#comphet critical

Here is the wikipedia definition of comphet. As you can see, it is the theory that heterosexuality is assumed and enforced upon women. Whilst I do agree heterosexuality is assumed by a number of people ( but this is only natural for people to assume, as the majority of people are heterosexual anyway ) I am critical of Adrienne Rich saying heterosexuality is enforced. A lot of people are naturally heterosexual and this makes sense from a biological standpoint. Men being attracted to women exclusively and vice versa makes sense for the purpose of being able to create offspring, there seems to be a biological drive in a lot of people to have babies ( whilst i would argue lesbians and gay men do not have this drive at all )

For a lot of women, heterosexuality is not enforced, it is their natural sexuality. Speak to a heterosexual woman and she will gush about her partner, you can see they are genuinely attracted to men.

In some cases women are forced to get married to men, but this is the exception and the majority of women are NOT forced.

Heterosexuality, just like homosexuality and bisexuality, is natural.

the truth is, there will be overlap between a bi woman with a 99% female preference and a lesbian. if you’re barely attracted to men, you will feel like you need to force yourself to feel more attraction than you do.

ive been so confused about whether im a lesbian or febfem. with either one i wouldn't engage with men, but if im febfem, and wouldnt be romantic or intimate with a man ever, how do i know im attracted to them?

okay, listen. i'm gonna assume you're using "febfem" in good faith like i once did, but unless you actually are a radfem on my blog for some weird reason then please don't. i literally use the term "bi sapphics" instead to emphasize wlw attraction and i'm not sure how you missed such an obvious replacement for a problematic term if you're asking me somewhat-advanced questions like this. i'm not mad, just a little shocked you're talking positively about febfems in my inbox and i wanna address that first.

but to answer your question, at the end of the day the most general answer is you're the one who indicates that. if you think comphet is valid, you might wanna look into the lesbian masterdoc - you can probably just google it or search for it on twitter or tumblr. i have some beef with it personally and am very critical of it because it definitely contributes to bi erasure and was written without the consolation of bi women so it kinda tends to list very common bimisogynistic experiences as lesbian experiences, buuuuut i think it does actually provide some genuine and helpful relief in the longrun. i think comphet is conditionally real, all in separate lesbian contexts, wlw contexts, and women in general contexts because that's just how the patriarchy functions. maybe see which one is affecting you the most and figure out if that helps.

but like i said before all that, i really can't tell you because i don't live your experiences. what i will say is that i used to identify as a lesbian for a year because i went through something very similar, but then i realized my attraction to men just wasn't comphet. it might be the same for you, it might be different. maybe you'll go with bi sapphic and later realize it actually was comphet instead. nothing you do from here will be morally wrong and you shouldn't let anyone, especially radfems & exclus, tell you otherwise, because they will. even then, you could be super perfectly confident and still end up being wrong in the future. really only you can figure this out, with help of course, but i can't give you a definitive answer. hopefully my suggestion will get you somewhere.

see there’s this thing - which you’re probably familiar with if you have a passing acquaintance with the feminist sex wars - with radfems, where men are not just bad because they are privileged by the patriarchy and leverage that privilege against minorities, but because they are men. because people born with penises have this like, innate need to do harm to women. all men are rapists, literally, because there’s this ‘power differential’ between men and women that means that consensual interactions between them are impossible. that’s why things like kink and porn are wrong - because they bring men sexual pleasure, and that’s a moral bad, period. the fact that porn stars are treated badly in the industry is almost secondary. men having sexual pleasure is bad, and we must punish things that bring men sexual pleasure. women enjoy those things too? fake. handmaiden. sellout. go fuck yourself, how dare you think you have any agency whatsoever. your life can belong to men who want to use you for sex and will never love you or it can belong to your cisters, the collective womxxn of the world. either way, no agency. either way, no choice in what happens to your body.

this is, of course, a horrible, insidious lie. the world is complicated. sometimes, women enjoy being tied up and humiliated by men, and it doesn’t mean anything. or maybe it does! but it’s her life and her choices, and not every decision a woman makes has to fall into a dichotomy of empowering/disenfranchising. sometimes you can do a thing because it’s fun, and your pleasure matters. and sometimes they don’t. but any woman who doesn’t live up to your narrow standards of acceptable womanhood does not cease to be a women, because you are not the grand arbiter of womanhood. nobody is. 

it’s very funny because every few months I’ll get an ask like this...pretty much exactly like this, anon’s always bitching about my ‘homophobia’ and how evil i am for being critical of comphet, and usually i’ll block anon. and then, idk, they borrow their friend’s phone or something and send me more hate! that’s amazing. that’s a lot of dedication to a stranger on the internet! it’s quite surprising to me that my humble little blog has attracted such devoted ire. 

anyway, anon, i suggest getting a life filled with things that bring you more joy. i would recommend reading the article in which Rich introduces comphet, since you seem so enamoured with the concept. perhaps reading this article will teach you what i never can - that whatever Rich’s intended definition of the term was, it is nowhere near its current usage. and that despite this, comphet remains inextricably rooted in her violent transphobia and biphobia.