IT HURTS TO BECOME. // mateo r. young. 28. he/him. ⏠APPLICATION // PINBOARD // PLAYLIST // SKELETON // BIO // STATS
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@ohbluejay
IT HURTS TO BECOME. // mateo r. young. 28. he/him. ⏠APPLICATION // PINBOARD // PLAYLIST // SKELETON // BIO // STATS

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âI am still learning how hope is sometimes a dark thing disguised as a bluebird and how some bluebirds never come back home.â
â Nikita Gill, Fragment #4 (via meanwhilepoetry)
@ohbluejay !
Andrew Garfield on losing his mother, The Believer

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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â Jennifer S. Cheng, from So We Must Meet Apart
GET ME for @ohbluejay
KILL ME & CARRIE AU. for @thecaladrius @kasimirfrei @infelicits @nourflage @nvghtingale @wardeniii @peregrinefalcvn @gcdhoods @ofrooks @parabellxm //Â trigger warning for murder, graphic violence, death, abuse, animal murder, lots of religious mentions
   They had all laughed    (papa was right) when the bucket of blood toppled. They had all been in on it. Would you believe him, if he said he didnât intend for it to happen? Would you? If thereâs someone to blame, itâs the pig-killing animals of prey that had drained an innocent animal    (clean of original sin) of its blood and collected it in that iron, murderous bucket. Intent had killed the pig, collected the blood, strung up the bucket and let it topple. Intent had made them laugh, hand-on-belly, wiping-tears, slapping-thigh, fingers-pointed. Theyâre going to laugh at you, they are all going to laugh. Papa had been right.
   They didnât laugh now. Mateo had raised his arms like a choir director and demanded that his singers screamed in stead of sung. Now, he walks the streets of the town that has haunted him since the very beginning. A church burns behind him, a gas station plays along in the fiery games   (brought hell to earth) and he has only one place to go: home.
MOURN ME. for @kasimirfreiâ & @ofrooksââ // freedom comes at a cost, you know this. why do you keep paying the prize when it might not be worth it? // trigger warning for grief, mentions of death.
They donât have graves. Maybe it has something to do with the way the Sectatores view death or maybe itâs just what the survivors deserve. No place to return to, when they want to give shape to their grief. No physical reminder of what youâve lost. Of what they made themselves lose. No ash, no dust, no bones â nothing but the gaping hole in a chest, organ removed, frostbite.Â
This is how it was always destined to be. Fate demanded that there could be one survivor, one free corvid and in this version of the story, the chosen one is Mateo â but is this freedom? Why does that concept â which really is just that: a concept, a vague idea, a promise that is never kept â always come at the steep prize of other peopleâs lives? Besides, isnât it in death that one reaches complete freedom? Untethered, let loose, no longer tied down by earthly things like gravity and responsibility.
KILL ME. from @cathartidieâ // in this version of the story, the blue jay does not know that the vulture comes back when he dies. in his version of the story, henry is not missing. // trigger warnings for murder and violence, gore.
There are an infinite amount of ways to take another personâs life. Since the very start of the Old World, man has made creative work of finding these ways, exploiting and transforming them, inventing new means to do it. Rock, club, axe, spear, sword, gun, bare hands around throat, shove in the back from a high point, poison, fists that donât stop, explosion, fire, sniper-shot from up high. Mateo can count numerous methods heâs used before, though he tries not to recount such things â thatâs something from a former life, after all.
A former life that licks at his heels, now. The flames take shape of a Vulture, a bird picking at the corpse of the body heâd left behind in Auckland. Roje Lai digs his beak between his ribs and rips strips of meat until he hits the liver, the stomach, the heart. He coats himself in the blood of Ryan and stares at Mateo, daring him to look the past in the face. When Mateo looks at him, he sees none of the compassion that lingers. Only the dare.
Fine.

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(TW death, blood, severe injury)
sometimes to get better we have to get angry
kara walker, "untitled," 2016, ink on paper / anger Iâm good at / David Shrigley / regarding the rĂśttgen pietĂ , elle emerson / David Shrigley, untitled, 2000 / paramore - interlude: iâm not angry anymore
Well, you canât have it both ways! So, which one is it? WESTWORLD | 3.04, The Mother of Exiles.
1. âIâm Broke and Mostly Friendless, and Iâve Wasted My Whole Lifeâ by Heather Havrilesky / 2. âI Tremble for Youâ by Johnny Cash / 3. âA Girl is a Half-formed Thingâ by Eimear McBride / 4. âVampirellaâ from âThe Curious Room: Plays, Film Scripts and an Operaâ by Angela Carter / 5. âPot of Goldâ by Asher Roth / 6. âIâm Broke and Mostly Friendless, and Iâve Wasted My Whole Lifeâ by Heather Havrilesky
NIHILUM VITAE.
Object talent: proficient using all objects ââ a neutral kind of magic, easily used for both good and bad alike. Source of childlike wonder, unspeakable violence, the creation of art and the fulfilment of duty.
READ MORE HERE.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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TEAM BLUE JAY
because every other team got one and weâre way cooler than them @ohbluejay @nourflage @thecaladrius @eristeia @peregrinefalcvn @sweetstcrling @cathartidieâ
"But how much more tender were those words, next time, knowing that there won't be one?"
â Juhea Kim, from Beasts of a Little Land