#cs smutt

Emma didn't know how long they stood there. Time seemed to be irrelevant. The only thing that mattered were his arms around her. Slowly, as her tears dried, her sobs becoming less frequent. She pulled away from him after a while, but he did not let her go, his hooked arm still resting around her waist.

“Sorry.” She felt a blush rising on her cheeks when she noticed the state his shirt was in. It was completely drenched in the place where her head rested.

Killian smiled softly at her, his eyes twinkling.

“It’s quite alright love. You can ruin my shirts whenever you like.”

Feeling the corner of her lips rise up, she hit him playfully on his chest. He gasped, feigning hurt and for the moment everything seemed to be just fine, just like in the old days. But then her gaze lingered on the old battered table in the middle of the captain’s quarters. The same table, she’d mocked their first date at. The same on where she tried to play him, manipulate him using her soft pink dress. Where they both broke each other’s hearts.

Emma took in a sharp breath. Pain wracked her heart, she wanted to run, to forget the hurt in his eyes, the trembling of his voice. She shook her head, her whole body stiffening as it got ready to run. She did not belong here. She didn’t have the right to be here. She didn’t deserve him, didn’t deserve his forgiveness. A swallowed sob escaped her lips again as fresh tears fell down her cheeks.

Emma felt his warm hand covering her own. It’s comforting warmth surrounded her again as he squeezed her trembling fingers.

“Don’t do this to yourself love.” She heard his gravely whispers. “Don’t dwell in misery. What’s done is done. You need to look to the future.”

Emma nodded her head. She knew he was right but knowing did not make her feelings disappear, didn’t make her hate for herself disappear. She wanted to rip out her own heart, to stop these overwhelming feelings.

Her legs shook and, for a second, she feared they would collapse but Killian… Oh the always present Killian steadied her, tightening his hold around her waist. He searched her eyes and just knew. Knew how exhausted she was, both emotionally and physically. Placing his right arm under her knees, she let out a surprised squeak as he picked her up. Emma was not some damsel  in distress, she did not need to be carried. Except, tonight she might let it slip, tonight she needed his gallantry. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she put her arms around his neck and pressed her nose into his collarbone, inhaling his scent. He smelled of rum and leather, of home, of safety.

“You need rest love,” he said placing her on top of his bunk and sitting next to her. She intertwined her fingers around his neck, refusing to let him go.

“No! Please don’t go.” She hated to sound so weak, so vulnerable. She couldn’t, wouldn’t let him leave, too scared he might disappear, too scared she would be left alone with her fears. Fears that would turn her dreams to nightmares. Villains did not deserve happy endings and she... She was a villain.

“Emma?” His voice was soft as he reached his hand up to her joined ones delicately. “I'm not going anywhere love.” His lean fingers started to separate her clutched ones. Freeing himself from her grip, he placed her hands on her knees. Slowly, he reached for her leather clad legs and pushed them off his own knees. “I’m just going to help you lay down, aye?” Emma nodded her head as she watched him slipping from the bunk to the floor. He was not going anywhere. He was going to stay with her. She needed to calm down. Everything was going to be just fine.

Reaching out for her boot, Killian gave her a small encouraging smile. He propped her ankle against his hook as his slim fingers caught the zipper. Slowly, he started to pull it down. The unzipping sound filled the otherwise silent cabin and she found herself breathing hard. He grabbed the heel and pulled the boot off. It clicked against the hardwood floor, even though he put it away very carefully. When he reached for the second boot, her heart started to beat  madly. Removing footwear shouldn’t do things like this to her. Yet it did.

Smiling lovingly at her, he rubbed her toes with his palm. It sent a shiver down her spine, causing her to tremble beneath his fingers. His eyes dulled, concern flashing in them. Strangely enough, even though she was supposed to be an open book for him, he took her shivers as a sign of exhaustion, because soon enough he was helping her to put her feet up on the bunk.

Sitting on the red quilt beside her, he reached out for the zipper of her extravagant leather jacket. She inhaled sharply as he started to pull the tab down. His eyes shot up to meet her gaze.

“Are you alright love?” He frowned in concern, his hand letting go of the half undone zipper.

Emma shook her head slightly trying to get rid of the fire his touch had ignited in her veins. What was she thinking, he was only trying to help and she… she thought he was going to… Get a grip Emma!

“I’m ok.” The words leaving her lips were shaky at best and, judging by his probing look, he didn’t buy it. Open book indeed. Of course he knew she was not ok.

Smiling softly, she put her hand to his cheek, traced her thumb against his scruff. Killian’s eyelids fluttered and he leaned into her caress, letting out a small sigh. God, she missed this. She missed him being so… open with her.

“I’m ok,” she said in a stronger voice. ”It’s just…” His hand covered hers as he opened his eyes to look at her. Trying to find the right words, she bit her lip. “This place brings back memories… bad memories…” He opened his mouth as if he wanted to argue but she only shook her head to stop him. “I ruined everything. I ruined our love.” The tears were back, falling down her cheeks again.

His arms were around her in an instant, pulling her closely to him.

“You didn’t.” His husky whisper tickled her temple before he placed a kiss there. “That wasn’t you love.” He kissed her forehead while pushing a golden lock behind her ear. The look in his eyes… it made her feel beautiful, worthy even. “That was the Dark One, but she’s gone now. ” He moved closer to her. “There is only Emma here.” As his forehead touched hers, he bumped his nose against her. “Only you here.” His fingers brushed away a lock of hair, plastered against her wet cheek. “As for the memories…” His eyes were the purest blue she had ever seen. “We can always make new ones.“

He took one look at her and knew, just knew what to say to make her feel better, to chase the nightmares away. “I love you, Emma,” he whispered huskily. “Nothing can ever change that.” Her heart flipped at his words. Feeling the tears gathering in her eyes fall again, she grabbed the collar of his jacket and pulled his lips to hers. Kissing him was like coming home. He was her home, she thought as she tilted her head to open her mouth beneath his. He pulled away, surprise shining in his eyes.

“Emma?” The question in his gaze reminded her of that time in Merlin's Tower. When she threw  herself at him in seek of relief and comfort.

“Please.” She was desperate, desperate to forget. “I need you…” She swallowed hard, trying to find the right words. “Help me…” She put her palm to his scruffy cheek again. “Help me to forget… Help me to heal.”

Understanding flashed in his eyes, before he dipped down his head to give her exactly what she wanted, what she needed. He brushed his lips against hers in a soft caress, butterfly kisses he knew she loved so much. She sighed into his mouth, tasting the sweetness of rum on his breath.

He was taking things slow, waiting for her lead as always and she was grateful for that. Grateful that he left her a way out just in case she changed her mind. She wouldn’t though. Instead she grabbed his hand and guided it to the zipper of her jacket. Breaking the kiss to look into his eyes, she curled his fingers around the pull tab. Killian shivered beneath her touch. He was breathing heavily when she guided his hand with her own, pulling the zipper down as her eyes never left his. His gaze was dark and hot beneath his ridiculously long eyelashes and he looked flushed as his breath tickled her nose. The tips of his elvish ears were the same color as his cheeks.

When the work was done, she shook off the jacket and reached to pull him to her. He moved towards her and she threw her leg over his to sit even closer to him before leaning to capture his lips with hers. His eyelashes fluttered closed seconds before she kissed him again. His mouth opened beneath hers as he tilted his head and traced his tongue along her bottom lip in that delicious way that always made her gasp in pleasure. With his hooked arm, he pulled her closer to him and deepened the kiss with a slight groan. His fingers absentmindedly brushed against the hem of her tank top, making her shiver beneath his touch.

Her hands moved on their own accord to his shoulders, under the collar of his jacket to push it off in one swift move. Never breaking the kiss, he shook the garment off and let out a deep groan when she reached for the buttons of his vest. Her fingers tumbled with the small buttons. How the hell did he manage to unbutton them one handed when she had trouble with two? She almost cursed under her breath in frustration but then he pulled her hair away from her neck with his hook  and his mouth left hers to brush the now exposed skin. His lips ghosted over her sensitive flesh, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses in their wake. Closing her eyes in anticipation, she tilted her head to the side to give him better access. When the tip of his tongue brushed against her collarbone, she let out a breathy moan.

She felt Killian smiling against her shoulder before he pulled the strap of her tank top down.  His scruff left a pleasant burn as he skimmed over the part of her skin that was previously covered by the dark cotton. White-hot desire rushed through her veins and she had to push him away for a second to recover. The vest was undone but she needed to get him out of that shirt before she would lose herself in his touch completely. She needed it off.

He shot her a confused look as she started to unbutton his shirt with trembling fingers. When the last button was undone, she pushed the edges apart to run her palms down his sculptured chest. The dark wavy hair felt soft beneath her fingertips. She felt him shiver and then... his lips were on hers again, kissing her with a feverish passion.

Emma whimpered into his mouth as she pushed the shirt off his shoulders. Killian broke the kiss to help her take the shirt off in one swift move. Winding his good arm around her waist he pulled her closer to him.

“I am never letting you go, Emma…” He placed a kiss against the corner of her lips. “Never.” Desperate kisses fell against her cheek as he slid his hand beneath the hem of her top, tracing light patterns on her back with his thumb.

Her trembling fingers unbuckled the straps holding his brace in its place. When she finally took it off, she felt him grabbing the material of her top. Too impatient to wait she helped him take it off, pulling it quickly over her head. The hungry look in his eyes proved her choice to forgo a bra had been a good one.

“You are so beautiful.” His fingers brushed against her breast in the lightest of caresses but she was done waiting. Winding her hands in his hair, she laid back on the red quilt and pulled him with her. Her lips caught his the exact moment her head hit the pillow. She used the fingers in his hair as leverage, moving his head to the side and deepening the kiss. Killian let out a gravelly moan at her actions. He sounded totally wrecked and it made her heart hammer against her ribcage like she had just run a marathon.

His lean frame was situated just perfectly between her legs, sending a delicious heat wave through her center with the slightest move. She shivered beneath him as his fingertips traced a path down her neck and shoulder, brushing the side of her breast and over the curve of her hip. Never breaking the kiss, he hooked his thumb in  the waistband of her underwear and started to slowly pull them, as well as her leggings, down.

Too slowly.

Lifting her hips up, she broke the kiss to slide the garments off her legs. She felt his hot breath against her collarbone and, by the stiffness of his body, she could tell he was trying to refrain himself from losing control. Only she wanted him to lose control.

She bit his earlobe as her hand worked frantically to open the belt buckle of his jeans. When her nails brushed against his abdomen, he let out a throaty moan. It made her more focused somehow, more grounded. Pulling the zipper down, she unbuttoned his jeans really fast. He hissed when her fingertips brushed his hardness. Smirking gleefully at the effect her touch had on him, she pushed her hands down over his hips and under the waistband of his boxers briefs. His eyes fluttered shut and he bit his bottom lip as she smoothed her palms over his buttocks, pushing them down. Killian lifted himself up to shake the jeans off and by the sound of a loud thud she knew he had gotten rid of his shoes too.

He crawled over her, his eyes dark  and pupils dilated as he took her in. He looked at her as if he could use his eyes to kiss her. She felt like a goddess under his gaze, worshipped and beautiful. Trying to encourage him to move and actually do something other than stare as he hovered over her, she ran her foot up and down his calf. He trembled at her actions, which made her smile before she anchored her legs around his hips and pulled him on top of her. He chuckled, letting her guide him where she needed him. Emma's breath caught in her throat as his hard length brushed against her core. His tip teased her entrance, his eyes wide, breath heavy as he waited for her to make the first move.

She felt tears pricking her eyes. He had always put her first. She reached out for him, tangling her hands in his hair and guiding his lips to hers. She knew he wanted to take things slow to treasure the moment, to worship her, but there would be a time for that later. Now, she just needed him to be with her to undo all the bad memories, to undo her.

As his mouth brushed against hers she tightened the hold of her legs around his waist, helping him slide into her folds. He complied with her wishes, filing her deliciously. She had never felt so whole before. Killian shuddered as his length slid all the way home, and she knew he felt the same way. Open book after all.

His tongue traced her bottom lip, begging her to open her mouth to his. A plea to which she happily responded to, loosening the hold of her legs around his waist. He kissed her lazily for a while as if he was just enjoying the feel of her around him. She sighed contentedly as he  begun the brush his hand down her hip. He hooked her leg around his hip once more and bit on her bottom lip sending a shudder through her.

“Killian,” she whimpered as he laid open mouthed kissed down her throat and to her breasts. He dragged his teeth over her nipple, sucking on it when she let out a pained gasp. Seeking some friction, she lifted her hips up. His chuckle quickly turned into a breathy moan when her movements caused him to move within her. “Please move!”

He quickly obliged, thrusting into her, stretching her in just the perfect way. She dragged her nails against his scarred back. Pulling him even closer, she whispered against his ear to go faster. They moved together frantically, his chest hair leaving a pleasant burn against her chest with every move. Sweat started to trickle down the valley between her breasts, the air getting hotter. The cool metal of his charms contrasted heavily with the warmth of his body against her skin.

His eyes were dark as he moved above her, grinding, thrusting, sliding in and out. She let out a moan when he slid even deeper than before and his lips were on hers instantly. He tangled his fingers into her locks and pulled her head closer to him. Her hands moved from his back to his bottom, squeezing his buttocks as she guided him to move faster. Letting go of her lips, he traced her neck with open mouthed kisses, nibbling on her collar bone. She let her hands and mouth wander all over his body, all over wherever she could reach. She wanted him, all of him. Every scar, every hair, every inch of his body, every piece of his soul.

Every touch of his lips against her skin, every caress of his hand, took her higher and higher. Every kiss, every touch undid the bad memories that lingered in the cabin of his ship. He wound his arm under her waist, moving her higher against the bunk and changing his angle a little so that with his next thrust he hit her sweet spot in just the right way and she saw stars beneath her closed eyelids. She curled her toes catching the red quilt underneath her body and sucked on his bottom lip. Feeling the tension building higher and higher she lifted up her hips to meet his thrusts. She gasped into his mouth and her walls fluttered around him, sending them both over the edge. Flying. She felt as if she was flying, free and lightweight. This was heaven. She opened her eyes to look at him as  he let out a groan before he stilled above her. The room seemed brighter and there was so much affection shining in his eyes, she almost felt like crying. She smoothed his hair from his forehead and took his face into her palms.

“I love you.” His eyes shone with happiness at her words as he bumped his nose against hers.

“I love you too.”

When his lips had touched hers the buzzing pain in her head quickly disappeared. She was no longer thinking and worrying - instead, she concentrated on the rhythm of his breathing and the pressure of his body against hers. She felt calm; even though her heart was racing. His caress was soothing: his fingers slipping through her hair, a strong hand gripping her hip as his body pressed hers back against the couch.

No, she didn’t want to stop.

Stopping would mean talking, thinking…and the moment ending. So as much as denials flashed through her mind screaming ‘stop’ ‘wait’ ‘think’, she shut them down.

When their hips aligned, she felt him hardening against her, the telltale signs of arousal clearly evident though his formal pants. A sharp thrill shot through her body at the sensation. She drew one leg around his thigh, anchoring his body to hers, rocking gently and telling him to continue.

This was really happening.

Next, damp kisses found her neck, the feather light touch catching her breath in her throat as she fixed her hands to cup his head, beckoning him to continue his exploration lower.

How long had it been since she’d had sex? Damn, she didn’t even know. So many months had passed since she had even been kissed properly (passionately, with promises of more, that is).

Killian kissed quite exquisitely, telling a story of need against her lips.

It took her by surprise how his hands worked her flesh and fired up her want for him so quickly. Apparently his British restraint may have been merely an illusion. And the lingering crush she had for him was growing all the more serious with every touch.

Then his teeth nipped at the flesh of her breasts as he pulled down the scoop neckline of her shirt. She bit back a groan, holding back her appreciation of his attentions even as her body selfishly soaked up those very sensations. Fear kept her silent, though as the minutes ticked by that silence was harder bought; not quite wanting to let him know what he was doing to her. Not yet, anyway.

“Emma,” he mumbled against her skin, “Is this… good?”

Swallowing hard, she replied, “Yes,” simultaneously tightening her grip on his hair.

“Do you want to move somewhere more comfortable?” he asked, a hint of a tremble in his voice.

A heart-thudding second passed. She licked her lips and tugged on his hair until their eyes met.

The ball was in her court. She could nip this in the bud, pretend it was all a drunken mistake…

“Bedroom,” she panted.

To hell with the consequences.

///

Each kiss was deep and full of more longing, leading his mind astray as his hands wandered. Touching her, feeling her - it was more than he could have imagined. Beneath him she was warm and pliant, with a hint of spice in her kisses and an arch of her back; one that pushed her hips so deliciously against his.

“Bedroom.”

His stomach lurched at her command.

The want he’d hidden away - the feelings for her that had swarmed around for months now - were finally being allowed some freedom. And that in itself was scary (and exciting) as hell.

Feet hitting the floor, he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her to stand, his fingers finding the patch of warm skin between her shirt and sweats. Tugging her against him, he kissed her again, perhaps a little too harshly but by her soft moan, he assumed she didn’t mind.

God, she was addictive. Their brief earlier kisses only hinted at how she blossomed when passion took hold.

They stumbled awkwardly toward the bedroom between kisses; sidestepping around the couch as her cool fingers worked his shirt from his pants and then slid beneath the cotton, her nails tracing a delicious trail. His muscles contracted under her touch, tightening and twisting in anticipation.

Somehow they made it to the wall outside the bedroom, the door was closed so one of them had to untangle their hands to open it. But Killian was more concerned with what his hands could do to her clothing, gently pulling at the cotton of her t-shirt until she raised her arms so he could toss it aside.

And damn she was beautiful. All creamy skin and white lace, he took a second just to stare at her, half dumbstruck, half scared-

This was really happening.

Before he could express another thought, she was pressing him back against said wall, pushing up on her toes to nip at the scruff-covered skin of his neck.

///

Her tongue ran along his jaw - the twin tastes of bitter cologne and salt lining her mouth as she let her body take what it wanted. Quick fingers worked the buttons of his shirt undone with an ease that was somewhat at odds with the tipsy feeling in her mind and the blood rush that flushed her skin and thudded in her ears.

It was useless denying that she had wanted this since almost the first time they had met. To feel his skin against hers, to know what it felt like to be the object of his attentions… And now that it was happening, part of her knew she ought to stop, but if felt so good-

She already had too many regrets, had spent too long denying herself for fear of the consequences. So now, just this once, she would be brave and foolish at the same time.

Finally, his buttons were undone and she pushed the shirt over his shoulders. She could touch him now more easily, feel the soft hair of his chest under her palms and the lean muscle beneath them.

It felt divine. He was a handsome, beautiful man, and she felt herself drunk again, overwhelmed and intoxicated; not from tequila, but from him.

Suddenly, his hand found the door handle and they tumbled into the bedroom.

///

Catching her mouth in another searing kiss, Killian pulled back, panting. The seconds stretched out between them, both seemingly hesitant. He wanted her to be sure, ‘ever the gentleman’ Will would chide him.

The small smile that flickered at the edges of her mouth seemed to say what words couldn’t - yes, I want this.

Tumbling, falling, kissing…hands and legs and mouths in a delightful cocktail of sensation that had them clawing at each other’s remaining clothing, that desperate search for bare flesh lasting mere moments until she was laid out on the comforter, clad only in her underwear, functional but undeniably sexy white lace items that made his throat constrict.

“You’re bloody gorgeous,” he said with wonder as he climbed over her body, caging her in.

She didn’t reply, but he swore she blushed, tilting her head away from his. Not able to take a compliment. He understood. He understood her very well now in many ways, and the more he learned the more he wanted to know.

Right now, he wanted to know what she liked - where she liked to be touched - hard or soft, what actions would make her cry out, whether she would sigh or scream…

He was just about to engage her in another compliment when he was stopped by her hand snaking into his underwear and cupping him.

///

“Fuck,” he moaned deliciously. The groan went straight to her gut.

They were really doing this.

She used her other hand to pull down his boxer briefs as his fondled her breasts, thumbs rubbing against her erect nipples, sending teasing shocks to her core. She tightened her hand around him - he was hot and heavy in her palm. She could feel herself getting wetter at the prospect of feeling him inside her.

Shit, it had been way too long…

It only took a few more writhing minutes of kisses and touches until they were both bare.

Unashamedly naked, she wrapped herself around him.

If she was less attracted to him, it would have been easier. To play the seductress or nonchalant one (the kind of girl she pretended to be when she found a guy for the night). But all the pent up desire that she had for him was inevitably her downfall.

Cradled between her legs, he licked, teased and pressed the soft skin of her breasts as she rocked beneath him. Sighing and moaning at his attentions, she felt the room begin to spin. His hard length pressed against her stomach, warm and inviting and - damn, she knew there was no going back now.

But once would be enough to rid herself of this need for him, wouldn’t it?

///

Tentatively he slid his hand over her stomach, her breath hitching when he reached her dampness. So wet already. He bit his lip in anticipation.

With measured movements, he worked at her clit with his thumb, responding to her soft moans, eventually replacing fingers with mouth and tongue. Her legs splayed wider apart, her breathing quickened.

She tasted both tart and musky, a tantalizing combination which made him yearn to make her come apart for him. He needed see her come - to see her truly stripped of the barriers and worries and the emotional armor she always wore.

Gently, he pressed a finger inside her and she let out a whispered curse. He couldn’t resist a slightly smug smile tugging at his mouth. Arching his digit, he searched for the combination of angle and pressure that would be her undoing.

///

“Oh God,” Emma panted, hands clawing at the comforter for purchase.

Was this a dream? Some crazy, drunken dream?

The strong spike of pleasure that hit as he worked a second finger inside her assured her this was not the case.

“Relax, love,” he muttered, drifting cool air over her dampness, pressing his palm down on her hip to anchor her in place.

And biting down on her lip and throwing an arm over her face, she tried to do just that.

And although it was no dream, she found herself spiraling upwards: higher, higher, higher…

///

When she came, her heels dug into his back and her fingers wove their way into his hair- he continued working her through it, feeling her flex around his fingers. Her soft cry was everything he hoped to hear, the perfect sign he’d satisfied her.

He licked his lips as he pulled away, a sense of satisfaction radiating through him, almost making him forget how painfully hard he was. Moving aside, he listened to her heavy breathing as he lay on his back watching shadows from the lights outside dance across the ceiling.

No going back now, he thought.

Though exactly what that meant, he wasn’t sure.

He was just about to turn and say something to her (something, anything to avoid an awkward moment) when her hands were on him, quickly followed by her mouth - Christ - her hot mouth…

Words escaped him as she began to devour his erection, her hair brushing over his chest, her soft thighs sliding over his-

God, it felt good. Incredible. She seemed to know instantly how to make him crumble. They were so in bloody sync he wanted to kick himself. He’d been in denial about their attraction since the moment he had met her.

And now part of him wanted to halt her – tell her slow down at least, because he wasn’t going to last long and he wanted to savor this unexpected moment. Because he knew Emma and he knew that whatever happened next would be up to her-

///

“Killian…” she whispered, “Condom…?”

His flushed face rose, hair delightfully disheveled.

“Shit,” he muttered, scowling. “Fuck. I don't have any.”

“Oh,” she sighed, shivering in disappointment. “Well, um-“

Disappointment crashed around her. Still on a high from her orgasm, all she wanted now was more. She was greedy and hungry for him. Her body ached to feel him moving above her, filling her- she knew it would be incredible. She just knew.

Before he could say any more, she needed to take control of the situation, to avoid a conversation about what they were doing- she reached for him again.

“You don’t - you don’t have to, love-“ he panted, she could see he was straining against his arousal.

Licking her lips, she smiled shyly, “I want to,” she insisted.

And she wasn’t lying.

///

The light in the bathroom was harsh and she winced as it flickered into life. Avoiding her reflection, she picked up a washcloth and dampened it under the warm tap, pressing it against her stained skin as she tried to gather her thoughts. It had only taken mere minutes of her hands and mouth until he came, crying her name, cradling his body as he shuddered through his release. It had been surprisingly intimate and caring, not like the one night guys she was used to.

She shivered.

How had that just happened? She tried to trace the series of events of the evening, but she was too tired and her bruised skin had begun to ache again.

And now things would be complicated, wouldn’t they?

Tormented by her inner thoughts, she spared a glance at herself in the mirror. Her hair was tangled, her cheeks pink and expression thoroughly relaxed.

It had been good. Shit, it had been really good. He was indeed talented with his mouth and his hands and she couldn’t help but imagine how truly being with him would feel. But she shook that thought away. Whatever had happened just then had to be a one off.

It just had to be.

Suddenly, she felt incredibly naked and vulnerable. Whereas moments earlier she had been brave and seductive, now she felt weak and foolish. Scanning the room, she saw one of Killian’s flannel shirts sitting on top of the laundry hamper. Picking it up, she pulled it on, thankful for the coverage it provided as she fastened the small buttons.

Sucking in a deep breath, she prepared herself to face him again.

But as she turned to the door she caught a whiff of his cologne on the shirt collar and she couldn’t help but tremble.

Her feelings for him were growing and she knew she was powerless to stop it.

///

When she slipped away to clean herself up, Killian let out a sigh. His cheeks puffed out as he tried to calm his racing heart.

Now that the haze of lust had started to recede, worry set in. Worry they had made things more complicated. Worry that now things would be awkward. Worry that she would pull away.

But he didn’t regret what had happened.

She was a beautiful, amazing woman and it seemed like no one had ever told her - or shown her - in a long time. Or perhaps ever.

The door opened and she smiled shyly. She’d slipped into one of his flannel shirts that he had left in the bathroom. The sight of her in his clothing made a lump form in his throat. She looked so delicate and soft - the opposite of the persona she normally presented.

And he also couldn’t deny that she looked beautiful. As she always did.

“Come here, love,” he motioned to the space next to him on the bed. For a second she hesitated, looking towards the door. It was like he could see the barriers that had slipped by in the past hour suddenly shooting back up. “Please?” he asked. Not pleading, not desperate… just hopeful.

He just wanted to hold her, if only for tonight, to just play pretend that things were different and both of them were more perfect, undamaged versions of themselves -

If only temporarily.

///

Slipping under the covers, she tried to relax. She was too tired to protest his invitation to return to the bed. She needed to sleep and rest, it would be the best way to help her injuries heal. And to let her mind wrap itself around that evening.

Silently, his arm slipped around her and pulled her to him. He was warm and comforting and it had been so long since a man had held her that she didn’t bother trying to resist, instead she snuggled into him. He was warm and firm and safe.

Fingers splayed over his chest, she softly whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“For…?”

“For…for the way I spoke to you earlier. For pushing you away. It’s just the way I react.”

Killian turned so they were face to face.

“I get it,” he replied, his fingertips trailing over the collar of his shirt. “I do the same thing.”

She smiled, relaxing just a little. Her mind clear of alcohol and lust, she felt almost content in his arms. A feeling that was very unfamiliar.

And now she felt the least he deserved was an explanation.

“Do you miss her?” she asked.

He met her eyes and a look of understanding came over him, “Yes, sometimes,” he admitted.

Emma sighed and looked away from him, “I was with a guy, a long time ago. He wasn’t so great to me. But I still miss him sometimes too. Dumb, huh?”

“He was your first love?”

“I don’t even know if he was. I think it wasn’t really love. I guess I just liked the idea of someone loving me and me loving them back.” And that was the first time she had ever admitted that out loud - something she had feared for a long time.

“What’s made you feel like this?”

She shrugged, “Getting older? Reflecting on things? I’m not sure.”

“Maybe you give your younger self too little credit,” he smiled.

Emma shook her head, “I don’t think he loved me though. How could he?” I’m not loveable was what she wanted to add.

Killian’s blue eyes began to crinkle softly at the edges. “Not defending this bloke, but sometimes people hurt the ones they care most about. Somehow it can be easier than facing up to the consequences of their actions.”

Mulling that over for a second, she interlaced her fingers over her chest. It had been so long that she had almost forgotten the pain. Almost. Now she could only really remember that it had hurt and that she had promised herself never to feel that way again.

“When things ended with Neal - that was his name - my heart didn’t just break, it shattered. And into so many pieces that even now I wonder how I ever put them back together,” she took a deep breath, the every present ache in her chest from his betrayal suddenly more apparent, “Ever since then, I’ve known- known - that if I were ever to let someone in again, to trust someone with my emotions… that the next time my heart broke, I wouldn’t survive it.” She took a deep breath, “That’s why I am this way.”

His hand rested on top of hers and squeezed it gently. She liked his touch, it was soothing.

“You know when Milah died, I think part of me died too - the part that was able to love. A person can only take so much, right? I guess what I’m trying to say is, I understand.”

Emma couldn’t help but chuckle wryly. “Well, that makes us quite the pair then…”

They both were quiet for a few moments, enough to hear the sounds of traffic in the distance outside.

“Emma, do you regret this…”

She hesitated the barest second. “No. I don’t.”

He let out a sigh of evident relief and she couldn’t help but smile.

“Good… So where does that leave… us.”

The question she had been dreading. She had been hoping, in fact, that this conversation could wait until the morning, or the next day… or never.

“I don’t know…“ she began, feeling herself start to ramble, “but, it can’t be more than this… I mean, I value your friendship…and-”

“Me too,” he interjected, “I’m just not ready for anything more in my life - probably never will be.”

Relief flooded through her.

And disappointment. Cold disappointment.

“Okay… good… so… um…”

“Maybe we can at least forgo with couch surfing for now, since this bed is perfectly big enough for two?” he suggested.

“Deal,” she agreed, nodding gently. She nestled a little closer to him, drinking in his warmth. “I think I need to sleep,” she sighed with a fake yawn.

Painfully aware that they hadn’t really discussed what had happened at all.

///

“Alright love, goodnight,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to her temple.

He enjoyed having her laying with him like this.

But it didn’t help what was happening inside him - the memory of the panic in her voice when he tried to broach what had happened, the visible barriers that rose-

He should have known. He knew her. He knew how she would react-

So he’d lied.  Said he would never be ready to open his life - and his heart - again.

Because the thing was, as Emma Swan lay in his arms that night, he began to realize that she was perhaps the perfect antidote to the malady that had afflicted him since Milah died: making his broken heart feel…not quite as broken.

But could he be the same to her?

///

“Gods, Emma…”

Chuckling lightly, she moves her head from side to side, sucking and releasing in turn (she can feel the blood filling his cock as his racing heart sends his pulse pounding).

He spreads his knees a little wider, gently pressing his hips towards her mouth, telling her he wants - no needs - more.

Lazily, she circles the head with her tongue, gently rocking her hand, slowly building him up before she takes a deep breath and presses down her head.

The deep exhalation he makes sends a thrill down her spine. The power is addictive - that she can make him feel this way and pull him under her spell with such ease…

She pulses her tongue against the hardness - its satiny cocoon is delicious and decadent in the heat of her mouth, slowly becoming enveloped in the the silky saliva that allows her to move with ease over him.

His hook is at her shoulder. His fingers are tightening - not in a painful way, but enough to catch her breath and make her heart race.

Widening the base of her throat, she buries her face in his lap, his black curls nudging against her nose as she swallows and he cries out-

“Emma!”

Easing off, her hands and mouth work into a rhythm, somewhere in between fast and slow as he starts to make little wrecked noises and she works her free palm onto the lean muscles of his stomach. She feels them clenching as he rocks his hips into her.

The noises become an indecipherable muttering and she groans in response.

And he feels so good in her mouth. She loves sucking his cock. It’s so solid and straining for her; she relishes each flick of her tongue against the precious flesh and each press of the length against the inside of her cheek.

She loves it.

He’s close: the throbbing of his head is the sign, she swirls her tongue harder around it, before taking him deep again, rocking him further into her throat as she holds her breath and presses her fingers into his hip.

With a strained cry, he is coming. She pulls back a little, lets him pour himself down her throat, while her fingers ghost over his balls as they contract and release, lingering until he shudders at the sudden sensitivity.