#coura fall

Coura Fall

~ America (24) ~

3. Beauty Tips with Patrick Starrrrrrrr

Ashley Graham enters the house, but this time she doesn’t bring any pesto pasta. She’s here to talk about accepting your own body and blah blah blah… it’s really hard to pay attention because Ashley’s boobs are on display in a major way.

But, sure, I agree, big is beautiful, particularly when it’s DD.

Ashley prompts the models to talk about their insecurities and who they’ll represent with their look. Jeana’s not just doing it for the alopecia sufferers, she’s also looking forward to repping for bald men. Yeah, she really said that. I don’t know how many men with receding hairlines have been waiting for a bald lady to make them feel good in their own hairless skin, but let’s go with it!

Coura says she’s cried in cab rides home from modeling agencies (cabs? did she also drop out of driver’s ed?) that have called her “too masculine.” Coura, you bitch, that’s Brendi K’s [the K stands for Ken doll] insecurity, you can’t steal it.

Christina is more confident in her look, which Ashley acknowledges. Christina says, “I don’t want to have that I’ve-been-there-done-that attitude, but…” Nope! Stop while you’re ahead Christina. “… but like I do have the experience.”

So she doesn’t want to say she’s been there, done that, but she also wants to say that she’s been there, done that. Christina, this is supposed to be about how you’re going to be relatable to people, not come off as obnoxious.

Next she claims to be more “professional” than the other girls… in what fucking world, Christina? She’s come off as a brat since moment one.

Ashley isn’t the only guest to visit the house. Next through the door is… Oh my god! It’s… whoever that is.

I don’t watch Youtube personalities nor do I wear makeup, so I had to google Patrick Star… which is apparently a Sponge Bob character.

From there I learned that the challenge’s special guest is actually named Patrick Starrr with three R’s. That’s more R’s than Kyle’s first love, Starr, even. I’m tempted to call that stupid, but if he’s brave enough to wear that outfit, he can have all the R’s he wants, I reckon.

It makes me feel better that we don’t get any evidence that anyone aside from Rio knows who Patrick Starrr is either. I mean, I guess Tyra did, too, since she appeared on his channel, but I watched the video and it’s clear to me she did it an attempt to plug her cosmetics line more than anything. I mean, she’s snapping on her gum like she’s too good to be there.

Rather than watching the full video, I suggest you watch this compilation of Tyra testing Patrick’s patience:

Anyway, Starrr is here to shoot beauty videos with the girls for a social media challenge. The girls get some unusual items to work with in their videos, like hardboiled eggs, scotch tape, shaving cream, and condoms. There’s also “chicken cutlets,” which I’m pretty sure is of the bra padding variety, but in my head, I’m pretending the models were rubbing their faces with raw chicken because that makes the segment that much more exciting. Salmonella, here we come!

The worst two performers, as far as we can tell, are Christina and Coura. Christina is too slow at pulling tape off the dispenser (hey, sometimes it gets stuck, we’ve all been there) while Coura talks way too fast to be understood. Too slow and too fast? No wonder they end up in the bottom two. I can hear Tyra’s speech already: “You each have what the other one needs…”

Erin also seems a little lost because she’s 40-whatever and doesn’t understand social media. She’s still waiting for all her fellow contestants to accept her Friendster invites.

As for the standouts, there’s Rio, who acts a little extra if you ask me, but that’s probably not a problem for viewers of someone like Patrick Starrrrrr.

The other stars are the team of Sandra and Shanice. Sandra can’t stop laughing that she got assigned the condoms because, I don’t know if you’ve heard this, she’s a virgin. If she’s not going to stuff a cock in it, I hope she at least stuffs a sock in it, because it’s really not that big of a deal.

Shanice, though, is out to prove that she’s every bit of the freak we assumed she was since that acting challenge. She says she has three personas: Sha-Nice, Sha-Mean, and Sha-Nasty, and while handling condoms, it’s Sha-Nasty who is out to play. She tells us that she likes “hard” condoms, and that she likes them on her face. Why would you want a condom on their face, though?

Unfortunately for Sha-Nasty, that’s just a little too vulgar to win the prize unless Law is judging, so her scene partner Sandra gets the win instead. Sandra’s video will appear on Patrick’s channel, misinforming viewers that rubbing condoms on your face is a good form of beauty treatment. 

America’s Next Top Model: Cycle 24 Season 24

Contestants

———-

Coura Fall

24 years old

1.78 m. (5 ft 10 in)

Yeah, I had so much hope for this cycle. How people like Erin, Brendi and Shanice are still around is beyond me. Out of the eliminations I’ve agreed with Ivana, and to an extent, Coura (she was stunning, but her portfolio had been weak). But other than those two, they have all been ridiculous. Khrys and Jeana are both stars, but the fact only 2/7 are strong models is wrong. Rio is alright, but has a stank attitude that makes it impossible to support her, and Kyla has potential, but her portfolio has been lacklustre.

I am hoping someone good comes back with the comeback, personally hoping for Liberty as I feel she was the most robbed so far, but anyone bar Ivana would be alright with me. Knowing my luck it will end up being Ivana, or whoever is eliminated next week (probably Brendi, possibly Erin).

Umm, this cycle is a bit more difficult to read than last cycle. I remember I knew within seconds of seeing Tatiana and India’s interviews that they would be the final two, but I didn’t get any such vibes this time. The only thing that was painfully obvious was that Maggie would be the first one eliminated (none of the judges liked her, she had no real story for reality tv, and the “white homegirl” thing was such bs).

If I had to guess how it’d go down, it’d be something like this (though it’s probably horribly off):

Khrystyana - I go back and forth on her. There was a moment in this episode where I felt she was getting the Allison edit, but she’s literally the only contestant I can see winning. The winners are always obvious, and Khrystyana seems the obvious choice to me given she’s not stick-thin and she’s over 30, and also shows modeling potential.

Kyla - Her edit is just the right mix of boring and interesting to make her the obvious runner-up. I think her modeling abilities will carry her far, and the judges will use her to justify whoever they want to win, as Kyla is too much of a typical model to represent this cycle as its winner.

Rio - Seems to represent just about everything they want from this cycle, so I think she’s a possible candidate for the win in the eyes of the judges. However, I get the vibe that she cracks under pressure. Top 3 seems about right for her edit to me, so far.

Jeana - I think she’s the fake-out frontrunner. The one that’s meant to distract us from the real winner that is hiding in plain sight. Top 4 is usually the shocker elimination, so I think it’ll be her.

Christina - I think she’ll wind up being this cycle’s villain. She’s mild-mannered for now, but as the weeks go on she’ll definitely crack. Plus, she’s a decent model so the judges will be able to use that as reason to keep her around.

Erin - I think she’ll go far purely based on her age, as it’s sure to eventually cause drama in the house (Baby Boomers tend not to get along with Millennials or iGen for extended periods of time).

Coura - Seems like the frontrunner right now, but I guarantee that’ll change. She doesn’t have a reality tv personality, and she doesn’t match the message they’re trying to send this cycle. Too much of a legit model for this cycle.

Liz - At one point I would have said that Liz would win, but that walk…lol. She has the personality they’re looking for, which will keep her on for a good while, but eventually the judges are going to crack down on her. She’ll probably be in the bottom 2 a few weeks in a row.

Sandra - I think Sandra could land here, or maybe switch spots with Erin. She seems like she’ll have a few good reality tv moments, but none of the judges seem to be taking her seriously as a model. If her edit stays as bland as it is now, she’ll probably land here, but if she become the source of drama she’ll probably be more where Erin is on my prediction.

Shanice - She’s one of the ones I’m least sure about. The judges seem to love her for whatever reason, but I also get the feeling that they’ll cut her the second they don’t like something she does.

Liberty - The Trump supporter that they obviously cast to have a feud with activist Kyla. I assume they’ll keep her for a bit for the drama, but then promptly eliminate her because they don’t want to risk her becoming the likable villain. They’ll probably disguise her elimination as her being too “bland” or whatever, though.

Rhiyan - Who? No, but really, her edit is non-existent. I’ll be shocked if she makes it further than this.

Brendi K. - It seems like clients love her, but the show refuses to give her any positive attention, so she’s probably an early out.

Ivana - She’s super insecure and the show is throwing it in our faces. I don’t think they’re likely to give her many more chances.

Maggie - Obviously this already happened, but I would have guessed her as first out even before this episode because her edit was so dry.