#crazy squirrel lady

I moved to a new apartment in a different city a week and a half ago. Here are the neighbours I have encountered so far:

Neighbour No. 1: A guy who is always on his porch talking on his cell phone who pretty much always hangs up whenever he sees me and then starts dialling again as soon as I walk by. 

Neighbour No. 2: A girl who I have only seen once, at 3 in the morning on Saturday, when she and some guy were fumbling for keys to get into her apartment. I casually walked by her in my bridesmaid dress (because I had been in a wedding earlier that day before going out to the bar, DUH) and mumbled hi, and then she mumbled hi, and the guy was like, uhhh, and it was awkward for everyone. 

Neighbour No. 3: This is when things get weird. I walked home from work today and was about to walk up my driveway, when I saw a middle aged woman on the sidewalk making squirrel noises and throwing nuts at a couple of squirrels. I really hate when people feed wild animals - seriously, it grinds my gears, I wrote an editorial about it one time and everything. Don't feed wild animals! It's bad for the animals and it's annoying for other humans and seriously, squirrels? The squirrels are fine, there are nuts everywhere just leave them alone! 

ANYWAY. I'm pretty sure I was giving this lady a pretty dirty look as these idiot squirrels ran by my feet, and that's when she said, "Oh, you must be the new neighbour!" She introduced herself and then introduced the squirrels. Yes, she has named the squirrels. Their names are Tubby and Kinky (I think because his tail is wonky, but honestly it could be a sex thing, I DON'T KNOW, I'm not the one who named two squirrels). 

She proceeded to tell me she looks after the squirrels and protects them from traffic, and that she's been looking after them since they were babies last April. And then my mind exploded because this whole thing was so weird so she probably said some other stuff about her pet squirrels that she feeds every day that I missed.