#creator struggles

and of course the classic

I was also sent this from @evaslytherpuff so thank you both 🥰

I think by far my favorite thing I’ve written hasn’t been posted. I was inspired by one single TikTok and busted out the first chapter before getting self conscious and stopped writing it. I still have that chapter though and with some moderate fixing id like to rework the story a bit and actually turn it into a long standing story.

Site Skins.

Do I as a creator have a bad relationship with my stats? Absolutely! I've worked very hard for many years to balance how I see my work and how I feel about reception, but my mental health is an ongoing struggle and for peace of mind I've given up the fight. I can't force my brain to be less mean to me. And I definitely can't control my stats or people's reaction to my work. But what I can do is fix up my environment.

My first step was to turn off email notifications for comments. I still got my daily kudos email, but comments I'd have to go into AO3 to look at.

My next step was to implement a site skin that would block me from seeing my stats. Not just my stats, though, but stats across the board! All I've been able to view for a while now are word counts. But I don't see kudos or comment numbers or bookmark numbers or anything on works or in my stats page. Only word count!

With that in mind, I do still check periodically. I'll remove the site skin once a month to take a looksy at things. But the site skin keeps me from obsessively looking, and with only checking once a month I get a vague idea of change and I never remember the numbers well enough to get too upset. Rude bookmark comments can't be helped, but generally I brace myself for my monthly check-ins.

Most recently I've added a code to the site skin that hides my inbox completely. No more obsessively checking AO3 for comments!

That said, I do love and appreciate all of my comments. I really do! And I will respond to all of them during my monthly check in. I don't want to dissuade anyone from commenting, nor do I want to hear "you can just turn off comments", because I do want them. I just need a healthier relationship with these things and minimizing my access does wonders for my mental health! (And my self-esteem, not gonna lie.)

I even set up my gmail to move all AO3 emails to a particular folder and mark them as unread so I still have backups of my kudos emails, and I even turned email notifications for comments back on! Only now they're separate and hidden and I can take a look when I'm in the right headspace for it!

Being a creator is hard. And it's natural, I think, to get in our own heads about the numbers game, or overthink this comment or that bookmark. A little space does a world of good, I think.

It's the space I've taken the past year or two with social media. I've turned off email notifications and push notifications on all of my apps. It's done me a world of good to not expect myself to be constantly available, or to see and react to every little thing. I don't get alerts for every Tweet or reblog or like. I engage with various platforms when I'm ready for it. When I'm willing and able to jump in and take a look for myself, and jump out when I feel like it, and to not feel the constant pressure of endless connection.

The same I think will hold true for my stats. I have the very fun combination of GAD, OCD, & ADHD. I don't know which of them is being poked and prodded at any given time, or if it's all of them, but I do know that while I've made great strides, I don't think I'll ever be able to fully turn off the parts of me that worry and stress and take too much to heart. But I do have the tools available to make my life a bit easier and more peaceful.

I feel a bit silly and pathetic for talking about all of this. Like I should be morally above it all, or have a stronger will; like I should be cool and collected and unbothered. But I'm not! I care too much about what other people say and think. I care too much about my work, and some part of me will always have doubts and insecurities, and I'll always feel and think certain ways even if I know better. Even if I know that the numbers don't equal my worth, or my work's quality. I'm a human lady. I have flaws and feelings and I'm generally a mess.

But...Well, I know there are people out there like me, at least in some ways. And it might help to know there are options! And you can take it one step at a time. Hide this or that from yourself. Work on slowly stepping away from the stat obsession.

Or maybe you're not like me at all and you have the healthiest relationship to numbers known to man. In that case, it's still good to know your options because you can also use site skins for aesthetics! I'm not the person to ask about that, mind you, but it's possible!

The Pizzaplex was opened an earlier year in my AU than it was in canon because... well, if Security Breach takes place in 2035 in FNAF, Melissa Pomene would be 50 years old in that universe. I'm not ready to be that old yet, so I'm forced to make adjustments. But I still want the Pizzaplex to be somewhat "new", so...

Follower:"Oh, no! Can I do something to make the sad go away?❤"

Creators:"You could like or reblog my art or fics?😍"

Follower:"Phew! Uh, man, uhm, anything other than that? Send you cute kitten pics or gifs maybe?😅"

there is no fanfic