#coyness

I believe it is generally admitted that the ladies are vastly superior to the other portion of mankind in the practice of insincerity in conversation, whether in the more perplexing affairs of lover or in the common occurrences of life. Indeed, whatever may be their neglect in the studies of the learned languages, or the historians of their own or other countries, we cannot but admire the assiduity and perseverance with which they cultivate this enchanting art. On a topic so congenial they display an assiduity and perseverance of investigation that would do honor to the first mathematicians and philosophers of the age. One might imagine that they were afraid the harmony of their tones, their wit, their eloquence, and their brilliant liveliness of conversation, might be entirely lost upon their admirers, if they told them the plain truth; and I cannot but fancy that those admirers do actually give them credit for falsehood since the custom was introduced. If a lady should chance to be candid, she would entertain the same hope of being believed as the fox in his declining years who declared that he intended to reform.

Mr. Tattle, in the comedy of Love for Love, instructing a young lady in the forms of courtship, desired her to deny that she loved him, "else he should not care a fig for her in a moment." And to the question "what, must I lie then?" he answers, "yes, if you will be well-bred: all well-bred persons lie; besides, you are a woman. You should never speak what you think; your words must contradict your thoughts, but your actions may contradict your words. So when I ask you if you can love me, you must say no! But you must love me too. If I tell you that you are handsome, you must deny it, and say I flatter you: but you must think yourself more charming than I speak you, and like me for the beauty which I say you have, as much as if I had it myself. If I ask you to kiss me, you must be angry, but must not refuse me: if I ask you for more, you must be more angry but more complying; and as soon as ever I make you say you'll cry out, you must be sure to hold your tongue."

The origin of this inclination to deceit, so prevalent among ladies in love affairs, puzzled me extremely, until the other day in turning over the leaves of that celebrated work, the history of Joseph Andrews, I met with the following passage;

"Thou wilt not (says Fielding) be angry with the beautiful creatures, when thou hast considered that at the age of seven or something earlier, Miss is instructed by her mother that Master is a very monstrous kind of animal, who, if she suffers him to come too near her, will eat her up and grind her to pieces; that so far from kissing and toying with [him] of her own accord, she must not admit him to kiss or toy with her; and lastly, she must never have any affection towards him, for if she should, all her friends in petticoats would esteem her a traitress, point at her, and hunt her out of their society. These impressions being first received, are further and deeper inculcated by their school-mistresses and companions, so that by the age of ten, they have contracted such a dread of the above-mentioned monster, that whenever they see him, they fly from him as the innocent hare doth from the greyhound. Hence to the age of fourteen or fifteen they entertain a mighty antipathy to Master. They resolve, and frequently profess, that they never will have any commerce with him, and entertain fond hopes of passing their lives out of his reach: of the possibility of which they have so visible an example in their good maiden aunt. But when they arrive at this period, and have now passed their second climacteric, when their wisdom grown riper begins to see a little further, and almost daily falling in Master's way, to apprehend the difficulty of keeping out of it; and when they observe him to look at them often, and sometimes very eagerly and earnestly too, (for the monster seldom takes notice of them till at this age) they then begin to think of their danger, and as they perceive they cannot easily avoid him, the wiser part begin to think of providing by other means for their security. They endeavour by all the methods they can invent, to render themselves so amiable in his eyes, that he may have no inclination to hurt them: in which they generally succeed so well, that his eyes by frequent languishing soon lessen their idea of his fierceness, and so far abate their fears, that they venture to parley with him: and when they perceive him so different from what he hath been described, all gentleness, softness, kindness, tenderness, and fondness, their dreadful apprehensions vanish in a moment, and now (it being usual in the human mind to skip from one extreme to its opposite, as easily, and almost as suddenly, as a bird from one bough to another) love instantly succeeds to fear; but as it happens to persons, who have in their infancy been thoroughly frightened with certain no-persons called ghosts, that they retain their dread of those beings after they are convinced there are no such things: so these young ladies, though they no longer apprehend devouring, cannot so entirely shake off all that hath been instilled into them. They still entertain the idea of that censure which was so strongly imprinted on their tender minds, to which the declarations of abhorrence they every day fear from their companions, greatly contribute. To avoid this censure, therefore, is now their only care: for which purpose, they still pretend the same aversion to the monster, and the more they love him, the more ardently they counterfeit the antipathy. By the continual and constant practice of which deceit on others, they at length impose on themselves, and really believe they hate what they love."

Big day tomorrow Warrior.  Do you still keep your guard up? Or do you lower your shields and offer the keys to your castle? Well, if it's of any help, here are the latest statistics on love and marriage to provide some unbiased perspective: 41% 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘥𝘪𝘷𝘰𝘳𝘤𝘦. 60% 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘥𝘪𝘷𝘰𝘳𝘤𝘦. 73% 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘥𝘪𝘷𝘰𝘳𝘤𝘦. Ouch, Love sure is a Battlefield! Be careful out there Warrior!  But really, no one can tell you who to love.  Time is only the revealer of whether the love you found is tried and true.  So play your cards and take your chances Warrior. And remember, All's Fair In Love and War.

Something About the Way She Looks

What is it? (more…)

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