"Most people don't crave attention. They crave resonance."

I keep reminding myself: I don’t have the capacity for love right now. I don’t have the energy to fall into anyone’s arms and stay there. Casual is all I can hold. Casual is safer. Casual doesn’t demand a future I know I can’t give.

But then there’s him. And he’s casual too—clear about it, upfront, no illusions. And yet, he’s the kind of man I would fall for if things were different. He’s got that mix of steadiness and humor, that way of looking at me that makes me feel noticed in the right kind of way. The kind of qualities that usually slip past my defenses.

So I sit across from him and sip my coffee and tell myself: this is fine, this is light, this is temporary. And maybe it is. But there’s a part of me that flinches every time I catch myself wanting more. Because I know what my heart does when it recognizes someone who fits. It reaches. Even when it shouldn’t. Even when I can’t.

Not wanting to take a pill

I lay here in my bed

Trying to pass out by shear force of will

Perhaps if we spoke

If you talked me down

I could find peace

I would no longer drown

But I’ll never ask

I’m far too shy

So I’ll stay here in my quiet