#coronatingz

It’s currently 11:12 on the night of the 25th day of May, in the year 2020. As I am typing this, I have a cup of warm peppermint tea in my left hand. My room is quiet, aside from the buzz of Netflix Kdrama playing from the living room TV, and my parents making side remarks or laughing occasionally as they watch. My mind is peaceful, my bed is warm, and my room is the cleanest it has ever been in a while. 

Yes we are still on lockdown from the corona virus pandemic. It has been around 2 months now since it was first implemented, and to be honest it has been quite lonely. Life as we know it will never be the same way again. But on the other side of all the chaos, has been a gradual and unanticipated awakening. A mental clarity that I haven’t experienced before. 

I turned 25 earlier this year. Which is (if I’m lucky) around about 1/4 of my whole life. I’m single again - it’s been a good few years since the last time. Honestly, it’s been great. Being isolated from a romantic relationship and from people in general has helped me get in touch with myself and my self identity again. I have been taking small but consistent steps in taking care of and treating myself (such as buying a silk pillow case, buying new personalised PJ’s, buying a jade roller, buying a scented candle, exercising everyday, eating healthier, snacking less). I spend around 30-40 minutes everyday on my skincare routine and now include my neck and décolletage area. At the age of 25 you really start to notice your wrinkles more and the physical ways you’re starting to age. :c 

I drink peppermint tea almost every night now before going to bed to help curb my cravings and prevent late-night snacking. I am now also obsessed with taking walks around the neighbourhood. I made a weekly routine for me to follow and it has been working out really well. My Dad and I take turns in washing the dishes everyday so when my Mum comes home from work (my Dad and I work from home) the kitchen sink is spotless. 

The lockdown life, along with the minimal to zero disruptions to the day, has really allowed me to establish a routine. It has gotten to the point where I have become so accustomed to the rhythm of my life now, that I don’t know how to feel about going back to the way things were pre-COVID19. But anyway, the restrictions are slowly getting loosened bit by bit. Around 2 weeks ago, they have allowed 5 guests to be invited to houses. A few new covid cases have sprouted here and there but nothing too dramatic which is a relief. Hopefully we won’t have to deal with a major second wave. Today, a few of us went over to my parents’ grocer shop to celebrate a friend’s 21st birthday. It was really nice seeing familiar faces again, I went home tonight with my heart feeling full. 

There were nights, however, when I allowed myself to just feel. Crying over the things in my life that were causing or haven’t properly been grieved over (the recent break-up, my great grandma’s death years ago, everything and anything really). It was a relief to not have to worry about rocking up to work or church the next day with puffy, obvious eyes. I would explode in tears at the most random times. Like while I laid on my yoga mat after a workout listening to rain/piano sounds. I remember crying for the longest times. Until eventually the crying stopped, but the things I did to better myself did not - I became stronger each day not only physically, but mentally. That’s just how it works huh. Sometimes the sadness just needs to be felt and released to make way for better feelings. 

Although it makes me a bit anxious imagining life “resuming” to “normal” again (whatever that will mean), I am excited to be given another chance to live life with a clearer perspective and a sense of solidarity and trust in myself I hadn’t possessed before. Months of being forced to confront my insecurities and deal with all aspects of myself, especially those that have laid dormant or avoided, has led me to now be more confident in my own skin.