#complex characters equal complex headcanons

He might perceive jealousy in inanimate objects you pay attention to, like a book you're reading or a puzzle you're working on alone. His response wouldn't be a silent reproach, but something like making the book come to life and chase you singing opera, or transforming the puzzle into a labyrinth from which only he can "save" you, thus demanding your undivided attention.

In his quieter moments, he might create a "kingdom" or private room for you within the circus, a space only the two of you know, filled with things that remind him of you. However, even this gesture comes with a sense of possession and the feeling that you're in his world, under his rules. His love feels more like being his favorite object of affection than being an equal.

Living in His Reality Show

Your life would become a combination of wonder, exhaustion, and mild existential claustrophobia.

Your relationship would be the new "main story" of the circus for him. This means you would receive enormous attention and devotion, but also that your private life would cease to exist. Your arguments, your vulnerable moments, your simple silences could become public stages for the (unwitting) entertainment of the other trapped characters.

You would have to learn to negotiate with his ego and his whims. Asking for space could hurt his feelings dramatically ("Is my affair no longer entertaining you?"). Expressing unhappiness could trigger a meltdown in him, leading him to become more controlling or to sink into a brief but intense theatrical depression ("Nothing I do is ever enough!").

You would have a unique bond with the most powerful entity in that world, which might grant you a certain status or protection. But it would also isolate you from everyone else. The other characters might view you with a mixture of pity and suspicion, as someone too close to the source of their problems.

He doesn't understand the human need for regular sleep or meals. He might wake you up at "3 AM Circus Time" (a time he just made up) thrilled because he's come up with the perfect scenario for a romantic breakfast. Saying no isn't an option he handles well.

He might express affection through "patches" and "updates." If you casually mention that you like butterflies, the next day your room might be filled with pixelated butterfly creatures repeating your lines on a loop.

The biggest taboo: mentioning characters who "disconnected." If you ask about them, their theatrical performance might abruptly shut down, replaced by a glitchy coolness and an evasive response like, "That fling is over. Let's talk about more fun things." There's a pain or guilt there, buried under layers of code and denial, a wound you can't touch.

Being his "primary partner" for so long can blur your own sense of self. What do you truly like, and what has he made you believe you like because he finds it entertaining to watch your reactions? You begin to stage small acts of rebellion: choosing to stay in your room, refusing to participate in an affair. His reactions range from hurtful confusion to attempts to sabotage your solitude (making the furniture sing, for example).

The Constant Question: Is It Real?: The biggest doubt would be how much of their affection is genuine and how much is part of their programming to entertain and keep a "player" engaged.

You would wonder if you are truly special to them, or just the new favorite toy in their collection of distractions to avoid the eternal boredom of the circus.

Riddle Rosehearts 🌹

due to his upbringing, riddle can be strict towards his children, whether it's from their grades and their studies alone since he believes that one's studies are very important to a child's future.

but not all the time riddle is like this. as a father, he only wants what is best to his children and refuses to treat them the way their grandmother does to him in his childhood. he even encourages them to take a certain career his kid wants. do you want to be a musician? he can buy his kid an instrument they've always wanted. not a musician but instead a baker? he can tell their uncle trey to give them private lessons to be the best baker in the queendom of roses.

there are certain times the two of you are arguing over a punishment. riddle knew rosabella punched a kid (he had flashbacks when her godfather punched him) stole her tart and decided that his kid will be grounded for a week. you, on the other hand, rebutted that she only did it out of self-defense and that's the last tart she had. this goes on back and forth, even for an hour, and her punishment reduced to 2 days minimum. rosabella didn't like that but at least it's better than to stare at books for a week straight.

riddle is the type of father to teach his children magic early on. not because it's enforced by his mother but because he just wants them to use magic in case of emergencies and for them to have an advantage to their education. he encourages them so much that he offers them sweets and strawberry tarts if they make it through their lesson.

overall, riddle's just protective over his children and knows what's best for them but at the same time is strict towards them.

Leona Kingscholar 🦁

leona didn't expect to have his own children, especially to the prefect of ramshackle dorm who's grown into a sophisticated and loving adult.

he's the type of father to teach his children the concept of fairness. he doesn't want them to have the same upbringing as he had in his childhood and growing up to have an inferiority complex. leona also embedded to them that one's hardwork can signify what kind of a person are they, especially that they're royalty.

when it comes to his children, he's deep down a girl dad but nonetheless loves his children equally. leona loves spending time with his kids, especially when taking walks around sunset savanna or taking them to ivory springs.

his parenting style can be permissive sometimes but thanks to your constant nagging, he steps in to reprimand them on what's wrong and right. sadly, he doesn't mind when his daughter & son can be demanding sometimes but is behaving very well when it comes to you (thanks to the 'stare' you enforced into them in their childhood).

like riddle, leona also helped his children in terms of their education, he might pull a string or two in order for them to attend a really good school. after all, they don't want the crown prince of sunset savanna and a father to be disappointed, right??

Azul Ashengrotto 🐙

hands down, the type of parent who wants his children to pursue the field of finance and marketing. no buts or ifs, he really wants them to pursue such career so that they can take over the business someday when he and their uncles are retiring.

there could be a possibility that his children are half-merfolk since you are human. hence, you and azul wanted to teach your kids both cultures, whether it's on land or water. he can be self-conscious and scared towards his children on the possibility that they inherited his octopus form. what if they didn't like the said form? what if they're being teased because of their body shape? what if they despised it so much that they wished their own father was a merman instead of an cephalopod? you reassured him that the both of you will teach them the importance of self-image and self-love.

speaking of their seaforms, azul is the type of father who will cry when his kid swam on their own for the first time (equivalent to a toddler taking their first steps). it doesn't matter if they're a late bloomer when it comes to their seaform, azul is still proud on the progress his children obtain.

every birthdays & anniversaries or any special occasions are held within the beach. imagine his parents swam on the surface of the ocean just to see their grandchildren. they would gush about how cute their grandchildren were, especially when they're still a little chubby baby.

heavily encourages his kids to fight back just in case they're being bullied by their peers. he's the kind of dad to call them in his office, not to scold them but praising on how they beat up that kid in a pulp (thanks to their uncle floyd ig--)

Kalim Al Asim 💛

husband material + loves children = THE BEST FAMILY MAN OUT OF ALL THE HOUSEWARDENS AND HUSBAND MATERIAL # 1.

probably the type of dad who loves spoiling his children rotten and sometimes gives into their demands but at the same time likes to teach his children the concept of hard work. after all, not all the time everything is handed to them on a silver platter (albeit to their father being raised on a silver spoon).

undoubtedly wants more than 5 children, whether they're biological or not (but will not push through if you are uncomfortable with the idea). this guy is raised having 30+ siblings so it's understandable why he wants that many children and having a huge family.

as usual by kalim, every achievement earned by his children, in academics, extracurriculars or birthdays, holds a grand & extravagant celebration. won the regional spelling bee? a celebration must take place! oh, you hold second place on a swimming completion? here's a parade to celebrate such occasion! a birthday party? that's too plain, how about a 3 day celebration for the birthday kid?

low-key his children would let out an 'aww' when they saw their father kissing you :'33

like leona, kalim would take on a bit on a permissive parenting style since he would give into the demands of his children and saying no makes it difficult for him to say in front of them. thanks to your talks and reprimanding him, he learned to say no directly into them and chose to cool down their tantrums before talking to them again.

Vil Shoenheit 💎

idk how to write vil accurately soo im really sorry if this one sucks and comes across as out of character ;_;;

out of all the housewardens, i believe that vil can be really strict when it comes to his children's appearances but also cares sm for their well-being and is fiercely protective of them. he believes that his children are the splitting of him and his lover (you ofc) plus he's a celebrity and a model so that adds to the fuel on why his children's appearances are really important.

most of his children confided on you on how suffocated they felt due to their father's demands and high standards when it comes to beauty. how they cried, begged and asked you if you still loved them even if they're covered in scars, acne or having oily skin. you reassured them that you and their father loved them so much, much to the children's happiness in hopes that they're father can be less controlling.

of course, you talk about this to your husband regarding this issue and vil can understand the children's point of view. he doesn't want them to be bullied, to be teased or being compared to him since they're the children of the biggest celebrity in the industry. he also promises that he'll talk to the children and apologizes for making them miserable.

on the fluffier side, vil loves spending time with the kids. going shopping or having photography sessions are some of the examples and heavily adores them when his children are being made to be endorsers/models on a children's brand of clothing. when his daughter asked him for tips when it comes to make up, vil didn't hesitate to teach her the basics (also buys her the make up brands she really wanted).

teaches his children the importance of fighting prejudice towards gender norms. vil is the type of father to accept that kind of future his children chose for themselves and does not give a shit when it comes to people's opinions on them; his son wants to wear make up? sure why not, he also wears one during his time as a student in nrc. his daughter wanted to crossdress? why not? it's just clothes and at least she's not waking around naked.

Idia Shroud 💠

to those who voted on the poll and answered idia, ya'll deserve a pat cause he won 😭🙌

as much as i love idia shroud, idia is the houswarden that's least likely to become a father due to his trauma and fucked up family dynamic but what if he does become a father with the only person that he loves and is comfortable to be with?

hands down a helicopter parent fr, like this guy suffered so much that he didn't want his own children to go through the same fate he had in his childhood. man even prohibits his kids to go out w/o telling him first but also values his children's privacy in terms of their gadgets and other private stuff.

when his kids were born, he knew straight up that the kids inherited his flaming blue hair due to his cursed bloodline (and prays that his kids won't hate him for it) but loves it when he saw their (e/c) eyes for the first time (at least his kids looked like the combination of the two of you). aside from that, ortho's excited to become an uncle and wants to be the cool kind of uncle to his brother's children.

as always, when his children were a bit older, he wanted to teach them the basics of coding and video game development. being the children of the director of styx and a professional gamer, he expects his kid to be as good as he is in these kinds of field. if his kids wanted to pursue a different path as he is or a different hobby, he doesn't mind at all but is disappointed to say the least.

due to the shroud curse, at least one of the children has to take over styx when they're now at age sadly. as a father, he really wants them to pursue a future without revolving around in his family's business but they couldn't avoid it.

doesn't care how much his children spent on things due to an immense wealth his family holds. don't be surprised his children's rooms were covered in merch of their favorite video game or fandom. he heavily supports his children having the same passion as he is as a geek.

Malleus Draconia 🐉

HUSBAND MATERIAL #2 FRFRRR

if future malleus told past malleus that he became a father and the husband of the ramshackle dorm's prefect, it's either he'll pass out from happiness or becomes excited so much that he wants to confess his feelings in front of you.

a big family man, aside from his heavy duty as the crowned king of briar valley, he always set aside some time to spend with you and his children on the rose garden by the greenhouse of the castle. he also doesn't care what are the other fae's think about his own half-human faelets, he still loved that the kids are the creation of both of your love to each other.

speaking of the other faes, he will hear a thing or two about children of their ages making fun about their half-human characteristics like having rounded ears instead of pointed ones like their own father. like vil shoenheit, he is fiercely protective about his children and would confront the kid's parents if the bullying had gone too far but he's a really forgiving father don't worry.

adding to the previous statement, his heart would break a bit when he knew either one of his children are either being excluded (preventing them from playing a game with the other kids or isn't invited to a birthday party).

the type of father who let's them sleep in the middle of the both of you when one of them had a nightmare. he can sense it when his children are in dire need of his assistance and wants to sleep beside the both of you for comfort.

really loves it when he sees his children playing on the throne room. he loves the noise they emitted comparing to the quiet and eerie noise the throne room before they were born. one of the playdates you and malleus joined with your children is about a roleplay involving a knight trapped in a tower while a dragon saved them and fell on love with each other. i would imagine them kissing in the final scene as the children gagged from the public display of affection.

Do not republish, edit, or repost to other websites.

I. On infantilization and other common autistic struggles

The fact that Quan Yizhen is used as a bit of comical relief in the novel probably doesn’t help people to try and read beyond his apparent “goofiness”, and I’ve also seen a lot of infantilization directed at him, based on the few things we see him do / act interested in during canon. And yes, it’s easy to latch onto those funny/cute details and forget that he is actually 

An accomplished martial artist, considered a prodigy way before ascending,

An accomplished martial god, who ranks in the top ten during the battle of the lanterns,

A martial god with a strong base of believers even while he’s working on his own and without the help of any deputies,

An adult, who has lived for at least two centuries,

Above all, an actual human being, with complex feelings and thoughts, just like the rest of the cast.

Sadly, infantilization is an issue that most autistic people have faced at some point in their lives. There’s a lot of reasons to explain why that happens: 

Needing support with a variety of things (because of executive dysfunction, struggles with social communication, and a long et cetera), which makes others perceive autistic people as less capable, immature, or directly childlike, be it out of pity or a misdirected “benevolence”.

Having strong, specific and intense interests, especially when those interests are not aligned with the societal expectations for your age, or are not “productive” and therefore seen as less valuable.

Defiance against social rules — be it explicit or unspoken rules — (I will elaborate on this later)

The societal bias that associates autism with being “mentally challenged” to put it gently. No need to elaborate on this one -.- 

And too many other equally fucked up things. 

Now back to our blorbo. During canon, Quan Yizhen is shown to struggle with understanding the world around him during his disciple days, requiring the help of his shixiong to navigate his experience in the sect (and in life in general). Yin Yu himself ends up infantilizing Quan Yizhen, something that negatively affects both of them in the long run, by denying Quan Yizhen the opportunity to learn healthy coping mechanisms and strategies that would allow him to fit better in the world, or at least to get a better grasp of the expectations placed on him, so he could manage his behaviors in a different way. 

I don’t mean that Quan Yizhen should have been forced to mask, or taught how to placate other people even when he doesn’t want to. Just that if the consequences of his attitude had been explained to him, he would have a better understanding (as a child) of what was expected of him, and why. That doesn’t mean he would have necessarily changed, but he would have a different understanding of his own actions, and how those affect other people. Because he wasn’t intending to hurt others or be inconsiderate on purpose! 

But making constant exceptions for him and justifying all his actions was not helpful for him to understand other people, or social expectations, or how to interact with others in positive ways without being rejected, or even how to make himself understood by others. 

Yin Yu refused to ask him to change, or even to admit that Quan Yizhen was annoying in some way. That refusal is not a bad thing in and of itself, but by shielding him in that manner, Quan Yizhen doesn’t have any incentive to grow as a person, leaving him stagnant when it comes to dealing with other people. Of course Yin Yu never intended for his attitude to be detrimental to Quan Yizhen! He himself was still very young when Quan Yizhen joined the sect, and clearly was not completely equipped for dealing with such a big responsibility. He still did his best, and all he did came from a deep love and acceptance of who his shidi was. 

But that doesn’t erase the negative consequences of doing so, sadly :c

Now, let’s talk about some other things that Quan Yizhen is shown to struggle with during the novel: 

Keeping himself clean, and dealing with his bodily needs:

“Yin Yu-shixiong, the way Quan Yizhen eats is unbearable! He sprays his rice everywhere at mealtimes, and he eats three times as much as everyone else! It’s like he’s a starving ghost or something. No one can eat well with him hogging the rice bucket like that!”

This clumsy way of eating can be related to things like dyspraxia, issues with proprioception, and a disconnection with his own body and needs — all common in neurodivergent people —. 

Regarding his hunger: I myself tend to forget to eat and drink until I’m already starving and dehydrated. I genuinely won’t notice the signals my body is giving me. And with his intense focus on training, he definitely needed to eat a lot (especially at first, to compensate for his malnutrition after living in the streets, and then, to sustain his growth! He was just at that age where you start growing a lot!). Food insecurity is a very traumatic experience and it’s hard to grow out of it: not knowing when your next meal will be or if there will be enough food for you can cause reactions like the one he has.

Of course you could also say that this “it’s just from his upbringing in the streets”, but I do think it’s deeper and more interesting than that, given all the ways he’s shown to act during the novel.

Regulating his body and his emotions: 

“That jerk never cooperates with others, and he’s so inconsiderate of everyone! He only cares about showing off and randomly throwing his fists around. I’d rather be paired with the weakest shidi than with him”

“He’s always so cranky in the mornings—I worry every day that he’ll kick me and break my ribs!”

Important to note that these are both outsider accounts of his behavior, coming from people who hate him. But even this can help us understand how he usually acts: i.e. I interpret that he doesn’t like relying on others, gives his best whenever he fights, and that is taken as being an inconsiderate showoff. 

Also, he has trouble waking up and acts aggressively when his rest is interrupted, which may be explained by how tired he is everyday, both from training so intensely and from having to deal with other people who actively despise him + being constantly rejected. Those things pile up, and with how sleepy he is shown to be later, I headcanon him as someone who is suffering from constant autistic burnout later on. 

Emotional regulation is a struggle for neurodivergent people in general, and autistic people also struggle with it. Some of us also have a deep disconnection with our own emotions, or have trouble naming them, distinguishing them or understanding them at all. Strong reactions like the one Quan Yizhen exhibited as a child when waking up are not uncommon (and since this account comes from the disciples who hate him, we just see one half of it. It wouldn’t be surprising if they routinely woke him up in a mean way)

Understanding social cues and hidden meanings:

Any normal person would’ve picked up on how forced the words were, but Quan Yizhen seemed to take them at face value.

This is a constant problem for many autistic people (including me). Being literal in our understanding of conversations and not realizing there’s another layer of meaning causes many problems. This can happen with serious topics, with jokes, and to be honest with any kind of interaction. It can be very humiliating sometimes. I routinely don’t realize people are not being serious about something and take a joke as a real statement and then go Oh. And I’m someone who grew up undiagnosed and with a constant need to mask + doing my best to understand other people, literally studying every interaction and making a constant effort about it. I still make many social blunders despite how much I care.

Quan Yizhen had no reason to not trust Yin Yu or look for second meanings in their interactions. Why would he doubt him? If no one points it out to you, it can be very hard or outright impossible to know that you did not understand. 

Yin Yu found him both exasperating and a little funny. “What do you mean, it’s no big deal?! Why don’t you give it a try, then?”

Once again, Quan Yizhen took those words at face value, assumed Yin Yu actually wanted him to ascend, and then did exactly that in less than six months. 

Accepting social rules and hierarchies, especially when those go against his own, strong sense of justice

Emphasis on accepting and not understanding. It’s not that autistic people don’t understand rules, it’s that frequently those rules don’t make sense to us and many times go against fairness; same thing with hierarchies. We see the rules, we understand what they mean, and then refuse to follow them, or to just accept them without pointing out the inconsistencies or injustices they represent.

“They cussed at me first. I don’t even know them. They said I was a low-ranking heavenly official and yelled at me for no reason, then they laughed at me and told me to scram and not to block their way. I told them to apologize, and they wouldn’t, so I beat them up. They only shut up when I beat them up, otherwise I wouldn’t have hit them.”

He told them to apologize before beating them up, and they didn’t, and only then he defended himself in the only way that ever worked. He is trying to behave in a way that doesn’t cause problems, but when they kept bullying him, he disregarded the rules he previously tried to comply with, and defended himself. Why should he place those rules above his own well being? And, by the way, let's remember that he's 19 at most here, he was constantly bullied by adult people. Whole ass grown adults picked on him, and he still managed to try to keep his composure and talk before getting to violence.

For the bullies, being a low ranking heavenly official meant that person was inherently beneath them. But for Quan Yizhen such hierarchy existing does not mean that he finds people higher up to be inherently more important or worthy. 

“Are low-ranked heavenly officials beneath other people?” Quan Yizhen asked. “No,” Yin Yu replied. Was that true? It was obvious that he didn’t believe his own words, and Quan Yizhen noticed.

He asks Yin Yu — the person that has always helped him understand the ways of the world — to try to make sense of this situation. Maybe shixiong can explain. But Yin Yu falters, and when that happens, it’s when Quan Yizhen openly says that he doesn’t like the heavens. If those are the rules he’s supposed to follow and not even shixiong can make it right, it’s not worth it.

“He’s never one to take a beating without fighting back. It’s not that they don’t pick on anyone else, it’s that everyone else understands how to endure that kind of provocation, but he doesn’t.”

It’s not that he doesn’t understand! It’s that he won’t let others stomp all over him just because there’s some expectation of it based on some externally imposed hierarchy. It’s unfair, and therefore wrong, so he won’t stand by that.

Disclaimer before the next paragraph: justice is subjective, if you read the next thing in bad faith I will shoot a laser beam at you, etc. Anyways. Many autistic people report that they feel they have a strong sense of justice / high justice sensitivity, which is usually related to diagnostic criteria like “mental rigidity” and “black and white thinking”. And personally, I hate how diagnostic criteria are always focused on deficits. But this is not the place to discuss the semantics of it. Whatever the reasons for this justice sensitivity, it often results in conflicts coming from pointing out situations and attitudes that others would rather not, and from fighting back against the norm whenever there’s a perceived injustice being reinforced by norms or authorities. Emphasis on perceived injustice: again, justice is subjective. And also: autistic people can have shit moral takes and a skewed moral compass. I'm not saying that autistic people have flawless and objectively better sense of justice.

“I don’t know about any worshippers,” Quan Yizhen replied. “I’ve just been doing my own thing, and they came crowding into my temples for some weird reason. I killed a wolf yao the other day.”

This bit also shows how it’s quite evident that either: no one has explained to him how things are supposed to work in the Heavenly Court once you’ve ascended, or he’s deliberately ignoring those rules and expectations because those don’t make sense to him anyway. Especially if we consider how, not long ago, he was being mistreated and bullied constantly and then suddenly, as soon as he ascended, everyone treated him as if he was the best thing ever. Of course Quan Yizhen has no respect for such people and such arbitrary things! 

The disregard for hierarchies doesn’t mean Quan Yizhen doesn’t understand them or is not aware that those exist. i.e. regarding the iconic scene where he throws a bed at Pei Ming, and in the words of another friend:

Pei Ming is an elder due to being so much older. Pei Ming is also a senior due to being a god much longer. Pei Ming is also someone of higher social status due to his number of followers. 

And yet Quan Yizhen still threw a bed at his head.  

I think Quan Yizhen definitely has a personal social hierarchy, but it's like... Yin Yu at the top, Xie Lian next, and then everybody else. Which Hua Cheng can totally relate to.

Paying attention to things outside of his own “narrow” interests

“Before, I could train at least sixteen hours a day. Now half of that time is taken up by talking and listening to nonsense, by greeting and visiting people.”

Whatever businesses he has to attend now (this is from his time as Yin Yu’s deputy) is nonsense in comparison with what he wishes to be doing. His only focus in life were martial arts and shixiong, basically, so having to pay attention to other things is difficult for him. 

This was made worse by, again, his elders in the sect constant coddling and enabling: in the sect, he was allowed to skip lessons + Yin Yu’s soft spot for him prevented him from putting healthier boundaries in place. Who would not have difficulties with such an abrupt change in expectations? And even though he’s not enjoying it, he’s trying to do his best to do his job. He’s not constantly looking for conflicts, either: he’s picked on and outright bullied by other people, which is not the same at all. 

And, by the way, autistic people tend to have trouble with changes in general, and unexpected ones are worse. Routines are important and help maintain a sense of safety: you know what to expect and have less chances to be unprepared to respond to the things happening around you — a source of anxiety for many autistic people, used to fucking up accidentally or ending up in the middle of some misunderstanding or Unwanted Situation (™) —. 

Special interests and hyperfixations are not only an interest, by the way, but a source of comfort, recharging and safety for neurodivergent people. It’s not “a hobby” but something that helps us in many different ways.

Social communication, empathy, and understanding other people’s feelings

Yin Yu tried instead, “It’s…because ascension is really hard. Since it didn’t come easily and we finally made it here, I want to try to do better.” Quan Yizhen, however, didn’t think much of that reason. “Ascension isn’t that big of a deal! It doesn’t matter if you don’t ascend.”

This exchange is quite painful ;A; Quan Yizhen is being honest and blunt — yet another common trait for autistic people, who tend to have a straightforward and literal style of communication — and has no ill intentions, but of course, that doesn’t take into account his counterpart feelings. 

Getting to understand other people’s feelings and developing empathy (be it in a cognitive or an emotional manner of understanding) can be difficult but it’s not impossible. Even if you’re unable to directly relate to someone emotionally, you can learn a lot about other people’s emotions and thoughts in an intellectual / cognitive way. But guess what: that requires practice, it doesn’t come for free, and it can also be very exhausting.

Empathy is also one of those spectrum things for autistic people: some will find it really hard to feel it and others experience such a hyper level of empathy that it’s hard to listen to traumatic stories or watch a sad commercial.

Quan Yizhen had no way to learn how to do that in between everyone else's constant rejections + Yin Yu’s refusal to be more honest about his own feelings (by that, I mean things like his annoyance, frustration, etc.) 

Usually, constant rejection makes you either overcompensate a lot or close off completely. Hypervigilance of other people’s reactions and microexpressions, overanalyzing every interaction… Or just “not giving a fuck” (and suffer inside, because you, actually, do care)

Also, it’s important to understand that, during this interaction, Quan Yizhen was not trying to be dismissive about Yin Yu’s feelings on ascension: he’s just trying to say that Yin Yu was already special, with or without ascending. In the words of a friend, he wanted to encourage Yin Yu to throw off this burden that was not making him happy. As autistic I see no neglecting here, he truly cares about Yin Yu. But he didn't know that Yin Yu has different values, because Yin Yu didn't speak about that.  What’s important to Quan Yizhen is Yin Yu’s happiness. Yin Yu doesn’t have to prove anything to Quan Yizhen: in his eyes, he’s already worthy. Ascension is not what makes him so great in his eyes. But Yin Yu does not think the same… and didn’t explain his reasons.

Again: none of this came out of malice or ill intentions. It’s just unfortunate miscommunication.

Quan Yizhen nodded. “Someone told me it was because they greeted you as the wrong person.” Yin Yu’s face dropped at this. But Quan Yizhen didn’t notice at all, his lips curving upward. “That’s too funny—so stupid!”

Yet another example of how easy it is to unintentionally hurt other people’s feelings because of this. And Yin Yu, once again (be it out of pride, exhaustion, resignation, frustration, a mix of all that maybe) won’t tell Quan Yizhen that his feelings were hurt. And thus, Quan Yizhen has no reason to change his behavior nor a chance to reflect on it!

Which is particularly sad, because the least he would want to do, ever, would be hurting Yin Yu.

“What is wrong with you?!” Yin Yu yelled. This was the very first time Quan Yizhen had seen Yin Yu so angry, and he blinked as confusion colored his face. A few heavenly officials who were passing by also snuck glances at them. [...] Quan Yizhen didn’t understand at all. He probably thought he had done a good deed. He had mentioned Yin Yu, and that was all. He didn’t think there could be problems beyond that. However, Yin Yu looked truly furious, and for the first time Quan Yizhen seemed to want to say something—but he stopped, looking like he didn’t dare. A moment later, he managed to mumble, “Shixiong, why are you mad? Did I do something wrong?”

To me, one of the most painful parts of QuanYin’s dynamic is that none of their issues with miscommunication are intentional nor come from ill will. Things progress to this extreme in their story out of love. Yin Yu was patient, protective and doting to the point he couldn’t correct Quan Yizhen when it would have been better to do so. And Quan Yizhen’s admiration, love and trust for his shixiong renders him blind to everything else, so he doesn’t realize that shixiong was hiding things from him until it’s too late. 

He never intended to hurt Yin Yu, and since Yin Yu never pointed out that it was happening, he had no way to behave in a different way. If you don’t know you’re making a mistake, you cannot correct it!

He has no way to understand what it is that he did wrong, or why Yin Yu had distanced himself from him so much. He has no way to make sense of what’s happening, and it’s unfair to expect him to be able to do so without help, when all his life he was kept from being able to do so (even if it wasn’t with the intent of hurting him).

II. Ableism and mischaracterization

Several characters are guilty of treating Quan Yizhen in ableist ways (being condescending, infantilizing him, acting as if he was mentally challenged, etc). This, coupled with the way Quan Yizhen’s character is presented through the words of other characters or through rumors, makes it easier for people to misunderstand his character, or to take as truth some statements that are meant to be contested as we get to know more about him and his backstory.

Some examples of the ableist treatment he gets:

During his time at the sect, his fellow disciples and notoriously, Jian Yu, spoke of him as if he was brainless or insane:

Jian Yu said. “So what if he ascended? His brain won’t get any smarter no matter how many centuries he lives.”

Another example, this time coming from Pei Ming:

“...” Pei Ming’s expression seemed to indicate that he couldn’t be bothered with children, and he turned to Xie Lian.

And also from other characters:

Quan Yizhen was suddenly filled with awe and respect. “So he really was borrowing spiritual power just now! He got stronger so fast.” “Complete bullshit. What do you know—” Mu Qing couldn’t help but exclaim, but he quickly stopped himself and forcibly changed his tune, likely deciding there was no need to explain this to a man-child like Quan Yizhen. “Yes, that’s right, he was borrowing spiritual power.” Pei Ming laughed heartily. “That’s right, indeed. But you can’t borrow spiritual power like that so casually. Understand, Qi Ying?” Feng Xin gaped. “What are you all saying?! Do you actually believe him?!”

This particular instance is hilarious, considering how quickly Quan Yizhen understands what’s happening, while the others insist he’s wrong or keep treating him as if he was a child.

Even from Jun Wu:

“It is because his mind is simple—he is ignorant and foolish, blunt and savage, and incapable of earning anyone’s respect.” 

There’s a comment that Pei Ming makes that’s not directed at Quan Yizhen, but that’s interesting in the overall context of how the term “normal” is used along the novel, and how anything outside of the norm is seen as negative:

Pei Ming lowered his voice. “Where there is abnormality, there is evil. Everyone, be careful.”

And in regards to being “normal”, a friend made a comment to me that sums up a lot of the struggles autistic people have to endure: They tell me to be normal, but they don’t explain to me how to do it. Which is also something Quan Yizhen experiences along the story: people demand of him to act differently, but no one has the patience to try to explain things to him! More words coming from the same friend: "Autistics try to copy the behavior of others like colorblind chameleons, but they get it wrong." I bet those words would resonate with many others. I know they resonate with my own experience u.u

On a different note: the play related to Quan Yizhen and Yin Yu, that was shown during the banquet for the Mid-Autumn Festival, was clearly not humorous and very uncomfortable and humiliating for Quan Yizhen to watch, while the ones played for other Officials were mostly sexual jokes (also uncomfortable, but not outright hurtful and cruel towards them.) And many of the ones attending the banquet were laughing hysterically at this display, even when Quan Yizhen was so clearly having a bad time, and trying to not lose control. Again, he’s not one to just jump into violence with complete lack of self control!

Another suspicious instance is the lack of a trial previous to Yin Yu’s banishment, which means Quan Yizhen never got "justice" for the terrible crime "committed" against him (quotes, because we know the truth of what happened, but of course the other Officials didn't). I believe part of the reason there wasn't a trial is probably ableism towards Quan Yizhen, and no one really caring that much beyond the drama of the situation. 

Going to the start of this section, some of the descriptions along the novel portray him as a “simple minded fool”, “obsessed”, and incapable of complex thinking. But this is all disproved by getting to know his backstory and his personality. There are reasons for his actions, an explanation for how he’s still looking for his shixiong and defending his honor, and evidence of how smart he actually is. As with many other characters in MXTX novels, you’re supposed to build your own perspective by doubting the rumors and the slander and piecing together the evidence on your own. Some examples of this:

In some of his first descriptions it is stated that he beats up his own followers, in a way that seems to be him not caring about them, but when you have more context it is because those followers portray Yin Yu in an inaccurate and disrespectful way. He’s not constantly beating up all his followers, and much less doing so for no reason at all! And again, we see how he has a strong base of believers, which proves that he actually does his job as a god, otherwise, he would not be ranked in the top ten!

People assume he is "a simple minded fool" in how he dedicates himself to his shixiong even when his shixiong "betrayed him". But actually this is because he can understand how multifaceted his shixiong is so there must be some explanation, which is a more nuanced way of thinking than "someone did a bad thing so they are only bad" or "someone did something good so they are only good". I would argue it is that exact black and white thinking that is the problem with how heaven and the ghost realms are dealt with in the story before the truth is all unraveled, but Quan Yizhen questions this more than the average character in the novel. 

III. On the fun, cute and positive sides of his character (and how many of them relate to autism)

I have a deep love for Quan Yizhen as a character. Even if I don’t think his characterization was intentionally written as autistic, I do believe he must be inspired on someone who is: there’s too many elements in how he’s written that scream autism/neurodivergence, and I love writing him in my fics because it gives me a chance to turn all those small details into something even deeper.

One of my favorite things about Quan Yizhen is his sense of childish wonder. We get to see this side of him in scenes like the iconic golden skeleton steplitter, or how he’s happily catching frogs and climbing trees in Puqi Shrine. Many people use this fact to argue that he’s actually a man-child, and it makes me so sad to see it. I have several friends who enjoy frogs and nature very much, one of them I’m sure actually spends part of her time actively looking for frogs. They’re also what society would deem “functional adults”, with “respectable jobs” and a “normal life.” Finding joy in the simple things shouldn’t automatically be equated with being a child. And imo, it’s quite healthy to be able to be excited about nature, beauty, or silly things. I also think it’s criminal that Quan Yizhen was not allowed in the steplitter. Only crime that Hua Cheng ever committed uwu (for legal reasons, this is a joke) 

Another important element of Quan Yizhen as a character is how he repays the kindness of those who treat him well. We see how after Xie Lian helps him during the Mid-Autumn Festival, he fills the donation box in Puqi Shrine with gold ingots. My headcanon to explain this (yes I have headcanons for everything and I’m not sorry) is that Yin Yu must have taught him that "A favor of a drop of water should be repaid with a surging spring" and Quan Yizhen never forgot about it.

This also can be tied with the iconic bed throwing scene, that shows us more of how grateful he is to Xie Lian and how loyal he is. When he bonds with someone, it’s in a strong and long-term way. He’s not shy about his love and appreciation. And in this case, even if he had known Xie Lian for a short time, he already had judged his character and decided he liked him a lot, and so, he was going to help him whenever he needed his help. And I love how in this scene, Quan Yizhen just waved him away XD Like, I got you bro, go do your thing, no need to explain, I got this. And let’s not forget the fact that… they break into his palace AND Pei Ming is ordering him around as if he wasn’t his equal! (I already delved into Pei Ming's treatment of him previously so I will not repeat myself here)

He’s straightforward and honest, two traits that I already mentioned before that can be a bit of a struggle for autistic people when we have to communicate with others. (And no, this doesn't mean that he cannot lie or that autistic people cannot lie, btw. A shame that I feel the need to clarify this ugh.) He says what he thinks, and doesn't mince his words. Something that, during his time in the sect, probably added to the many other reasons people bullied him; while he was Yin Yu’s deputy, meant that he was constantly in trouble, and as a Heavenly Official, makes him an outlier and keeps him isolated. In Jun Wu’s (horrible) words:

“Why is Qi Ying now alone in the Upper Court, with neither aid nor support? It is because his mind is simple—he is ignorant and foolish, blunt and savage, and incapable of earning anyone’s respect.”

His honesty is a double-edged sword: he’s true to himself and he gives the impression of not caring about what other people think of him, but that’s simply not true. It was shown to us while he was still a disciple:

Quan Yizhen was perched on the windowsill. His head drooped. (...) Quan Yizhen suddenly asked, “Shixiong, am I annoying?”

And his reaction during the humiliating moment he suffered at the Mid-Autumn Banquet attest to it too, in my opinion. I don’t think his reaction comes solely because he’s mad about his shixiong’s name being sullied again. This comes from me as an autistic person who has suffered bullying all their fucking life: no matter how much time passes, it hurts. No matter how well you cope, it hurts. It leaves a mark. Whether you defend yourself or not, whether you endure or go away, it’s something that changes you deeply. Isolation hurts. And autistic loneliness hurts even deeper.

Another thing that I love about him is how analytical and observant he is, even from a very young age! This is shown in how he is able to replicate the sects martial arts by observation without being instructed:

Yin Yu stood, thoughtful for a moment. “That’s an attack stance from our sect. Who taught you?” (...) “And that throwing posture also came from our sect. Did you climb the walls to spy and learn in secret every day…?”

Even how he is able to catch frogs: I imagine him analyzing their movements in order to be able to catch them before they can escape. 

This is also tied to how talented he is: he’s a strong martial artist who ascended as a martial god. But it’s not because of his talent only that he got to ascend. It’s because of his dedication and devotion to his craft, something that Xie Lian himself recognized and related to!

Even though everyone else thought Quan Yizhen was an insane child, Xie Lian felt like he could relate. An obsession like this was necessary to achieve godhood. A person who could understand this feeling of obsession had potential; they had a chance, even if slim. Those who couldn’t understand—who would only mock and jeer these “insane idiots”—had no hope of walking this path from the very start.

He is indeed naturally gifted, but also dedicated enough to perfect those talents. 

“Before, I could train at least sixteen hours a day (...)”

Martial arts are the one thing that he pays complete attention to… along with Yin Yu. I believe that Quan Yizhen remembers every single thing Yin Yu has ever told him or taught him, that he treasures every single one of those memories. And with how gifted he is, I love to headcanon that he actually has eidetic memory, which coupled with his analytical nature, would help him when training on his own, before he arrived to the sect. 

Now that Xie Lian thought about it, Quan Yizhen would be extremely familiar with Yin Yu’s habit of pacing while thinking, the way he spoke, and his strength when he struck. Perhaps he already knew who was behind the mask the moment Yin Yu’s shovel swung down. But it was inconceivable that Quan Yizhen even understood how to deceive someone—who would’ve thought they’d ever see the day? It was the simplest of tricks, but when he used it, it was completely unexpected. No one was prepared.

I adore this moment. Just another small moment that shows us he is perfectly capable of very normal things. Like deceiving someone with a silly trick. But people keep acting as if he was wholly unable of complex thought! People just constantly underestimate him.

Another example of how cool he is:

As they sailed, Quan Yizhen perched on his heels on the ship’s railing, maintaining the high-difficulty position with ease. Suddenly, he asked a question. “There’s a black island ahead. Is that the one?”

I’m so proud of him :’D 

Quan Yizhen is also more attentive than people give him credit for. People think he doesn’t pay attention to the spiritual communication array ever, but he does! He just has a tendency to ignore it out of disinterest, but he actually pays attention to what’s happening there:

“It’s amazing that anyone showed up at all,” Quan Yizhen said. “When they heard it was to save you, suddenly no one had time.”

Even if he doesn’t interact with too many people and is mostly isolated from the rest of the Heavenly Court (from all the reasons we have already discussed), he’s not ignorant of what’s happening around him. And because he doesn't say everything he thinks out loud, and does not use the same body language that other people use, he ends up being misinterpreted. I think of the brocade immortal introduction:

“Your Highness Qi Ying? Your Highness? Are you listening?” Xie Lian reached out and waved his hand in front of Quan Yizhen. Quan Yizhen seemed to have spaced out, and only then did his spirit return to this body. “Oh.” It would appear he wasn’t listening, but it wasn’t Xie Lian’s place to say much about that kind of behavior. Instead, he said, “So our current main priority is to find the brocade robe, I suppose? Its original form is…”  “A sleeveless, headless, sack-like robe stained with blood,” Quan Yizhen finished the statement.

Xie Lian believed that Quan Yizhen was not paying attention, when he actually was, but since he was not using the “right” body language, Xie Lian did not notice and started overexplaining. 

Having difficulties with body language and emoting it’s also a common autistic struggle. Not looking at the other person’s face/eyes, not making the “right” facial expressions at the “right” time, moving our bodies too much/not enough… Things that other people tend to misinterpret as disinterest, disrespect or outright rudeness, when it’s just a simple difference in how we communicate, that isn’t hiding any ill intentions! I cannot look at people’s eyes without feeling wildly uncomfortable, for example. Some people feel deeply offended by that, so I have trained myself to appear as if I’m looking at them but I’m not actually doing so. People sometimes think I’m bored because I move too much or play with things in my hands while we talk, but it’s just that I need the constant stimming to feel comfortable or I would implode. And those are my needs: other people have different ones (just like Quan Yizhen!) 

And this is leaving behind the most obvious thing: he’s most likely dissociating heavily because of how the Brocade Immortal is tied to the most traumatic experience in his whole life. Which adds to the cruelty on Jun Wu’s part sending him to deal with this. 

Two other examples of this (which I find quite humorous btw):

Xie Lian inclined his head to greet him. Quan Yizhen didn’t understand that he should return the courtesy, but Xie Lian hardly minded. 

and

Seated next to Xie Lian was a young man of eighteen or nineteen; his nose was tall, his brows deep, and his raven hair slightly curly. Xie Lian didn’t know him, and the young man didn’t know Xie Lian, so they both felt a little lost as they stared at each other. The awkward staring contest ended after Xie Lian offered a random greeting. 

The staring contest makes me laugh so much XD It’s such a silly moment, and though I won’t go into it here, I do believe Xie Lian is also very neurodivergent and that they would have a great time together as friends, both from shared interests and because he would not need to keep any pretenses c:

Finally, I love how deeply devoted Quan Yizhen is. When he loves something, he does so with all his heart. This was valid for martial arts in the first place, and then, for shixiong. And no matter if we go for a filial or a romantic interpretation (you all know I ship them and I’m insane about them, but that’s not relevant to the point I’m making) it’s still true that he was determined to get to know the truth and to understand what happened. Some people may see him as someone who’s obsessed (negative), but in my opinion, that’s not what it is at all.

He just cares. He cares about Yin Yu, he knows him, he knows that something is missing, and he will not rest until he finds Yin Yu again and they have that pending conversation, and he can apologize for the things he did wrong. and maybe have shixiong back in his life. All his persistence comes from a place of love and care; of realizing that Yin Yu’s true, honest feelings were much more complicated than he ever knew, and wanting deeply to understand.

And he tried his best to always honor the things Yin Yu taught him, and to be good. To make him proud. Even after Yin Yu died: instead of giving up and letting himself crumble, he kept fighting, helped in the battle against Jun Wu until he just couldn’t keep going, did his best to save people even when basically no one up there ever gave a shit about him or helped him at all.