mihawk had found Zoro's company quite relaxing, compared to the noise and tumult of the other guests. Zoro and Sanji were relatively discreet and calm, they were content to stay near Mihawk and drink slowly without getting drunk, which was a relief for Mihawk who enjoyed their silent company.
Mihawk was impressed by Sanji's personality. he was intelligent, discreet and seemed to have a certain limit that should not be crossed. The fact that he was used to Zoro, who had a personality similar to Mihawk's, showed that he knew how to remain calm and respectful in his presence. Mihawk felt a slight respect for Sanji, admiring his ability to handle personalities like his.
Mihawk could actually detect similarities between Zoro and him. Zoro seemed to share some characteristics of autism. Sanji seemed to understand and accept it, which explained their ability to handle Mihawk's personality with calm and respect.
Mihawk sighed slightly as he thought of Crocodile and Buggy. He wondered if he should ever tell his husbands about his autism. maybe they were able to understand and accept it, like Sanji and Zoro. After all, they were the closest and most important people in his life.
Mihawk was not at all used to being vulnerable and sharing his emotions with others. however, he knew that if he wanted Crocodile and Buggy to understand him, he would have to learn to be a little more open with them. it was something that was out of his comfort zone, but for the sake of his relationship and for his own mutual well-being and understanding, he knew it was a necessary sacrifice.
Mihawk wondered how he could broach the subject with Crocodile and Buggy. he wanted to be honest and transparent with them, but he was afraid of their reaction. What would they think of him if they found out he had autism spectrum disorder? Will they still have the same love and respect for him?
mihawk knew his autism was part of who he was, but he feared it would change Crocodile and Buggy's perception of him. He wanted his husbands to always see him as the strong, confident person he is, not as someone "different" or "disabled."
mihawk sighed once again, taking a sip of sake to try to put his thoughts in order. He knew there was no easy solution to this situation. he was going to have to take his courage in both hands and confide in Crocodile and Buggy, hoping that they would accept him as he is.
Mihawk looked towards Sanji upon hearing his voice. He didn't realize that he was shaking and making nervous tics. Sanji's presence and the touch of his hand on his reassured him. Mihawk realized that he must have been transparent in his nervousness.
“Is something bothering you?”
Mihawk hesitated for a moment, trying to find the right words. he realized that Sanji had noticed that he had something on his mind. He sighed lightly.
"Yes, sort of. I was wondering if I should bring up a delicate subject with Crocodile and Buggy. A side of me that they don't know yet..."
“It’s hard for you, huh?”
Mihawk nods. "Yes, it's difficult. I have a hard time opening up about things like this and I'm afraid of their reaction. I don't want them to see me differently or pity me by anything."
Sanji's face became understanding. "I understand how you feel. It's normal to be afraid of the reaction of loved ones when we confide something personal to them. But sometimes, it is necessary to face our fears in order to move forward and be honest with ourselves - myself and with others."
Mihawk listened carefully to Sanji's words. He knew Sanj was right. He couldn't always run away and avoid his feelings for fear of how others would react.
"You're right. But it's easier said than done. I've never been very good at talking about my emotions or confiding in others."
“Let me guess, you’re autistic?”
Mihawk was surprised by Sanji's response. He blinked before nodding slowly.
“Yes, I’m autistic.” he also looked at Zoro, who was standing back with his helmets on, seemingly in his own bubble.
"Zoro is too, it was hard for him to tell me but I must admit that deep down I knew a little."
Mihawk nodded upon hearing Sanji's words. he understood perfectly how Zoro must have felt during his confession.
"I see. I guess he was relieved to tell you about it, I guess."
He glanced at Zoro, who was still busy being in his world with his helmets on.
"Zoro isn't very good with his emotions. But I would say he was happy in his own way you know."
Mihawk smiled upon hearing Sanji's comment. He could see that Zoro had difficulty expressing his emotions, like him. but he felt that deep down, Zoro had been happy to be able to confide in Sanji.
"I understand what you mean. I also have difficulty expressing my emotions. It's hard enough for me to recognize my own emotions, so imagine sharing them with others..."
"Do you have any tics? Any tremors sometimes? Apart from your difficult social interactions?"
Mihawk nods in response to Sanji's questions. He did indeed have tics and his tremors were very present, even apart from his social difficulties.
"Yes, I have nervous tics and tremors. They are sometimes intense and uncontrollable, especially when I'm stressed or overworked."
“Try not to forget to omit them from your husbands, when Zoro told me about his autism...he left me in the dark at firsthe sometimes had tics like cracking his neck, fiddling with his fingers or cleaning his katana countless times."
Mihawk listened carefully to Sanji's words and nodded in agreement. he knew that many autistic people had similar tics and compulsive behaviors.
“I understand what you mean. I can sometimes feel the need to repeat certain actions or behaviors over and over, and I also have some nervous tics like what you mentioned. I guess it’s one of my ways of dealing with stress and anxiety.”
“I noticed.” he said running his hand through his own blonde hair. “You touch your hair often.”
Mihawk was surprised by Sanji's observation. he hadn't necessarily noticed that he was doing this, but now that he pointed it out, he realized that he actually had a tendency to touch her hair a lot.
"Ah, I guess I do this without realizing it. It’s a comforting way for me, it helps me relax a little.”
Mihawk felt a slight sense of calm while speaking to Sanji. It was nice to talk to someone who seemed to understand his difficulties and his autism. he often struggled to feel comfortable around others, but he found some security in talking to Sanji.
"Thanks for understanding. It feels good to talk about it, to be honest."
“And frankly, I’m impressed that you’re actually tryingI understand your discomfort and discomfort on the issue.”
Mihawk was surprised and pleasantly amazed by Sanji's words. He was not used to receiving compliments on his efforts to overcome his difficulties. He felt a certain warmth inside him hearing this.
"Thank you. It's true that it's not easy for me, but I'm really trying to push myself outside of my comfort zone. There are certain things..."
He paused for a moment, hesitating over his next words. Mihawk took a deep breath before continuing. he felt a little nervous talking about something so personal.
"There are certain things that I fear. Like... change, for example. It makes me uncomfortable, more than others I think. And also... my own emotionality. I don't like to be too emotionally expressive. I prefer to keep my feelings inside as much as possible."
"Understandable. I don't want to overwhelm you more than necessary. Zoro and I will go for it. I can see it's too much for him."
mihawk nodded in agreement. He felt a little emotionally drained after that conversation, but he was also grateful to Sanji for his understanding and patience.
"Thank you, Sanji. You have been very understanding and patient. I know it's not easy for you either, but thank you for doing it for me. And for Zoro too."
Mihawk was surprised by Sanji's hug, but he accepted it nonetheless. It was an unexpected gesture from a stranger, but he soon realized he needed it. he relaxed into the hug, feeling some comfort in the contact.
"Thanks for the hug... It was... quite nice, actually."
"That makes me happy. I'll leave you now. Oh hey...it's Zoro's spare helmet, maybe it can help you."
mihawk looked at Zoro's spare helmet that Sanji handed him. He wondered for a moment what purpose it could be, but he accepted it anyway.
“Thank you. But what good is that?”
"Noise-cancelling headphones
helps autism by reducing the noise load and thus promoting well-being and availability. It helps you stay focused by limiting auditory distractions. I know it helps a lot Zoro, I hope it works for you...well if you really want it."
mihawk listened attentively to Sanji's explanations. He had never used noise-canceling headphones before, but he was willing to try if it would help. He nodded in agreement.
"I'll try, thank youIt could be useful to allow me to concentrate better and be less disturbed by outside sounds."
"Especially since your birthday party seems to be a lot for you."
Mihawk sighed upon hearing this. it was true that his birthday party was a stressful event for him. He wasn't used to big parties and lots of guests, especially when it came to his birthday.
“Yes, I feel a little overwhelmed by all these people who came to my party. It can be a bit much sensory stimulation for me, to be honest.”
Mihawk nodded in agreement. he knew he would need all the help he could get to cope with his birthday party event, especially when it came to sensory stimulation.
"Yes, I think you're right. Thanks again for the noise-canceling headphones. I'm going to try it to see if it can help me deal with stimulation better."
Once Sanji and Zoro left, Mihawk found himself relieved. the conversation he had with Sanji had been beneficial, but it had also exhausted his emotional capacity for the moment. he looked at the noise-canceling headphones Sanji had provided him, wondering if it could really help him better deal with his emotional and sensory difficulties.
He sighed as he turned to the rest of the guests. the party continues around him, the guests continuing to have fun and enjoy the party. But Mihawk felt a little isolated, like he couldn't connect with others. He decided to put on the noise-canceling headphones to see if that would help him relax a little. he adjusted the headset to his ears and focused on the silence that now surrounded him.
Mihawk instantly felt a little more relieved. the sounds of the party were now muted, and he could finally focus on his own thoughts and emotions without being distracted by outside sounds. He breathed deeply, feeling a little more relaxed thanks to the noise-canceling headphones. he began to wander around the party, observing the guests having fun around him. Despite the protection of the noise-canceling headphones, he could still feel the eyes of others on him. He continued to feel isolated, as if his condition was an impenetrable wall for others.
he walked away from the groups of people, heading towards a slightly quieter corner. He leaned against a wall, looking around with a blank stare. He felt emotionally tired, but the noise-canceling headphones helped keep him calm for now. mihawk was surprised by Buggy's hand on his shoulder, but he immediately recognized the clown. He turned to look at the familiar blue hair.
"Oh, it's you, Buggy. I was lost in thought."
“It’s new, what are you wearing?”
mihawk sat up, touching the noise-canceling headphones around his ears.
"Oh, it's noise-canceling headphones. Sanji gave it to me. It's supposed to help reduce sensory stimulation and stuff."
"Huh? Why do you need that Hawky?"
Mihawk shifted uncomfortably. he didn't really like talking about his emotional struggles, but he knew he could be honest with Buggy.
“I have difficulty with sensory stimulationloud sounds, crowds, bright lights... it can be a lot for me and make me a little emotionally agitated."
"I understand. I'll be back in a few minutes. You can stay here without any problem."
Mihawk nodded, relaxing slightly against the wall. he felt a little more comfortable with the noise-canceling headphones on, but he could still feel the disconcerting presence of the guests around him.
"Okay, I'll wait for you here."
Mihawk watched as the guests left little by little, feeling relieved that the party was finally over. he remained leaning against the wall, staring blankly at the floor. He was emotionally and physically exhausted, and the noise-canceling headphones helped to dull some of the stimulation he was feeling. Mihawk looked up as Buggy and Crocodile suddenly appeared in front of him. he observed the two men, still leaning against the wall with the noise-canceling headphones around his ears.
Mihawk nodded and removed the noise-canceling headphones from around his ears.
“I asked Croccy to turn off the music and make his bad guy face to get the guests outI felt like it might help."
Mihawk nodded, touched by Buggy and Crocodile's attention. He could feel the last of the guests exiting the house, finally leaving the house relatively quiet.
“Thanks. That helps a little. I'm just a little emotionally tired after all the social stimulation."
"We can see that. We're sorry for all the partying and commotion."
Mihawk saw Crocodile's efforts to understand his situation, and he felt grateful that they were trying to support him. he sighed, leaning back against the wall.
"It's not your fault. I know you just wanted to make me have a happy birthday. It's just that sometimes sensory stimulation can be a little difficult for me, especially around a lot of strangers."
“W-can we just know what’s wrong with you Hawky?”
Mihawk was silent for a moment, hesitant to share the information. He knew Buggy and Crocodile were his loved ones, but he was still embarrassed by his emotional difficulty.
“I...I'm having an emotional difficulty..I am..."
“You mean you’re autistic?” Crocodile asked.
Mihawk nodded, nervous about sharing this information.
"Yes, that's it. I have been diagnosed with autism. This leads to difficulties in social interactions and with sensory stimulation. Like today.”
Mihawk nodded reluctantly. He still felt uncomfortable talking about it, but he knew Buggy and Crocodile wanted to understand his situation.
"It can be a little difficult for me to deal with sensory stimulation and emotions in general. It can make me a little emotional."
"Let's talk about it when Mihawk is comfortable doing so okay Croccy."
Crocodile nodded, knowing it was best to wait until Mihawk was ready to talk more.
"Okay, we won't push him to talk about it yet."
“Let’s go to the bedroom.” Buggy gently placed the headset back on Mihawk's ears.
mihawk nodded, feeling reassured by Buggy's presence. He let Buggy readjust the headset over his ears, dampening the last of the auditory stimulation.
“Okay, let’s head to the bedroom.”
mihawk watched as Buggy and Crocodile got ready for bed, grateful that they were giving him some space and time to get away from any extra stimulation. he remained in his corner of the room, standing quietly while letting the noise-canceling headphones slightly soften the surrounding noises. He felt a little tired, but he knew he still needed some time to completely relax after the party.
mihawk decided to sit on the edge of the bed, watching Buggy and Crocodile finish getting ready for the night. He was grateful for their understanding and patience, knowing that they were trying to support him in their own way. he was silent for a moment, resting on his hands before speaking.
"You know, despite all the commotion, I appreciate that you wanted to throw me this party..."
"Hawky...you know I'm unbearable sometimes...and that's probably going to annoy you...but why haven't you told me and Croccy about your autism?"
Mihawk was silent for a moment, hesitant to answer Buggy's question. he knew he should have told them sooner, but he had always been a little reluctant to share this information.
"It's just... I've always found it difficult to talk about my emotional difficulty. I didn't want you to see differently because of it, I guess..."
"What? Croccy and I are never going to see you differently. We've always noticed your difficulty in expressing yourself but you tried, that's all that matters."
Mihawk seemed relieved by Buggy's words, acknowledging their support. he felt slightly guilty for not telling them sooner, but forced himself to answer.
"I know, it's just... It's always been difficult for me to talk about my emotions and my struggles. I guess I was afraid you'd find it weird or try to push me to change who I am."
"Hey...Hey...it's okay. You don't need to change Croccy and I'm not perfect either."
Mihawk relaxed at Buggy's words, feeling his guilt ease. He knew that perhaps he had hidden this part of himself from others for too long, but he had always been afraid of their reaction.
"I know you don't want to change me. I guess I'm just afraid you'll find me weird or hard to understand..."
"Yes it's difficult sometimes....but Croccy also isn't very good at opening up emotionally because of his traumas remember? You're not weird at all. you know I suffer from anxiety and I'm sometimes too hyperactive."
Mihawk nodded, indeed remembering Buggy's troubles. He knew perfectly well that no one was perfect and that everyone had their own share of emotional flaws.
"I know we each have our own emotional struggles. I guess I always thought no one would truly understand mine..."
"It's okay, if you need help with social altercations I'm here. and Croccy can help when you need calm, rest and solitude."
Mihawk nodded, grateful to Buggy for his support and understanding. he knew that Buggy could actually help him with social interactions, while Crocodile could help him relax and have some alone time when needed.
“Thank you. It means a lot to me that you want to help me and understand me. I’m grateful to you both.”
Mihawk remained seated on the edge of the bed, more relaxed than before. he had always been a little emotionally distant following his difficulty, but he felt a little more at ease knowing that Buggy and Crocodile tried to understand him and help him when needed. He remained silent for a moment, lost in thought, before speaking.
“Can I ask you something...?”
“Tell us what you want.” Crocodile said.
Mihawk took a breath, forcing himself to phrase his question, knowing it might sound a little strange.
"Would you mind if sometimes I need more space and solitude to refocus emotionally? I know it might sound a little weird, but... Well, sometimes I just need time for me to manage the emotions and sensations that invade me..."
“It suits us very well Hawky!”
Mihawk seemed surprised by Buggy's response, but at the same time relieved that they fully accepted his request. Feeling Buggy's hand on his and Crocodile's, he felt safe and understood. his eyes fell lightly on the identical wedding rings.
"Thank you, this is... really important to me. I know sometimes it will be difficult, but knowing that you are there for me helps a lot..."
mihawk remained silent for a moment, still clutching Buggy and Crocodile's hand. He felt emotionally exhausted from everything that had happened, but also soothed by feeling their support.
he remained lost in thought, still gripping their hands in his, before lightly muttering something to himself.
"I was wrong to hide it from you for so long..."
Crocodile moved closer to Mihawk, leaning towards him.
"You don't need to be ashamed of who you are. We knew something was wrong, but we didn't want to force you to tell us if you weren't comfortable doing so. TO DO."
Mihawk looked at Crocodile, grateful to him and Buggy for their understanding and patience.
"I know, it's just... I thought you would react differently if you knew. I was used to hiding my emotional difficulty, acting like everything was fine, and not showing any real weakness. "
crocodile placed a hand on Mihawk's shoulder, still leaning towards him.
"Mihawk, we understood that you would never show your true emotions. But you are not alone. You can always rely on us, no matter the situation."
mihawk was silent for a moment, feeling Crocodile's hand on his shoulder. He knew he could always count on them in any circumstance, despite his emotional difficulty.
"I know. Admitting it is hard, but...I'm grateful to you for that. I guess it feels good to know that someone actually cares about me.”
“Come on, both of you, get into bed.” Buggy said, making gestures that Mihawk would expect so as not to overwhelm him. "Can we cuddle? Calm down a bit and put on some soft music."
Mihawk followed Buggy and walked towards the bed with them. He recognized the gestures Buggy used to tell him that he didn't want to overwhelm him. He sat on the bed, still a little emotionally tired from all the hustle and bustle of the party.
“Okay, some cuddles and some soft music sound like a great idea to relax me a bit.”
Silence had fallen, a calming calm filling the room. mihawk was grateful to these two men for their attention to him, for not being too intrusive with him. He knew that Buggy had the reputation of being a leech within the couple, but he couldn't deny that at that moment, her presence was comforting for him.
the two men held him close, their physical presence providing a sense of security and comfort to Mihawk. He closed his eyes, letting himself be enveloped by their warmth and support. the soft music in the background created a peaceful atmosphere that helped to slightly ease the emotional burden he was carrying.
The moment continued, the two men holding Mihawk between them. he simply let himself go, resting against them, enjoying the sweet warmth that their proximity brought. His thoughts drifted away, and he began to gradually feel his body relax, soothed by the soft music in the background and their arms around him.
mihawk stayed like that for a while, silent, just enjoying the feeling of their arms around him and the soft music. The thoughts and emotions that had previously occupied his mind now seemed slightly distant, replaced by a state of calm and comfort. he felt slightly vulnerable, but at the same time safe between them.
The three men continued to cling to each other for a while, then gradually Mihawk's emotional and physical fatigue began to show. his eyelids grew slightly heavy, his breathing became slower and even as he let himself slip into a peaceful sleep, safe in the arms of Buggy and Crocodile.
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