Long time no see, friends.

First order of business: I posted an author's note/update to smile with sweet surprise. It's not a new chapter. I don't know if I'll ever finish it, so it contains information about how the story was mean to end. That's all under spoiler dropdowns, so if you want to check out the rest of the author's note without being spoiled, you can.

Secondly, I've been writing! But not for Harry Potter, but rather Heated Rivalry. This bit gets a little complicated.

I have a one-shot posted as danpuff for HR, and 2 other works posted Anonymously. While I dearly loved Heated Rivalry (the show and the books!), and would highly recommend them to...literally anyone who stands still long enough...the fandom itself has been a bit intense.

Writers have been accused of using AI, with no real proof. Writers are being harassed for either perceived AI usage, or not following what the fandom at large "approves" of. I've seen someone be torn apart for making a HR playlist entirely made up of Taylor Swift songs. I've seen authors dragged to hell on Threads or also writing HP fic.

HR is huge, and it has attracted a lot of people new to fandom, which has been a little bit hellish.

I've already had such a tenuous relationship with fandom, and seeing how bad HR spaces can be is why I decided all future fics (after Picture Perfect) would be Anonymous. Not having my name or socials attached to my new works feels marginally safer than having them under my danpuff pseud.

If anyone here does want to read my anon HR works, you can reach out to me and I can send you the link. Most people here are good ones, I think, and I'll trust you all to not run around telling everyone "DANPUFF WROTE [insert fics here]."

Though I also think people here are curious about the fate of my HP fics. smile with sweet surprise is on indefinite hiatus. Other fics I have more hope for. I've been getting everyone's comments, even if I haven't been replying to them lately, and they've meant so much to me, and make me feel inspired to return to my HP WIPs one day, maybe soon.

Hopes of the Heart is the most likely to be updated/completed, as it has a full outline and is closer to the finish-line than any of the others.

A Taste for You has half of an outline, but is so compelling I'm sure I'll write more of it.

Wasted for Love has a full outline, and is the fic I've had in my mind and my heart for years, and I truly believe I'll finish it one day.

Love, Your Enemy series, or rather the sequel to Contempt and Devotion, I have no outline for and no draft, but I still have hope I'll get there eventually.

I don't know if that's what anyone wanted to hear, but I've been actively writing and feel more inspired now than I have in a while, so I don't think I'm done just yet.

Long time no see, friends!

I'm tentatively dipping my toes back into fandom, now that life seems to have settled (let me find some wood to knock on, brb).

I left my job of 10 years at the end of May, and I've been settling into my new life as a....idk, homemaker? Kept woman? Stay at home girlie?

Somehow I thought I'd quit work and jump right into a new kind of productivity, but...Well, to be fair, I did mostly get my home in order, but other than that, it's been a lot of decompressing. I had all of these plans of getting back into crafting or writing and instead I've been reading and traveling and getting into new routines.

Today's the first time I've written in ages. I was halfway through a new chapter of A Taste for You (previously: Sugar, Honey) when I decided to go on hiatus, so I worked a bit on that today.

My current plan is to finish this chapter. Edit and post the next chapter of Hopes of the Heart (which has a finished draft), then edit and post this chapter. I still plan to finish smile with sweet surprise this year, too.

I won't promise anything. Life doesn't always go as planned. But I'm feeling optimistic at the moment.

Love you all.

Sharing works can be such a scary and vulnerable experience. Putting that creation one spent so much time on, put so much hard work into, what you're so passionate about; putting that out into the world for everyone to see, and judge. Not knowing how it will be received, how people will react.

It can be scary to put yourself out there, let alone leave yourself out there.

For me...I go through phases where I want to delete everything. Where I hate my work. When I'm embarrassed and ashamed, and when I wished I were better. Better on a technical level, better content, etc. Days when I wished I didn't have so much hurt inside of me, so I didn't have to craft such angsty stories. Days when I feel like the odd duck out, because my vision doesn't align with what other people want to see.

It's insecurity, yeah. I can admit that.

I've deleted works before, and regretted it. People had been quite mean on some stories, and I'd been so hurt and so humiliated, I deleted what I thought were the "worst offenders." Even if they weren't good, I still regret it. They were still part of my story, still part of my history.

And so...the collection.

In times when it's overwhelming, or I'm in an especially bad period, I have an escape. I can lock my works in a vault and keep them safe and protected and for my eyes only, until I feel prepared to share them again.

It's all quite complicated. For all that I at times hate them, there's a reason I share my work in the first place. I care so much about what I do, and I want to share that with people, and connect with people. But creators also don't owe their works to anyone. And though I'm sorry if people miss their favorite stories when they're hidden, I do have to take care of myself first and foremost.

The collection means that, in the worst times, I can lock everything down so I can breathe again. It also means I won't delete anything when it all gets to be too much.

People can think whatever they like about me because of this, but I hope that you can all understand why.

I'm a sensitive lady. That might make for a good story, but it can also make for bad times. Especially when outside factors come into play.

So, I've decided to take a bit of a hiatus. Primarily from posting new fics or updates, but I also plan to take a step back from fandom in general.

I have some posts queued up here, and I may pop in from time to time, but on the whole I've been having a rough time and need to focus on self-care. I put a lot of love and energy into fandom, and I could really use that for myself right now.

This year has had many ups and downs, and as of late it feels as if the whole world is a down. Real life has really smacked me down, and I've felt so isolated from all of the things and people I love. But as ever, the world is looking up, and I can see the light...and looking back brings me so much joy and fulfillment. I've accomplished so much that I don't give myself credit for. More than I'll dare type up here, but let's go through the highlight reel, shall we?

My therapist tells me that writing is who I am. She stated at our last appointment that I light up when I talk about writing. She was glad to hear I'd been writing again, since it's been so long since I have.

Life has been pretty rough for months now. Right now is not the worst of it, but things still aren't great. I'm pretty permanently exhausted. I feel stuck where I am. My anxiety is bad.

So for the past few months I've just...given myself grace? In a way, anyway. I let myself laze around in my off time. My partner and I have been having horror movie marathons every weekend. I finished season 2 of Our Flag Means Death (finally!), and we started season 2 of Wheel of Time, and I plan on nudging him to start season 2 of Good Omens soon. Oh, we also started watching the Chucky TV series (we finished season 1 last weekend!)

It feels like a whole lot of nothing. It's been nice. I also feel a bit...off. Like I'm just floating through life. I miss creating. Even if it's not writing...Bookbinding or scrapbooking or...jewelry making, even. Even reading again would feel more real to me. I need to "do" something, and I worry that if this keeps up, I might never be able to "do" anything again.

My recent poking at Scrivener has felt so useless, but I think it's a step in the right direction, even if I don't finish anything anytime soon. "Progress is progress", as I like to say.

A lot of my recent struggles are related to ongoing issues of...People expect so much from me, in my life. When they know me and see what I can do, they expect so much, and so rarely appreciate any of it. And now especially I'm so close to another anniversary of leaving the Bad Fandom Space, and being so aware of those old wounds. The same wound opened over and over again.

My everlasting need to be productive...I really need to untie my creativity from my productivity. Maybe I'd enjoy it more, and maybe it would heal me more, if I could manage that. Instead, I look at my pitiful word counts, and see how far I am from the end, and feel defeated all over again.

But I do feel more "me" since I've been at least trying to write. And I invested in a new Cricut Maker that will, hopefully, encourage me to craft more. And I have plenty of future appointments scheduled out with my therapist.