#comedy&kink

shane and ilya are 1. rich 2. professional athletes and 3. roleplay freaks

stay with me here... ancient greek olympic roleplay over the summer at the cottage. maybe shane reads a fascinating book about the history of ancient sport, and he won't stop talking about it, and ilya jokingly mentions they should put on their own ancient olympics at the cottage. so obviously they go all out.

shane and ilya compete how the greeks would have: naked and totally covered in olive oil. they set up events like footraces, javelin throwing, discus throwing, wrestling on the lawn outside and make a day of it. the games feel so deeply unserious (everything smells faintly of olives) while also feeling like maybe the most important competition of their lives.

the juxtaposition between them both needing to win with the fact that the other is naked and hot and so fucking athletically competent makes it impossible to keep a straight face. the whole day is filled chirping, giggling, licking olive oil off the other and tumbling together for a quick fuck in the grass before jumping into the lake to clean off, reapplying the oil, and getting back to the games...

The first time Shane and Ilya get Shane high for specifically sex reasons, it goes really reeeaally well. Shane is loose and pliant and so, so horny. He is also so sensitive that Ilya fucks him into over-sensitivity before he even comes a second time. So obviously they want to do it again.

The plan was to go out, have a lovely dinner, get Shane high on the way home, and then Ilya would play his skeezy "just the tip" fuck boy persona. A perfect plan. They did not account for just how giggly Shane was going to get.

He starts chuckling at the front door, and can't stop even when Ilya shoves his tongue in his mouth. When Ilya pushes him down on the bed, laughs so hard he snorts. Ilya tries one more time to get him back on track, and it seems like Shane's finally getting with the program, hips twitching as Ilya pets at his hole. But then when Ilya says "come on baby, let me in, just the tip" and Shane tries to say no, it breaks him. "nooooo ilya don't fuck meeeee, i don't want your big beautiful cock in meeee" said between gasping laughs. It just too out of character for himself, he can't take himself seriously.

-

"Hmm, oh fuck-"

Shane ground his hips down harder, painting slow circles. Ilya was so hard inside him, and Shane could feel him throb with arousal. His eyes were hooded, his mouth hanging open in bliss, and Shane mentally patted himself on the back for purchasing that vibrating butt plug which resided inside Ilya's hole right now.

Ilya babbled in Russian, looking up at Shane in adoration, an unending stream of praise and love that made Shane feel warm all over.

"Slow down, solnyshko," he slurred. There was spit on his lower lip; Shane licked it off and Ilya pulled him into a kiss.

"Are you gonna come for me?" Shane asked breathlessly, "Come inside me? Fill me up?"

Ilya groaned. "Ask nicely." His hand ran up Shane's spine, landing in his hair, pulling. Shane fluttered his eyelashes with a moan; he was close as well.

"Please come inside me, Ilya," he whined, "Please, need your cum-"

Ilya let out another groan, his fingers tightening in Shane's hair-

Then, several things happened at once.

Ilya opened his eyes, and just for a second, his gaze strayed away from Shane to a point behind him on the ceiling.

Then, he exclaimed "Oh, fuck!", but before Shane could feel proud of himself for making his husband come so hard, Ilya scrambled away from under him with so much force that it catapulted Shane off the foot end of the bed, Ilya's dick pulling out of him with a literal pop; at the same time, Ilya rolled sideways, scrambling; with a loud shlorp-sound, the butt plug exploded from his body with the force of a missile, hitting the wall and leaving a wet lube-print there while Ilya toppled off the bed backwards while his dick was spurting come all over his own chest and face.

"What the FUCK, Ilya!" Shane exclaimed, pulling himself up from the floor; his asshole hurt from Ilya pulling out so quickly.

"Spider!" Ilya gasped, pointing at the ceiling, "There's a fucking spider-"

Shane looked up, and yes, indeed, there was a spider sitting peacefully on the ceiling.

"Seriously!?" Shane asked, feeling annoyed.

"Yes!" Ilya groaned, wiping his own cum from his cheek. "Fuck, ow."

"Yes, ow!" Shane stood up, shaking his head, "You couldn't have stayed calm?!" He grabbed a tissue from the bedside table and climbed up onto the bed.

"You know I hate spiders!" Ilya moaned pitifully. He sat up, rubbing his back, cursing in Russian.

"Evidently." Shane stretched, grabbing the poor thing with a tissue.

"Careful!" Ilya ducked aside as Shane made his way to the nearest window. Shane rolled his eyes at him, opened the window and tossed the spider out.

"There, done."

Ilya gave him an apologetic smile from the ground. At least he had the decency to blush. "My hero."

"Yeah, yeah." Shane smirked, reaching out for Ilya to offer him a hand. "Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?" He gestured at where the damn butt plug was still vibrating on the carpet.

"No, is fine." Ilya sheepishly shook his head. "Did I hurt you?"

"Yes, my soul," Shane said dramatically, then licked a drop of cum from Ilya's collarbone. "That load was supposed to go inside me."

So your challenge for the next 24 hours is to share an idea/concept/ficlet of Hollanov with the prompt:

Comedy & Kink

You can take that to mean whatever you want! As long as it’s funny and kinky, go nuts. No scenario is too silly and no kink is too outlandish. Use #comedy&kink

When Shane pushes in, it feels... odd. “Oh, this is weird,” he says, probably making some kind of a confused puppy face.

Ilya bursts out laughing. “You are not making this very sexy.” It’s a deep belly laugh that Shane can literally feel in his dick, which just makes the experience even weirder.

He pauses for a moment when he bottoms out before adjusting his knees a bit. There are so many... limbs to deal with here. Fucking Ilya’s throat is easy, because it’s a simple matter of holding onto his hair and just going for it, but now Shane has to make sure Ilya’s entire body is in a good position, holding his knees in place, making sure his hips are angled correctly. Not to mention the fact that assholes are far tighter and more constricting than a mouth, which makes the sensation much more intense than he’s used to. And to think Ilya said bottoming was often more trouble than it’s worth.

“Well...?” Ilya asks, and Shane snaps back to the present. Right. He should probably start moving. He isn’t quite sure where to put his hands, but he figures Ilya could use a bit of help keeping his legs up in place, so he places them in the crease of his knees. Shane starts rocking his hips, making shallow thrusts. Ilya exhales breathily, so at the very least, this must be doing something for him.

“Yeah?” Shane whispers in a feeble attempt to be cool about all of this.

Ilya is maybe too cool about all this. “I am only just now realizing how long it has been since the last time I bottomed,” he says conversationally. It’s like he’s discussing the weather. “Must be a decade at least. Maybe closer to two.” Shane falters slightly, and doesn’t reply, instead focusing in on the task at hand.

Ilya seems to notice him struggling a bit and offers encouragement in the form of a chirp. “Just pretend like you are fucking my mouth. You are always so good at that.”

Shane groans. “I kinda wish I was,” he says through gritted teeth, “so you would shut the fuck up.”

Shane is genuinely afraid of clowns but also its Shane so being afraid makes him kind of hard, and so for Shane’s birthday ilya tells him he got a birthday party clown for later and does this pervert sexy clown routine that has Shane kinda scared but also so mad that he’s hard.

Ilya: gonna make you a nice balloon animal now, Shanya. Would you like that?

Shane: ilya you did not get balloons did you?

Ilya: every good clown has balloons, Shane. For the birthday boy…

*ilya uses the pump and blows up a red balloon and ties it off, and twists two knobs into the bottom of it*

Shane: *laughing* ilya did you just make a balloon dick?

Ilya: not as big as me but I figured you would want cock for your birthday. Big boy now needs a big cock, da?

The balloon is, ya know, the length of a long balloon, and ilya keeps making thrusting motions with it in the air before he’s crawling on the bed and dragging it all over Shane’s body very lightly, making Shane frot the balloon cock.

I also think he’d pop the ballon to scare Shane while he’s fucking him.

ANYWAY

that time where there's a room mix-up and Shane thinks it's Ilya he's hearing through the paper thin walls of his hotel room & Troy thinks it's Harris and no one lets them live down their mutual masturbation session for the rest of the season