#crushessuck

I keep glancing at the box

It’s only been a day

I’ve gotten up and walked next to it

I’ve taken the 3 things I threw on top of it off

 I just stared at it

Still sealed

With us hidden inside

I smiled at the thought of opening it

The thought was enough

The thought was enough for me to walk away

To throw the shit in front of us

And it hurt alittle to walk away

 But I did, I walked away

Sooner or later the box will just be a flashback

At Least I hope so

But inside

 Knowing I have a box of us hidden in the corner

Makes me smile

Maybe one day I’ll share it with you

Maybe one day we can sit down and look at

 What could have been

But for now

I’ll walk beside you in the halls

And I won’t tell you about the box

 I will hide the beautiful box of us

That I have forgotten little bits of what's inside

And even though I’ve started to throw the mini side boxes

That connected me to the box

 I’ve thrown them out the window

I stare down from my floor

To the ground

And stop myself from running

 Running down thirteen flights of stairs

To pick up the little boxes and

Hide them with the big one

I stop

 The moment I go get the boxes,

I might open them

I might open the big one

And I can’t

 I will not open the big one

If I open the box again

I might not put it back

I might throw it out the window

 Or I might give it to you

Before you are ready

Before you are ready to sit with my and look at

What could have been

And if I give you the box before

You're ready to look…

You might throw the other box of us out

The window

 The other box

The more important box

The box of our friendship

And I can't lose that box

 Ive boxed myself

So I can only open the parts

I’m willing to share

And I can hide some boxes

  And in the worse of times, I can throw a box or two out the window

But I want to keep these boxes

Until I have a bigger box

One that makes this box seem ready to share

 A box where I have the emotional state

To deal, if you throw my boxes out my window

Cause I have another box

A different box

 But until then

I am just going to sit here

And look at the box

Sealed, sitting in the corner

 Wondering, what I put inside

Septemeber was a month where I met three guys who I thought were going to be the one. All three were completely different in personalities and were polar opposites from what I expected from a guy who I wanted to date, but I set that aside for how I felt with them.