#cousins fluff

Konan: I just don’t know how much longer I can fake a smile with this.

Hidan: Yeah, it’s fuckin’ getting out of hand …

Nagato: Now, now. I know that Itachi’s new hobby is a bit hard to take, but …

Sasori: It’s blatant plagiarism, is what it is! I’M the one who creates replicas for a hobby! How is he just going to suddenly decide that he likes making dolls of all of us?!

Kisame: Hey, he tries his best …

Hidan: *holds up his doll* But this shit looks nothing like me! I mean I know that fucker is practically blind but come on … how do you confuse yellow hair with my beautiful silver locks?!

Deidara: At least the HAIR is all that’s wrong with yours, hm — look at mine! Why do I have a hunchback!?! And why do my handmouths look like sick lizards??

Konan: Why did he make mine with one breast so much smaller than the other?

Sasori: … well to be fair your chest IS a bit uneven —

Konan: Shut up!

Nagato: *clearing throat* Look, we all know his creations are … unflattering. But it keeps him occupied and makes him happy, so just bear with it.

Kakuzu: Very noble, Leader, but our budget can’t “bear with it” much longer. *hands him a list* Do you see what all of the materials and paint are costing us??

Nagato:

Nagato: Okay this needs to end. Kisame, he’s your partner, so you go in there and —

Tobi: No.

Nagato: No?

Tobi: No. Itachi-san deserves happiness at whatever cost. And considering all the money we spend on useless things, like Konan’s makeup and Hidan’s scythe polish, I think we can spare this too.

Nagato: Nevertheless —

Tobi, eye glowing: NO. Now one by one all of you are going to go in there and tell him you LOVE your doll. If not, the next thing he’s going to be creating is all of you … under your headstones. Understand??

Everyone:

Everyone: *stampedes over each other to get to Itachi*

Zetsu: You’re really protective over him, aren’t you?

Tobi: It’s the least I can do for my little cousin. And besides … *holds up his doll* MINE looks pretty good.

Zetsu: Yes but yours is the only one that does …

Tobi: *shrugs* Sounds fair to me.

Obito: This should catch these pesky little rodents …

Itachi, from kitchen: Obito-niisan? Can you help me?

Obito: *goes into kitchen* What’s wrong?

Itachi: I can’t get this rice to come out quite right. Can you —

*loud screams are heard from the living room; Obito races in with Itachi behind him*

Obito: What the hell —

*Deidara and Hidan look up sheepishly; both of their hands are caught inside of two mouse trap doors*

Deidara: W-we just wanted a snack, hm…

Hidan: Fuck you for putting peanut butter in these; you KNOW I love peanut butter, you bastard!

Obito: What in the world is the matter with you two?! You couldn’t just come in the kitchen and get food like a normal human?! I can’t believe that —

Itachi: *bursts into sudden, loud laughter*

Deidara:

Hidan:

Obito: *stares in awe; this is the first time Itachi has laughed in months. the sound of it is absolutely beautiful*

Obito, holding back chuckles of his own: Y-you two … *carefully releases each of their hands from the traps* Go sit in the kitchen. Since you’re so hungry, you’re going to help Itachi and myself make dinner.

*Deidara and Hidan race excitedly into the kitchen*

Obito: *puts his hand on Itachi’s back; Itachi’s laughter has calmed into snorts and giggles*

Obito: What do you say we get in there before Deidara gets his head stuck in a pot or something?

Itachi: *gives Obito a lovely smile* Okay, Obito-nii. *goes into kitchen*

Obito: *sets the traps back in place*