A/N: Set late season 6, or early season 7 after Kensi and Deeks have been together for a little while.
***
Soft
Life had taught Kensi long ago that vulnerability was to be avoided at all costs. Vulnerability, softness, made you weak. Softness got you hurt.
With Jack, she’d thrown herself into the relationship with everything she had. She’d built a whole life and future in her mind, and started to in real life too, or so she thought. For the first time in years, Kensi had thought she had a family, and a chance to move beyond all the misery of her past.
She was happy for a time.
And then Jack left, nearly destroying her. After that, Kensi built up a veneer so thick and hard, no one would ever get through and hurt her again, and convinced herself she didn’t need anyone.
She made herself so unlikeable, sometimes she could barely stand herself.
Dates certainly never made it past a first dinner. If Kensi couldn’t find something wrong with the man in question, then her competitiveness or slightly too cruel jokes did the trick. She wasn’t looking for affection, for the intimacy and familiarity that came with a relationship, she told herself. That was for other people. People who didn’t risk their lives every day. People who hadn’t been broken.
It was lonely way to live, but it kept her heart safe.
Then along came Marty Deeks. Irreverent, silly, brave…charming Deeks woke something long hidden in her. It was terrifying and annoying at first, her heart out of practice in caring for someone beyond the role of partner. No matter how hard she tried though, Deeks eased his way in, obliterated the shell around her, and earned her heart.
Despite her fears, nothing scared him off either, at least not for long. Not her teasing or mild threats, her chronic messiness, or absurd cackle. Even when she treated him abominably, he didn’t leave. And little by little, she began to trust again.
Kensi glanced to the side now, watching Deeks change into a pair of loose boxers and toss his dirty clothes in the hamper. The bed dipped as he slid in next to her, a familiar, welcome weight.
She turned onto her side, and Deeks curled around her, tucking her body into his. Just like he did every night. Closing her eyes, she relished in the feel of his nose just under her jaw, the sound of his gentle exhales.
She felt safe, secure. Loved.
***
A/N: I was playing with the idea that Kensi has grown softer over the years, but that it isn’t a sign of weakness. This is what came of it.
