#confess

But i just want to say that we have been friends for almost 3 years and we have been closer every day. Right now we are super clingy about getting hugs. We almost hug each other everyday. I really want to tell him that i love him but he came out that he is gay. (Also demi/pan?) i’m just damn worried that i would get rejected. Plus next year we will get separated and probably won’t be talking often like now. Whenever he makes some funny jokes i really feel a connection to him. I would want to listen to him everyday.

I came out about this to my mom and one of my friend. They said that i need to wait. Man, i really can’t wait for too long. He gave me such a mixed signals. Though i’m pretty sure he is friendly like this to everyone else. I felt bad that i can’t come up to talk to him with a lot of topics to discuss like everyone else. He seems so happy with everyone. They can talk for hours without loosing the conversation. But whenever we’ve talked. It’s just some random jokes and few words. I don’t really have anything to answer except when i’m online, i can talk a lot online but not in real life.

He would always talk about his interests, his.. i don’t know. Weird jokes. I can’t help but falling for him. One year ago i have a crush on him but then few months after i lost that interest. But then this year i fell in love again, and i’m sure this feeling won’t be gone any sooner. He would always say that he don’t want to leave us. (our friends group) He said that he won’t make new friends, and feel like he is left out. He said that he always got separated from us just because he is a boy and we are a girls. I would always tell him that he is not left out and we accepted him as our friends. I feel bad for him, i feel bad for my friends. I want to be the best for them, i want them to know that they can rely on me.

Me and him always make a flirty jokes. He also keeps apologizing for making those jokes, he thought it was making me uncomfortable. Which, i really don’t mind and i like it. I just found it’s funny. He has that talkative energy and can keep you up for quite a long period.

I love him so much, he was my friends. I think that he was more than friends, but not like crush section. Just middle. I want him to know that i love him very much. The things that is stopping me is how do i confess, would he like me back?, would i never tell him, or would we fell apart.

That’s all i am going to say. If i say more then it would be just random stuff about him. I would be appreciated for a suggestion or advice about confessing, how to work on my feelings or any other things. Thank you for reading until finish.