#codean

12am the clock on my bedside table read.Why was I up at a time when I shouldn’t be? Why was I thinking about shit that I shouldn’t be?

Sad about things that happened last year but I’m still not over it.To be honest everyone sees that I’m down and out no matter how much I deny it.No matter how many guys come my way there’s nobody like him.The way we were,the things he did. I don’t know nobody like him.

What makes everything harder is that we both work in the same industry.We see each other more than we’d like to admit and every time I have to pretend that I don’t give a fuck about the females draped on his arms or his lap.It hurts that I can’t get over him while he’s already over me.

The sound of my phone signaling a text pulls me out of my thoughts as I absentmindedly search for it on the table.Another thing that made this harder was our friends.We had a lot of mutual friends and rather than to keep them out or make them choose between us I just fell back.But there’s the persistent few such as Jiho who’s texting me at this ungodly hour.

Not bothering to reply to him I got out of bed and pulled some shorts on under my oversized Neymar football T-shirt with a black hat over my head.Grabbing my keys,purse and phone I head to the closest food spot and got Jiho some food before heading towards his studio.

Typing in his passcode I let myself in and made my way to his home studio where he sat on his phone. “I’ve arrived and I brought that good good,” I dangle the food in front of his face.He looked up at me sliding his phone back into his pocket as I place the bag on the coffee table and start taking out the food.

“I’ve arrived and I brought that good good,” I dangle the food in front of his face.He looked up at me sliding his phone back into his pocket as I place the bag on the coffee table and start taking out the food.

“C’mon eat,can’t have you dying on me from starvation.” He played around on his computer a bit before a beat played through his speakers. “That It?”

“Yeah,” He replies as I pass him his chopsticks. “How’ve you been though?”

“I’ve been good,can’t complain.” I don’t know why but the beat playing in the background just reminded me of everything I was holding in.

“Tell another lie.”

“I’m not lying though.” Jiho looked at me like ‘really’.

“I’ve known you long enough to know when you’re lying.You’ve been avoiding me lately, I miss my best friend,my partner in crime but I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”

“I can’t,” he looks at me urging me to go on. “because I know that once I start I’ll let everything out and I don’t want to be a burden.”

“You guys are both so damn alike,stubborn and hard headed.Just kiss and make up already.” Jiho sighs running a hand down his face.

“That’s easier said than done okay,he moved on and maybe it’s time I did to. I was avoiding hanging with you guys because it hurts every time I have to pretend like I don’t give a fuck about the bitches hovering around him like vultures when I want nothing more than to drag them. I’ve never fought for a man and yet he’s out here making me wanna drag hoes left and right. I’m still in love with him after a year and I don’t think my love for him will ever change. I don’t know how to just let go of 5 years Jiho.Is that what you wanna hear? Huh?? That I miss him when I shouldn’t be? Constantly thinking about his bed and his warmth when I shouldn’t be? That no matter how much I try there’s never going to be another him and that I need him to make myself happy?” I all but shouted at him.Not noticing the tears running down my face I made a grab for my purse and fished my keys from my pocket.

“I-I gotta go.” I told Jiho,my voice cracking in the end as I ran out the studio and apartment straight to my car.Sitting in my car I finally broke down.

“Did you hear all that?” Jiho asked placing his phone against his ear.Jiho knew you’d give him hell but quite frankly he was tired of Hyuk’s whining about you not loving him anymore because you didn’t react to anything he did.

“Yeahhh,” Hyuk sighed. “Where is she?”

“She just left but her car is still in the parking lot,wait no she’s pulling out now.” Jiho spoke as he bit into his chicken. “You at her place yet?”

“Yeah,just kinda standing in front her door,”

“Good and don’t call me back unless you both have made up.Leave her again and I’m telling Gray that it’s okay to ask her out.” Jiho threatens before hanging up the phone. You didn’t live that far from Jiho so Hyuk knew that you’d be back soon.Leaned against the wall beside your apartment door,he contemplates what he’s going to say to you.

Neither of you have spoken to each other in the past year and every time you’ve seen him he’s had some woman all over him.It’s not like he did it on purpose the first time but every other time he just wanted to see if he’d get a reaction from you.He knew that you didn’t change the code to your once shared apartment and he could probably wait for you inside but he didn’t want to fight with you.

“What are you doing here?” Your voice snaps him out of his thoughts.Even after a year apart you’re still the only woman to have him at a complete lost for words.In your too large soccer tshirt and yoga shorts,curly hair in a messy bun and no makeup on.He can’t help but to just stare at you.

“Hyuk,why are you here?” You ask again,arms folded over your chest.

“I came to collect my stuff,” He replies rubbing at his nape.

“It’s been a year what makes you think I stil have your stuff?”  

“My clothes you probably burnt that but kept most of the shirts and as for the equipment,I know you still have it because it’s the one piece of me that you have left.” He speaks proudly knowing that he’s getting under your skin.

“Fucking Jiho,can’t ever keep his damn mouth shut.Runs his mouth like a fucking tap.” You mumble to yourself as you unlock the door.You enter first and hold the door open for him.Hyuk follows in after you and takes off his shoes as you close the door.

You kick off your shoes and venture further into the apartment with him trailing behind you.He takes notice of the minor changes you’d made but all in all everything was still the same.

“Your equipment is where it’s always been and as for the shirts,you aren’t getting them back.”  

“I don’t want them back. You can keep them just the same way you’ve kept my heart this entire time.The only thing I want back is you.”

He doesn’t miss the way your breath hitches a bit before you reply.

“You left me! You left me alone without a fucking reason Hyuk and now you expect me to just come back?” You shout.

“You think I wanted to leave you? Do you know how hard it was for me to walk out that door when all I wanted was to hold you? We were drifting…we didn’t have time for each other,we argued over everything and I saw how much more you smiled when you were with that Suga guy and I figured you deserved better.”

“You left me because you thought I’d be better off with Yoongi? How fucking daft are you? He’s just and always will be a friend.So what we argue? What couple doesn’t? None of that ever mattered because I knew I’d be fine because I had you.”

Eyes glassy and brimmed with tears as your hands folded into fists at your sides,he crosses the room and stands before you.Forehead resting against yours,he looks at you. “Please don’t cry. I’m sorry. I was stupid and I’m sorry.Just tell that you forgive me,that you still love me as much as I love you and that…that we can fix this,please.”

“I-I can’t,” you sniffle.The broken look on his face is one that you never wanted to see.His hands drop from your face and he steps back only for you to move forward. “I can’t tell you that because I forgave you long ago,I’ve never stopped loving you and I want nothing more than for us to forget this ever happened and go back to being us as in the plural of u.”

Before he can react or even respond your lips are on his,soft and full just as he remembers and it isn’t long before he’s kissing you back.Articles of clothing start coming off piece by piece and adding to the growing pile on the living room floor before you both get lost in each other on the couch,against the ceiling to floor windows overlooking Seoul,on the plush carpet of the living room floor not knowing or giving a damn about where one begins or where the other ends.

Head resting on his chest and a leg thrown over one of his as you cuddled into him under the blanket he’d dragged off the couch,Hyuk runs his fingers through your hair occasionally getting them tangled in your curls and he can’t help the smile he’s wearing.This is how it should always be. You in his arms,by his side.It didn’t matter as long as he was with you.

“I love you and I’m never leaving you again.” He kisses your head.