Missing Piece.
Summary: can you do conklin!reader x conrad where since she’s the oldest sibling, laurel had so much expectations for her and she held a lot of responsibility to the point where she couldn’t even enjoy being a kid. this is gonna sound sad but let’s say conrad chose belly over her but he was really just confused about what he wants which was reader but since her and belly are so similar, he chose belly and the reader had a big argument that led to her being the bad guy and all the stress caused her to just leave cousins and cut contact with everyone. Flash forward like 2 years ( reader is in college and everyone else is beginning college soon ) reader comes back to cousins and everyone is shocked to see she has a son 😭 it doesn’t have to be conrad’s i was thinking it could be like an ex boyfriends or one night stand’s BUT yeah she comes back with a whole kid and she’s so grown now. ( you can add a lil stepdad conrad if you want 😮💨 )
Warnings: Discussions of toxic family relations, mentions of unplanned pregnancy
Author’s Note: I’m sorry this is so long but I took this idea and RAN with it! Hope y’all enjoy plz plz plz let me know what you think
You always knew how your little sister Belly had felt about Conrad when you were all growing up. For as long as you could remember, she’d been head over heels for him. She laughed a little harder at his jokes, remembered a little more about everything he said. She loved him.
You weren’t exactly sure when your feelings for Conrad had started, however. He’d always just been a friend. The boy you spent every summer with as the two of you were responsible for babysitting the rest. He’d always just been Conrad. But lately that had felt like it was changing.
The worst part about it all? You couldn’t even tell him how you felt. For the fear of breaking your little sisters heart was worse than letting your own break right in front of you.
“Are you even listening to me (y/l/n)?” Conrad stretches out a leg to kick you from where he sat on the other end of the couch and you look up from your book to see him.
“Um,” You clear your throat, “No, I didn’t hear a word you said.”
He rolls his eyes at you, “I asked if you were coming to the party tonight.”
“Oh, yeah, I hadn’t thought about it,” You shrug, “Is everyone going?”
He shrugs his shoulders, “I haven’t asked everyone. I’ve asked you.”
You smile in return, “Yeah, sure, I’ll come.”
He stretches forward and grabs the book from your hands, “What are you reading?”
“Con!” You exclaim, reaching over his legs to try to grab the book from his hands, “Give it back.”
He laughs and holds it high over his head, away from your reach as you fall forward, hand catching yourself on his chest.
You look up to his eyes and he’s looking down at you with a smirk on his lips.
“Can you please give me my book back?”
“I could,” He returns, the pages still tight between his grip.
“Okay, will you?”
“What’s in it for me?”
There’s something about the way he says the words. Hoarse in his throat, almost catching on his tongue, foreign tone to hear from his lips. You feel the heat increasing in your cheeks and try to ignore it.
“Nothing, just give it back,” You groan, stretching far up enough that your fingertips brush the pages and he eventually releases the book from his grip.
You compose yourself and return to your side of the couch, trying to ignore the deep heat coursing through your cheeks.
“Hey!” Belly’s voice sounds from the doorway as she comes in, “I’m not interrupting am I?”
“No, no, of course not,” Conrad stands up quickly from the couch, “Are you ready to go?”
Belly nods, “Yeah, sure. Are you coming (y/n)?”
You force a small smile in their direction, “I’ll be there in a bit.”
“(Y/n) I really need your help tonight,” Your Mom, Laurel walks into the room in their absence, “We’ve got so much to set up for tomorrow so I’ll need your help with it all.”
You set your book down and look up at her, “Actually I think there’s a party tonight that everyone’s going to so I sort of had plans.”
She brushes you off, busy looking at something on her phone, “Well just cancel your plans.”
“It’s a party, Mom, everyone’s going,” You roll your eyes, “Can’t I just help tomorrow morning?”
“Can you please not make this more difficult than it needs to be?” She shakes her head at you, “You’re eighteen now, aren’t you too old for those kinds of things?”
“Right, yeah, eighteen is the cut off point for having fun,” You stand up from the couch.
“(Y/n) wait!” She calls after you, “I need you to go to-“
“The store, yeah, I just got the list,” You wave your phone in your hand, “(Y/n) Conklin at your service.”
Your relationship with Laurel has never been ideal. You were the oldest of the three of you and so her expectations for you seemed far beyond what she wanted from the others. She was more patient with them, more understanding. You didn’t get that. They got a childhood and you got the responsibility of looking after them. They went to the fair? You had to make sure they all came back in one piece. They went to a party? You had to be the designated driver and make sure neither of them drank too much. Something important going on? They got to be kids whilst you dealt with it like an adult. You grew up too fast and she was to blame for that - her expectations tainting any form of childhood you could’ve held onto.
You step outside and start walking towards your car, pausing when you hear the sound of laughter from the others. Conrad has Belly in his arms, lifting her up from the ground as the other boys try to grab her legs. He’s holding her tight, a bright smile on his face when he looks at her. They’d had that tradition for years. Since you were first coming to Cousins. But you were never a part of it. Because whilst they grabbed Belly and ran her to the pool, you had to help your Mom carry in the luggage and set up everyone’s rooms. Traditions, right?
“(Y/n)!” Jeremiah yells over to you when he catches sight of you, “Are you coming later? We thought we could go to the store and get some drinks before we go.”
He walks over to you and the other boys follow behind.
“Um,” You drag a hand through your hair, glancing at the house, “I can’t come tonight, I’ve got stuff to help my Mom with here.”
“Oh come on, you’re so boring,” Steven groans, “You never come to parties.”
Right, because I’m too busy picking up the slack for you and Belly.
“Yeah, sorry, Laurel’s orders,” You shrug, “Maybe next time.”
“Can you at least stop at the store and use your fake? Thank youuuuu,” Steven yells back as he heads back towards the pool.
You roll your eyes, forcing a smile to the Fisher brothers, “I’ll see you guys later.”
Conrad frowns a little at you, “You sure you’re not coming?”
You shrug your shoulders, “I’ll be designated driver, you can just call me when you need picking up.”
He smiles faintly and watches as you head towards your car, your shoulders dropping as you let out a sigh. Laurel’s orders.
———
You spend the night helping your Mom and Susannah set up for their charity event before you eventually get a text from Steven asking you to come get them.
You drive across the town to the other end and pull up in front of the house, texting them to say you’re outside.
Only Jeremiah and Steven step out though.
“Thanks for coming,” Jere smiles, sitting in the back seat, “You’re a lifesaver.”
You frown at the two of them, “Where’s the rest?”
Steven laughs, “Don’t get us started.”
“What’s going on?” You ask, glancing back in the mirror to catch Jeremiah’s face, watching as his jaw clenches.
“Conrad and Belly disappeared together,” Steven explains, “They were all over each other, and then the next minute we couldn’t find either of them.”
“So-“ You clear your throat, words seemingly catching on your tongue, “So you don’t know where they are?”
“They’re together, they’re fine,” Steven shrugs, “But god I’m dreading hearing that story tomorrow.”
You swallow the lump in your throat and lock eyes with Jeremiah who just shrugs his shoulders at you. He was your counterpart in this. Him in love with Belly despite his brother. You in love with Conrad despite your sister.
“Can we go?” Steven nudges you, “I’m starving.”
The three of you drive back in relative silence apart from Steven hiccuping every five seconds, until you reach the house and you pull up on the driveway. You make sure to shut the door quietly behind you so that Laurel wouldn’t complain in the morning and the two boys disappear into the kitchen.
“(Y/n) can I eat some of your-“ Steven calls out loudly.
You stick your head around the doorframe of the kitchen and shush him, whispering back, “Eat whatever you want as long as it’s not the food for tomorrow.”
He salutes in your direction and you roll your eyes, walking through into the lounge and collapsing down onto one of the couches. Your Mom would kill you if Belly didn’t come home tonight, and especially if you didn’t have any clue where she was.
So whilst the boys eat and reside to their bedrooms, you wait.
-
It’s around three am when you hear the door open again and two hushed voices coming through into the silent house.
“Is everyone asleep?” You hear Belly whisper and you glance up from the couch.
That’s when you see it. His hand intertwined with hers, his flannel shirt around her shoulders, both of their eyes alight.
“I think so,” Conrad hisses in return as the two of them walk towards the stairs.
She steps up ahead of him but he pauses on the bottom step, glancing into the lounge where his eyes lock with yours. You don’t look away and neither does he, so you watch as he swallows the lump in his throat, his hand dropping from its grip on Belly’s.
You look away then, turning over on the couch so that your back faces them. It’s such a quick response isn’t it? Five seconds and now your throat feels like it can’t breathe air, and your eyes are pricked with tears threatening to spill. You let out a shaky breath and grip firmly onto the cushion beneath your head, your chest feeling tighter and tighter.
———
The following morning you wake up to the sound of voices in the kitchen and you groan at the sudden realisation of how uncomfortable the couch really is.
When you walk through, it’s your brother and sister.
“She’s alive!” Steven laughs, “What happened to you last night?”
You drag a hand over your face, “I-“ Your eyes shift to Belly who’s stood with the faintest smile over her face as she sips her coffee, the look of a girl in love, “I was going to stay awake to make sure Belly got back safe but I must’ve… I don’t know, I must’ve fallen asleep before she got back.”
“Oh, yeah, sorry, we were pretty late,” She clears her throat, “I mean, I was- we weren’t-“
“Come on Bels everyone saw you and Conrad together,” Steven scoffs, “You didn’t exactly make it discrete.”
“Well, I-“ Belly laughs a little, “We just-“
“I don’t think I want to hear this,” Steven groans, “Please spare me the details.”
He takes a cup of coffee from the counter and walks out, his shoulders hanging low.
You take a deep breath and turn back to your sister, pausing for a second. Something about her seems so different - like she’s a whole new person. One piece of her life fallen into place and she was… happy. You swallow the lump in your throat.
“So, you and Conrad,” You mention, your back turned to her as you pull out a pancake mix from the cupboard.
“I don’t even know how it happened,” She shakes her head, “I mean, you all know I’ve had a crush on him since I could remember and then he told me he wanted us to be together and I-“
“He wants you to be together?” You half-choke out the words, your hands feeling weak, your heart numb.
“That’s what he said,” She nods, “We still need to talk about things but yesterday seemed pretty official.”
You blink a couple of times and take a deep breath, pulling your shoulders back a little, “That’s great, Bels, I’m happy for you.”
Before you can say anything more, Conrad walks through into the kitchen, pausing when he sees the two of you.
“Oh, um, morning,” He offers a small smile, letting out a breath.
You nod in greeting, “I’m going to leave you two to it.”
“(Y/n)…” Conrad speaks quietly as you go to leave, his hand reaching out towards you.
You look up at him and there’s a shift in his eyes, a difference in the way he looks at you. Like he knows everything and nothing about what he’s done.
“Never mind,” He shakes his head.
And you’re gone.
———
You don’t see them for the rest of the day. In fact, you don’t see anyone. You go down to the beach at some point in the afternoon and swim in the flat waves and return to the house hours later with damp hair. Your Mom makes a comment about how you need to look presentable for this evening.
You’ve showered and are sat on your bed wrapped in a baggy hoodie and shorts straightening your hair when there’s a knock on your door.
“(Y/n) can I come in?”
It’s Jeremiah.
“Yeah, of course,” You shift on your seat and he steps inside.
“I just wanted to see how you were,” He perches himself on the edge of the bed, looking at you through the mirror.
“I’m okay, this event should be good,” You lie through a smile, fixing the hair around your face.
“(Y/n)…” He frowns at you, “You don’t have to lie.”
“Wh-“
“He broke your heart,” He confirms for you, “And she broke mine.”
You laugh a little, “Well that makes us sound sad, Jere.”
He smiles gently, softly, “It’s okay for you to be upset about it. You don’t have to put on that facade like you normally do.”
“I just-“ You shake your head, “I can’t be upset. I’m happy for Belly, she’s loved him since forever.”
“(Y/n),” Jeremiah waits until you turn around to face him, “You’ve spent your life being happy for Belly, it’s okay for you to let yourself once wish that you were happy for you.”
You look down at the ground and back up, shaking your head a little as tears pool at your eyes, “I just really thought it would be me.”
Instantly, Jere jumps from the bed and hurries over to you, engulfing you in his arms as you bury your head into his chest.
“I did too,” He mumbles as he runs a hand up and down your back.
“God, I’m so stupid,” You laugh, dragging your hands under your eyes, “I need to stop this before tonight.”
He pulls back and holds both of your shoulders, “You’re going to get dressed into your best dress, and you’re going to look beautiful, and we’re going to drink, and drink some more, and we’re both going to forget all about last night. How does that sound?”
You nod your head, “Okay.”
“Okay,” Jeremiah grins, “Now cheer up before you make me cry too.”
You laugh softly, watching him disappear before you let out a shaky breath, turning back to yourself in the mirror and setting your shoulders back to fix your posture.
You could do this.
———
By the time you come downstairs, the house is flooded with people all in attendance for the event. The garden doors are open and people have spilled outside, all mingling between each other as Susannah goes around to greet everyone that she can.
You take a glass of champagne from the tray in the kitchen and tip it back until the liquid empties down your throat, and you grimace a little at the taste.
“Woah, take it easy Conklin,” Steven raises his brows at you as you refill your glass, “You never drink.”
“Yeah, well, it’s a party isn’t it?” You shrug your shoulders, tipping back another glass.
“Who are you and what have you done with my sister?” Steven laughs.
You go to respond but your eyes fall on the pair just across the room. The girl’s fingers fixing the bow tie around the boy’s neck, her hands settling onto his chest soon after, a smile on her face. Belly and Conrad.
“They seem pretty-“
“Yeah, I know,” You respond quickly, “Made for each other.”
“I was going to say full-on,” Steven grimaces, “It’s weird.”
You shrug, “Maybe they’re happy.”
You swallow the lump in your throat and try to ignore the tightening in your chest, sure that you could leave at that sight alone.
How could you do this? How could you be normal with them when it was like this? How could you spend every day with them?
“I can’t be here,” You shake your head, “I need some air.”
You grab a bottle of tequila from the liquor display and take it with you outside, sipping from it before you’ve even got to the garden.
It’s colder as the sun is already setting but another sip of tequila seems to take the edge off just a little, and its already going to your head.
You start making your way around the perimeter of the pool, your steps a little off balance as you teeter across the edge.
“(Y/n)?” Belly’s voice calls from the doorway of the house, “What are you doing out here?”
Your foot spins you to face her and you catch sight of her at the door, a black jacket wrapped around her shoulders. The sight makes your heart sink into your stomach, churning your insides.
“Come on, Mom wants you to mingle wit-“
“I don’t care what Mom wants,” You reply harshly, swigging back the tequila once again.
“Wh- what are you talking about?”
“I’ve done my bit, okay? I’ve done more than my bit. She can leave me alone for one night,” You roll your eyes, “Just one fucking night.”
“What’s going on with you (y/n)? This isn’t like you,” She wraps her arms around herself, the jacket tightening across her shoulders.
“Is that… is that his jacket?”
The rational part of you is unsure as to why you even ask it. But the tequila is almost a third gone now, and you’re not sure the rational is what’s in control anymore.
“We- yeah, he gave it to me to come outside,” Belly confirms, “What’s that got to do with-“
“Did you know I liked him?” You interrupt.
“(Y/n) what-“
“Answer the question,” Your words are harsh, too harsh probably, “When you kissed him last night, when he told you he wanted to be with you, did you know that I liked him?”
“Come on, you know how I’ve felt about Conrad, how I feel about him,” Belly shakes her head, “This isn’t ab-“
“About me? Right, of course it’s not,” You scoff, stepping towards her, “Because god forbid things don’t work out the way Belly wants them to, right? God forbid we’re not all making sure that you’re happy and that things are going your way. God forbid anyone else get a fucking happy ending!”
You know you’re raising your voice, you can tell from the way she flinches as you speak. But that doesn’t seem to matter anymore either.
“You wanted him and so you got him. And me and Jere? We don’t matter, do we? We’re just thrown to the curb so that you can be fucking happy,” You half laugh, “I gave up everything for you, Belly. For you and for Steven, I gave up my whole fucking childhood. I couldn’t be a child because you two needed to be them instead. So I grew up, I stopped going out so I could do chores for Mom, chores that you missed because you were too busy with Taylor or at volleyball or failing your fucking classes. I did it all! I gave up everything. And the one thing it felt like I had was… him.”
You choke out the last word and feel the tears prick at your eyes.
“Conrad was the only one that understood, the only one who knew what it was like to feel responsible for your asses,” You scoff, “And… I gave that up too.”
“You didn’t give him up, (y/n), Conrad chose to be with me!” Belly defends, her voice breaking.
By now, the small crowd in the garden has started to increase to hear what was going on, people slowly starting to trail out of the door until you see the familiar faces.
“Girls, can we try doing this somewhere else?” Susannah steps outside, trying to smile for the guests gathering around.
“(Y/n)!” Laurel hisses, hurrying down to where the two of you stood, “Can you control yourself please? There are guests here!”
You look at her and let out a scoff, “My fault, of course.”
“You should know better,” She mutters to you, faking a polite smile for the people watching.
“Yeah, maybe I should, Mom,” You nod, fighting back your tears, “Excuse me.”
You step away from her and Belly and push your way across the garden, towards the side of the house, past the outdoor shower.
“(Y/n)!” Conrad’s voice approaches from behind you.
You keep walking in your direction, refusing to be interrupted until you feel the grip of his arm around your wrist, turning you around.
“Get off me, Conrad,” You pull away from him but his grip remains.
“Talk to me (Y/n)!” He exclaims, “Talk to me, tell me what’s going on.”
“Tell you what’s going on?” You laugh, “Like you don’t fucking know!”
“l do- What do you want me to say?” He looks frantically between your eyes, dropping his hand from your arm.
“I want you to tell me that it’s Belly you want,” You snap, “I want you to tell me that you feel the same way about her as she feels about you.”
“It’s- I mean… it’s complicated.”
“It fucking shouldn’t be!” You yell back, “You chose her, you should know how you feel about her.”
“Chose her? What… you…”
“Yeah, you fucking chose her!” You push his chest, “I was right fucking here Conrad! I was right here! I’ve always been here,” Your voice cracks and tears spill over your cheeks.
Conrad holds your hands over his chest, like he wants to hold onto a piece of you, “(Y/n) I didn’t know.”
“You didn’t know,” You step back, sniffing, “Of course you didn’t.”
“(Y/n)…” His voice trails off as he sees you, the broken version of you that he seemed to cause.
“It’s always been her, hasn’t it? She was Laurel’s favourite daughter, she was the more popular one at school, she’s Susannah’s favourite, she’s… she’s yours. And I was there to just… drive her home, cook her dinner, let her cry, buy her shit to make her feel better. I was just… there.”
He doesn’t speak, watching the way you seem to shrink into yourself at the words.
“I’m never going to be good enough, am I? For Laurel, for this family… for you?”
“(Y/n) please…”
“I’m sorry, I just… I need to…” You clear your throat, dragging a hand through your hair before you hurry inside.
———
You don’t get much sleep that night, instead running over a thousand options in your head before settling on the only one that makes any sense - that you need to go.
By five, you’ve packed up your things into a bag, checked over everything twice to make sure nothing was left behind, and grabbed your keys to head downstairs. The house is silent, and littered with the fancy aftermath of the party. You glance behind you once more and step outside, fleeing towards your car.
“(Y/n)!” Even the sound of your name rings through a trauma from the night before.
You turn around against the bright morning light to see Conrad jogging towards you.
“What are you doing?” He asks you, a frown on his face.
“I’m…” You clear your throat, “I’m just heading out.”
He looks down at the bag in your hand and his shoulders drop, “You’re leaving.”
You take a deep breath, “I… I have to Con.”
“(Y/n) please,” He reaches forward and takes one of your hands into his, “I need you to know, I- I didn’t mean to hurt you. I never wanted that.”
You pull your hand from his grip and cup the side of his face, your thumb brushing his cheek, “Con, I know you didn’t. But, I can’t stay here like this. I can’t be here. Okay?”
He looks away from you momentarily and back up to your eyes, his seemingly losing their hope.
You brush away the strands of hair around his forehead, “I’ll see you around, Fisher.”
—— 2 Years Later ——
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Carmen asks you, perched on the edge of your bed, “I mean, seriously, how long has it been?”
“Two years,” You confirm, folding up another top to put into your bag, “And I think it’s a terrible idea, but I’ve got to bite the bullet eventually.”
“How do you think they’re going to react?” He persists, “Do you think they’ll be mad?”
“Um,” You take a deep breath, “Maybe. I think it’ll be a shock more than anything. I just, I want them to see me, you know? And, look, Jere never did anything wrong. He’s reached out to be a thousand times and I want to be there for him today - that’s all I care about.”
“And who can be mad at a little face like this?” Carmen looks down at the small bundle wrapped in his crib, peacefully asleep for now.
Your son had been born two months ago. You and Carmen had been dating through your first year of college before you fell pregnant. You’d split up only a few weeks before you found out you were expecting, but the two of you had managed to successfully co-parent so far. He came to all of your appointments, asked far too many questions, slept on the spare room in your dorm when he was worried about you, and had held your hand all through the delivery. Since then, you’d managed to both fit your schedules around taking care of your baby. He worked weekends and you worked evenings, he stayed in your dorm when he knew you needed to sleep and you both avoided a fair bit of socialising so that you could be there for your son. It worked. And, more than anything, you were the happiest you’d been.
“Alright little man, be good for Mommy okay?” Carmen lifts up your son, Kylo, from his bed, “I’ll see you soon.”
He sets the baby into his car seat and fixes the straps around his chest.
“I’ll help you get him in the car,” Carmen encourages, following behind you as the two of you leave the dorm and head down towards the parking lot.
He fixes the car seat into its slot in the car, checking it twice before he steps back.
“Alright, I’ll let you know if it’s a disaster and I’ll be driving back tonight,” You laugh a little, “And if you get an SOS text from me please put your foot down and get there as soon as you can.”
Carmen chuckles, squeezing your arm, “It’s going to be fine, okay? They love you and they miss you.”
You nod, “Let’s hope so.”
“Drive safe,” He steps back, letting you get into the drivers seat.
“Wish me luck,” You smile, waving goodbye as you reverse out of the parking spot.
It had been two years since you’d seen the Fishers, and even your own family. You’d left that day at the beach house and not returned. There were countless calls from your Mom, and Steven, and Susannah and Jere. But nothing from Conrad and Belly. You’d moved your things out of your home shortly after and moved into college as early as you could. It has been good for you.
The first big milestone was when you didn’t go home for thanksgiving. All of the family would be at Cousins and you told your Mom you couldn’t make it. The same again at Christmas. Eventually, a few months after, Laurel had stopped trying. She knew you needed your space, as much as she resented you for it. You’d kept in touch with Steven, and Jeremiah still spoke to you as much as he could. But none of them knew about Kylo. You weren’t ready for that yet. This was your son, you’d done it without them then and you could still do it without them. But he deserved to have them in his life. So, when Jeremiah had invited you to his graduation, you’d agreed.
It couldn’t be as bad as it was two years ago, right?
———
As soon as you arrive in Cousins, you stop at the hotel room that you’d booked for the two of you. Sure, you were okay with being here, but that didn’t mean you wanted to stay at the house.
You shoot Jeremiah a text to tell him you’re near and he tells you he’ll be waiting outside. You text Carmen to tell him you’re already considering turning back.
There was just something so strange about seeing these streets again, these houses, these places that held so many memories. And, as you near the water, the house that held more memories for you than anywhere in the world.
True to his word, as you pull up into the driveway, Jeremiah is waiting on the steps for you.
He hurries straight over to the car before you’ve even stepped out.
“Oh my god it’s so good to see you!” He grins, wrapping his arms around you tightly.
“You too Jere, I’ve missed you,” You squeeze him in return, “Thanks for inviting me.”
“Wh-“ His face drops a little when he catches sight of the seats in the back of your car, “Why do you have a-“
“Um, yeah,” You laugh a little, “I might’ve forgot to mention I was bringing a plus one.”
You open the side door to the back seats and unclamp the car seat from the chair, lifting it out.
“Jere, this is Kylo,” You let out a shaky breath, “My son.”
Jeremiah’s face drops, dumbfounded, “Oh m- I mean I- Congratulations! He looks exactly like you.”
You chuckle, “I’m sorry I didn’t mention him, I just didn’t know how to say it over a text.”
Jeremiah shakes his head, “Don’t apologise. Come on, nobody’s home, you can come inside.”
He takes your baby bag from you as you carry Kylo into the empty house, a flood of memories hitting you as you do. Nothing had changed here and yet everything had changed with you.
“Do you feel like you’re ready to see everyone?” Jeremiah asks, sitting down beside you on the couch.
“Not in the slightest,” You shake your head, “But I can’t wait any longer.”
“You’re right,” Jeremiah nods, “From what I’ve heard, they’re all just ready for you to come home.”
You smile, lifting Kylo out of his seat, “I’m ready for him to have a family too.”
Jeremiah wraps an arm around your shoulder and squeezes.
“Oh shit, I think that might be their-“ He stops himself, “Yeah, that’s them. Are you okay?”
You take a deep breath and shift your position on the couch, “I’m okay.”
You were far from it. You were sure your mind was racing a million miles a minute, and every muscle in your body was tense. You were sure Kylo could feel it too, whinging in your arms. Part of you wanted to run, but you’d done enough of that two years ago. Not anymore.
“Hey, Jere, who the hell is parked in the-“ It’s Steven’s voice first, “Oh my fucking god!”
He runs into the lounge and freezes instantly, his eyes widening, his mouth agape.
“Hey Steven,” You smile, standing up from the couch.
“You- uh- you…”
Your Mom, Belly and Susannah walk in shortly after, all of them stopping just as your brother had.
“(Y/n)…” Belly looks at you like you’re a piece she’s been missing, “It’s so good to see you.”
“Is this…” Laurel looks down at the boy in your arms.
“This is Kylo, my son,” You look up at her, “Your grandson.”
Her face both lifts and falls at the same time, unsure of what to say.
“Can I?” Laurel asks you, looking down at him, and back to you.
“Of course,” You hand him over, fixing his head into her arms.
Laurel gasps at the contact, smiling gently down at the boy as her eyes fill with tears.
“I’m-“ You clear your throat, no apologies, “I know it’s been a while. But a lot has changed, and I want you to be a part of his life. I want him to have his family.”
Belly steps forward and stretches her arms out to you, stepping once more to engulf you in her arms, her head burying on your shoulder.
“I’m so glad you’re back,” She whispers, sobbing a little into your neck as she tightens her grip.
You smile and hug her just as tightly back, “Me too. I’ve missed you.”
“Alright alright don’t leave me out,” Steven groans, squashing both of you in a hug of his own, towering taller than both of you now.
Belly pulls back and sniffs and you lift your hands to her cheeks, wiping her eyes.
“We’re okay, okay?” You nod at her, the same phrase you used to tell her when the two of you ever argued as kids.
Belly nods, squeezing your hands, “Okay.”
“Oh honey,” Laurel passes Kylo to Susannah who takes him with a bright smile, before your Mom turns to you, “I don’t even know what to say. I had no idea that you… I mean I didn’t even… I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”
You shake your head, “It was me too. We both needed the space, right? We all did.”
She shakes her head too, “I’m just so sorry, I should’ve been there.”
You smile, “You’re here now.”
She steps forward and hugs you too, feeling so much smaller against you than she ever did before, perhaps you just feeling taller.
“You’re a Mom,” Her voice breaks against you, “I’m a Grandma.”
You chuckle and step back from her, “So much to catch you up on.”
Susannah hands Kylo over to Belly as he gets passed around to the waiting arms and she wraps you in a hug of your own, whispering something about how this family had missed you and it hadn’t been the same without you there.
But there was still one piece missing.
You sit down on the couch and Laurel and Susannah sit on either side of you. Belly, Jere and Steven all sit on the coffee table across from you as if they can’t possibly be too far away from you.
“I can’t believe you’re back in Cousins,” Belly smiles, “This is surreal.”
You chuckle, “Yeah, it’s weird. I just couldn’t miss watching Jere graduate.”
He grins, “I’m just glad you accepted the offer.”
Belly passes Kylo over to Steven who holds him as if he’s the most fragile object in the world.
You laugh a little at the sight, pulling out your phone and snapping a photo of the pair. You’d send it to Carmen later - a little sign of ‘hey, my family haven’t completely disowned me’.
“Okay, I have to ask the questions,” Laurel squeezes your arm, “How did this happen?”
“Well, Kylo was born about two months ago. I was dating a boy called Carmen in my first year of college, possibly the nicest guy ever but we realised we were better as friends. And a bit later I found out I was pregnant. He was there the whole time, don’t worry, and we’re surprisingly really good at co-parenting,” You explain, “I know it’s not conventional but, god, I think I was made to be a Mom.”
Steven laughs, “Yeah you got that from raising us three idiots,” He glances to Jere and Belly.
You grin. You’d never considered that when you were growing up. That mothering those three, losing so much of your childhood. It was setting you up for this. For mothering your own child, for bringing him up in your own way.
“He’s a pretty chill baby too,” You comment, “Like sleeps through the night, only wakes up once for a bottle. He even sits into some of my classes.”
“You’re still carrying on with college?” Laurel looks at you slightly shocked.
“Of course, I’ll just graduate with a toddler on my hip,” You beam down at your son in Steven’s arms, “I don’t need to lose my life because I’m taking care of him.”
Laurel looks at you with tears in her eyes before dropping her head to rest on your shoulder, like she’s trying to keep as close to you as she can. You don’t tense under her touch.
———
Later in the day, Jere, Belly and Steven have gone to the store for supplies and Susannah is setting up some bits for Jere’s graduation.
“Hey, do you need any help with anything?” You ask Laurel as she walks into the kitchen, “Kylo’s just had his bottle so I’m free if you need me to help.”
He’s strapped in a wrap to your chest napping against you.
“Oh god no you relax, we don’t need you to help,” Laurel encourages, “Sit down or something.”
“Come on Mom, I can help. What do you want me to do?”
She looks at you and sighs, “I think I spent 18 years asking you to do far too much, maybe I need to be making up for that.”
You clear your throat, “I don’t think that’s how it works.”
“I know, I know it’s not,” She shakes her head, “I just… I don’t even feel like you’re my daughter anymore. You’re so grown up, it’s like… you’re too much of an adult to be mine.”
You nod, “Yeah, well, a lot changed.”
“I hate that things got to the point where you felt you had to leave. I mean, I know everything happened with Belly and Conrad but I was just as much to blame, wasn’t I?”
You run your hand over the wrap across your chest where Kylo lay, “I never got a chance to be a kid, Mom. Not properly. It felt like my whole life Id been running one step ahead of them all so that I could catch them before they fell, shaping my whole life around making sure that they were in line and okay and that I was doing enough for you and for them but also making sure my whole life was perfect so that you weren’t disappointed and… it was draining.”
Laurel looks at you with a pained expression, her shoulders dropping with the weight of realisation.
“I went to college to get away from every shitty feeling that all of that gave me. I got away to finally be my own person, for once in my life just think about me,” You smile, “And it was good for me. I healed. I went to a therapist, I cried, I figured out my shit. I’m a different person now but I’ll always be your daughter. And I want Kylo to have his grandma.”
“I want that too,” Laurel beams, “(Y/n) I… I know I never know how to say these things but I’m so proud of you, honestly.”
Before you can respond, the front door clicks open and your head whips around quickly, expectant of who could be walking through.
“He’s at work,” Laurel comforts you, “He’ll be back tonight.”
“I-“
“I’m still your Mom, I know these things.”
You laugh in response as the other three all come into the kitchen, carrying bags of groceries.
“Oooh here Kylo I got you a present,” Steven rummages through the bags to find what he was looking for and eventually pulls out a small brown teddy bear, “Just securing my spot as favourite uncle.”
You grin, taking the bear, “Thank you Uncle Steven.”
“Oooh, we’ve got the beer in the trunk,” Jeremiah reminds him.
“Shit, yeah, we’ll be right back!” Steven says and both of them hurry back out.
“Beer?” You raise your brows at Belly.
She laughs, looking down at the bags, “Yeah, Steven managed to get a fake.”
“Of course he did,” You shake your head, “Want some help unpacking?”
“No, no, I got it,” She encourages, “You’ve got your hands full.”
You wiggle both of your hands in front of her, “The perks of this thing is that both of my hands are free, Bels. Don’t tread on eggshells around me, honestly.”
“Okay, this one is light,” She pushes one bag towards you.
Both of you potter about in silence putting away their food and it’s as if neither of you wants to break the comfortable quiet. This was the most time you’d spent together in two years, and you felt like strangers to each other.
“So, how’s everything going with you?” You ask her, turning back to the kitchen island.
“I’m good,” She nods, “I’m not…” Belly clears her throat, “I’m not seeing anyone.”
You laugh, “Did you not know how to tell me?”
She smiles and hits your arm, “It’s awkward, okay?”
You chuckle at your sister, somehow catching such a glimpse of yourself in her expression.
“We actually… me and Conrad… we ended things not long after you left,” Belly clears her throat, “It was for the best.”
“Bels I didn’t…”
“Don’t worry, it wasn’t because of you. I just think Conrad never really knew what he wanted, and maybe I didn’t either. I thought I was in love with that boy since I could remember, but I don’t think that was love. It was just the idea of him.”
You nod, “Well, younger Belly would probably thank you for figuring that out. But, tell me, is there anyone new on the scene?”
Before she can respond, the boys come tumbling in the front door again and you watch her eyes follow Jeremiah as he moves towards you both. There’s a brightness in them, one you’d only seen in your own when you were with Conrad. That was the feeling she was looking for.
“Jeremiah?!” You mouth to her and Belly widens her eyes at you in warning to not say anything more.
You raise your hands in surrender but give her a somewhat approving look, one that makes her cheeks ignite.
This was a pocket of home that you’d missed. One you didn’t realise you needed. Your siblings, this house, your family. It would always be important to you. And something about it felt even more magical now that you got to experience it with Kylo.
———
You find yourself focused on the sound of the door as if you can wish it to come sooner. Though you’re not sure why. You want to see him but you have no idea what to say to him. You have so much to tell him but you’re not even sure he’ll want to see you. Did he still hate you? Had he ever hated you? Would he hate you for not being here, for leaving?
You busy yourself with fixing the blanket in Kylo’s car seat. Jere and Steven had just gone to collect your stuff from the hotel - you’d agreed to stay at the house now.
And then it goes.
The sound of keys in the door, the door closing behind a familiar pair of feet. Rushed steps up the stairs, a left turn until they’re coming towards you.
And then your bedroom door opens, and a single figure stands in the doorway, slightly breathless.
“I saw your car on the drive.”
You stop in your tracks, the car seat behind your legs.
“I saw your car in the drive and I-“ Conrad begins again, “You’re home.”
You don’t have a chance to respond as he strides over and hugs you as if you’re a lifeline. His head buries into you and his arms around you as if he’s been needing you for years. His eyes are closed against you and you feel him inhale as if your presence had knocked every breath from his lungs.
And for a moment you’re frozen.
Until your arms kick into gear and they throw themselves around him too, holding him just as tight like you’re the only things holding each other up.
You feel him shift against you, that sort of shocked pause.
“(Y/n)…” His voice is quiet as he pulls away from you, “Is this…”
You step to the side to let him go past you as Conrad crouches down to the floor, his whole body cautious.
“This is Kylo.”
“Kylo,” Conrad grins, “You always said that’s the name you wanted for a boy. Do you remember? When we went to the boardwalk and there was that name on the-“
“The leaderboard for the go karts,” You grin, “I can’t believe you remembered that.”
“I can’t believe you did too, you stuck to your word,” He smiles, talking softly as if he doesn’t want to disturb the tiny bundle looking up at him.
Conrad’s fingers are at either side of the car seat and Kylo reaches up to grip onto his thumb. Con laughs like a sort of gasp, as if it is choked in his throat.
“I’m so happy you’re here,” He half-whispers the words and you’re not sure at first if it’s to you or to the boy in front of him.
But you settle on it being both.
Conrad looks back at you and breaks into an even wider grin, standing back up, “Can you just… tell me everything.”
He sits himself down on your bed and you sit down beside him. And this is it. This the final bit of home you were waiting on.
You and Conrad. Him and you. The piece you’d been waiting for.
———
The following morning, you’re up early with Kylo. You carry him downstairs and go about fixing up a bottle for him, the two of you resting on the couch whilst he drinks.
There’s a text from Carmen on your phone.
Hope they don’t hate you too much x
You shoot back a quick response of reassurance and send him a photo of Kylo smiling at you from last night.
Just as Kylo finishes his bottle, there’s a sound from the stairs creaking as someone comes down.
“Morning,” It’s Conrad, dragging a hand over his eyes as he does.
“Hey,” You return softly, “Why are you up so early?”
“Couldn’t sleep,” He grumbles, still in a half asleep state.
He drops down onto the couch next to you and smiles at Kylo, reaching out a finger to tickle his chest.
“Hey, could you do me a favor?” You ask him, “I need to change his diaper but the bag’s upstairs.”
“Yeah sure, what’s it look like?”
“It’s a black one, not the one with the handle but with the straps, and it’s like-“ You pause as you notice him watching you more and more confused, blinking at your explanation, “Okay, I’ll get the bag. Can you just watch him for a second?”
“That’s much easier,” Conrad grins and shifts on the couch so that he can hold the baby in his arms.
You stand up and head towards the door, hurrying upstairs to find the bag.
When you come back down, Conrad has Kylo stretched across his legs, his little feet hitting Conrad’s stomach and his head resting against his knees. He’s smiling down at him and Kylo grins tiredly up, giggling when Conrad tickles under his arms.
“You’re a natural,” You grin, coming down to sit beside him.
He looks up at you and raises his brows, “You think?”
“Well, he seems to like you,” You point out, not wanting to disturb the moment between them.
Conrad wiggles his hands beneath Kylo’s head and lifts him up, looking at you, “Where do you want me to put him?”
You snap back into reality, “Oh, right, yeah I’ve got a mat.”
He lowers the baby down onto it and then looks at you like he’s awaiting further instruction, “Come on, tell me what to do.”
“You want to change his diaper?” You laugh, “I can do it.”
“I’ve never done one before. I want to learn.”
“Alright, here,” You hand him over the wipes and a fresh diaper.
He’s far too slow when he starts and Kylo starts to wriggle on the mat, impatient of course.
“Does this thing not stay still?” Conrad grumbles, tongue between his lips as he concentrates on the task, his face grimacing just a little at the state of the dirty diaper.
“Put that one in here,” You hold out a diaper bag for him to dispose of it, “Alright, now wipe and new diaper. But make sure he’s covered - he’s a boy so that stuff can go everywhere.”
Conrad’s eyes widen as he takes your instruction, fixing the new diaper on - just a little wonky.
“There we go, fresh as a daisy,” He grins proudly at his accomplishment, “I think I could be pretty good at this.”
“Well that’s task two - making him laugh being task one,” You nod, “Not bad, Fisher.”
He lifts him back up onto the couch and lays him down beside you, Conrad sitting on the floor just in front of him like he’s already prepared to catch him.
He lets Kylo grab at the end of his hoodie, laughing at him before he turns to you.
“So, how does it all work? Are you… with someone?”
You shake your head, “We split up before I found out I was pregnant. But we’re really good friends, so it works. He helps out a lot.”
Conrad nods, “Well that sounds healthy.”
“What can I say? I’m mature now,” You joke.
“I think you always were,” He scoffs, “Especially compared to the rest of us.”
Both of you fall silent again and Kylo fills the space by gargling in some form of baby talk.
“What about you?” You clear your throat, drawing your legs to your chest on the couch, “Are you seeing anyone Mr Stanford?”
He scoffs, looking down at his hands, “No, no, I think I needed to stay away from all that for a little while. Clear my head.”
“And did you find anything in that clarity?” You taunt, yearning for the same connection the two of you had so long ago.
He looks at you for a second and pauses, “I guess I finally figured out what I want.”
For a brief moment you’re drawn to him, something in those eyes and that voice. But you tear yourself away.
“Well I’m glad the break was worth it,” You smile, looking away from him, “Sometimes that’s all that you need.”
You look down at your son and feel the same swell of pride you had when they first handed him to you in the delivery room. The same realisation that this was it now - this was everything.
“You know this place changed when you left,” Conrad comments, “And it’s changed again now you’re back.”
“Yeah, well, I always had that effect,” You wiggle your brows jokingly, lifting Kylo up from the couch to rest him on your lap.
Conrad pushes himself up to sit on the couch beside you and both of you fall silent in the seemingly empty house. He watches you with Kylo and is sure for a second that he’s looking at someone else. But it’s you. The one that was always made for this.
“I’m sorry if I-“
“I’m sorry if I-“
You both speak at the same time and look at each other with hints of smiles.
“You first,” Conrad encourages.
You take a deep breath, “I’m sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t be with Belly. She told me you guys ended things not long after and I just hate thinking that I was… I don’t know, that I ruined things,” You shake your head, “I know it was forever ago.”
“You didnt ruin anything. Me and Belly… we… I think I always knew that she liked me. And I just, I hated the thought of breaking her heart. Like it would be my fault if I didn’t feel the same. And that night, I don’t know what it was, I just convinced myself that I could feel the same as she did,” He takes a deep breath too, like both of you are fighting for air against tightened chests, “But we’re must better as friends, we both know that. And I’d never… I never did… feel that way about her. I was just confused.”
You nod, “Now you go.”
“I’n sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren’t good enough,” Conrad exhales, “Because I know that’s how you felt, and I never ever wanted you to think like that.”
“Con…”
“Im serious (Y/n),” He shifts in his seat so that he’s facing you properly, “I was younger and naive and I knew that I liked you and I just… suppressed it. Because I knew if I started anything with you then I’d want that to be it, and I wasn’t ready for you to break my heart.”
You laugh a little, your eyes pricking just slightly with tears, “You think I’m a heartbreaker, Fisher?”
Conrad smiles, his cheeks flushed a little, his muscles visibly relaxed from what they were. He’d missed this. You, the way you knew him, the way you read him. He’d missed it all.
———
“We’ll watch him, you can go and shower,” Belly assures you, “And I’ll make sure Steven doesn’t do anything stupid.”
You’d spent the day in and around the pool with Belly, Steven and Jeremiah whilst Conrad had gone to work. They’d bought a float for Kylo at the store and were all impatient to use it - taking a thousand photos of him with his hat on laying back in the float.
“Alright, well just shout me if there’s anything,” You encourage, “I’ll just use-“
“(Y/n),” Steven says in a calm tone, “Relax, we’ve got him, I promise.”
You nod and step off of the lounger you’d been on, walking around the side of the house to where the outdoor shower still stood.
This place. It held memories you’d wanted to forget.
Before you step in, your phone starts ringing and you glance down to see Carmen’s contact on your screen, you accept the call and press the speaker button on your phone.
“Hey (y/l/n), how’s it going?” He says as soon as you pick up.
“It’s going well, yeah,” You turn back around to the garden where Belly was holding Kylo in her arms, “They’re all so excited to meet him.”
“Do they know about his super cool, super helpful, super present Dad yet?” Carmen taunts.
“They do,” You chuckle into the microphone, “They’re glad I haven’t been doing it on my own.”
“Yeah, well, they would’ve known that if they tried-“
“Carmen,” You sigh, “Less hating them, yeah? It’s going well.”
“Okay, you’re right, but I’m still not their biggest fans,” He comments, “What about the long lost love of your life?”
“Oh my god will you stop?” You widen your eyes at his words.
“Come on, I know that’s who you were most nervous to see,” He returns, “How’s it been? Do you still… you know, feel that way about him?”
“I-“ You glance down at the exact spot you’d been stood in two years ago, when you’d told Conrad the truth, “It’s Conrad, you know? He makes me laugh and he listens to me and he feels like… it feels like the piece of me that I’ve been missing.”
Carmen laughs, “And I’m guessing you haven’t told him that.”
“I already ruined things with that boy once, I can’t do it again.”
“Ruin things? (Y/l/n) I think you’d be telling him what he’s been waiting to hear for two years.”
Before you can say anything, the sound of a twig snapping behind you makes you jump from your thoughts and you turn around to see Conrad stood just metres from you.
“Um, Carmen, I have to go,” You stumble over your words into the microphone, “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Wear protection!” He yells down the phone before you hang up, your cheeks flushing bright red as you look back at Conrad.
“Sorry I didn’t mean to-“ Conrad mumbles, scratching at the back of his neck, “I just got back from work.”
“Right, yeah, of course, how- how was it?”
“Good,” Conrad nods, stuffing his hands into his pockets, “I didn’t mean to listen in, or anything. I just… I don’t even normally walk this way, I don’t know why I did but I thought I could hear people and so I thought maybe you were outside, not that I was looking for you, but well I was-“
“Con,” You interrupt, “It’s okay.”
He smiles, taking a second to breathe, “That was Carmen?”
You look down at your phone in your hand, “Yeah, just calling to check how I’m getting on. It’s the first time he’s been away from Kylo too.”
Conrad nods in understanding, “Yeah, of course, I bet that’s weird for him.”
“Yeah I don’t think I could ever leave Ky now, it’s a parent thing, I guess,” You scratch at a patch on your arm as the nerves seem to overtake you, “I should probably… you know, I need to shower before tonight and I-“
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll let you get on,” Conrad raises his hands and goes to step past you as you step into the booth of the shower.
You don’t make any move after that, thinking of every single thing you could’ve just said to him. How two years ago every word came to you all at once and, now, you can’t find a single right word to say. You feel your bottom lip tremble just slightly at the thought of everything you could’ve just told him but you shake it off.
“Hey, (Y/n),” Conrad’s voice speaks from the exact spot you’d just left him in, “What did he want you to tell me?”
You feel every bone in your body freeze at those words, practically sending a shiver down your spine. Your hands go numb, your eyes glazing over, your throat seemingly closing off any words.
As you turn around back to the entrance of the shower, there he is. Stood on the path with a look of hope in his eyes that you thought you’d never see again from Conrad.
“What did he want you to say?” He persists, eyes burning into you.
You exhale deeply, the tension in your shoulders dropping as if you’ve lost hope, “That I never should’ve walked away from you that night. And I hate myself every day for not fighting for you more, for not standing there and telling you that I’d wait for you. I’d wait for you in every life if that’s what it took for you to realise that you loved me. And I know I shouldn’t and I know it’s different now because I have a son and that’s complicated and you don’t have to want that or feel like you have to-“
He strides forward then, his hands coming up to cup either side of your face, his lips crashing into yours as if they’re returning home for the first time in forever. It’s messy and rushed and heated but neither of you care, both relaxing into a feeling you never thought you’d feel. Your hands grip at the material of his t-shirt like you’re convincing yourself that he’s real. And he is. It’s all real.
Your lips pull away first, rushing to catch every ounce of breath that had just been knocked from your lungs.
“I’d wait for you, (y/n). In this life, the next and the next after that, I’d wait for you too,” Conrad confirms, his eyes searching in both of yours, “This is it, okay? This is what I want, it’s what I’ve always wanted.”
You let out a laugh, somewhere verging on a sob as every emotion of every missed day seems to come out of you, “We’ve waited long enough, don’t you think?”
Conrad smiles, his hand moving to your chin to pull you into his lips once more.
“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to do that,” He mumbles just millimetres from your lips.
“I think I have some idea,” You return with a smile, kissing him quickly.
This was it. In this life, the next one and the one after that - this was where you could be truly happy.
