#contentcontentcontent

(post originally appeared on LaunchSquad's blog)

Ah, December. ‘Tis the season for Christmas caroling, gift giving, copious egg nog consumption, and the ritual onslaught of marketers clamoring to publish their predictions for the state of XYZ in the following year.

When it comes to the world of content, we’ve already seen titans like Contently and Kapost put forth their predictions for 2015, with many more brands sure to follow. What’s on their radars for 2015? More brand-owned publications will launch, Facebook’s impact for B2B marketers will continue to decrease, and companies will continue to jump on board the content bandwagon, recognizing the importance of a dedicated content strategy.

Undoubtedly good stuff.

Though I have to wonder: as great and (occasionally) intellectually stimulating as these kinds of posts are, what if we shook things up a little bit? What if in this here blog post we adopted the LaunchSquad mentality of taking risks and making bold choices, thinking outside the box while staying true to our mission? What if we predicted the future of content not 1 year, not 2 years, not 3 years, but 51 years in the future?

Well, guess what? We can. And we will.

Prediction #1. We will see the advent of branded humanoid holograms, who are designed to appear and interact as if they were actual humans, but who consistently pepper their conversations with thinly-veiled marketing messages. That nice girl you met on the subway lightrail? The one with the beautiful brown eyes and just-right jeans who is in every regard your dream woman, but for the weird quirk she has of referencing how much she loves her Apple iImplant every five minutes? Hate to break it to you, boy—she’s a brand hologram.

Prediction #2. Thanks to its retro charm, social media will make a comeback as a popular way of content distribution. In 2060, kids will be making fun of their grandparents for how ridiculous their preferred method of social interaction was. “You mean you actually typed, with your fingers, 140 characters crafted to make yourself appear smarter and more fun than you really were? Grandma, what were you thinking?” However, 2065 will see a surge of nostalgia that will bring back prototypical versions of platforms like Facebook and Twitter, opening a channel for content marketers to reach a savvy, hip audience.

Prediction #3. Brands will take over Top 40 radio, with culturally relevant hits like “I’m In Love With A Coke Head [sponsored by Coca-Cola]” and “Life is Not An A/B Test [sponsored by Optimizely].” And they will actually be damn catchy.

Prediction #4. Advances in Big Data will enable you to receive only the most relevant, personalized content… If you think, “I’m bored,” while on your way home from a dance class, you’ll be presented with an interactive video on the history of dance, sponsored by Dove and delivered straight to the inside of your eyelids (c/o your Apple iImplant, of course).

Prediction #5. …but black-hat content marketing will arise in the form of salacious marketers providing ad content to users when they are “hangry” and therefore less likely to make fiscally responsible decisions. It’s 6:3opm. You’re still at the office. You didn’t have time to eat lunch. Your best friend’s birthday party is tonight and you have nothing to wear. Picking up a $20 dress from H&M would be the reasonable decision, but you’re starving and have a headache and H&M is thirty blocks away and–what’s that? Intermix just sent you an article on how cute Blue Ivy’s daughter looked at her Sweet 16, and there’s a button you can click to receive that very dress via drone in less than 20 minutes! Sure, it’s $599, but you’re hangry; logic means nothing.