#cosmaed

      WINTER BALL MEME    /    accepting   (  @cosmaed​  )

     HIS ARM IS WARM AND STEADY WHEN HERS TWINES WITH IT,     and though she has slowly been growing more and more used to her new crown, duty has very little to do with why she gladly follows his highness’ lead, subtle, relieved smile tugging at her lips.  were it anyone else, her hackles might begin to rise at being drawn away to the unknown again, much as she might struggle with these rich, bountiful festivities she’s expected to attend now  —  but no, she TRUSTS finn;  after everything, there’s no one else in the whole of the galaxy she would rather get lost with, the crisp air of a nabooian winter night nudging them closer for the sake of warmth.  against all odds, he’d never surrendered hope, insisting he would find the long lost princess when everyone  —  even her own parents  —  had long since abandoned it.  for that, she feels safe with him, able to lower her guard in a way she’s not certain she’ll ever know with anyone else  —  even in the confines of her family’s palace upon their moon, even with the king and queen themselves.

     everyone who’s lost deserves to be found, he’d said to her once, just before he’d left last.  rey wonders if he realizes her family left when he did, but most of all, she wonders if he knows that every time he goes, she’s LOST all over again.

     for now, though, she can forget.

     ❛  are you sure it was the crowd that put you off, and not your own dancing?  ❜   rey teases, peering up at him with bated breath, hazel eyes bright as they trace his moonlit silhouette.  she waits patiently for that radiant smile of his to chase away the cold, not disappointed in the least when he makes as if he means to shake her off his arm.  but that only means she’s rewarded with his laughter instead, relishing in the heave of his shoulders and the spark in his eyes.  that’s rich  —  i saw you every time someone asked you for a dance.  you looked like you wanted to die, he playfully retorts, royal pretenses since dropped now that they’ve slipped far enough away from the music and the lights.  he’s not wrong;  as agile as she might be in a fight, she just feels  .  .  .  ungainly in a dance, the steps calling for a kind of grace not quite so familiar to her.  the knowing way he looks at her, she imagines that isn’t hard to guess.  at least, not for him.

     which makes the soft look of surprise all the more worthwhile when she wills herself to be BRAVE.

     ❛  i would be happy dancing with you,  ❜   comes her quiet confession.  his hand finds hers, offering a firm, fleeting squeeze, and for a moment, it seems like he might just take her up on that  —  before he blinds her with that smile.  but my toes might not be, he jokes, then decidedly darts away towards the babbling fountain when he spots the indignation on her face, sound of his laughter trailing behind him.  good  —  he seems to sense that even some ornate gown won’t deter her from chasing him through the garden.   ❛  oi  —  !  ❜   she lets out, gathering up layer upon layer of pesky silk to free up her legs.  but the laughter bubbles up out of her before she can help it, betraying how she truly feels.  light, happy.  SAFE.

@cosmaed | headcanon meme ( accepting )

7. What was the most embarrassing moment in your muse’s life?

Hmm... Good question. Siri doesn’t really embarrass easily -- she’s more of a ‘shrugs it off and moves on’ sort of person. But she also can be quite proud, and she doesn’t like to be wrong. 

Her most embarrassing moment was probably while she was still a Youngling. She was busy going over study notes in her head and wasn’t paying attention to where she was going, and quite literally walked right into Master Yoda. She apologized and launched into a stammering explanation of having been distracted and not having had time to stop before running into him, to which the old Jedi Master had asked her why she hadn’t used the Force to ‘see’ where she was going without needing to look. She’d just stared at him, not knowing how to respond, and he’d gone into an explanation about how a Jedi needn’t always use only their eyes to see, when the Force is all around, guiding them, showing them the way, if they but listen to it. Siri had felt really stupid, and before stopping to think about what she was saying, blurted out asking why hadn’t he used the Force to stop himself from being run into? Yoda had looked at her with those big ( seemingly judgmental... ) eyes, and Siri had turned on her heel and ran away very quickly and tried to pretend that had never happened. 

19. Do they have any distinct voice mannerisms? (e.g. saying ‘like’ or ‘um’ a lot, stutters)

Probably the most distinctive thing about Siri’s voice is her accent. She has a strange, sort of hard-to-place accent, that’s the result of having grown up speaking with a Coruscanti accent, but then adopting a feigned Outer-Rim accent while she was undercover as Zora. It wasn’t as though she was just faking the accent for short periods of time, or even just for a few weeks: this was an adopted accent that she kept up every second of every day and night, consistently, for two years straight. ( An accent that if she dropped it, she’d risk blowing her cover, being discovered, and executed. She not only spoke with an Outer-Rim accent, she thought with it, she dreamed with it, on the rare occasion she dreamt anything. ) As a result, she never fully regained her natural accent, and she speaks with something often indistinguishably between a Coruscanti accent and an Outer-Rim accent. Various words and phrases are closer to one or the other, depending on the frequency with which she’d used those words or phrases while she was Zora. Her mental state also plays a roll in which accent shows through more heavily -- the angrier or more impatient she is, the more her accent slips to a stronger Outer-Rim accent. When she’s calmer, has been meditating, or is speaking very softly and genuinely, the more her Coruscanti accent returns. Usually, speaking about the Force or very Jedi things ( things that she never spoke about while undercover ) the more it brings out the Coruscanti in her tone. Pretty much all of her cursing is distinctively Outer-Rim sounding, and the more she’s had to drink, the more Outer-Rim she sounds. 

She also has a tendency to, particularly when explaining Jedi teachings, give a more full explanation of something, and then summarize what she means by saying “The point is...” and then filling in what her point is in just a sentence. 

28. What is the most common lie your muse tells themselves?

“I’m fine.” 

“There you are.” Phasma didn’t deign to raise her voice; her tone was commanding enough in itself. Her armour, in all its polished chromium glory, clinked as she approached him, advancing at speed like a vengeful spirit.

In truth she had no interest in the stormtrooper’s whereabouts, or the reasoning behind them, but he was her responsibility. His behaviour reflected directly on her reputation, and she couldn’t tolerate anything besides absolute obedience. Beyond that, the irony of his behaviour given their current mission—to break up an ongoing strike at the Pressylla system’s largest mining colony—didn’t escape her.

@cosmaed | mun meme ( accepting )

what’s an aspect of siri’s canon material / existence that you never had the opportunity to explore but really want to?

One aspect that I really want to explore more would be her time as Zora, but that doesn’t really answer the question because even though I haven’t had much opportunity to explore than as far as rping goes ( for reasons of difficulty there that are probably obvious ) but I have explored it pretty extensively as far as headcanoning it and research and stuff goes. 

An aspect that I haven’t explored….at all, really, now that I think about it, is Siri’s time as a Padawan with Adi. How Adi chose her, Siri’s reaction, the missions they went on, etc. Canonically we know very little about this whole time:

We know that Adi chose Siri as her Padawan when Siri was 11 because of Siri’s talent and “extraordinary promise,” and we know that Siri’s first official mission as Adi’s Padawan was joint with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan ( as detailed in The Fight for the Truth ). 

We know that a year or so later, Adi and Siri went on a mission involving the disappearance of an old Jedi Master who’d basically retired to just live in peace and meditate, and that mission intersected with another mission of Qui-Gon’s and Obi-Wan’s. 

We know that after that, they had to have gone on any number of dangerous missions, because when Siri is 16, Adi says that Siri’s sensitivity to Force warnings has gotten them out of “quite a few” tight spots. 

We know that the last mission Adi and Siri went on before Siri ‘left’ the Order had something to do with the smuggling activities on the Kessel Run, and that it had not been successful, but we know nothing else about it, since we only hear about it through Obi-Wan, who only knows the bare minimum and who also probably only knows what was then used to spark the fight between Master and Padawan that led to Siri leaving the Order.

We also know that ( prior to their staged blow-out ) Siri’s loyalty to her Master was unquestioning, and we know that even years later, when Siri is 33 and a Jedi Master herself, she calls Adi “Master” when speaking to her. However, we also can surmise that Siri and Adi don’t maintain a close personal friendship after Siri is knighted, since Adi makes no appearances throughout the Jedi Quest series ( aside from the Path to Truth where Siri’s undercover mission is ongoing ) or Secrets of the Jedi, despite there being a number of scenes in the Council chambers. So we can assume that their relationship was a very close one as far as mentor/pupil relationship, but not necessarily as emotionally close as some other Master/Padawan relationships, like Siri and Ferus’s, for example, or Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, where Qui-Gon is referenced or remembered somewhat regularly by Obi-Wan in his adult years. 

SO that all could use a lot more exploration and fleshing out on my part. Especially because Siri’s personality and demeanor shifts fairly dramatically between when she’s a Youngling and is very stiff and kinda bratty, to when she’s comfortable and confident in herself as a teenage Padawan and is poised and put-together and maybe still a little stiff but sure of herself and also more gracious to others, to when she’s an adult and looks and acts like a rebel, doesn’t always listen to the Council, takes the rules with a bucket of salt ( not just a grain of salt ) and is a lot more visibly relaxed in her posture and demeanor. ( The Padawan - to - adult shift is, of course, because of her time undercover, but her growing up and growing into herself as a Padawan is something I don’t explore much, but should. ) 

what’s your ideal AU for siri?

Let her get to see Ferus again and see how well he’s doing after his resignation from the Order????? I don’t even care if they just run into each other once on Coruscant or Bellassa or something, or if they encounter each other near the beginning of the Clone Wars, and then she still dies her canon death in the canon way at the canon time. Just let her see him again and see how well he’s doing, how happy he is. Let her see that he’s in love, and that he’s married, and let her meet Roan and let her see the way Ferus looks at his husband. Let her see how charismatic and loyalty-inspiring Ferus becomes. Let her see how much his fellow Bellassans love him. Let him tell her that he’s doing great. That’s all I want! 

…..other than that though, I often struggle with what my ideal AU would be for Siri. Because on the one hand, yes I want her to live, and I want her to get to be happy, and live a nice long life, allow herself to act on her feelings of love, let her find inner peace. But at the same time, that’s not really feasible in Star Wars. Even if she lives past her canon death, there’s still Order 66, and sure, I love AUs where she goes and joins up with Ferus as he helps start fledgling rebellions, but I also really like her canon death, because it’s meaningful, and it’s her, and it was her choice, and she had complete and total agency over her death, as it was. ( See more keyboard slamming about that here. ) And while sure I love AUs where she gets to live as long as the sequel trilogy, ideally where she gets to help train Rey and/or Finn and therefore gets to teach again, living to a ripe old age just isn’t totally Siri, in a way. She’s a fighter. She’s meant to go out fighting. She’s meant to burn bright and die young. That’s how she’d want to go out, she’d never want to just die peacefully of old age. So I often struggle with that, when trying to think of my absolute, perfect, completely ideal AU. You know? It’s just a wide range of things to consider. 

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