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me: *finished with tasks, about to go to sleep*
me: "I need to think about what I'll say about that debilitating flashback in my next therapy session"
me: *thinks about the trigger and flashback*
the flashback: *harms me further*
I have some very poorly thought out ideas sometimes. Imma be real. That was not pleasant.
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I'm feeling really weird! Let's play a game of what is it this time
- dissociation (I still don't completely know how that fucking works I wish I had a behavior checklist)
- sleep deprevation (maybe)
- flashback (I smelled chlorine earlier like?? What????)
- my senses are being weird for no reason
- autistic copying because I'm reading about dissociation
- stress? (usually any time I look any of my symptoms up Google says 'maybe stress')
- im faking it (which I feel like is really the most likely option here)
I'm starting to wonder whether all of our times of feeling like we're going to be sick, or feeling deeply, suddenly depressed or feeling like we need to scream and cry and life everything is too much were emotional flashbacks all along
I need to pay more attention to potential triggers. We had a very definite emotional flashback and I swear I thought we didn't have them but now I'm wondering whether we just never understood what a flashback can be like when you have DID
Considering throwing myself out of my window just to feel something other than this
