#cresset

Cresset | Obscurantism | 2021

Slovakian Black/Death Metal

Cresset | Obscurantism | 2021

Slovakian Black/Death Metal

So, back in 2003 or thereabouts, me and a few mates purchased tickets to see Jim Davidson’s stand up tour which was called ‘Vote for Jim’ - it was his take on the country’s state and a parody on political campaigning to become the next prime minister. The tickets were for The Cresset theatre in nearby Peterborough.

Before I continue, it’s worth noting that Davidson, once the cheeky chappy darling of British comedy - his own TV show, Big Break, The Generation Game, an OBE - had started to regularly court controversy. At the time, the most notable occurrence was before a show in Plymouth whereby he refused to go on stage due to the number of wheelchair users in the front row. His act, cheeky as it maybe, was always near to the knuckle in who he took the piss out of, the aforementioned often top of the list. As a result, he refused to go on stage citing that he’d be unable to adhere to his performance with so many of the act’s targets there in the front. This incident caused quite the public backlash. To me that just sweetened the prospect of seeing him live!

On the evening of the show, we arrived at the venue having had a couple in the nearby pub and took our seats, quite near the back of the elevated theatre floor. Once seated, Stuart, next to me, pointed at the chair, sat centre stage with a spotlight shining on it, and dared me to go sit on it, for a tenner. Easy money I thought. So,passing my beer to him to hold, off I set, scrambling on stage and sat myself down.

Two things happened. Firstly, a sea of expectant faces glared at me - to the audience, I was most likely part of the support / warm up act - for a second I pondered launching into some impromptu joke telling but, before I could muster, the second thing to occur was, from my left where theatre entrance was, came running security personnel headed by a bulldog of a man with ‘senior security officer’ emblazoned across his shoulders.

I launched myself from the stage and ran to my seat with bulldog in close tow, amid a crowd of bemused and bewildered faces. Once at my seat, there stood Stuart waving the tenner - single-handedly explaining the whole situation as the silly dare/bet that is was. Cue much laughter and merriment and, as I took my prize and held it aloft, the disgruntled security officer warned me not to try anything like that again, turned and left me be

It hadn’t really occurred to me that security may well have been on high alert since Davidson’s recent faux pas had made him a potential target from those more politically correct. No matter, everyone settled down and the show began with some (forgettable) warm up act.

Soon enough the time came for the main man himself. The first thing he did when on stage is bring up my stunt, calling me out. What ensued was a bit of ding dong with me trying to outwit the great Jim Davidson, heckler style. Before we could really get into it though, some audience member very near the front stood up and interrupted us by loudly asking Davidson, “why are you wearing a tie?” This kind of brought the house down considering the whole tour was a show about Davidson supposedly standing for PM - a suit and tie the most obvious garb. Of course, Davidson turned his attention to the heckler (and somewhat let me off the hook, no doubt). 

Now, when attending such events, it’s customary to pre-order drinks for the intermission. Me and my friends did just that. Stood in the auditorium, partaking of my Guinness, a rather burly chap entered the room and, once spotting me, made his way over. He stood about 6′5″ and was nearly as wide.He asked me whether I was the bloke who’d invaded the stage. His demeanour while not threatening, was less than friendly - he certainly had me and my group’s attention.

There was no denying it so I owned up....what followed was piss funny. If I remember correctly, he went on to explain he was Davidson’s minder for the tour - probably a relatively new position due, in no small amount, to the Plymouth debacle. From what he said,I inferred that the position was slight over kill and that not a sniff of harm had gone Davidson’s way thus far into the tour. Now, however, due to my actions before the show, this bouncer had been instructed by a now disturbed Davidson, to be out front, by the stage, keeping an eye of the audience, for the rest of the tour. To quote, there or thereabouts, “Bang goes me relaxing out the back with a newspaper and a cuppa every evening. Now I’ve got to be out front, putting up with his godawful act, Thanks a lot mate!” I offered to buy him a drink by way of apology but, without a hint of a smile or grace, he refused, turned on his heels, and left. Me and my mates stood in silence for just a few seconds before breaking down in laughter - it turned out to the biggest laugh of the night.