#cos2

Into the Fog by The Budos Band

An instrumental to kick things off. The slow build up, the heavy drum beats that sound like footsteps, the way each added instrument builds on the introduction until it kicks off into the real melody, it's so GOOD. And then the horns!! They're loud and on the edge of blaring, at times almost discordant, it's SO Ransom. And the obnoxious trill at 3:15 with what sounds like maybe a cup mute, that leads into such a fun solo that's So different from the rest of the piece!! It's so good. Very Ransom to me. Also, the title works as a joke about Curse of Strahd kjghdk

Don't Sing the Blues by Bohnes

I was ridiculous, young Icarus, I flew too close to the sun But when I reminisce that wickedness was the shit that kept me young And every choice I made, I wouldn't trade all that for anyone So don't you cry, cry, cry for me

This one's about young Ransom being an absolute shithead and having the time of her life. Having all kinds of adventures, getting into all kinds of trouble, and not regretting a moment of it. She firmly believes that the only bad experiences are the ones you chicken out of having. She doesn't want to have any regrets at the end of her life, and she's lived her life in way to make sure she gets to See and Do and Learn everything the world has to offer

Leader of the Pack by Wunderhorse

Some people have a special kinda knack Getting what they wanted just to stab you in the back Nine times out of ten it's the leader of the pack

Ransom is a shithead in a lovable scoundrel kind of way, but also in a, uh. In a shithead kind of way. Ransom is ambitious and driven, and she's not the kind of person to let anything get in the way of a goal she's pursuing. She'll say or do whatever she has to in order to get what she wants, consequences be damned. Or, at least, deferred. Sometimes this is a good thing, because it means she's willing to step up and problem solve when other people are hesitant or overwhelmed. But sometime it can add... tension, to relationships that matter.

Brighter Than the Sun by Brick + Mortar

I'm brighter than the sun, but I can't wait You're asking me to stay, I can't escape I'm staying up all night to sleep all day I'm brighter than the sun, but then one day

This song is mostly for Vibes, with the heavy guitar and drums and the vocalist who almost blends in with the instruments. It's also like, Ransom does have a huge ego and a lot of pride. But behind it is a kind of darkness, an edge of unhappiness. It's walled up tight, hidden largely even from Ransom herself, but it's there and it colors a lot of her actions in times of stress.

Two Letters by Bayside

Ex sounds dirty I can't say it, sounds so final and I'm still prayin' For the worst for the better, we're nothing now we're just two letters Hope you understand I'm not prepared to call you just a friend

The divorce soooooong. Ransom didn't change! She stayed exactly the same, and Hugh left her. She wasn't ready for their relationship to end, didn't even know it was something that was at risk of happening until it was too late. Without saying a word to her about it, Hugh had decided what she was wasn't enough for him anymore, took the life they'd built together, and left. "How to leave the past behind when it's around all of the time"? "I'm not prepared to call you just a friend"? Easy solution: don't. Go scorched earth, burn him entirely out of your life. It'll hurt a lot in one big burst, and then you'll be done with it and over it -over him- for the rest of your life.

Snitches and Talkers get Stitches and Walkers by Fall Out Boy

And haven't you heard, the word on the street is "I lost it, called it quits," get out into the sun Out from behind the gossip

I'll be sooo honest, I initially put this song on the playlist as a way to help set the tone for the kind of songs I was looking for and fully expected to take it off once I got the ball rolling. But like. It's a good song and ALSO. It's fast and loud and almost frenetic, like it's angry and trying to stay ahead of something. I feel like it encapsulates the anger of post-divorce Ransom, her lashing out and putting up walls that are there to this day. Big "I'll give 'em something to talk about. Something that I've done, not something I'm the victim of" type energy.

A Weak Ago by letlive.

I'm not feeling the way No, I'm not feeling the way they expect me to I'm not pulling away See, I'm just pulling the same shit on a different day

This is the last song I added to the playlist, and I actually subbed it in for another song (Devil On My Shoulder, if you were curious) after I'd sent the playlist to the server. This song is about Ransom unraveling after Allie's death, about how she became curt and blunt and - honestly?- mean in her grief. She'd been on her best behavior before because she'd wanted the party to like her more than they liked Allie, but when Allie was killed that motivation no longer existed. Ransom seemed to become an entirely different person overnight. This song is Ransom saying, no, I'm who I've always been. I'm doing the same shit, prioritizing the same way. You just don't like it anymore, because now it's getting in your way. Because you don't care about me, and you certainly don't care about Allie. (Please note, she is wrong about this. The party cares a lot, and Ransom was just too blinded by her anger and grief to see it. But that didn't change how she felt at the time, you know?)

Don't Walk, Run! by The Park Hill Romance

'Cause I've been on the run for a while But the runnin' ain't a friend of mine Oh ain't it fun With the fire back in your lungs tonight

Another song with Vibes (the same loud guitar and drums, the vocalist who blends with the music and sorta slides around instead of hitting notes precisely), another song about Ransom dealing with (read: ignoring entirely) the fact that "fuck everybody but me" isn't a long term solution and is, in fact, having an incredibly detrimental long term effect on her ability to make friends and empathize with other people. After getting in a nasty fight with one of her party members Ransom said something to the effect of "I'm out of practice having friends. I'd like to get back to it, though, if you'll let me." She's trying. She's getting better. But she's not quite there yet.

Every You Every Me by Placebo

Like the naked leads the blind I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind Sucker love I always find Someone to bruise and leave behind

I was very judicious with my use of Rallie songs; this is only the second one. It's about how, despite the fact that they treated each other SO poorly at the end, they're Ransom and Allie are the only people they could possibly fit together with. It's like that post about the fucked up charger and charging port that have warped each other so that they can only work together. That's Rallie. It's ALSO about the inevitability of coming back together, of ending up wrapped up in each other again. Hopefully, it will work out better this time. But regardless, no matter what they may tell themselves and the world at large, they're never going to be over each other or free from the other person's influence. Every time, every me, every you, we'll end up here.

Who is She ? by I Monster

Somewhere across the sea of time A love immortal such as mine Will come to me Eternally Immortal she Return to me

Day 2: Almost died today. Figured you’d want to know, so you can yell at me about it later. In fairness, it was because I was trying to be a good person. I could have just taken Kai and left, but I didn’t.…thought about doing it, though. Didn’t fucking matter in the end, but I guess I wanted you to know that too. That I tried to do the right thing. Anyway. Ireena’s dead. Turns out vampires here only know one trick; pick a fight nobody wants, kill one person, and leave. Izek’s(1) dead too though at least, so let’s count our victories where we find them. And then. And fucking then. That rich old bitch who’s supposed to help me get you back? Decided that our deal is off, because she got Strahd to do her dirty work for her. And then she had the fucking audacity to lock me up in her stupid, ugly house. I’m writing this now to keep from going to town with my crowbar in here until something happens. You’ll have to excuse me if my handwriting is shit right now; I’m fucking furious.

…I can’t believe this smug, entitled dickhead is keeping me from spending the night with you.

…I’m gonna pry up a floorboard and take a shit down there.

(1)Sorry. Izek is the ‘swaggering little attack dog’ from before. Dropped his name with a lot of confidence there before remembering I’d given exactly zero context. Thank god I had so fucking long to sit and proofread this thing tonight!

Day 3 Got screwed over for having a shred of empathy for someone who just lost someone they cared about. Started to forget that I’m the only one here who gives a shit about saving you but don’t worry: I got a swift kick-in-the-dick reminder and now my head’s back on straight. Not making that mistake again.

Strahd showed up in Vallaki which, I cannot stress enough, is not my fault. Not for lack of trying! But I didn’t get to help kill the burgermeister or hand over the anti-vampire bones. This mess is deeply, entirely, not my fault. Anyway. He made it clear that he calls the shots there now, and you know what? Say what you will about the guy, but he knows how to make a fucking entrance and command a crowd. I bet his Lang201 students never fall asleep during his lectures.

At least one good thing came of today: got to see one of the consorts(2) beat to shit and left to die. Other than that we picked up another stray (this one had a huge book of Barovian history; you know I started tearing through it immediately), fought some fucked up werewolves, and… oh yeah! Got backed into a corner and forced to waste a day helping out this random family and their vineyard, instead of going to Krezek after dropping Uke off. Like we had planned. Like I said, kick-in-the-dick reminder.

I don’t care what anyone has to say about it; I’m going to Krezk. Alone, if it comes to it. I’m not chasing after some fucking- gem, or whatever. They can figure it out on their own.

(2)Not Antonio. The one who killed Ireena, who I would have loved for you to meet. God, that would have been great. …great for me, that is. You would have hated her. And I would have loved that.

Day 4 I won’t admit that it was a fun fight. You’re going to be the only person who ever reads these, but I still won’t give them that satisfaction. As far as they get to know, I was mad to be forced to go and grumpy the whole time I was there. And to be clear; I was. Mad about it, that is. But it’s…fine. Because I’m so fucking nice, I’ll be the bigger person and let it go. We’re heading to Krezk in the morning, so at least we’re back on track.

Oh by the way, I took Dylan to get a tattoo for her last birthday. She said she wasn’t gonna tell you until she moved out, but she told me I could tell you if we ever spent twenty minutes together without fighting. She was obviously joking, but here we are. We’re well past twenty minutes, I think. It’s a little rainbow beetle on her bicep. It’s pretty cute, I think she did the sketch herself. She handled the whole thing like a champ.

Day 5 Spent most of today traveling to Krezk. Spent the rest of the day in Krezk. Great stuff.

Going to see the Abbot tomorrow. Supposedly he's the guy that can fix you, and I’m gonna knock him around until he does. See you soon, hopefully. I’m getting bored of journaling.

Day 6 Fuck them. Fucking spineless, brainless, self-righteous cowards. Sanctimonious hypocrites. Bastards.

I don’t answer to them. If they think that I’m going to bow down and let them rip this chance away from me without fighting back, they got another fucking think coming.

I’m not leaving Krezk without you. And I’ll burn the bridges I have to to make it happen.

forget he exists when you look away stay focused

writing in notebook. about us? followed us

[The writing is jumbled, scattered and hard to read]

puts thoughts in your head

Forget he exists when you look away

[Crosswritten with the previous line, illegible]

trades in secrets? knowledge? have to assume he takes it. BAD IDEA

Day 7 I didn’t write that.

No. Obviously I did. I hacked through my t’s at that annoying angle I picked up from you, and looped the l’s together in that way I picked up to annoy you. No one else has breathed on this thing in the last week. Obviously, I wrote it.

But I don’t remember doing it.

Am I going

Alright, alright. No point freaking out about it; let’s take it one step at a time. Way I see it, there’s three explanations:

Someone took and wrote in your spellbook since the last time I opened it, which was earlier this afternoon (found your weird Elder Tongue transcription by the way. You’re gonna be so mad if I crack it without you)

I’m not I’m starting to My mind isn’t reliable. Unlikely.

I wrote it, I’m right, and there’s a creepy little pervert skulking around the shadows.

Number one’s impossible, the only time your spellbook isn’t in my holster is if I’m writing in it. Leaves two and three, and between one where I’m losing my mind and I’m not, well. If there’s one brain I trust, it’s mine.

Day 8 You’ll never guess who showed his stupid, ugly face again.

Mhm. That’s right.

Y’know, I’ve been thinking about it the last few days, what I’d do when we ran into him again. I thought I might try to play it cool, not give him the satisfaction of having got to me. Get in some quips about not having to pay alimony anymore, or about getting full custody of the kids. I don’t know. But when I saw him, I just- I saw red. I didn’t hear a word out of his mouth, I just. I just shot him. And hit him. Over and over and it felt

Did it feel good? We didn’t kill him. I don’t think we came close. He almost killed Zavisza. Would have too, if Strahd hadn’t shown up to monologue at us again. He wants one of our tagalongs (both of them, technically, I guess. We gotta stop taking in strays) and instead of just letting him have the guy he wants (So sorry to see you go! Best of luck! We’ll miss you! Etc.) our stupid, self-important paladin and his dumbass little savior complex—

I can’t even put how stupid it is into words. Thank fuck I’m lucky enough that you’re going to be unlucky enough to have to sit through it with me. You’ll see. You’ll be just as annoyed as I am.

But. Apparently, there’s a scroll of Raise Dead in the ruins of a swamp town south of Vallaki. This is it, Hugh. This is- It has to be. It has to be. We’re going to go to this stupid swamp, we’re going to find this woman and take her scroll, and I’m gonna fix you.

See you soon.

Day 9 Another travel day. You should be proud of how responsible I was, even with Flips trying his hardest to get us killed by goading us on into the swamp tonight. We’re camping out here on the edge, and we’ll head in fresh in the morning. If nothing else goes wrong (one can dream), I’ll get my hands on that scroll and have you back tomorrow.

And, well. When something does go wrong, let’s at least hope it’s a quick detour. Because otherwise, we’re going back to Plan D(3).

(3)The “D” is for “De-face”, of course. Look, it made me laugh. You can lecture me about that joke being in poor taste tomorrow.

Day 10 Berez is, uh. Was, I guess. Berez was It was a shitshow. Who cares.

Almost got myself hanged when we went back to I mean. Who fucking cares.

Hugh, I’m scared. Terrified. Everything has gone wrong every step of the way to get you back, and this is going to be the same. Borris was dead when we got here, the scroll was gone. Who’s to even say it’ll actually be in this stupid tower when we get there? What if someone else has used it? Burned it? What if it doesn’t work, if resurrection just doesn’t work here? What if it does work but you come back wrong? Hurt? Broken? A rat?? What if this was all for nothing?