#crackoneshot

Masterlist

Christmas Department

Post Vengeance Saga!Poseidon x Reader

EPIC: The Musical ~ Oneshot ~ Crackshot

Words: 229

Published: 12/4/2024

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“I wish Odysseus killed me,” Poseidon grumbled with a heaved sigh. Working in Ithaca’s most famed department store during Christmas was crazy and tiring. A duck quacked in the exhausted worker's face before walking off the treadmill register and morphing into a wall. Poseidon began sobbing and wailing.

“WHY MEEEEEE!!! MY POOR DUCK AND WIFE!!!!” The wife in question was a cookie sat on top of the cash register. Lighting struck the mushroom aisle, murdering all the old people instantly. The god sighed again, knowing a hundred broccoli people would complain about the weather. 

Suddenly the doors burst open with a ginormous explosion. In the smoke stood a famed figure of being radical. Y/n L/n. 

“Nya~! Poseidon-senpai~!” They called with their signature cat paws. Poseidon's eyes became hearts as he began floating up and drooling as an ocean fell from his mouth and evaporated on Y/n’s hotness.

“My kitten, my toots, my mwah mwah meowsies,” Poseidon praised like the papi he was. 

Slowly before his eyes, Y/n began morphing into something. Their posture bent as their mouth elongated and their nose grew bigger. A dog. Y/n became a dog.

“RUFF RUFF MEOW ARF ARF!” Poseidon grinned and hopped around in joy like a kawaii e-girl. 

“Let’s go trim a tree!” Poseidon grabbed Y/n’s legs and ran off somewhere.

Masterlist

Reading Songs

Superstar!Sans x Reader

Words: 641

Published: 5-26-2024

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I was crowded by the huge crowd all around me. It was a huge rave that my friend convinced me to go to but now she left me. I hate this. I hate all the noise and people. Everyone is so loud and obnoxious. It’s just a rave, can’t they be quiet? Anyways, I was standing near the side of the room while the DJ played some music. I was reading my book, It Starts With Us by Colleen Hoover. She is my favorite author ever. I can relate to every one of her books, it’s like she writes them just for me.

The DJs loud voice over the microphone cut me out of my reading world as I sighed in frustration. Couldn’t they have some compassion for a booktoker like myself? Grumbling out my anger, I listened to what the DJ had to say.

“Yo yo yo! What is up with my gangstas! Tonight we have a special someone just for you guys!!! Let me hear you holler! It’s the one, the only, Funny Bone!!” The DJ introduced the star, an extremely famous idol known for his comedy songs. Smoke filled the stage as a figure appeared. Once in view, I saw him. I saw the most hottest and majestic man there ever was. But he wasn’t even a man….he was a skeleton. From his tall 6’4 height to his buff bones and ribcage. But, I wasn’t like all these other girls. I wasn’t going to swoon over some guy I don’t even know.

I ignored how he was dancing and doing a hot jig while his voice serbaded the room. I continued to read my book. But soon, I heard the music louder and more direct. Looking up, I saw the singer in front of me. He was holding his hand out for me to grab while looking in my eyes. The skeleton continued singing a love song.

“Cause I don’t mind if the world spins faster

Music’s louder, the waves get stronger

I don’t mind if the world spins faster

faster

faster

Just let me take you to a better place!”

I am in shock. I slowly grab his boney hand and he pulls me onto the stage and holds me close in his arms. My beautiful orbs look up to him through my long fluttery lashes. He looks in my colorful spheres while still singing. Funny Bone spins me around in a circle. Soon enough, the song and concert is over and the crowd cheers loudly before leaving. But I’m still on stage with Funny Bone. Once the entire audience leaves, he turns to me with a big smile.

“I saw you down there reading, I didn’t know someone could be so beautiful and so natural!” He complimented me with those dark eyes, only lit up by a blue dot in each. I laugh nervously as I look at this hunk of a man in front of me.

“Oh yeah, I’m just not like those other girls who swoon so easily.” I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. I’m so small compared to him. He chuckled this deep and beeping chuckle.

“Yeah, you’re different. I like that about you. Anyways, my name is Sans. Sans Undertale.” He smirked at me with his husky voice. I blushed deeply.

“O-o-o-o-oh I i i i i i i i’m Y-y-y-y-y-y-y/n…” I looked down anxiously. He grabbed my chin, forcing me to look back at him. His eyes were half lidded as he gave me a dark smile.

“That’s a beautiful name, Y/n. And you’re so petite too, why don’t we go back to my room and talk more?” He suggested. I was shocked but hooked.

Prompt: Mail Order Bride/Arranged Marriage

Requested: Kinda(it was for a deal)

I gave Y/n some design choices, deal with it pls

Title:Is Love Bought?

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There she stood, in all her sassy glory. Her yellow orbs glisten in the sunlight like cat urine or the moon's glow. A few days prior, y/n decided they were done with being a lonely, sad, and miserable fortnite player and discord mod. They went onto the dark web and searched “Order A Bride.com”. Y/n clicked the first one they saw, someone named Stelle. She was beautiful, and y/n couldn’t care less about her personality. Back to the present, y/n stood frozen. It was love at first sight. They couldn’t take their eyes off of Stelle’s orbs.

Y/n cleared their throat. “Ahem, you are my wife?”

Stelle suddenly became very nervous “y-y-y-y-y-y-y-yes I-I-I-I a-a-a-a-a-a-am……..”

“No need to be worried, Kitten. I will take great care of you.” Y/n laughed darkly. “One rule, don’t make me angry. When I get angry, I see red! You don’t want to see my dark side.” Y/n growled like the alpha werewolf they are.

Stelle flinched in fear. Y/n let Stelle into their house. “You sleep here.” Y/n said as they pointed to a dog cage. “W-what?! B-B-But I’m your w-wife! Don’t I s-sleep with y-you?!” Stelle exclaimed in fear.

“Ugh fine. If you’re going to be a jerk about it.” Y/n groaned. They led Stelle to their room. As soon as Stelle stepped into the room, she passed out. The epic gamer discord mod smell flooded the room and knocked her out. Y/n shrugged and went to their computer to start playing fortnite. Then Y/n remembered something. “Oh my giddily goodness! I am no longer single he he he ha! I am no longer cringe!” Y/n cheered as they spun in their Valorant chair.

Then Stelle woke up. “W-what happened?” She asked worriedly. “Nothing Kitten, you are just weak. Now let’s go watch anime together grrrr.” Y/n growled as they dragged Stelle to the living room couch. Y/n decided to put on My Hero Academia. “I just love Tor-door-oh-key! He is so ka-why-ee! Gosh, look at me sharing all this with you. I’m such a baka!”

Stelle sat there confused and terrified. Then suddenly, she was transported to another dimension. “H-hello?” She called out into the darkness of the void she fell into. Then she saw Y/n. With their 3 foot tall frame and golden hair. (if ur bald, use this line: With their 3 foot tall frame and glistening smooth baldness)

Y/n’s blue ocean skyline galaxy rainbow water rainy icy snowy blue orbs shone in the emptiness. “Y-Y/n?” Stelle called out.

“Hello Kitten.” Y/n spoke, their voice booming with power and dominance. “You have not been good.”

“W-What?! I have been amazing!” Stelle yelled.

“You didn’t follow the one rule.” Y/n screamed in anger. “This is my dark side GRRRRR!!!”

“AAAHHHHHH” Stelle screamed as Y/n bit Stelle’s neck. Stelle felt her teeth fall out and be replaced. She had fangs?!

“W-what happened?!” Stelle asked quickly.

“I am no human. I am an alpha werewolf demon angel vampire royal fairy gremlin Shrek Lorax Onceler O’Hare Air Blue Smurf Cat.” Y/n recited perfectly.

“WHAT IN THE FLIPPITY FLOP IS THAT?!” Stelle yelled.

“GRRRRRRR” Y/n punched Stelle in the gut, causing her to shatter the fourth wall. Stelle looked at you, the reader.

“Nah bro help me out. This story has gone on long enough. It is too crazy. Tell the author to fix their brain.” Stelle was shut up by yours truly. Because Stelle can't keep her noisy little mouth shut. Haha she is such a goofy goober lol. Now where were we? Oh yeah, my b I forgor.

Stelle was thrown into a wall that appeared out of nowhere. Then suddenly, she woke up. She was on the couch with Y/n. She looked around, it seemed like her and Y/n fell asleep while watching My Hero Academia. Stelle looked down to see she peed on the couch like the stupid wife she is.