#conrad request

“Hello darling!”

You jump a little at the words, tilting your head back against the couch to see Conrad, “I didn’t even hear you come home!”

He grins and leans down to kiss you, your lips upside down against his, “I like the element of surprise.”

You hum in agreement and turn your head back to the task at hand.

“What are you doing?” He asks, throwing his keys down onto the dish on the fireplace before turning back to you and the mess in front of you.

“I’m trying to be organised,” You grimace a little, “But I keep getting distracted.”

“Oh my god!” Conrad laughs, sitting down on the couch beside you, “Where did you find all of these?”

He looks down at the coffee table full of photos littered in piles yet to be formed, one’s passing the decade that you’d been together.

“We look so young,” He chuckles at a photo of one of your first dates when you were only 16, the two of you grinning at the disposable camera.

“I don’t think I look any different,” You joke, brushing your finger over the youthful faces.

Conrad scoffs, “We aged well, I’d say.”

“Oh absolutely we did,” You lean your head into his shoulder, reaching forward to grab another photo, “Look at this one.”

“Wow, god, I remember this day,” Conrad beams at the photo, “It was the day we moved out of college.”

—— 5 Years Ago ——

“Alright, you’ve cleared the kitchen, I’ve done the bathroom, bedroom is done…” Conrad looks around at the space checking for anything that you’ve missed, “I think we’re good.”

It was today that the two of you would be moving out of college. For the past three years you’d been here in Stanford together after Conrad transferred and it had been a dream. You’d lived separately on campus at first and then for the last two years lived in an apartment just a short walk away, a bit of solitude for the two of you. He went to his classes and you went to yours, you came back for lunch together or met on campus and then sat in the library together when you weren’t in class. He brought you coffee when you needed to study for finals and you bought him cheeseburgers when he had his to study for. You cooked on weekdays and he cooked on weekends when he had more time to cook something fancy. You worked a job on campus and he worked a few evenings. It worked. Everything had felt like bliss for the past few years.

You weren’t ready to say goodbye.

“Okay, what’s going on?” Conrad frowns at you, setting down the box in his hands to walk over to where you were sat down on the empty mattress.

“This just feels so weird,” You mumble, glancing around at the empty shelves where your photo frames used to stand.

Conrad nods, “Yeah, yeah it does feel weird. Good weird.”

You swallow the lump in your throat, “Do you think?”

Your eyes are filling with tears and you’re fighting what you can to keep them back.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Conrad crouches down in front of you and places one hand on your leg, the other cupping the side of your face, “Don’t get upset, honey.”

“It’s just,” You let out a shaky breath, “I’m not ready to leave all of this.”

“Okay, we’re graduating, we’re moving, things are going to change. But that’s not a bad thing. God, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us. Isn’t that exciting?” He smiles at you brightly, “We’ve been waiting for this since we first started college. Just you and me.”

You smile down and him and press your hand against his on your cheek, wrapping your fingers around his, “Doesn’t it scare you?”

He nods his head, “Of course. I’m terrified. But in the best way.”

You laugh a little and he brushes his thumb under your eyes before any tears have fallen.

“Now, I was going to wait before I told you,” He leans back a little and reaches into his pocket, “But I think this seems like the right time.”

You frown a little as you watch him, your heart fluttering.

“So, you know how we’d decided on living with your parents for a while until we figured out where to go next…” He takes a deep breath, “Well, you can tell them they don’t need to worry.”

“Wh-“ You let out a breath, “What do you mean?”

“Someone might’ve told me something about a little house in Cousins being free now that Jeremiah’s moving out…” He brings his hand in front of you and a distinct key lays in his palm.

“The beach house?” You exclaim, eyes wide.

“Jere’s moving closer to Belly for now until she graduates and then they think they’ll settle in Boston and come to Cousins for the summer, like we used to. So…”

“The house is yours?” You finish for him, words almost escaping you.

“It’s ours,” Conrad confirms, his face brightening.

“Oh my god!” You squeal, your hands flying to grip his shoulders, “You got us a house! You got us the beach house!”

Conrad chuckles, “Yeah, I did!”

You wrap your arms around him tightly and bury your face against his neck, breathing in the scent that would always be home to you. The two of you stand up together and he spins you around in the small space you had between boxes, before lowering you down and pressing the key into your palm.

“We might just have to set up the spare bedrooms for summer, I think we’ll have some regular visitors,” He shrugs, his arms around your waist.

You giggle, “That’s perfect, it’s all...”

“The start of the rest of our lives, darling.”

——Present Day——

“That’s when this place was officially ours,” You point out, the photo in your hands showing the two of you grinning with the key in your hand.

“Yeah, it was a long time coming,” Conrad chuckles, his fingertips trailing up and down your arm.

“I was so scared to graduate college, and now look at us,” You shake your head, “I had nothing to worry about.”

“There’s still time,” Conrad jokes and you jab him in the side.

“Oh my god! Look at this one!” You beam, “The fourth of July.”

“Yeah there was something important about the 4th that year…” Conrad smirks, taunting you.

“Yeah what could that be?” You roll your eyes.

He moves his fingers down to the thin silver chain around your neck where a single ring hung down like a pendant near your heart.

“God, I loved that day.”

—— 4 Years Ago ——

“Jere how many fireworks does one house need?” You look down at the boxes he’s carrying into the house, “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Oh, come on, it’s the fourth,” Jeremiah grins, glancing at his brother, “I’ve got reason to celebrate.”

“I tried telling him it was too many,” Belly laughs as she walks in behind him, carrying a couple of bags of groceries.

“Oh you’re a lifesaver!” You smile, taking one of the bags from him, “I can’t believe I forgot so much.”

“It’s the stress of hosting,” Belly jokes, “But I’ve got you covered, I think this is everything.”

“I hope so,” You nod, “I just need to figure out how to make everything like Susannah would do.”

This was your first fourth of July hosting in this house - the first since the house had officially been yours and Conrad’s home. It would just be the six of you, the three couples - you and Con, Jere and Belly, and Steven and Taylor.

“She’d be impressed either way,” Belly squeezes your shoulder, “I’ll go help Jere set up outside.”

“Thank you,” You smile and see Conrad coming in through the door behind her.

“Hello darling,” He presses a kiss to your temple, “Tell me what you need me to do.”

“No, no, I’ve got it here,” You encourage, “Maybe you could just set up Steven and Taylor’s room?”

“It’s going to be perfect,” He reassures you, squeezing your hand, “It’ll be a Fourth of July to never forget!” He yells back to you as he disappears upstairs.

You giggle and turn back to finishing up the plates of food you were preparing for the evening.

To say you were nervous was an understatement. There was always a sort of magic to having the fourth here, and you wanted to replicate it for them all even without Susannah here - especially now the house was yours.

—

When evening falls over the house, you’ve relaxed away from the fear of hosting. The food went down well, everyone was impressed, and the magic of the fourth that you were used to had managed to remain.

You were now all outside waiting to watch the fireworks start over the water.

“Hey, um, do you want to come with me a second?” Conrad asks you, standing up from his seat and outstretching a hand.

“Wh- don’t you want to watch the fireworks?” You frown a little at him.

“We won’t miss them, I promise,” He smiles down at you, “Come on.”

You take his hand and hear the faint whispering of Taylor and Belly behind you as Conrad leads you across the grass and down towards the wooden dock.

“What are we doing Con?” You ask as he squeezes your hand a little tighter.

“I just thought we could have a minute, just us,” He comments but you can sense something slightly off about his demeanour, something that wasn’t completely Conrad.

“Are you going to throw me in the water?” You narrow your eyes at him, “Because I-“

“I just-“ He stops himself, “Sorry.”

“What’s going on Con?” You laugh a little at him, “You’re scaring me now.”

“I don’t know how to start this,” He lets out a shaky breath, “Um…” He presses a hand to his chest.

“Con,” You place your hand over his, “Its me.”

He visibly settles, relaxing against your touch.

“I don’t know where to-“ He stops himself, “I love you (y/n).”

You feel it then. The feeling people described. Knowing what was about to come and yet not ready to prepare for it.

“And I love our life together, and I love the person I am because of you and-“ He lets himself laugh gently, “God, I just… I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you and so-“

“Oh my god,” You mumble as you watch him pull a small velvet box from his pocket, lowering down onto one knee.

He looks up at you and takes a deep breath, “(y/n) (y/l/n) will you make me the happiest man in the world an-“

“Yes!” You exclaim your hands flying to your face as tears pool in your eyes.

Conrad grins wildly and rises up onto his feet, wrapping one arm around you as the other hand reaches for yours to slot the delicate ring onto your finger.

He cups a hand to your cheek and presses a deep kiss to your lips, both of you laughing over spilling tears.

Before you can find the words, the fireworks start around you and the sky lights up into a shower of gold fireworks over the both of you.

“You didn’t let me say it,” Conrad says in your ear over the exploding sound.

“I couldn’t wait,” You laugh in return, holding him tightly against you.

“Will you marry me (y/n)?” He pulls back far enough from you to speak, eyes flicking between yours.

“Yes I will Conrad Fisher,” You beam and he grins brighter than ever before, wrapping his arms around your waist and spinning you around.

Steven and Jere cheer loudly from down by the water and Taylor and Belly scream in unison from the house, all of them applauding you for the inevitable perfection of this moment - more fireworks releasing into the air to make it even more picturesque.

And in that moment, you’re sure you’ll never feel more content.

This was it. This was everything.

—— Present Day ——

He laughs and wraps his arms tighter around you, “I like looking at all of these, what else do we have?”

“Well, this whole album is full of wedding photos,” You stretch over to pick up the detailed cream photo album, “This is the one Laurel bought us.”

It was a wedding present from the woman that was like a second Mom to both of you. She told you the memories would be more important than anything else about your day and told you to make the most of all of it being captured. It was a cream leather decorated in lace patterns with a thin bow across the front, another sheer ribbon tying the two covers together.

“Come on,” He takes the album from you and shifts on the couch so that his back is against the armrest.

You move so that you’re sat between his legs with your back against his chest and he moves his arms around either side of you to look at the album. Before he opens it, his hand comes up beside yours and locks your fingers together, both of your wedding rings settling next to each other like they were made to fit.

He opens the cover and the memories come flooding back once again, every piece of your perfect day.

—— 3 Years Ago ——

“Oh my god I’m so nervous I think I’m going to be sick,” You breathe out, pressing a hand to your chest to try to relieve the pressure there.

“Girl, you have nothing to be worried about,” Taylor encourages, fixing a few strands of your hair.

“Has anyone heard from Con? Is he okay? Is he here?” You ask frantically, checking your appearance in the mirror once again.

“That boy has been head over heels in love with you since you were sixteen, of course he’s here, and he’s probably as nervous as you are,” Belly encourages, her bridesmaids dress matching to Taylor’s in a sage green.

“But, if it helps, Steven just texted me to confirm,” Taylor comments, showing you her phone.

“God, I don’t even know why I’m nervous,” You shake your head, “It’s Conrad.”

“And (Y/n) Fisher has a nice ring to it,” Belly grins, “Are you ready to do this?”

You turn around and nod your head, breathing deeply as you look over your appearance in the mirror once more. You’d opted for a simple dress, fitted at the top with thin straps, flowing loose around your legs and poking at the floor in a small train. It was the only dress you’d looked at and seen yourself in.

The girls walk down first, ahead of you. And then you - walking down the aisle alongside your father.

He links his arm with yours and you hold on tightly as the doors open and you both step through.

So many people and all you can focus on is him.

The music starts and you start to walk, at the exact moment that Conrad turns around.

His suit is perfected from top to bottom, crisp white shirt against his black tuxedo. His hands are behind his back and you watch him squeezing them together to alleviate his nerves. But as his eyes fall on you, cool blue orbs calming yours, everything else just disappears.

You watch as his bottom lip trembles a little and he breaks into a small smile, a tear slipping down his cheek. You shake your head a little at him, the thought slipping into your mind that he promised you he wouldn’t cry, knowing him crying was only going to set you off.

Soon enough, you reach the end of the aisle and your father kisses your cheek quickly, reaching over to shake Conrad’s hand.

And then it’s just you and him. And the seventy people all watching you. But they didn’t matter. It was just him.

“Hi,” He mumbles, reaching down to hold your hand as your fingers lace with his.

“Hi,” You return, looking into his eyes for the home they always brought, “I’m so nervous,” You whisper.

“Hey, it’s me,” He responds, an echo of your own words from only a year before.

“It’s us,” You whisper once more, squeezing his hand before the two of you turn your attention to the ceremony about to begin, your ceremony.

—— Present Day ——

“I love this one,” Conrad points out a photo of the two of you, one from the evening of the wedding where his arm is around you and you’re laughing at something someone behind the camera had said, and all he can do is look at you - focus on you.

Before you can respond, the sound of crackling starts on the monitor before faint whinging breaks through the speaker.

“She’s up!” You smile, “Give me a sec-“

“No, I’ve got her,” Conrad squeezes your shoulders and pushes himself to stand up, letting you lean back against the arm of the sofa.

He disappears upstairs and you hear the bedroom door creak open followed by his bright voice at the sight in front of him.

You set down the wedding album and pull up a pile of more recent photos, all ones from the last eighteen months - the craziest and most content eighteen months of your life so far.

“Should we go and see Mummy?” Conrad’s voice speaks softly as he comes down the stairs, “She’s downstairs, yeah.”

As he steps back into the lounge, the small body on his hip wriggles down from his grip and runs over to you.

“Look who’s awake!” You grin as your daughter hurries over to the side of the couch.

You reach over and lift her up to sit on your lap, her teddy bear still tucked under her arm.

“Did you have a good nap?” You ask her and she nods tiredly.

“Daddy’s home,” Her little voice mumbles, fatigue still lacing her tone.

“Yeah, he came home early today,” You smile and Conrad walks around to take up his place on the couch once again.

Him against the arm rest, you against his chest and your daughter in front of you.

“Do you want to look through some photos with us?” Conrad raises his brows at her excitedly and she nods back at him again, her bear tugged tightly to her chest.

“I think you’re in these ones,” You mention and her eyes brighten widely.

Conrad picks up one of the photos and shows her, “Well look who it is!”

—— 1 Year Ago ——

“She’s perfect, darling,” Conrad beams down at the tiny face in front of him, held tightly in your arms and wrapped in a small pink blanket.

“She’s ours,” You whisper in return, leaning against his chest from where he was perched on the edge of your hospital bed.

“I don’t know how you did that,” He laughs quietly, both of you refusing to speak too loudly to disturb the miniature pair of ears.

“I don’t either,” You joke, and he wraps one arm around your shoulders, one of his fingers brushing over her fragile hands.

Before you can say anything else, the door opens and two familiar faces come through. Belly and Jere.

“Hey…” Jeremiah hisses, “They said we were okay to come in.”

“Yeah, come in man,” Conrad grins, standing up to greet them, “It’s so good to see you guys.”

The brothers both grasp each other in a hug that echoes every ounce of pride they shared before Conrad greets Belly with a warm hug too.

“We brought you some presents,” Belly comments, setting down a powder pink gift bag onto the bedside table.

“Thanks guys,” Conrad smiles, taking up his place next to you again.

“So, have you thought of a name for this little one yet?” Jeremiah asks, smiling brightly at both of you.

You exchange a glance with Conrad before nodding at him as if in encouragement for him to say.

“Yeah, actually,” He takes a deep breath, looking down at his daughter, “This is Darcie Susannah Fisher.”

Belly gasps, “Oh, it’s perfect.”

“Darcie Susannah,” Jeremiah repeats, tears building in his eyes, “I… Mom would be so proud.”

Conrad leans down to take the bundle of pink from your arms, holding her cautiously in his grip before turning to his brother, “Well, Uncle Jeremiah, do you want to hold your niece?”

—— Present Day ——

“Who’s that Darcie?” Conrad points at a photo from when she’d first come home, laying with the same teddy bear that she still refused to ever let out of her sight.

“Me!” She exclaims, tapping excitedly at the small face on the photo.

“It is you,” You chuckle in return, “And here’s you with uncle Jeremiah when we took you to the beach.”

She claps at the sight of Jeremiah on the page, who has self proclaimed himself as the favourite uncle.

“Do you want a snack Darcie?” You ask her calmly, holding her in your arms to focus her short attention on you.

Your daughter nods back, her small smile making her look like the spitting image of her father. He always told you that she reminded him of you, but she was almost exactly like her father in your eyes. To everyone else, she was an exact mix of the two - an addition to the two that were meant to find each other.

“I’ll get it,” Conrad assures you, stepping back up from the couch.

“Oh isn’t Daddy good?” You grin at Darcie, tickling under her arms as she laughs under your touch, her giggle echoing in your ears.

Conrad stops in his tracks, looking down at the sight in front of him. His tiny version of perfection in a vast world. You, him, his daughter. This house. This family. This home. This everything. He’s sure he’ll never be happier, but still so sure that this happiness will never fade. This was everything and it always would be.

“Daddy!” Darcie exclaims, making grabby hands towards him.

“What are you doing?” You laugh a little at his frozen state, the way he seems so stopped in his tracks.

“I’m…” He chuckles, “I love you.”

Conrad leans down and presses a kiss to your forehead, taking Darcie from your arms and hitching her onto his hip, chattering away to her as the two disappear into the kitchen.

You grin, standing up from the couch with a photo of the three of you in your hands. You rummage through the drawers to find a spare photo frame and slip the photo into place, fixing the clasps around the back before setting the photo frame onto a free place on the fireplace.

Conrad and Darcie come back in, with a small bowl of popcorn for her and a bigger one for you and him.

“What are you doing?” He asks you, setting Darcie down onto her playmat.

“Con why won’t she sleep?” You groan, patting the back of the baby in your arms, rocking her back and forth.

“We’ve tried everything. She’s changed, she’s fed,” Conrad runs a hand over his hair, “What else does she want?”

“Should I take her downstairs?” You ask him, “I could put her in the pram.”

“No, it’s still in the car,” He returns, blinking away the sleep in his eyes.

“It’s still in the car? Con I need it tomorrow before you go to work.”

“I know you do, I’ll get it out before my shift.”

“What if you forget?”

“I won’t forget.”

The baby in your arms stirs again and continues whinging in your arms, every so often letting out over-tired cries.

“Come on baby,” You rub her back as she buries against your chest.

Yours and Conrad’s daughter was now six months old, and she’d started the phase of sleep where she just … well, didn’t sleep. She’d sleep for an hour at most and then be waking up, with nothing seemingly relaxing her enough to go back to sleep.

“Come on honey,” You repeat again, laying her back across your arms as you rock her back and forth.

She looks up at you with blinking eyes that begin to slow down in the darkness of the room, until eventually she’s back to asleep in your arms.

“She’s asleep,” You whisper to Conrad, whose eyes open quickly as if he had just been on the cusp of sleep.

“Thank god,” He smiles tiredly, watching as you settle the baby into her bassinet beside yours and Conrad’s bed.

With every ounce of caution you can muster, you slide back into the bed beside your fiancé and rest down against the pillow.

“What are we doing wrong?” You whisper into the dark, turning your head to glance back at the baby’s bed, as if unsure if the peace would even last for more than two seconds.

Without any response, you hear the faint snores of Conrad from beside you, already collapsed into his own exhaustion. And, eventually, even with a thousand thoughts running through your own mind, you drift asleep too.

Until the next hour hits.

———

“Babe have you seen my keys?” Conrad calls to you, rushing through the house with one shoe still in his hand, kicking the other onto his foot.

“Table next to the couch,” You return quickly, flicking up the toaster before it burns and lathering it with a thin layer of butter.

“Got ‘em,” He announces, kicking his foot into the other shoe as he grabs his laptop bag from the floor, fixing his tie in the mirror.

“Here, take this,” You hand him two slices of toast on a paper plate.

Conrad grins and takes the food from you, holding it in his free hand as he bends down to kiss Ada goodbye, “Be a good girl for Mommy okay?”

She gargles up at him from her high chair and grabs her hands out to reach him as he rushes away.

“See you later, babe,” Conrad calls out to you as he disappears out of the door, shutting it a little too loudly behind him.

You look back to your daughter and she hits at the table clipped on in front of her chair.

“He used to kiss me before he left too,” You smile at her, “But I think you’re his favorite now.”

You’d been dating Conrad since the two of you were 18. And, now, you were 24 and engaged and parents to your daughter, Ada. He had a corporate job that earned you enough to pay for the upkeep on the Cousins house, and you were a writer - having published two books before you’d fallen pregnant. You were in the process, at the minute, of writing the third book of the series. But Ada kept you busy enough nowadays that it seemed you never had the time to catch up.

Though, with a face that cute, you knew you’d choose this every time.

Parenting hadn’t been easy on you and Conrad - the extra budgeting, extra responsibility, extra worry, lack of sleep - it all played a part. You weren’t the same couple that you were before you were parents, and you always knew that would be the case. But sometimes you missed the Conrad you had before. Nowadays, the two of you were always in such a rush. And, when you weren’t in a rush, you were both too exhausted.

“Is someone ready for breakfast?” You throw on a smile and look down at your daughter, carrying over the plate of baby food to start feeding her.

She giggles and hits at the chair, her feet kicking in excitement.

You’d always choose this, you’d always choose her.

———

“This is what I’m saying Frank we can’t keep sidestepping this,” Conrad’s voice comes through the door that shuts loudly behind him, “Well we need to get a team together and-“

You poke your head back to see him coming through the door, his shirt untucked and his tie now loose around his neck as he kicks his shoes off at the door.

“Then they need to-“ Conrad cuts himself off, “Yeah, okay, we’ll talk about this tomorrow. Bye.”

“Ada who’s home?” You look down at where she sat on the floor between your legs, both of you playing with her toys on the floor.

She claps her hands together as Conrad walks into the lounge, visibly relaxing when he sees her.

“Hello gorgeous,” He grins, lifting her up onto him, his arms around her, “Have you had a good day?”

You push yourself to stand up, “She had her breakfast but didn’t eat much lunch.”

“Okay, what did you give her?”

“A couple of those pouches, the spaghetti one is normally her favourite but she didn’t eat it,” You explain, dragging a hand through your tangled hair, “She had some snacks this afternoon though.”

He nods, “Well at least there’s something in that tummy,” He tickles at her belly and she giggles.

“We’ve got tacos for dinner, is that okay?” You ask him, “I can make something else if you don’t fancy-“

“Tacos is perfect,” He assures you.

You force a tired smile and go to walk towards the kitchen before his hand reaches out to stop you.

“I haven’t said hello,” He points out, shifting Ada onto his hip as he pulls you into him, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips.

“Hi,” You smile as he pulls away.

Conrad leans in once again and kisses your lips, a little more longingly, “And that’s for this morning too.”

You laugh and he wraps an arm around your waist, letting you lean into his chest.

For a moment, the three of you are content just like that. You can feel his heart in his chest and his arm around you do softly and the way his chin rests atop your head. Ada reaches out towards you with grabby hands and you take a deep breath, taking her out of his arms.

“Come on, let’s start your dinner,” You say to her, heading towards the kitchen, “Babe can you get her bottle?”

“I got it,” He calls back, following behind you.

You set Ada into her chair and turn around to heat up her food. Conrad carries in her cup and her teddy, wiggling it along the surface towards her to make her laugh.

He was always good at this. Coming back from work and just switching off, switching into Dad mode instantly.

“So how was work today?” You ask him, stirring a spoon around the food in her bowl, “That call didn’t sound too happy.”

“You don’t need to worry about that,” He shakes his head, “Is Daddy’s office silly? Yeah?” He grins down at Ada and she hits her hands against his.

“What’s going on though?” You question again, checking the temperature of her food against your tongue.

“Honestly, it’s just stupid office stuff,” Conrad reassures you as you walk over to the two of them.

He places a hand on the small of your back and kisses your temple as you lean down to give her the bowl, pressing it down onto the high chair table.

“I can feed her this,” He says, “You go have five minutes to yourself.”

“No you don’t have to-“

“(Y/n),” Conrad cuts you off, “Give yourself a break.”

“I-“ You take a deep breath, “I’ll get started on our dinner.”

He laughs, “That’s not what I meant.”

“Well, Fisher, aren’t you hungry?”

“Starving.”

———

After bathing her, you set Ada down to sleep and come back downstairs.

Conrad’s changed into a tshirt and sweats and he’s laying across the length of the couch as you come into the lounge. You go to sit on the other couch before he reaches out a hand to stop you.

“Where are you going?” He mumbles, his eyes closed.

“To the-“

“Here,” He says tiredly, reaching out his arms so that you can lay on his chest.

You smile at the sight and move yourself to lay on top of him, letting his arms wrap tightly around you as your head rests on his chest.

“I’m so tired,” He mumbles against your hair, “Who knew having a baby would be this tiring?”

You hum in agreement, trailing patterns along the material of his t-shirt.

You turn your head and rest your hands on his chest, looking up at him, “Con.”

He tilts his head enough to look down at you.

“What’s going on at work?”

“(Y/n) honestly you don’t have to-“

“I know I don’t have to ask, but I want to.”

He takes a deep breath, moving his hands up and down your back, “I’ve got this big presentation on Friday. They want me to present the idea for this new project and it’s just a complete mess - we haven’t got a team together, they don’t want to give us a team, it’s this whole thing.”

You nod, watching the weight lift from his shoulders just a little.

“I just need to find the time to get it done,” He explains, “But I have all this other shit to do during the day, I just don’t have time.”

You wiggle yourself up just enough that you can reach his face, pressing a kiss to his jaw. He hums against the contact and leans into you.

“I’ll figure it out,” He assures you, brushing your hair from your face, “What about you? What’s on your mind?”

You take a deep breath, “I just-“

You stop yourself, looking at him for a moment longer.

“Do you ever think we have no idea what we’re doing with Ada? Like we’re just completely blind?”

He chuckles, “I think that’s what parenting is.”

“No but I mean,” You push yourself up a little on his chest and look at him more intently, “I just get so scared that we’re doing something wrong. It seems to come so easily to all the other Moms and then I just feel like I’m… not good enough.”

“Woah, woah, woah,” He shifts his hands to your upper arms, gripping them as if squeezing sense into you, “Where’s this coming from, darling?”

“I just-“

Before you can say anything, the monitor rings out with the sound of Ada stirring in her sleep, breaking into a cry.

“I’ll get her,” You say quickly, releasing yourself from him and standing up.

“(Y/n)…” He calls after you as you hurry up the stairs.

There are tears brimming in your eyes and a tremble in your hands, a numb awareness that you’d just admitted what you’d been keeping from him for months. You pick up Ada from her bed and soothe her back to sleep, rocking her back and forth to calm her until she eventually drifts back off, fatigue getting the better of her.

You walk through into the en-suite and brush your teeth, wash your face, make yourself feel a little more human. And, before your feet can even drag you downstairs, you sit down on the bed and feel your own tiredness coursing through you, draining you. You’re asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow.

———

When you wake up the next morning, you’re certain it’s the first night in forever that you’ve actually slept through the night.

A certain Mom panic fuels you as you bolt up to check Ada’s crib - finding it empty, along with the other half of your bed empty too.

You’re just about to worry when you hear the sound of music playing downstairs, your heart relaxing a little before you head down.

In the kitchen, Conrad has Ada in his arms, dancing back and forth with her to an old Green Day song. He hums along to the tune and she rests her head on his shoulder, nuzzling into him.

“Good morning!” Conrad grins when he sees you, where you’re leaning against the doorframe.

“What- uh- what happened last night? I don’t think I woke up once,” You stifle a yawn, blinking the sleep from your eyes.

“Nope, Mommy didn’t wake up, did she?” He tickles at Ada’s chest, “Daddy and Ada agreed that you needed some rest so we took the liberty of being very very good last night, we only woke up once, Daddy gave Ada a bottle and then we went back to sleep.”

“Con…” You trail off, the emotion hitting you just a little.

“We’ve had breakfast, we’ve changed, we’re good to go,” He explains, “There’s pancake mix on the stove if you fancy it, I can make some before I go to work.”

“Oh my god yeah, what time is it? Don’t you need to go?” You panic a little, standing up straight and reaching out to take Ada into your arms.

“(Y/n),” Conrad says softly, resting a hand on your waist, “I’ve got all the time in the world, don’t panic.”

You relax a little and frown at him, “You’ve got all that work to do though, and that important presentation and-“

“Hey,” He stops you again, “Nothing, and I mean nothing is more important than making sure that you’re okay. Do you understand?”

You reach up onto your tiptoes and kiss him quickly, watching as Ada reaches out for you and grabs you. You grin and take her into your arms.

“Alright, go to work Fisher,” You encourage, “I can hold down the fort here.”

He smiles at you and kisses you again, longingly, before rushing off to grab his things to leave.

You look back at your daughter, and again towards Conrad as he’s leaving. How could you be doing anything wrong when this felt so perfect?

———

That evening, Conrad gets back an hour late from work. You can tell he’s stressed as soon as he gets out of the car, but he steps through the front door and erases it all instantly.

“How are my girls doing?” He smiles when he sees you waiting for him, “Have you had a good day?”

“We have,” You return, “Ada’s got a surprise for you too.”

“A surprise?” He widens his eyes at her and she reaches out for him, “I love surprises.”

You walk him through to the dining room and tell him to take a seat. He sets Ada into her high chair and sits down at the table.

“Alright, now I know you’ve got this big presentation, and I know it’s not exactly going to plan right now and you don’t have the time to work on it,” You explain, “So, I thought we’d help you out.”

Conrad narrows his eyes at you as you lean back against the counter, “Are you going to hold me hostage until I get it done?”

“Something like that,” You smirk, reaching behind you and grabbing a wrapped burger, throwing it in his direction.

He catches it quickly, his eyes watching you in adoration.

“We ordered your favourite food, enough to feed like ten people, I’ll get your laptop, we’ll put some music on, we can put a film on, and by tonight that presentation will be perfect,” You explain, walking over with the full tray of the rest of the food and drinks.

“(Y/n) you didn’t have to-“

“I know,” You cut him off, “But you didn’t have to this morning either. We’re just helping each other.”

He smiles up at you and you lean down to kiss him quickly.

“And Ada, you’ve got something a bit less exciting than cheeseburgers,” You grimace, setting down her bowl of food to start feeding her.

She giggles and claps her hands together, reaching out for the spoon in your hand.

“(Y/n),” Conrad pauses as he takes a bite of his food, “I’d say we’re doing pretty good.”

“Do you think?” You fight back a smile as you turn back to him.

You weren’t sure of the exact moment you’d lost Conrad. But part of you felt like it was doomed before it had even started. Like he was a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode, to disappear. Sometimes you thought he could see a future with you. And other times it felt like your whole relationship was simply him counting down the days. He broke your heart without ever really having it. The two of you were destined to end, as much as part of you wanted so badly to convince yourself that you wouldn’t.

“I’m just saying (y/n) we can leave any time you want, honestly. I’m obviously glad that you’re coming with me but I totally get it if you want to leave,” Belly assures you from the passenger seat as the two of you turn past the Cousins sign.

“Come on, it’s fine,” You return, “I wouldn’t have offered to drive if I didn’t feel okay about being here. Plus, this place has memories for all of us, I don’t want to lose that either.”

You glance out of the window to the houses passing by the car, the way they all seem to blur into one until you reach that one.

Jeremiah’s car is already parked up outside and him and Steven get out together, looking back as the two of you pull in.

“Well, it’s a good sign his car is here,” Belly points out the four by four parked up closest to the house.

You pull your keys from the ignition and take a deep breath, one that seems to rattle against your chest. For a moment, it all comes flooding back to you.

——Six Months Earlier——

“I really hope you’re not telling me that we drove all this way and you forgot the fucking keys,” You groan, wrapping your arms around yourself and rubbing your hands up your arms to keep the heat in a little.

“It’s a new car, okay? I’m not used to my keys being separate,” Conrad returns coldly, rummaging through his bag to find anything resembling the keys.

“Okay they’re not in there,” You shake your head, “Lets just find somewhere to stay or something.”

He stands up straight and looks at you, frowning, “This weekend was meant to be perfect. Drive all the way here, go to the beach, whole house to ourselves, we were-“

“Hey,” You cup his cheek, brushing a thumb over the skin, “Come on, we’re here together, I don’t care what we do.”

He leans into your touch and turns his chin to press his lips against your palm.

“Actually,” He pulls away from you, “I’ve got an idea.”

“I don’t trust that,” You grimace but he laughs and pulls your hand into his, dragging you behind him.

Both of you pile back into the car and he grins in your direction, driving you back away from the house and down the street in the opposite direction to the way you’d came in. You’d learnt that in the times when Conrad was being spontaneous, it was better to just let him do it. He got an idea and ran with it and it was better to run with him than try to pull him back.

“Okay so where are you taking us?” You ask him as he turns into another corner, eventually stopping the car.

When you look out of the windshield, you can just about make out the shape of the rolling waves in the dark, glistening a little in the clouded moonlight. You’re parked behind the dunes, a single spot in a clearing of the trees, the same trees that gather behind the car like a crowded shelter.

“I’ve got blankets and pillows in the back of the car from when you stayed at my dorm,” He explains, “We can set up a bed in the back, sleep in the car.”

“I love this life of luxury Fisher,” You joke.

“I’m sorry this didn’t work out like we thought it would.”

You reach over and squeeze his hand, “We’re together, aren’t we?”

You both climb out of the car and set up the pillows, blankets and comforters in the back of the car, folding the back seats down to give yourselves more space. Conrad reverses and turns the car so that the trunk faces out to the sea, noting that you’ll thank him for it in the morning when you see the view.

“There we go, that’s pretty good if you ask me,” You grin, “But I’m so tired I think I’d sleep anywhere.”

You get in beside him and both of you shuffle under the covers until you’re comfortable. His long legs fold under the comforter in your direction and you shift again to try and find the right spot.

“Connie I love you but could you please-“

“You what?” He stops you, leaning up onto his elbows.

“I-“ You feel your cheeks burn red hot at the words, “I just meant that I wanted you to move over-“

“You love me?” His voice is soft and full of excitement, his eyes creasing with the intensity of his smile.

You throw your hands over your face, wishing away the embarrassment, “Forget I said anything I didn’t mean-“

You feel him shift beside you until he’s hovering over your form, his hands reaching out to pull each of yours away from your face.

“You love me,” He confirms once again, “I love you more.”

You fight back a smile as you watch him speak the words, letting them echo in the space between you.

“Say it again,” You grin widely, your expression matching his.

Conrad chuckles and leans down to press his lips to yours, soft but yet so certain of himself. Unlike any time he’d kissed you before - this one sealed with love.

—— Now ——

“(Y/n)?” Belly calls over to you, “Are you coming?”

You look up to see all three of them stood at the doorway, leaving you in the driveway towards the house. You shake your head to clear away your reminiscent moments and look back to them.

“Yeah, sorry, just spaced out for a second,” You nod, hurrying your steps a little more in their direction.

When you all get into the house, the sound of his voice is what your ears instantly tune into. So distinct. So clear against the echoing walls.

“Dad I’ll talk to you later,” His voice snaps as he rounds the corner, stopping at the sight of the four of you.

Conrad’s eyes fall to Jere first, move to Belly and to Steven, before landing on you.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

You know he’s speaking to all of you, but you wince like the words were meant for your ears only.

“Enough of the knight in shining armour act, Conrad. We’re here to help,” Jeremiah defends, “This house means just as much to us as it does to you.”

“I don’t want to hear it, okay? I’ve got it under control,” Conrad returns, dragging a hand through his hair as he tears his eyes away from you.

“Really? Because it doesn’t fucking seem like it,” Jeremiah scoffs, “Be fucking honest with yourself Conrad, you’re just as lost as we are.”

“I can handle it!” Conrad raises his voice and you flinch instantly, your hands clenching as the anxiety courses through you.

His eyes drop back to you and his face softens, as if instantly aware of his impact.

And it takes you right back.

—— 3 Months Earlier ——

“I’m just saying I think it’s just a way better movie, you know?” You persist, opening the passenger side door of the car, “And the storyline is just so much better it’s like-“

You pause when you see him, his eyes drifting off to the road, his ears turned off to your words.

“Con? Are you listening?”

He glances up and back to you, “Oh, um, sorry, what did you say?”

You frown just a little and place your hand over his on the gearstick of the car, “Is something going on? You’ve been quiet ever since we got to the theater.”

It’s as if another light switches off in him when you ask, “No, no, I’m okay.”

“Con,” You reach up to brush the hair away from his forehead, “Talk to me.”

“I just-“ He pauses at your touch, as if pocketing it, “There’s just a lot going on, you know? With the funeral, and Jere, and college and Stanford and… I just don’t know how much more I can take.”

“Nobody’s asking you to take on all of this by yourself, okay?” You cup his cheek, “I’m here, you’ve got Laurel and Steven and Belly, you’ve got a whole family of people that want to help. Do you know that?”

He closes his eyes for a second and nods, and you move your hand down to his chest to feel the beating of his heart against you.

“You don’t need to do everything on your own,” You repeat, “I’m here.”

He places his hand over yours but something feels empty, like his heart isn’t beating for you in the way you’d felt before. His eyes glaze over a little like they don’t really see you but you repress it anyway.

The two of you drive back to his college dorm and collapse into his bed to watch a movie, or two, or three. It seemed like Conrad’s batteries had already run out for the day and you’d do anything in your power to let him recharge. You’d put on his favourite films, and laid down on his chest as he tucked one arm underneath his head. His other arm wasn’t around you, however, it was holding his phone, scrolling through aimlessly.

“Con?” You glance up at him, “Do you want to do something else? We don’t have to watch this if you don’t want to, we co-“

“It’s fine,” He snaps harshly, not glancing away from the blue light screen.

You swallow the lump in your throat and lean up onto your elbows, bumping against the wall of his dorm in his single bed.

“Okay well something’s obviously not fine,” You comment, “Talk to me Conrad let me-“

“Just fucking stop with your ‘talk to me shit’,” He doesn’t raise his voice but he practically spits the words at you, tossing his phone down onto the side, “I don’t need you to be a therapist, okay? I don’t need that.”

“I’m not trying to be your therapist, I’m trying to be your girlfriend,” You defend, feeling the strength slip from you in the tremble in your hands.

“Well maybe I don’t need that either!”

He raises his voice then and you can tell he regrets it. He pushes himself up from the bed and stands, dragging a hand through his hair.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You speak and instantly hate yourself for the way the words tremble on your tongue, the way your whole body feels numb.

“I-“ He stops himself, pacing a little across the room, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then what did you mean it like? Because if that is what you want, then that’s what you’ll get. I’ll leave. I’ll go right now,” You sit up on the bed, “I’m not waiting around for you to change your mind.”

“(Y/n) I didn’t mean-“

“Go fuck yourself Conrad,” You state, standing up and grabbing your shoes and bag from the floor.

“(Y/n)!” He reaches out a hand and grabs you, turning you around to him.

“Tell me you want me to stay,” You look between each of his eyes, tears spilling out of your own, “Tell me you want me to be here, that you want me to be your girlfriend, that you still meant what you said when you told me you loved me. Tell me you want this.”

He’s silent, his lips parting with no words, his eyes filling like yours.

“Goodbye, Con.”

—— Now ——

You were stood in the shell of the room you used whenever you were in Cousins, it feeling oddly empty without Susannah’s touches dotted around. She’d leave you fresh towels on the sheets, and a new candle burning on the nightstand. This time, those little bits were missing.

Come to think of it, you couldn’t remember the last time you’d slept in this room. It got to a point where you’d stay in Conrads every night, even before the two of you were together. It started with late night conversations and transpired into you falling asleep on one side of his bed, then the two of you coming back late and stumbling through the dark into his room, then the two of you falling in love. You shake the thought away as quickly as it had arrived.

You sit down on the mattress and take a deep breath, glancing around at the room that you’d practically been brought up in - every summer spent within these walls. You weren’t ready to lose this house, it was simply another change in your life you weren’t ready to accept.

Your hand moves to rest on your stomach, already swollen and growing underneath the baggy t-shirt you had on. You take a deep breath and smooth over the skin, terrified of the idea of life being beneath your touch.

Before you can think any more, there’s a light knock at the door and you quickly drop your hand away.

“Sorry, it’s me,” Conrad pokes his head around the door, “Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

You shift over on the bed and he sits down beside you, glancing at your eyes before looking down to your tummy, and back up, as if he’s checking you over.

“How are you feeling?”

You swallow the lump in your throat.

——Two Months Earlier ——

The drive to Brown had never churned your stomach like this. Maybe that was the morning sickness - did that happen this early? Another thing to google.

You hadn’t spoken a word to Conrad since you’d left that day. The funeral was two weeks after, and you’d avoided him for the entire day. You didn’t need anything else to make the day worse, and neither did he.

But, only a couple of days after that, you’d seen lines on a test that confirmed all of your worst fears, all of your dreaded expectations.

You were pregnant. A month pregnant, from just before you and Conrad had split up. Could the timing be any worse?

You pull up into the parking lot and let out a shaky breath. You still knew his schedule from when you’d meet him from classes or know when he’d be free for you to call him. He’d be coming out of a biology lab any minute and going to his favourite spot by the water on campus just behind the building that nobody seemed to think existed. That’s where you wait, on one of the benches just on the edge of the water, your entire body trembling.

You hear him before you see him, mumbling a goodbye to one of his classmates as he circles around the corner towards the back of the building. He looks down at his phone before stuffing it back into his pocket, sighing deeply before looking up. His entire body stops in its tracks.

“(Y/n),” He exhales, closing the space between you until he’s stood in front of the bench, “What are you doing here?”

“We need to talk,” You manage to force out, clenching your hands together to stop them from shaking.

“Yeah, you’re right, we do,” He crouches down in front of you, “I’ve been thinking abo-“

“Con,” You cut him off, watching as the fragments of hope seem to dissipate from his eyes, “I’m pregnant.”

You see his shoulders drop a little as if the heaviest weight has towered down onto them.

“You’re-“ He clears his throat, “You’re pregnant.”

“About a month,” You confirm, “Before you ask, yes it’s definitely yours and no I have no idea what I’m doing.”

He seems to compose himself quickly, kicking into fight or flight mode, and he drops his books onto the floor, shifting so that he’s sat beside you. Cautiously, he reaches out and takes your hands into his.

“Are you okay?”

“Con did you not hear what I said?” You scoff, unable to keep eye contact with him for any longer.

“I know what you said, but I want to know if you’re okay first.”

“Well it’s not exactly been the easiest month,” You pull one hand free from his and drag it through your hair, letting him still hold your other cold hand between his, “And I know you have a lot going on and I’m sorry that this is awful timing but I-“

“Woah, woah, woah, don’t apologise for anything,” He shakes his head, “This isn’t your fault (y/n).”

You’re silent.

“And, hey, we’ll figure it out. Whatever we choose to do, whatever you choose to do, we’ll make it work. And we can-“

“See that’s the thing though, isn’t it Conrad? There isn’t a we anymore.”

He pauses, his grip loosening on you as if his hands have gone numb. His eyes drop to the floor before he glances back up, seemingly holding less hope than he had before.

“We’re not together anymore and this isn’t going to be the reason that changes,” You let out a breath you didn’t realise you’d been holding, “Of course you need to know because this is as much your baby as it is mine, but we’re not… how do we even begin to raise this baby when we can’t even take care of ourselves?”

“We’ll figure it out,” He nods as if trying to force some sort of certainty from him and into you, “We’ll do our research and we’ll speak to the doctor and we’ll read all the books and… we’ll make it work.”

You look down at your tummy, across to where his hand held yours, back up to his eyes - and it all just feels… numb. He wasn’t yours, and yet you were carrying his baby. You weren’t his, and yet this news had just changed his entire existence. A baby. You feel your stomach somersault once more and let out a shaky breath, no longer breathing for you but breathing for two.

—— Now ——

“Your scan is soon, right?” Conrad asks, “I did some research and they said that by now you should be able to-“

“Con,” You cut him off, looking down at your hands in your lap.

He frowns, “What is it?”

“I need you to be honest with me,” You let out s breath, “I need you to tell me if this is what you want. Because if it’s not, you can jump ship. I won’t hate you for it, I won’t resent you. But you need to decide whether this, all of this, is what you want.”

“(Y/n),” He speaks your name like it’s a breath clinging to his lips, “You seriously think I’d leave you to do this by yourself?”

You half-laugh, tears brewing in your eyes, “I wouldn’t blame you.”

“Hey,” He takes both of your hands into his, turning both of you to face each other, “A whole lot of stuff in my life is shitty right now, and I’ve made a lot of really fucked up decisions that I can’t take back. But not this. This is my lifeline (Y/n). You and this baby, it’s my lifeline.”

You swallow the lump in your throat.

“I’ll be better, I’ll be better than I was, I’ll do it all better.”

You look into his eyes, eyes that you’d once been so sure you could trust with your life. The lips that had kissed promises into you that you were sure would never break. The hands that you once thought would catch you from any fall. But all of it holds such an uncertainty now. Those eyes are the same ones that didn’t shed a tear when they broke your heart. And those lips are the same ones that yells and curses spilled so freely from. Those hands are the same ones who no longer wanted to hold you when you needed them the most. And that’s why, despite the certainty you want to convince yourself is held behind his words, you drain all emotion from your voice and say;

You weren’t sure when the irritation had started today. It was just… one of those days. You’d woken up and there was no milk left for your coffee, and the last slice of bread had been eaten. The toothpaste was running low, too, and you had to squeeze the last remains out of it. Nobody had bothered to go to the store yet and your car was blocked in by Jere on the driveway. Someone else had already put their clothes into the laundry but hadn’t bothered to turn the machine on, and you were certain not a single person in this house would ever decide to empty the dishwasher. It was just the little things, and they were irritating when you were living in a house of this many people.

Perhaps it wasn’t any of those things causing the issue. They were just ways of you avoiding what was really stressing you. Last night, Conrad, you and the others had been at a party. You’d left early with Belly when she’d had too much to drink and the boys had stayed. It was just a party at the beach, nothing crazy, but you’d woken up to a text this morning that had turned your stomach sick.

Hey girl! Feel like I need to be honest with you, Conrad was all over Nicole last night. I’d want to know if I were you.

I’m pretty sure I saw them kiss.

Even thinking of the words again made you nauseous, they were rotating over and over in your head. All over her.

“Hey babe,” Conrad speaks softly as he comes downstairs, swinging an arm around the bannister as he turns into the kitchen.

“Hey,” You glance up, trying to scrub a stain out of the countertop.

You couldn’t look at him, too fearful that you’d break down into tears right then and there.

He comes behind you and wraps his arms around your torso. You force yourself to not tense up under his touch, letting out a shaky breath before you say;

“I need you to go to the store,” You comment.

You feel his arms slip from you, “What?”

“Jere’s boxed my car in so I can’t go but we need a whole bunch of stuff. I’ve made a list so I’ll send it to you and-“

“Good morning to you too,” Conrad practically grimaces, stepping back to lean against the counter.

“Sorry, Con, but we’ve got stuff to do today. Susannah and Laurel will be back tomorrow and you know they’ll hate it if the house is in a state.”

“I think they’ll just be glad we didn’t burn the place down,” He scoffs, crossing his arms over his torso.

You turn around and set down the cloth in your hand, wiping your hands. He raises his eyebrows at you like he’s waiting for something so you step forward and stretch up to press a kiss to his lips.

“Please,” You smile.

He narrows his eyes, a smile tugging at his lips, so you kiss him again. This was normal. This was him. The boy that would never hurt you.

“Alright fine,” He agrees, opening up his arms to place them around your waist, “If you insist, your royal highness.”

“Thank you,” You force yourself to smile again, “I’ll send you the list, I’m going to clean the bathroom whilst you’re gone and then-“

“And then when I’m back we can actually enjoy our day? No more stress cleaning,” He encourages, brushing a lock of hair away from your face.

“Okay.”

He leans down and kisses your jaw, once twice three times before stepping away from you to grab his keys. He’d never hurt you. This boy would never hurt you.

“Send me that list!” He calls back to you, disappearing around the corner.

It was all fine, right?

———

Conrad gets back an hour later, carrying in bags and bags of groceries all exactly from your list. You help him put them away and then start busying yourself with tidying up the lounge.

“(Y/n) come on, we’re going surfing,” Conrad encourages, reaching out his hand to you from where he was laying on the couch.

“I don’t-“ You clear your throat, looking away from him, “I don’t really feel like it today.”

He pushes himself up onto his elbows, “Come on, you agreed you’d be done after I got back. The other three are capable of helping too, you know? Just tell Jere to clean.”

You glance at him and quickly glance away. You couldn’t get the words out of your head, as much as you’d tried to avoid them. Everything felt so normal this morning, but it was becoming impossible to convince yourself that it couldn’t be true.

“I-“ You shake your head, tears brimming at your eyes when you look at him, “I can’t today.”

“Woah, woah, woah,” He sits up fully, “What’s going on?”

You let out a shaky breath and shake your head again, “Sorry I just… um… I think there’s dust in my eye or something.”

You hurry off into the nearest bathroom and lock the door behind you, leaning back against the locked door. You can’t fight off the tears at your eyes anymore as they start to trickle down at the corners. In the moment, you catch sight of yourself in the mirror, your eyes glazed over and your lip quivering with each exhale.

When you and Conrad first got together, you’d always thought he was too good for you. You knew who he’d been with before you, and you didn’t feel anything like them. You weren’t one of the country club girls, not one of the girls who’d throw themselves at him if he gave them the chance. You just fell in love and he did too. And, as much as he reassured you that you were blind to think he was too good for you, there was always just this little piece biting at you every time you thought about it for too long. Would you ever think you were good enough for him?

You walk over to the sink and look closer at yourself in the mirror, dragging your fingers under both of your eyes to wipe away the remaining tears. Your eyes looked a little red now and your cheeks felt puffy but you ignore it, drawing your shoulders back before walking back out of the bathroom.

Your steps come to a halt when you almost bump into Conrad, stood only a metre from the door.

“(Y/n) why has Shayla just texted you?” He holds your phone out towards you, “And why does it-“

“You looked through my phone?” You question, snatching it back from him.

He scoffs, “It came up on your lockscreen, okay? I didn’t think anything of it. Until I see that it’s Shayla and she’s telling you ‘Id be worried if I were you’.”

You look down at the screen and see the message still sitting there waiting to be read. She’d be worried. Should you be?

You look back up at him, “Well, should I be?”

“Should you what?”

“Should I be worried, Con?” You return, trying to avoid the tremor in your words.

“What are you talking about?”

“You know what, forget it, I shouldn’t have said anything,” You shake your head, pushing past him to walk down the corridor.

He hurries after you and his hand reaches out to grab your arm, turning you around, “No, talk to me (y/n). Why did Shayla text you that?”

As you turn around, it doesn’t feel like the same Conrad looking back at you, but it only lasts for a second. His face is so full of worry you’re sure he could break there and then.

“Wh-“ You stop yourself, “What happened after I left last night? At the party, what happened?”

He frowns, his eyes looking between each of yours, “What are you talking about?”

“Tell me what happened.”

He blinks like he’s completely lost but continues, “Okay, you left with Belly. We got a few more drinks, Steven rang Taylor, Jere saw this guy he hooked up with last summer, the keg ran out and it got cold, we walked home.”

You purse your lips together, “Nothing else?”

“(Y/n) if you think something happened I’d rather you just say it because I can’t think of a-“

“Were you with Nicole?”

He raises his brows, “Nicole?” He practically scoffs over her name, “You can’t be serious.”

“Answer the question, Conrad.”

“Okay, yes, I saw her there,” He shrugs, “I didn’t realise that was an important part of the story, I saw her, we said hello, I didn’t see her for the rest of the night.”

You swallow the lump in your throat and pull out your phone with shaking hands, unlocking it and pushing it into his hands, “That’s not what it seemed like to Shayla.”

His eyes scan quickly to read the message and you watch his shoulders drop.

“Is it true?” You ask shakily, tears brewing once again.

“(Y/n)…”

For a second, you’re convinced he’s going to admit to everything and you’re going to feel your heart break beyond words.

“Is this really what you think of me?”

You stop before speaking again, “Conrad I woke up this morning to that text and I-“

“And you believed it?” He half laughs over the word.

“Why wouldn’t I believe it Conrad?” You exclaim, your words catching in your throat.

Conrad pauses.

“I know how things were when you were with Nicole. They were easy and fun and you didn’t have to think about anything. I’m not like that,” You shake your head, biting your lip to stop it from trembling, “I know I’m not who people expect you to be with and I know this isn’t… I just know that people see you with Nicole and they think that’s who it should be, not me.”

“(Y/n),” He looks at you so strongly you’re sure you could crumble, “I chose you. I chose this. And I still choose this. Every single fucking day I choose this. Why can’t you see that?”

“I just… I can’t get the thought of you and her out of my head.”

He laughs, “There is no me and her! There was no me and her last night! But if this is what you think of me (Y/n) then this is a really sad conversation.”

Before you can speak, he swallows the lump in his throat and walks past you, his shoulder bumping yours. You listen to his footsteps receding until the door slams and he’s gone.

Without another thought, every emotion spills from you, dropping to the floor as you sob.

In seconds, the bedroom door opens and Jere and Belly step out, both of them crouching down to wrap you in their arms, holding onto you as much as they were holding you up.

———

You leave the house almost an hour later, forcing yourself out of bed and down towards the short walk to the beach. On your way, you’re already certain that that’s where he’ll be. The place that made him think more clearly. The place where he’d first kissed you.

As you expect, Conrad’s sat just a little way down on the sand, his knees at his chest and his arms draped over them, a burgundy hoodie wrapped around him.

You sit down without a word and his eyes look up from the sea to watch as you do so, following you down until you’re beside him.

Both of you are silent, neither of you willing to break that just yet.

“I’m sorry Con,” You exhale, “I shouldn’t have just jumped to conclusions.”

He shakes his head, looking out at the moving sea, “I should be apologising.”

“What do you have to be sorry for?” You feel the lump form in your throat, as if part of you is so sure he’s about to admit to your worst nightmare.

“I would never cheat on you (Y/n). I’d never even think about looking at another girl like that,” He explains, “But if I’ve made you feel like there’s even the slightest possibility that that’s something I’m capable of, then I’m doing something wrong. Because you shouldn’t feel like that. And you shouldn’t have felt like that today.”

“Con it’s not your fault.”

“It is my fault,” He returns, “Why do you think I would cheat on you?”

You take a deep breath, reaching out to take his hand into yours, watching him visibly relax at the contact, “I love you Connie, and I always have, and you’ve made me feel loved since the first day you kissed me and every day since. But, even with us together, there’s always this part of me that’s so sure I’m just… not enough. And that one day you’ll realise that too. And that’s not you, or Shayla or Nicole or anyone that’s causing that, it’s just me.”

“But (Y/n) I-“

“I know,” You squeeze his hands, “I know you might think it’s stupid and you might think you need to be doing more but it’s just… sometimes it’s hard to believe that you feel that way about me.”

He shifts in his spot so that he’s facing you, reaching both of his hands out to cup your face, “I love you, (Y/n) (Y/l/n). And I don’t care how long it takes, I’ll spend the rest of my life if it takes that long for you to be sure of that. Do you understand me?”

You let out a laugh and tears prick at the sides of your eyes, his thumbs shifting instantly to catch the tears as they fall.

“Now how could I not love you?” He grins, leaning in until his forehead presses against yours.

You rest there for a while, as if you’re breathing in every ounce of love he can offer you, letting out an exhale of every worry of the day.

“Do I love you?” Conrad raises his eyebrows.