There’s so many things I wanted to tell you Mom. It has been a decade since you’ve been laid to rest and I still can’t help but feel so much pain knowing you aren’t in the world today. Always feeling a void, of what is missing. A void that can never be replaced. But along with that is an eternal gratitude knowing I had what others did not, unconditional Motherly love. For years I always wanted to do better honoring your memory like others who celebrate their own Mothers bdays every year. Being more vocal with my grief thinking it would get easier over time. But it has never gotten easier, time kept passing but the pain has never decreased. I always thought over time it would get easier (it never did). I would be able to be more external and extra making sure to celebrate your life more but it’s a painful feeling every time I try or attempt to speak of all the memories of you. Tears never fail to fill my eyes, and I can’t put to words the pain of not having you around. So this is my way of honoring your memory Mom. To share with you what I’ve wanted to share even if you never understood me. Even if all these years passed. This is my apology for not making an effort to record all these emotions and phases I’ve been through alone, truly being alone in this world after you left. Knowing there’s no one on my side. Knowing that I no longer have a place to rest for myself. Knowing that I no longer have a safety blanket. After a whole decade, I know it would be much different if you were alive. I know if you were here the concept of “home” would still exist. But I will honor you and share with you all what I did not in the past decade. Thank you for everything.
#griefjourney #Mother #grief
Drinking tea is what we used to do often together drinking together. And talk about times that have long passed in your youth. I miss you everyday.
