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Went on a date and it was great but it’s been a few days and you haven’t heard from them? Keep swiping.
A big part of me really hates the never-ending swipe - it’s problematic to modern dating. But the unfortunate truth is, it’s also really helpful when you feel stuck in a dating rut.
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Assuming that all went well, you should probably have some matches and are fired to go! Now, no matter if you are a guy or a girl, holding a conversation is extremely, extremely important. I cannot stress this enough. If someone swiped right or connected with you, there has to be some sort of attraction (at least on the surface) to warrant it. Do not lose this opportunity!
To be honest, the guys probably got the short end of the stick for this one because most girls expect the guy to strike a conversation first. If you are a guy, do not fret. Usually a simple, hey how are you doing? would get the ball rolling. If you are up for a challenge and want to show that you have put in effort, make a joke with her name or mention something that she said in her bio.
For example, if she says that she enjoys rock climbing with her friends, then you can start off by asking her, how did you start rock climbing? and here’s the trick: do not leave it as it is and hit the send button. Furnish it with, I’m looking to get into it but feel like it is too difficult to start.
This shows that you are interested in her hobby, and with you acting as a total noob, you are able to get her to give you some tips (which is already soooo many messages; trust me) and then you can go on and discuss about other topics!
I have always felt that having virtual conversations are way easier than face-to-face ones because there isn’t the element of facial reaction or physical queues. You can very easily lie your way on the internet and pretend to be someone more confident and chatty - now, you may disagree with me at this point saying, but you will still have to meet up and your lies will be uncovered! But I beg to differ because this will get one foot in the door. How you fare during your dates in the future will then be completely on you. Then of course, don’t make such a blatant lie la.
Okay and this is when I ought to mention that there’s a difference here between the apps that I had mentioned previously. Tinder does not have an expiry for conversations, ie your chats will be there forever - while on CMB, your chats are valid for 7? days. And the most enticing part about Bumble is that girls will have to be the ones to start a conversation instead. On Tinder and CMB, either party can get the ball rolling.
When I was on Tinder, I typically chatted with my matches for at least a week before moving over to Telegram. It is always the preferred chat app for me as I didn’t need to give my mobile number, and they have cute stickers lol. For CMB, as the deadline was pretty tight, I would chat with my matches until they suggested to bring it over to Telegram and that typically took around 3-5 days.
I read online somewhere that when you decide to bring the chat over, it means that you are already half serious. Well... right and wrong. I think because of my own nature, I tend to enjoy chatting with people be it random strangers or friends, so I didn’t feel like I was being forced to text. But I do know that for some people, they regret bringing the chat over too early because once you do, it will be a daily affair of “good morning :-)” and “goodnight!” lol.
It depends on how comfortable you are with chatting frequently. That’s the best advice that I can give. But my personal record was 17? 18? matches chatting simultaneously on Telegram.
... Like I said, online dating tends to take up a lot of time.
It is always important to fall back and ask yourself about the reason - why are you doing this? Why are you spending time out of your precious 24 hours to do this particular *thing*? Online dating can be very, very time-consuming, and it takes a lot out of you especially if you aren’t used to texting or conversing a lot. To some, it may be boring to you after a while or you simply do not have the energy to chat or to even (worst case scenario) live your life as per normal.
So - ask yourself why do you want to commence online dating? Is it because you want to get acquainted with dating and slowly become more comfortable? Or is it because you are sick and tired of being single as a pringle and you are looking to mingle?
Are you finding a long-term partner, or just a fling? Are you *purely* looking to try new experiences (aka "nothing serious, just want to make new friends") or searching for something more? Are you date-to-marry, or do you not have any plans to settle down?
There are so many people on the app, each looking for something different. If you start off by knowing what exactly it is you're looking for, you can help to save yourself more time, effort, and heartache.
Once you are ready, it is time to take the leap - downloading your app.
