You come to understand travel because you have had conversations, not vice versa. What is the fear inside language? No accident of the body can make it stop burning.
a handful of wanted dynamics and vibes under the cut. not extensive ofc, just me throwing out thoughts and Vibes into the void.
acceptance, or: Have you ever had a hunger that whetted itself on what you fed it, sharpened so keen and bright that it might split you open, break a new thing out? Sometimes I think thatās what I have instead of friends.
it's probably not friendship! but it's understanding. that mutual recognition of ruthlessness. hunger festers in both of you, some keening need for something more that curdles in the stomach. it's like this: the gentlness of sharing a space with someone, the still hush of working in tandem, or creating an intimate room and letting another person in, even as you dig parallel graves. sometimes there is comfort in the quiet of comprehension. OPEN.
admiration, or: couldn't get the boy to kill me, but i wore his jacket for the longest time
it's not once upon a time. it's not a fairy tale, nothing fine and true and made of polished filigree. but once, emran admired someone. not in an aesthetic way, not in the manner that they might considered in emotional slices for the nature of his art, but admiration, pure and simple. something about their moral character, something about the bright light that he saw within them. it's likely a vestige of the past now, likely a memory seen through rose-colored glasses, but the echo of the thing -- the remnant and not the reality, still reverberates through the present moment, leaves a quiet trace upon the space, pulling together and apart and together again. OPEN.
companionship, or: When you can't win the game, knock over the board.
a very dramatic quote for a very undramatic thing (unless??). here is the thing: whirling minds need a balm. you two play a game. one that has been long on-going. is it play by mail chess? is it a crossword puzzle, traded back and forth? are they riddles, passed on letter by letter, hinted at in odd objects, in snippets from books. whatever it is, together, you've constructed a common tongue and understanding, secret and sacrosanct and limited to the boundaries of your shared game. until, maybe, that knowledge of the other becomes less a game and more a simple matter of survival. TAKEN // LARS - FALCONET.Ā
confession, or: my heart is drenched in blood / i'm almost ready to be born again
confession is a two-way street. i hold open my chest for you, you hold yours open for me. itās quid pro quoĀ in the strangest way. anyway, in some way, emran has decided to bare some of his doubts, some of his regrets to someone else! if they want to do the same, by all means, let him hear them. when he isnāt being a dick, heās a pretty decent listener, and pretty good at understanding. is this messy? could be! is it nice? could also be that! i just like giving characters people and spaces to drop their shields in, especially if itās good fodder for hurt down the road. OPEN.
forgiveness forgetfulness, or: Oh, weāll still hate each other, my dear, we have hated each other too long and too passionately to stop ā¦ but my bones will rest easy next to your bones.
this one is even looser than the rest but GOD itās a vibe i deeply want. itās a well of mutual hurt that runs clean through two lives. somewhere, at some young age, two people hurt each other (iām going for a platonic hurt here, but i am OPEN tbh) and it left and ache that wonāt go away, that traced winding river of emotion through the heart. it's all very I speak in the smoke signals and you answer in code // The fuse will have to run out sometime // Something here will eventually have to explode. itās something where there is not hope of forgiveness on either end, but maybe thereās space for time, the healer of all wounds, to intervene.Ā OPEN.
misc vibes:
