I 24M have known my boyfriend 22M since we were children. He is the love of my life. I have ADHD and sometimes get a little manic. I have big ideas and make grand plans. His birthday is coming up, and when I was thinking about what to get for him, I had the idea to propose. We already live together. We have made a long term commitment to our relationship. We have weathered drama that would have destroyed less committed relationships. Why shouldn't we get married? I am aware of my tendency to have an idea and then get swept up in it. So that could be happening. But how do I know for sure? Is it better to just ask and then if it isn't the right time, he'll tell me? Or is that a terrible idea? I also kind of want to get married before the possibility gets taken away again. I hate to be like that, but I have to be a realist. In addition to the "this could just be me being manic" concern, maybe birthdays aren't good days for proposals. In my head it's so romantic. However, it does turn his day into our day. Maybe that's selfish. I don't know. Also it implies I'm a gift. Maybe that's arrogant. Or maybe I'm overthinking it!

Video games can be useful, but at the end of the day I think it may be help to call in the cavalry. Talking to other people is helpful. Hard, but helpful.

You don't really have to talk about what you're going through unless you think it could help. But people are super distracting. Nothing makes it harder to focus on something than having someone talking to you, verbally or by texting, messaging, whatever you choose.

When you need a distraction, open up skype and just start 5, maybe 10 conversations. At least a few of them will respond and it should help you out.

But moving feet from bed to floor,

looking at painted toes,

running soapy hands over breasts,

and being called princess

make that feat

less like falling into the grand canyon

and more like climbing mount rushmore.

Some days,

I feel sassier than others.

I can say I am a queen,

and be comfortable with what that means for me.

Other days,

my only problem is

that this feminine body looks a little distorted

I can't get what he's saying to match what I'm seeing

and I just can't stop picking, pushing,

swearing I picked all of these blackheads out yesterday.

It makes me angry

that the man inside me

will never get to see himself in the mirror,

will never be able to cope enough to get out of bed,

will never get to own his man bun,

feel the fuzz on his face,

feel a lover caress his adam's apple during a kiss,

grow his armpit hair out

or be comfortable saying a word.

The man inside me

is lucky if he ever gets to leave the house,

or show up in the bedroom.

Sometimes I think,

If I could just put him out of his misery,

maybe I would have a day or two of peace,

and he would too.

Because nothing hurts more

than when he tries to buff up,

stretch out a bit,

and someone shoots him down,

says, "Manly? Hah! You're such a princess, you won't take the garbage out, you won't kill the bugs!"

"Manly? That part of you is long gone."

If I pretend it doesn’t exist maybe it will go away right ??

not humor, mind you. laughter.

this would explain why i now laugh at things that aren't even funny and are actually kind of unfortunate. not unfortunate to other people, i mean. i mean to me. this would explain why i laughed when i was crying earlier today and i said something VAGUELY amusing about my situation and then cracked up.

it's a coping tactic. a way for me to survive things. a way for me to deal with things being bad or unhappy or difficult. you laugh when things are funny, you laugh when things are good, or easy, or jokes, or whatever. you laugh when things aren't bad or unhappy or difficult. i do the action to maybe make myself able to pretend that the intent is there as well.

i hope this is only a temporary thing because wouldn't it be nice to be able to laugh only at things that were funny

wouldn't it be nice to laugh and MEAN IT every time