Behind closed doors- Chapter one
Pairing: soldier boy x reader
Warnings: alcoholism, cancer mentions, forced caregiver role, death, forced drugging, needles, grooming, objectification, the boys canon behaviours
Superheroes were still a modern concept to the world during Paybacks creation, outside of movies and books no one truly believed that Vought could make a person superhuman, immune to disease or the slow factors of healing or even immunity to healing.
But Vought always had a way of proving its disbelievers wrong, always found a way of shocking the public with its extravagant shows of power and creation.
And it all started with him.
You were only ten years old when the first major story of Soldier boy hit your small town, all pigtails and questions as you stared at his picture in the newspaper as your father had you cradled on his lap, the smell of his cigar imprinted in his clothing and by extension imprinting on you, something your mother would surely scold him for.
The world had heard rumours of superable people and had scoffed at the thought of it with a dismissive attitude, only the ones who lived close to Vough headquarters knew it to be the truth.
But then one fateful day a knight in shining armour saved a bus full of kindergarten children whose bus had caught fire, though no one questioned why the previously very reliable school us suddenly became aflame, they were all too enchanted by the image of the man who had saved them, the superhero named soldier boy who grinned for the camera while holding four of the saved children in his arms. The picture-perfect man is what your mother called him before your father playfully swatted her behind causing you to let out laugh that stopped you questioning what she meant.
--
After that great save, more and more heroes came out to the public until there was one for every state and then for every other town. Beautiful women and handsome men with mesmerising gifts emerging on the news and in the newspaper on a daily basis as they kept America safe from all sorts of newfound threats.
“How come there’s no ugly heroes?” one of your school friends, Susie, had questioned one recess as you all sat amongst the flowers on the grass, crafting daisy chains and filling the time with idle chatter
“What do you mean?” you questioned with a confused expression, stopping the progress of your daisy chain dead in its tracks to consider her words.
“All the heroes we’re taught about and read about” Susie continues in a thoughtful manner “how come they’re all pretty, there’s no ugly ones”
“huh” you say with a thoughtful expression before shrugging “I never noticed, maybe it comes along with the powers?”
“My mama says it’s because they’re all perfect people” Patty interjects, another school friend who was busying herself with trying to braid flowers into Susie’s hair “and that you can’t be perfect if your ugly”
“That can’t be right” you say confused as you drop your daisy chain on the ground completely “my father says that no one is perfect”
“that’s just what my mama said” Patty shrugged before changing the subject, the small attention span of your young minds taking over but her words stuck in the back of your mind
--
You’re thirteen when the man from Vought visits your school, dressed smartly in a suit made of Italian fabrics as he stood talking with the principal of your school. He spoke in a smooth tone and looked down his nose through his glasses which only made him more intimidating in your young eyes.
He had told your school that he was there to observe the children of your school to see if any of them presented with supe specific attributes, but he refused to elaborate further on what he meant by attributes as he batted away questions in the way adults do when they find themselves too important to answer.
Your class lined up outside the nurse’s office in an excitable manner, the boys and girls of your grade swapping fantasies of being superheroes, of getting rich and famous and getting to meet the great superheroes of your country and fight alongside them.
Children were led inside the office by a teacher and left to be examined by the intimidating man, the teacher being ordered to stay outside of the office, but you’d all been warned to be on your best behaviour for the man or else you’d be harshly scolded. You thought it was quite strange to be alone with a stranger with no teacher, having been taught stranger danger but all you were told is that the man was an exception because he was important.
Important men were always the exception; you’d come to learn as you grew up.
Once it was your turn, Patty and Susie gave you encouraging smiles as your teacher led you inside the office and helped you settle on the examination bed. The man looked over you with an analytical gaze, eyes roaming your girlish frame before reading the notes on your medical history file.
He asked basic questions phrased simple enough for a child to understand and you answered what you could understand. He asked about your family, your grades, if you often got ill and various subjects pertaining to yours and your family’s social life.
“you’re a little beauty” he had commented with a tone that read more factual than complimentary and suddenly you felt too exposed, too on display for this strange man who seemingly had no intention of letting you go any time soon.
“Thank you sir” you say shyly, hiding your face by looking downwards but he didn’t allow such mercy as he placed his finger beneath your chin and lifted your gaze to meet his hollow eyes
“Tell me” he says as he keeps his gaze locked into yours “why would you want to be a superhero? Assuming you meet the criteria”
Your eyes widen as you ponder his question, little mind turning to find the correct answer that pleased whatever pleased this stranger.
“I suppose...” you say as you think before landing on the answer that sounded right for you “to help people”
His eyes brightened with an unknown emotion as he watched you, a thoughtful expression covering his face as he lets go of your chin and takes a step back.
“Can you say that again, with a smile this time” he directed calmly as his hands pointed to his own mouth “a big smile”
You do as he says without question, too intimidated to question him as his gaze seared through you. A big smile coming up on your lips, the practiced toothy grin your mother always had you do when greeting others.
“I’d like to be a superhero” you say carefully, slight forced cheer in your voice usually reserved for pretending excitement at the prospect of going grocery shopping with your mother lest you feel the wrath of her changing moods “so that I can help people”
The mans face lit up with what seemed to be excitement as the first smile of the day grazed his lips and his eyebrows shot up.
“perfection” he muttered under his breath before shaking his head and dismissing you.
You don’t remember much else out of the ordinary for that day until your father picked you up, sitting you in the car when the man approached him in a subtle manner, but he was quick to close the car door when he sensed where the direction of the conversation was going.
You watched from inside the car as the conversation quickly got heated. Your father was always a passionate man, but it was still a shocking sight to see him grab the man by the collar of his expensive shirt and hoist him up in the air after he had said something you couldn’t hear.
The man put his hands up in surrender and seemingly apologised as your father lowered him to the ground before thrusting a card into your father’s hand and disappearing back inside the school.
Your father sighed as he sat in the car beside you, running a hand through his hair while the other one held the business card. You could read ‘Vought’ across it in massive letters alongside a phone number and location underneath it.
“You’re perfect just the way you are, sweetheart” Your father said earnestly as he looked up from his intense gaze on the business card and directed it towards you instead “don’t let anyone tell you any differently, okay?”
“Yes, papa” you say with a quick nod that you hoped would soothe whatever troubled him
“good” he praised as he pressed a kiss to your temple “now, lets get home to your mother”
He buckled himself in and began the short drive home, but the tension never left his shoulders and his gaze would still drift to your unknowing figure beside him from time to time as if considering something previously unthought of.
--
It would only be a year later that your mother would pass away, cancer sneaking up on her and taking her before you and your father really had time to process it. She had only been sick for a number of months before the reaper took her, leaving you fourteen and motherless as your puberty began.
Your family wasn’t exactly well off to begin with which only worsened with your mother’s illness. This meant that while your father worked you were your mother’s caregiver, a role reversal she didn’t accept but couldn’t exactly fight as her health worsened and you were left making sure she was breathing and feeding her whatever meals you could make.
Your caregiving role only transferred to your father after your mother’s funeral. His preferred coping mechanism to deal with the loss of the love of his life was to drown his troubles in cheap alcohol that often brought him home drooling and unintelligible.
You would wake whenever he stumbled in, coming down the stairs in your nightgown and helping him settle on the couch, ignoring his sentimental mumbling as you wiped the spit from his chin and sweat from his brow.
Some days he’d just cry into his drunken state, a pitiful sight of the once proud man who told you that little girls should never see their father’s cry. Other times he would be angry as he smashed and ripped up items that brought on whatever memory has inspired his drunken fit.
He’d never strike you, but his words would be laced with pure cruelty sometimes as he yelled about how it was the stress of caring for you that brought about her illness or about how if you had cared for her more intentionally, she would have survived the cancer that killed her. Venom filled words that he always regretted as he’d scoop your shaking frame into his lap and sob apologies into your shoulder. You’d forgive him, you always did.
But the bills kept coming in and the items of your home would only keep decreasing in an attempt to save the roof over your heads and fund the pit that was your father’s alcoholism. Your father had taken to selling his suits, which is how the crumpled-up Vought business card made its way back into his palm.
He stared at it strangely, a million thoughts crossing his mind as his gaze drifted from the card to your figure as you stood on a stool in the kitchen, making his dinner in an act years above what you should be doing.
His gaze burned into your back before a guilt-ridden expression crossed his face as his hand reached for the telephone and began dialling, a decision that would change the course of both your lives irreversibly.
--
The Vought lab was sleek and modern in a way you weren’t quite used to, white walls and floors that looked spotless as you held tightly onto your father’s hand as the scientist led you both down the halls. His palm was sweaty and shaky from the day he had spent away from alcohol in preparation for this administration.
He helped you up onto the examination table, his eyes looking wearily at the scientist as he fills the syringe full of an unknown liquid, his hand tapping anxiously against his thigh as you look up at him in confusion.
“She’s a beauty” The scientist remarks offhand as he measures the liquid, eyes tracing you for a moment before looking back to your father.
“Thanks” your father replies as his hand goes to rub your back as if to soothe you, but his clamminess only further panicked you “got it from her mother”
“What does it do?” you ask suddenly with your gaze locked on the syringe, interrupting their conversation but your father doesn’t scold you as he instead looks away from you to hide his guilty expression.
“This will make it so you’ll have a better life” the scientist says condescendingly as he kept his words vague “it’ll make you better”
“But I’m not sick” you rebut with eyebrows furrowed in confusion
“Of course not sweetie” the scientist laughs before picking the syringe back up and motioning with his hands “now, roll up your shirt”
You want to refuse, you want to go home as you look to your father for direction, but he just nods and holds your hand, so you do as your told and lift your shirt.
“Just a pinch” the scientist says in a sickly-sweet tone before injecting the needle into your tummy, releasing the liquid into your bloodstream before pulling it out and smiling “all done”
You hissed at the initial contact of the needle but that was nothing compared to the swarm of burning agony filled your veins and infiltrated your body, a bone chilling screech leaving your throat as your body convulsed at the intense and sudden pain.
“I’ve got you sweetheart” your father mumbled into your hair as he took you into his arms, the pain causing you to struggle against him but he kept his hold firm.
“Let us know what develops” the scientist says calmly, uncaring of my screams as if he’d done this all before as he turns to leave “the money will be deposited into your account today”
All your father can do is nod as he holds your writhing figure in his arms and struggles to soothe himself and his guilt over this choice he made.
--
A week later and you returned to school, the pain had calmed after two days and nights filled with agony. Your father kept a watchful eye on you throughout the week and sighed in disappointment whenever your actions came out to be nothing but ordinary, you weren’t even sure what he was expecting or you’d give it to him.
“where were you?” Susie asks curiously as she braided your hair on the school bench “you were gone a full week, you missed Brad asking me to sit with him for lunch”
“I was ill” you repeat the lie your father had drilled into your head, your hand subconsciously rubbing the part of your stomach you’d been injected in
“Well, I missed you” Susie says with a sigh as she continues to braid your hair “but as I was saying-“
She’s interrupted by a screech that has you both up and running towards the noise like the curious children you were. You found one of the boys from your class clutching his limp arm in pain.
“I fell” he sobbed loudly, fat tears running down his face as he whined, clearly referring to a fall from the fence he’d been obnoxiously climbing moments ago
“Someone get the teacher” Susie shouted as she looked down at the pained sight.
Your body moved almost on instinct as you kneeled beside the crying boy, one of your arms cradling his head and the other holding his broken arm, an unknown spirit entering your body as a white aura emits from your hand as you press it against the injury. Within moments the boy’s cries subsided as his injury disappeared and his pain was no longer there. He looked up at you as though you were an angel.
“you’re a superhero” Susie says awestruck before gripping you and pulling you into an excited hug “You’re a superhero! Just like soldier boy!”
You froze in her hold as you processed what she said. You were a superhero like Soldier boy.
You were like Soldier boy.
--
You’re sixteen when Vought invited you to meet Payback.
You’d made quite a name for yourself in the area that surrounded your town, not nearly the same as the members of Payback but enough to have your father unenroll you from school to pursue your powers full time, and enough to garner Voughts attention.
An excitable assistant leads you down the long halls of the building, rambling on and on about the exclusivity of this offer and how you were a blessed individual, you nodded politely and with your usual cheery smile but inside your stomach was churning with nerves.
“Anxious?” She asked as she noticed your trembling hands as she leads you through the expensive halls, a concerned expression on her aged face “do you want me to get you a drink for your nerves? They’ll all be drinking at this time?”
“No thank you, ma’am” you say quickly with a shake of your youthful face, the sight of your fathers slumped over figure flashing across your eyes “I don’t drink”
“Suit yourself” she says with a shrug before motioning to the door of the meeting room “just through there, sweetie”
You nod and stand still to take a breath before summoning all your courage and push the doors open to be greeted with the sight of all your idols in the same room.
The team had been together for a year now and you’d familiarised yourself with each of the members, becoming awestruck at the sight of them all together right in front of you. They all looked at you for a moment, analysing you with expressions you’d later figure out to be mostly of lust before forced politeness takes place on their faces and smiles are brought out.
“well” Soldier boy is the first to approach you as he walks before you and looks down at you with a charming smile, his accent smooth as he talks and you can see the others follow his lead as they come closer “you must be the little angel we’ve heard so much about”
“yes, sir” you reply back with a smile as you keep your gaze locked on his while he traces your face, pride settling in your chest at the fact he knew who you were “Its an honour to meet you all”
A smirk tugs at the side of his mouth as he looks down at you, trembling slightly in your white dress and wonder filled eyes filling out your youthful features.
“you’re a real beauty” he comments smoothly with a hand going to your shoulder and giving it a squeeze “you know that?”
His words sends a flush to your cheeks as you look away shyly, peeking up at him through your lashes as you thank him. He looks pleased with himself as he gives your shoulder another squeeze before letting go.
You look away and see Crimson Countess staring at you with an expression you can’t really determine, an expression you yourself would become intimately familiar with once you were put in her shoes.
You were officially added to the team that afternoon, personally requested by Soldier Boy who said you’d bring a light that the group was missing.
You didn’t know yet, but he’d be the one to snuff that light out like a lit cigarette.
--
Present:
“You’re not the real heroes” You watch Homelander say as you sip your beer and watch the Tv with a raised brow “I’m the real hero”
“What an asshole” you say with a scoff as you turn the channel over, the rain outside your cabin raging on as the wind blows the surrounding forest in a way that would have had you concerned had you not secured the outside earlier “can’t believe you made me record this to watch with you”
You turn to noir with an unimpressed look and your met with the familiar sight of his mask staring back at you in silence.
“don’t give me that look Earving” you say with a sigh as you finish your beer and place it back on the table before looking back at him again “I know you’re his teammate and all, but you’ve got to admit he’s a total dick”
He simply tilts his head in a manner that has you sighing again, knowing exactly what he was saying through body language alone after all these years of knowing each other.
“you’re right, you’re right” you agree with a sigh as you place your head back on his suit covered shoulder, burying into his neck again “we’ve worked for worse”
Black Noir replies by simply wrapping his arm around your shoulders and welcoming your familiar affection, breathing in each other’s presence as you search for something else to watch to fill your evening before he’s forced to return back to the tower.
Both of you unaware that in only a matter of days one of your past mistakes would come back to haunt you both and destroy the peace you had fought hard to create.
Let me know what you guys think, im experimenting!
Also please give me super hero names for reader i seriously lack creativity for this stuff 😭
