#classics jokes

Get ready, besties. The wooden horse leaves for V*ncouver at 8am ET.

Product review:

It turns out that someone was eavesdropping on Luke’s conversation with Ben -- apparently, you need the Force to be  a ghost, but not to listen to one?

“The Heart of the Jedi?” High-Admiral Tharkus repeated. “Are you certain of that?”

The  replying  voice  came  clearly  through  the  comm  link’s speaker: “Certain, High-Admiral. I listened through a window. I heard everything perfectly.”

This dude is a member of the “Dioskouroi,” which is absolutely hilarious because that’s the Greek name for the mythological Castor and Pollux (better known under their Latin name of Gemini). I’m sure this was intentional, but I’m confused, since... there’s nothing twins-y about them so far?

“They’re  a  quite  rare  species  who  possess  the  ultimate  in camouflage. Their molecular construction allows them to absorb vast amounts of energy from their surrounding atmosphere and transmute it to matter of any form. They are the ultimate impostors, taking on the guise of any being they wish.”

“Shapeshifters!” Kantos exclaimed. “Like Clawdites?”

“But  not  limited  to  humanoid  form;  more  like  the  Shi’ido,  of which they are an exiled branch. Since we’ve known of their existence, the  Shi’ido  have  maintained  neutrality  in  the affairs  of  the  Republic and Empire; the Dioskouroi hold no such compunctions. That’s why I set one of them to spying within the rebel base, hoping for some break.

Wook says that Clawdites is another term for “changeling,” AKA the shapeshifter species from Attack of the Clones, but claims that Ep. II represents their first appearance. Clearly, that is incorrect since this draft predates them. I assumed they were in the comics at some point, since there are a lot of other comics references (including a Nagai one, lol). I had never heard of the Shi’do either, but apparently they’re in there too somewhere?

(though again Wook says their first appearance was in the Galaxy of Fear series - I don’t expect them to count Heart of a Jedi, since it’s non-canon and was never officially published, but I don’t think Flint was the first to make them up, either. not sure what’s up with that.)

“Pollux, what is he doing now?”

“I  don’t  know,  Sir,”  said  the  voice.  “Just  hold  a  moment.  I’ll check.”

On the planet Tatooine, the helmeted and orange-suited figure climbed from the cockpit of his X-wing and dropped to the ground.

The  little  ship  sat  in  a  small  level  patch  atop  a  ridge.  Rocky outcrops along the edge made the fighter invisible from below. The one called  Pollux  walked  to  the  edge  and  climbed  onto  a  boulder  to  peer cautiously down.

oh. oh. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, FLINT.

High-Admiral,” he said urgently, “it appears he’s preparing to travel. He’s just unpacked a hover-scooter from his ship.”

“Not  traveling  by  X-wing?”  Tharkus  said  with  some  surprise. “Where’s he going, then?”

“He needs a bowl that was stolen,” Pollux explained. “He spoke of the Sand People. They’re notorious raiders and thieves here. If they took the object, my guess is he’s going after them.”

“To retrieve a bowl?” said Tharkus. “Why?”

GOOD QUESTION.

“It holds a clue to finding the planet, Sir.”

“Ah,” Tharkus said, understanding. “Well then, stay with him Pollux. Report on where he goes. If necessary, give  him help, without his  knowing  it,  of  course.  We  must  see  that  Skywalker  reaches  this Angorathea of his.”

“Yes, High-Admiral,” Pollux said briskly. “Transmission out.”

As  he  was  shutting  off  his  radio  link,  his  high-admiral  was doing  the  same.  Tharkus  turned  to  look  at  Kantos,  a  gleam  of satisfaction in his eye.

“This is certainly our  chance, General,” he said with force. “A chance to defeat the rebels after all!”

Kantos shook his head. “I don’t follow, Sir. How can following Skywalker do that?”

“If what Pollux heard is true, this ‘Heart of the Jedi’ is a direct access to his power. It must be the way he taps into this ‘Force’ of his. If  we  could  seize  it  for  ourselves...”  a  note  of  longing  came  into  his voice, “why, we might even turn it to our use. Think, Kantos, what a weapon we’d have then. Nothing could stop us.”

“But, what if we can’t use it?” the other inquired.

“Then we destroy it!” Tharkus said ruthlessly. “And Skywalker as well. In one move we wipe out the Force’s only champion and shut off  its  source.  Either  way,  the  Jedi  threat  will  be  truly  erased.  The Force will no longer aide the enemy side. And without that they’ll be no  match  for  us.”  He  picked  up  one  of  the  slender  pieces, contemplating it gloatingly. “The game will be in our hands once more. With Skywalker out of the picture, our people will again be convinced that we can win. Support will come to us. And with our full strength rallied, we will strike!”

THAT’S NOT HOW THE FORCE WORKS - though, to be fair

they don’t know that

this is a classic Imperial mindset and 100% in character

BUT... it is so hard for me to take anything in this book seriously.