#cloudlips

Cute mo, dear hahahaha good morning!!

strong - you are strong i look up to you

forest - you're mysterious and i need to know more

5. What 2023 new releases are you most looking forward to?

Looking for Jane by Heather Marshall because a) based on the blurb, it's something that's up my alley, and b) the (US) release date will be on my birthday!

Another one is Hang the Moon by Jeanette Walls because The Glass Castle is one of my favorite memoirs. (:

8. Are there any reading challenges you want to try?

The Goodreads reading challenge, for sure. Still trying to figure out what my reading count will be tho. I'll continue doing my Read Around the World and Filipiniana challenges in 2023.

13. Do you plan to attend any author events?

Not really.

10. What’s the most pain you’ve been in, that wasn’t physical

- Hah, this is easy! Learning the true definition of love and the heartbreak of letting a very special girl go last year! I guess that explains why I’ve sworn off dating apps since heh. You haven’t lived until you’ve loved and lost :’’’’))))))))

11. What brings out the best in you? What brings out the worst?

- Damn, tough one... I think this is best reserved for people who have been through alot with me to see and gauge for themselves. Not me, I’m oblivious as much as I have my own face to protect :P

But to answer:

I think the best is brought out in me when I have a goal that I cannot allow myself to fail in, especially when the consequences impacts those who I care about the most. I would push myself to not fail them, I can feel it in me when I just want to cease and desist when my fears and anxieties crop up, but my fear of letting them down, them knowing or not, drives me to honour them in doing all I can not to fail them.

I think the worst is brought out in me if my personal core interests are involved and they will be affected negatively, against my base satisfaction. Usually, I’m too sympathetic, empathetic, kind to others, etc for my own good. It’s easy to be nice and dandy and chill until you don’t have that comfort anymore, like I don’t know, no money and stuff and be nice to people when such major problems plague you. I saw it happen to family. It’s so fucked. But I guess we’re nothing but elevated animals in an elevated jungle of our own God-forsaken making, aren’t we. People just change. And I ain’t no saint to think I be the same as I am. I don’t have and never had alot of money so far, but I am starting to have an inkling experimental awareness of what could happen if I had wayyy more money or no money at all. That’s the true test of myself or any person, anyhow. The best(?) or, in this case, the worst of a person.

21. If you had one day left to live, what would you do first?

- Grab a nice cup of coffee and drink and think of what to do next. Like, penning down who to contact and leave my last sentiments and words to those I cannot deliver easily in-person that I wish to leave off myself on.

24. What’s something you like about yourself that you wish more people recognized?

- I am not the drama-stirrer judge-y sorta person everyone is inherently expected to be in some extent, at the place I live in. Everyone seems judgmental, in how you dress, how you speak, the type of troubles you may be facing, the common conversation topics you are supposed to have, what is your job, what car do you drive, etc. And I am none of those. Oh I will most definitely ask you stuff, but not with the intention to put you behind some caste in my head, but to know you better as a person, your story, your background. Why are you the way you are, what drives you, what are you really, etc.

I honestly feel that plenty of people, at the heart of it all, are just having their guard up all the time and just following the monkey-see-monkey-do adage to diss on people if they don’t fit the norms our society expects us to be like. I have my guard up from my experiences, but I don’t make it a SOP to diss people who don’t fit the norms or of mine. I always say I understand, no judgment, I am not there to judge, or spill your shit behind your back. I just want to listen, most times, and understand you. Oftentimes, some people I don’t talk much to, probably me written off by them in general ironically, tell me stuff I’m pretty sure they don’t tell to others. For some, I can even tell/feel they have something major going on after awhile but, of course, it’s not my biz to probe, even as I always care to know and, most of all, be there for, even if I can’t do much. I do care even if it seems like alot of the people you socialise with don’t and your Instagram is a textbook example of stereotypical happiness. So long as you got my back, I got yours, simple.

25. What are your core memories?

- Core? Damn, I didn’t know this is open-ended English/Philosophy class. What’s the overall framework, chapter, and direction we’re looking? :P

I’ll take this as my favourite memories? Here’s some then:

1. Me in the secondary school library, reading this thick-ass book on the Eastern Front during recess. I loved that book, always going to the library to read something after having lunch and stumbling on it and a collection of those series. To this day, I wish to know the brand or publisher of that book. I still keep thinking it’s from LIFE or something, but I haven’t been able to find much online to this day. Would love to ever chance across that book or series again to add to my book collection.

2. Me in secondary school, just realising the bullshit composition I just let myself loose to write becoming an example in English class for my teacher to print and distribute. I forgot what exactly was the question, or theme, but I got really frustrated with tailoring myself to adhering to being a normal kiddo in my writings (as if I wasn’t the weird outcast by then lol) and not writing about a meet-up that turned violent with guns out and shit that was itching to spill into paper and yet still adhering to the theme. Heck, I even wrote the caliber and handgun used. Yeah I was fucking weird and unlike the average teenage guy in class then. Sure I got abit of shit that day, but looking back now, that was cool.

3.  Me in the Lifesaving Club in my polytechnic days. There was this day I was just swimming in the pool for some lap routine thing. I was only in the club for a year, but that day was really fun and memorable for some reason. The water was so calmingly blue and you just mentally get immersed, besides literally physically, when your head is under with the bloopey sounds all around and you kinda wish you can stay under for however how long, unless you got a death wish or a fetish to be rescued by a lifeguard.