As I begin this stage in my life, and no, I am not referring to this blog (not entirely) I find myself in a place never explored before. Not in a physical way of course, but in a mental state. After a major geographical change, I am now aware of myself, no longer chained to a routine or a circle of “friends and family”. I am now self aware of my existence and have begun to doubt who I really am. I guess that is a question I have had all my life but not until now that there´s silence can I fully acknowledge it´s presence. and honestly, it´s terrifying. I came to realise that the man I have become has not been made by himself, it is simply a mixture of all past engagements with other people and the little bits of personality I have managed to steal without anybody noticing. New faces, trustworthy? we shall find out. But what if they only create another manipulating circle of friendship in which I will get myself caught up again and neglect my self consciousness? I am not saying they are bad people, they are really friendly and nice. I won´t deny that I have caught some feelings for 2 of them. one in particular that cannot be explained or she is inexpiable, the only explanation to our relationship would be in between friendship, love and defiance/mistrust in our deep thoughts. But for obvious reasons (to me, not to you) these feelings needed to be suppressed. She thinks she can understand me, even control me but that is far from the truth, in the end, she is like everyone else, she just sees what I want everyone to see, my skin that never sheds.