was well-stocked for tomorrow's morning crew, he was already planning in his head what he would tell her when he showed up at her front door.

Because, bloody hell, he was going to agree to her plan.

Killian convinced himself though that the ten minute walk to her apartment would be plenty of time for him to convince himself to not go through with it. It was a terrible idea and he would turn around before he even saw her apartment building.

But then he came to the block where she lived and he could see the building as clear as day.

She lived on the sixth floor. He would take the stairs and surely that would give him time to truly reconsider things and turn back around.

But now he found himself standing in front of her door.

There was still time. He could turn around still and pretend this entire day hadn't happened. He would move on with his life like he had been doing for the last two years.

He would continue living without even the smallest hint of her presence in his life because he could and he needed to.

Except his hand raised of its own accord and knocked on her door. And then his feet were cemented in place, even as his mind yelled at him to run, that there was still time.

Until it was finally too late to back out. The door opened and there she was, standing with her hair wrapped in a towel after having just got out of the shower.

Killian at least had enough presence of mind to not allow thoughts to drift that would make this conversation and other things harder.

"Killian," Emma said, a tone of surprise in her voice. She crossed her arms, closing the apartment door a little bit more.

He immediately saw it as the moment she put her walls up.

Walls that he never had to climb before because by the time she built them, he was already in her inner circle.

Not anymore.

Emma cleared her throat. "What are you doing here?" she asked, this time her voice devoid of any kind of emotion.

Oh, this was definitely a mistake. Something he would most likely regret for the foreseeable future.

Not even knowing that stopped him though.

"I'll do it," he said.

She blinked again, but there was a flash of understanding after a second. "Seriously?"

Killian could feel his jaw beginning to clench as he nodded, the regret already filling him. "Can't exactly let an opportunity like this slip through my fingers."

Her face flushed and he was almost sure of where her mind had gone to.

The opportunity to be called her boyfriend.

He smirked and her face immediately became stormy. "The opportunity for Emma Nolan to owe me something. Because there's no way I'm doing this simply out of the kindness of my heart."

She narrowed her eyes. "If anything, I think you doing this would be repaying me actually. You're the one that really owes me here."

He could feel his own eyes narrowing. "That's not how I remember it. But I'm not here to pull up the old tally column. I'm here to tell you that I'll do it. I'll be your fake boyfriend for this Christmas party."

Emma pursed her lips, obviously trying hard to keep some words stuck in her throat. She nodded after a couple seconds. "I'll send you the information."

Killian nodded back, making a mental note to unblock her number.

He actually held his breath, waiting for her to ask for his number again, positive she had deleted it.

But instead, she mumbled a goodnight and closed the door.

Which only had to mean she had kept his number after all this time.

Killian tried not to read into it.

Well, considering what he was about to do, there was definitely going to be a lot of things to not read into.

He pulled out his phone as he walked to the elevators and waited for the doors to slide open. Scrolling through his contact list, he stopped once he found her name and tapped on it, unblocking her number.

Seconds later, his phone pinged with a message from her.

The doors opened and Killian stepped into the elevator, looking at this new message thread that had been started between the two of them.

And as much as he would like to deny it, he was regretful at the fact that all their previous messages had been deleted.

***

The first thing Emma did when she woke up was check her phone. She wanted to see if perhaps it had all been a vivid dream.

When she checked her messages though, the new text thread she started with Killian was still there.

The date and time she gave him followed by his own reply of a thumbs up emoji.

She wasn't going to admit to herself that she had been disappointed he hadn't said something more. But perhaps she had imagined him writing out an actual message. Even if it was him repeating that this was a terrible idea and that he was regretting it.

Because then she could reply that she felt the same way and it would open the door to start their back and forth over messages. Because Emma hadn't realized how much she missed it until looking at this new message thread, all her previous conversations with him deleted.

Not for the first time, Emma went over that last conversation she had with him two years ago. She could practically recall it, word for word by how often she did it. She always tried to see what she could have said or reacted to him differently, if that would have changed anything.

But what if it was always inevitable that their friendship end at some point or another?

In fact, even before their argument, Emma had felt something beginning to shift between them.

She had thought it was something positive though. Something more intimate. And Emma hadn't shied away completely from the idea.

But apparently, she had been completely wrong.

As she was about to lock her phone, it buzzed in her hand with a new message.

It was from Killian Jones.

As if she had summoned the message by her thoughts alone.

She winced as she read the message though.

What's your brother going to say?

She knew what he was talking about.

He had assumed she let David know exactly what happened between them.

But when her brother asked why she didn't mention Killian anymore or even bring him when she visited, Emma had just shrugged and said Killian had gotten busy with his own stuff.

She never admitted that they had a falling out.

Emma couldn't ignore the message either. Since her phone had already been open to the text thread, when his message came in, her phone automatically marked it as read.

If she didn't respond, he would assume she was ignoring him and that wouldn't do anything to help their situation.

They were both on extremely thin ice as it was. Why make things worse?

It's fine. He won't say anything about it.

Maybe with that response, he wouldn't push for a better explanation. One that led to her revealing that she never told David and then the follow-up question to that as to why she hadn't.

Because, honestly, Emma was sure herself why she never told David.

She ignored the tiny part of her that said it had been because she never completely lost hope that they could fix things.

They had been friends since high school. Was it really that easy for both of them to just let go of?

Text bubbles came up. Then disappeared. Then came up again and disappeared again.

The third time, a message finally came through.

Does he know what happened?

And of course Killian would read right through her. Even after these two years and the conversation being over messaging.

Emma hesitated in responding, trying to think of something vague enough.

The longer she waited, the longer it would only confirm the truth she didn't say.

A minute later, she was sending her follow-up message.

No.

There was another set of texting bubbles before they disappeared. This time, it didn't come back.

Emma's thumbs hovered over the screen, wondering if perhaps she should send an explanation. An excuse for why she didn't tell David.

But what could she actually say?

Instead, she exited the app and locked her phone.

Emma rolled up to a sitting position and rubbed her eyes. She wasn't sure why, but it felt as if today was going to be an extra trying day.

***

Killian stared at the spreadsheet opened on his computer. All the expenses for the year, salaries and end of the year bonuses, profit, the cost of this new rent, and the cost of hiring a lawyer.

No matter what he did, the final number would not stop turning red.

He had been working on it for almost three hours now and Killian couldn't find a solution.

He lost count of how many times he ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at the longer than usual strands as he willed the numbers to change.

But nothing happened and he couldn't think of any solution.

Partly because his mind wasn't even completely focused on the task at hand. Instead, his thoughts wandered more to a certain text exchange this morning.

Emma hadn't told David what happened between them.

He wasn't sure if that made things better or worse.

Had it been so bad that she couldn't bring herself to tell her brother? Because Killian had actually been surprised he never received a call or even a visit from David after everything, demanding an apology on his sister's behalf, or at least an explanation.

But what if she had never told him because she thought that maybe, with time, things would change between them.

It had only been two years.

And even if they seemed like longer than usual, it was still only two years. They had been friends for much longer.

What if their friendship had been made of thicker stuff than what their last argument had been about.

Killian sunk a little in his chair as he recalled the things they had both said though.

They were things that neither of them could take back. If he was still hurt by some of things she had said, he couldn't imagine how hurt she still was.

Again, he thought of how terrible an idea this was.

He hadn't responded to her message after she confessed to not telling David. Killian wasn't sure what he was even supposed to say after that.

He stared at his phone instead, waiting for her to send a follow-up message. But after a few minutes, there wasn't any responding text bubbles, so he figured that was the end of the conversation.

His phone dinged with a message and his hand darted to pick up his phone.

He wasn't about to admit to anyone the slight disappointment that it wasn't a message from Emma.

It was from Smee, asking when Killian was coming in.

He held back a groan as Killian typed out his message, asking what had happened.

Because none of his employees actually asked when he was coming in unless something had happened.

Especially Smee.

It was a few moments before he received a response and he groaned even louder as he read the new message.

Their milk steamer was broken.

Bloody hell, this was just not his day at all.

Killian typed out a quick message that he was on his way before closing his computer and pulling up the information on his phone for the company that sold him that steamer.

Because this was the third time it had broken and Killian didn't care what kind of guarantees the warranty had. He wasn't going to continue making payments for a machine that regularly broke down.

And with this new problem, it was a bit easier to push out thoughts about Emma.

At least until he figured this problem out. He was positive that as soon as it was dealt with, she would once again occupy his mind.

***

Emma hadn't heard from Killian for the rest of the day. It wasn't like she was expecting to and their agreement never implied constant communication.

But part of her was tempted to stop by his coffeeshop again and to see if perhaps he was ignoring her.

She stopped herself though, because, again, there really wasn't any need for him to message her and the last message she exchanged could even be seen as her ending the conversation then and there.

He was probably reconsidering this whole thing, especially since he knew now that David had no idea of the fall out between them.

She spent the entire day waiting for him to message her, saying he was backing out of the agreement before it could even really begin.

Well, Emma was going to have to start coming up with a good enough excuse as to why she wasn't coming in for Mary Margaret's Christmas party.

The flight to Boston was completely booked. There weren't any car rentals available and no buses going from Boston to Storybrooke anymore. She caught the flu. She was called away for an emergency at work.

But even with all the excuses she came up with, she could already hear Mary Margaret's response to them.

There was always a train from New York to Boston. David would be more than willing to pick up his little sister in Boston. A good homecooked meal would do wonders for her flu. How difficult could it really be to put off a work emergency until after Christmas?

Emma set down her bag, taking out her computer and opening it up again to look over some reports, despite the work day being over and even if she were to send out any emails, no one would be responding to her until tomorrow morning. But today hadn't been as productive as she had hoped and it was all because she couldn't stop thinking about Killian and what he was thinking about this whole situation.

The majority of her believed he still hated this idea and was only doing this as one last favor to her. A sign of good faith that he still held their past friendship in a positive light.

She shook her head, making herself focus on the numbers for the new rental agreements and how much that would increase their profit margin. What happened with Killian was in the past and nothing was going to change it. And if something had been beginning to develop from their friendship, it was better that it didn't.

Because look at what had happened.

Things probably would've been infinitely worse if they had actually gone through with anything romantic.

Emma audibly groaned, cursing herself for actually thinking of that word. Romance and Killian were two things she needed to keep completely separate if she was going to make it through this weekend.

The man wasn't leaving her mind, so she might as well do something about it. She opened a new tab on her internet browser, ignoring the thirty other tabs opened. She typed in a quick search for flights from New York to Boston and copied the link.

Should she email it to him? Or send it to him over text? An email felt impersonal, especially since it would be sent with her automatic business signature. Her name with the abbreviations of her degrees and job title, along with her office number and work hours.

But with a text, she felt as if she had used up her quota for the day.

Emma even considered just buying the ticket for him since she had enough money to cover for both tickets. She was sure that would only bring up old resentments and, again, she reminded herself that this whole operation was on very thin ice.

There was no need to start building a fire and thin the ice even more.

While agonizing over what to do, her phone began ringing. Without even glancing at who was calling her, Emma answered it, going straight into her business tone.

"This is Emma Nolan. How can I help you?"

There wasn't an answer on the other line and Emma almost hung up, thinking it was one of the never ending spam calls.

"Emma, it's Killian."

The phone almost slipped from her hands at the sound of his voice. She cleared her throat, leaning back in her chair. "Oh, right. Sorry."

And even though he wasn't in front of her, Emma felt her cheeks burning. Despite this conversation being over the phone, there was nothing that could stop the awkward tension from filling the air.

A few more seconds passed and Emma was sure it was because he was trying to figure out how to tell her he was backing out of this and that it really was such a stupid idea and-

"I'm looking at flights right now. Which one should I get?"

Her mouth curled up into an ironic smile, looking back to her computer screen. She ran her finger over the trackpad so that it wouldn't kick her off the site from inactivity. "I was just looking at them too," she said, knowing the sound of her smile was in her voice.

What did he care though? He probably couldn't even hear after all the time that passed without speaking to each other.

"Great minds think alike."

She could hear the grin in his voice and it made her stomach flip a little.

No, she wasn't going to let him get to her so easily. There were still things that had been said that couldn't be forgiven with only a simple tease.

Emma cleared her throat, leaning forward to look at the available options. "Can you make the morning flight? We're still going to have to drive a bit before getting to Storybrooke."

"Aye, I remember. Yes, the morning flight works."

"Okay. That's what I'm booking." As she clicked on that flight though, her finger hovered over the selection for how many passengers.

One or two?

"Done," Killian said into her ear. "Two round-trip tickets from New York to Boston. With me returning Christmas Eve and you the day after Christmas. Plus, a window seat for you."

Emma blinked, feeling her body jerk just a little from surprise. "Wait, did you buy it already? Killian, you didn't-"

"You're paying for the rental. I'd much rather deal with the airline tickets than those rental places."

She felt protests still bubbling in her throat. She hadn't wanted to buy the ticket for him because she was sure that was going to bring up old resentments from the last time.

But here he was, buying the ticket for her and was he doing it solely to rub it in her face? To prove to her that she had been wrong about him?

"I'll send you the confirmation email," he said before the line clicked.

Emma pulled the phone away, feeling slightly at a loss as to what to think.

She didn't want to read too much into it. Because really, that had been one of the reasons for everything blowing up the way it had.

Not for the first time nor the last, Emma regretted how things ended between them.

Maybe this little scheme of hers wasn't such a bad idea. Maybe they could build something off of this.

The only thing was that it would never be the same.

And the thought of that hurt more than Emma thought it should.

Still, she had to push all those thoughts from her mind and try and get some work done.

Even the thought that he had remembered she liked the window seat the best.

***

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