#codebrown

Being a nurse is quite difficult at times. More often than not you're required to monitor unstable patients.

Hey ya’ll.

So I know there aren’t too many nurse stories out there because of this whole HIPPA thing.

Snitches get subpoenas..

But I got a story to tell that I think you’d enjoy.

Ain’t no names, so don’t be searching your Facebook.

I remember the first day I ever had to change out of my regular scrubs.

They tell us to bring others because you never know.

I didn’t know.

First my patient got out of bed and had full projectile shits.

I know ya’ll thought that was only a puke thing, it’s not.

And then he danced in a circle and finally pooped himself out on a chair (pun intended).

I walk in.

Young nurse and all.

I immediately go to checking his IVs and making sure he’s okay.

Now, I like my scrubs to be like pajamas.

Because I often have nightmares and work ain’t too different.

So I finally get this man back to his bed and realize the bottom of my pants are soaking with shit.

You ever tried to walk with shit soaked pants and not get the ground shitty?

It’s impossible.

So I smeared shit all over my unit and changed my pants to the OR scrubs that fit absolutely nobody.

I then continued on with the last few hours of my night.

Except they have this thing called “first turn”.

It’s when you are so freaking done with a patient and the oncoming nurse makes you go back in to look at their butt.

Now I have seen this butt 17 times as I wiped it the last 12 hours, but the new nurse has to have me there during her first 1,000 wipes.

Now I am already in mix matching scrubs and ready to go home.

But of course we go into the patient’s room and there’s a code brown.

Even if you aren’t in the medical field, a code brown doesn’t sound nice right?

I’m sure there is a fetish out there, but I am not a member of that group.

We turn this patient, and the nurse grabs her booty to make her asshole fully visible for cleaning.

Yes.. I know.. this is my life.

Now have you ever had a fart you shouldn’t have trusted?

Imagine that tenfold.

She pulls this lady’s ass cheek and a splatter of hell’s substance crosses my chest.

Can I freak out?

No, because that would be rude to the patient.

Instead, I mouth curse words to the nurse as I internally scream for an acid shower.

I finally leave with a totally different attire than I came in with.