#client side

Hi anon

(side note - if you are therapist, read this ask. Remember new clients may be coming in like this and explain things well <3)

OMG I loved Get Out but I totally whispered “what the fucking fuck” when that character was introduced. It made me mad. 

Anyway! So it makes sense that if you haven’t been in therapy, it’s seems scary. Because good therapy can make some major changes in a person’s life. There are good therapists and bad ones and you have to navigate all that with whatever is going on right? It makes sense to be scared. But therapy isn’t magic that is worked on you. It’s a change that is build in relationship over time with someone who knows you and knows the lay of the land. 

Therapy is about the relationship. The work gets done with trust - which takes time. You have choice in therapy. You get to say, “I don’t want to talk about that.” or “This is too much right now.” or “I need a break”. As long as the client’s choice doesn’t interfere with their safety*, I make sure the client has choice. I’ll guide and contain the sessions, moreso with trauma. But I push some of my clients - absolutely - but not without trust. Even during my assessments when I’m *required* by my agency to explore for abuse issues, I always say, “you don’t have to answer if you aren’t comfortable.” 

Trust will build. It will take time. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling anxious about it. Start small and it’ll grow. Read some of @thehumbledtherapist if you aren’t already. Ask questions to people you know who are in therapy and you trust. Remember if you aren’t comfortable, you can change therapists but it takes time to get comfortable. Once you find someone to try, ask them questions - what’s their style or psychological orientation, what can you expect from a session, etc. 

I hope this helped a little bit. Best of luck to you. 

Hey Anon,

I’m really glad you two have such a great therapeutic relationship. A lot of healing can be done in a good therapeutic relationship. I’m often so proud of my clients - I’ve definitely told them that. Like a lot.

Remember - therapists are humans. We are people. Which everyone knows on an intellectual level but I think sitting client side, it’s easy to forget. We can’t control every muscle of our face, every cough or stretch. If this is concerning you, I’d bring it up. It also may be some transference on your part. From your ask, I think he would want to know if you have worries. Then you guys will be able to talk about it and you’ll feel more relaxed probably.

As to your question, this is gonna be a long one for a short answer. Short answer? It might be but that gets to me your therapist’s choice. Both client and therapist get the choice to show up - and your therapist sounds highly invested in you! It sounds like his choice is that, even if the situation sometimes hard, he’s going to show up for you. Which is wonderful! I’m so very pleased you have a therapist like that!

Long answer: Some clients, some situations are heavier than others. They take up more time, more energy, just more space in our minds. Sometimes it’s the relationship, sometimes it’s timing - it can be a thousand reasons. But that’s a choice we get to make. Good therapists have good boundaries. They have ways to be supported when it feels like a lot. I mean just earlier this year, a whole bunch of clinical stuff happened - some of the coolest, best, most intense work I’ve ever done with clients - and it felt very big, very heavy, very intense. But did my clients know that? No. It serves no therapeutic value. What is important is that I showed up, was consistent and did my job, with care, compassion and love.

When the cycle started, I reached out to my mentors, my therapist, my supervisor, my consult group, my partner and close friends. I knew I could do this work, wanted to do this work but in order to do so I had to take very good care of myself. I went to therapy. I took my meds. I made sure to exercise and get sleep. I drank water and ate good food. I address any chronic pain stuff that came up. I turned off work when I got home. I pushed back against against additions to my caseload and refused to do anything extra for the agency work (i.e. any work groups I am a part of, any planning of future employee events, any extra writing, etc.). Honestly, I’ve never taken better care of myself than I ever have (it’s been slow coming) because it’s really hard to do this work if you don’t.

I would discuss it. Whether or not you end up talking about it, you will be thinking about it. Which will decrease your sense of safety in therapy - because you’ll be thinking and worrying and wondering right? If you bring it up, if you talk about it - you’ll feel safer and therapy will deepen. No good therapist will here than you getting attached and be like, “Holy Shit! I have to run away from this client”. I know that’s a fear. But you deserve good therapy. It’s probably scary. But I think it’s a good idea!

It should always for you to bring up stuff or suggest a change of subject. Have you guys talked about contact outside session of session? If it’s hard to bring it up in session, you might want to write a letter or send an email. 

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