Back when we were in the er for 2 days (March?) the day shift nurse we first saw offered me a wheelchair, that man was a sweetheart, the nightshift nurse after him was too, she gave my mom and me both two toasty warm blankets while checking my vitals periodically
The wheelchair was not meant for my tiny ass
I felt like a pebble sitting on a hammock with wheels
It took way too much effort for me to wheel myself up and down the short hallway
And I was initially there because my body had shut down in what still is the worst episode we have ever had, by the time I left the hospital I was only moderately less immobile than when they gave me the wheelchair
Had my arms worked with me properly it probably still would have taken me considerable effort to use the wheelchair
Knowing the majority of my body's issues are with and caused by my lower half from the base of my spine down, a wheelchair of some kind would be out best option very soon
Especially with how more frequent it is that our knees/legs are refusing to support us.
Wheelchairs from the hospital kinda suck, hardly comfortable and did not like having to force my legs up so my mom could push me without dragging my feet on the floor (didn't really like that i had to have her push me around in order to use it either but that's what those ones are made for. You'd at least think they'd have a foot rest, the seat was hella low and I'm light as fuck)
We have thought about looking into walkers and got some suggestions but with how or physical condition is declining this way, it probably won't be worth it
Due to our situation however, we can't get a wheelchair. It's not safe, we'll be told not to use it and it might even get taken away or assistance to use it will be refused so we'll be forced to abandon it not to mention how poorly accessible our city is.
Not sure where I was going with this kinda just venting
In a lot of pain, tired but not enough to sleep, and kinda crashing/spiraling.
Worst part is the only thing that came out of that long ass visit was a "we don't know why this happened, we'll blame your bpd and give you meds we give people with depression."
The meds help manage our mood swings at best
But that's it
We still have episodes of intense pain, episodes of our body shutting down, both of which leave us immobile for a range of time
We still occasionally have episodes that feel seizure-like, though a bit less than we used to
Honestly? I'm scared
A big part of why we can't see ourselves living past our mid 20's is because of this, we already have Cotard's Syndrome but this is just
Getting so bad
And the parents won't acknowledge it for the danger it is, not that we could actually talk about it with them in a proper conversation where they listen.
We need to get out of here
But we have way too many doubts to believe anything will really get better for us, it's really hard to realistically see ourselves no longer living here
I think the walking cane is as far as we'll ever get to being able to use assistance even remotely freely besides compression gloves and medication
I'm at a loss
