#classicalsinging

What is agony right now is that I have not been able to practice since school shut down almost a month ago. I can’t sing in my apartment. It’s not that anyone has asked me to stop, it’s that there’s no way I could vocalize at full volume - let alone since my soprano rep. I was working on “Ach ich liebte” for my recital...that thing has like 300 high Ds in it. I can’t sing that here. My voice clamps up, and I know after a while somebody would probably say something. L and I are supposed to continue lessons but it’s just not going to happen here.

I've been teaching singing and vocal technique for many years, yet it still surprises me (in a good way) just how much repetition there needs to be, addressing the same old pain points for so many different people no matter where they are on their learning journey.

The easiest and most rewarding teaching experience is undoubtedly with those open souls who are driven by the JOY of the whole thing and who never expect the learning curve to finish. It's an exciting and often unexpected ride!

The hardest students to reach are without fail those who imagine they have their goal in sight and once it is achieved, it's a given that they've mastered the skill. That's a tough nut to crack.

Their journey to the OK Plateau will only be a short one.

To learn well, we must surrender to the vulnerability of it all and forgive vocal imperfections, BUT also be inquisitive and questioning about the WHY.

🌿 PS — If you're exploring your voice and want something simple to anchor your practice, download Essential Vocal Tools — my free guide to the basics. It’s gentle, clear, and made for singers just like you.

Singers are, of course, buoyed along by the love of music, the quest to express and the innate physicality & pleasure born of the whole. And yet, at intermittent points in the journey, a little further down the learning track, there are usually points where we meet forks in the road, perhaps where things get a little harder - or perhaps we simply become more aware.

As we age and mature for example, so we as singers can imagine that it may become harder to produce good sound. That our bodies have 'issues' that have accumulated over time and are difficult to reverse. Or - that it is too late to learn - or indeed worst of all in my view, that there is little need to seek further learning! Surely, the joyful learning path never ends?

" Age is not an obstacle to such renewal. The possible connections in the human nervous system outnumber the stars in the galaxy. This virtually infinite network of possibilities is the source of our almost unlimited capacity to learn or relearn. We only use a portion of these connections even in our prime." Graham Lynne

But which route to take? Isn't it all a little too confusing?

We've shifted gears and maybe things (aka progress) get a little harder, more difficult to perceive. Perhaps the intrinsic nature of the voice we thought we knew begins to change, or an awareness of others' opinions develops and self-doubt and judgement begin to creep in. Whatever it might be, it's usually a defining moment in the relationship between the singer and the voice. Fight or flight.

What's your process? I'm interested to know. Here's one of my vocal technique infographics around a popular passaggio pain point, to help illustrate my meaning ... the old, struggling with the new.

The infographic speaks to those moments when you’re singing, everything is going smoothly until suddenly your voice does something weird. A ‘yodel’ or a ‘blip’ - a fluctuation in pitch/sound. It can feel embarrassing. We feel vulnerable.  (A good analogy would be: when you’re driving - perhaps negotiating a speed change or a tricky corner - and you don’t quite change gear smoothly enough and the gearbox complains.)

But I'm here to tell you that's okay.

There’s just an imbalance going on somewhere in the mix. But no worries - there's a necessary component needed in all of this, and that's time. Beware of too much impatience to get the ‘thing’ done. Hasty, short-cut learning can lead to BAD muscle memory too. It is good to know the distinction.

An important part of the vocal learning process is ALLOWING it to unfold: building physical patterns and responses from the inside out, accessing the FEELING of, not just the DOING of.

The remedy lies in the reapplication of very basic vocal technique principles and internalising these learnings, little and often. Little by little the neurons in the brain form pathways that in time become more secure and dependable and eventually EASY to access.

This is neuroplasticity doing its thing.

There are 3 levels to the way the brain accepts information, which in turn, form new muscle ‘habits’: #1 chemical #2 structure and #3 function.

The primary driver of change in your brain is your behaviour.

But don't just take it from me. Here's mezzo-soprano Sophie talking about a recent experience where she felt she was on the edge of something exciting - a new feeling coming from the inside. You can sense the delight - and the inherent vulnerability - yet a willingness to repeatedly explore new possibilities. The best learning mindset!

"One of my goals was around knitting together different elements of my singing practice - physicality, imagination, technique, mental focus, trust, etc. - so that I can be freer in performance and express something deep about my interpretation of a piece. In the back of my mind, this was a goal for the long road, a time in an uncertain future when we can all be together in person. But I was in for a surprise: during the Virtual Love Your Voice weekend, as we talked about performance and listened to each other's recordings with Gillian Wormley providing suggestions, something progressively unlocked in me, allowing me to be in the moment and communicate from deep inside. Gillian coached us very craftily and very sensitively throughout the whole weekend, offering great flexibility of options in terms of what to present and how, while at the same time, taking us to our edge, bringing us to a place where we could take some risks. The words that were a revelation for me were "taking responsibility" and, even scarier for me, the notion of "taking command". These words are not part of my vocabulary, so the weekend is beyond changing me as a singer!!"

One of the fundamental reasons I keep singing is that it keeps me sane.  Quite literally grounded. Singing has always been and continues to be both my linchpin and my salvation. It may have been challenging to maintain the learning regime at tumultuous family times, but I always have returned to music - to singing - to restore my own sense of balance.

Find out more about how you can do this learning journey process thing too.

“In anything at all, perfection is finally attained not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away when a body has been stripped down to its nakedness.”

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Ready to build solid vocal foundations? Essential Vocal Tools is my free starter guide to the core techniques I teach at The Voice School. It’s honest, clear, and designed especially for adult singers looking to sing with more confidence and freedom.

A gentle first step. Thoughtfully recommended.

I’m actually feeling physical grief right now about not being able to sing properly and not knowing when I will again. I started therapy Monday for the first time in 10 years and he’d better be ready for all my singer feelings, but until that comes out here is the place to deposit my emotions. Get ready for long story time.

We just got an email saying the spring opera, which was previously postponed to the first week of June, is on hold. I.E. most likely not happening. It’s not a surprise, but I wasn’t cast in a role, really. I was just in the chorus. Oh, forgot to mention the opera was Don Giovanni, which basically means no singing at all if you’re a female chorister, so the cancellation barely affects me in that regard. For the record (and the record of this blog should already show this), I don’t necessarily mind being in ensemble, it’s just that DG is probably one of the all-time least satisfying opera choruses to sing in. My running joke going into the semester was that the lead women characters are not the only girls getting screwed in this opera. 

I was, however, cast as Donna Elvira’s maid, which was a little moment of having a “character” that I was enjoying. More importantly for my living expenses, I was hired to do the photography for the production as I’ve been doing for past semesters (yes, it’s complicated, maybe I’ll explain how that works another time).

Rewind to the beginning of the year, I was gutted that I wasn’t cast in a role. I had just come off of singing Queen of the Night last spring and thought I had proven myself. L and I knew that with DG being next year’s opera, Zerlina, the role most appropriate for me, would be the most competitive and maybe I should take a swing at Donna Anna instead - moreover, that the conductor also thought I could do it. When she first suggested that to me my literal reaction was “What the fuck?” When I think Donna Anna, I think Carol Vaness. That is not my voice. But going over it in my mind, as a comparative tactic it started to make sense. It was never a character I was drawn to but I spent the ENTIRE summer working on “Non mi dir” for the audition and nothing else. I fell in love with the role and the idea of singing it, even if I knew it wasn’t a perfect fit just yet. I really thought it was a real probability to get it...but I guess I already told you how it turned out.

Now, I know music isn’t fair. I never thought it was. But the opera directors decided to do this thing that was absolutely unheard of to anybody - student or faculty (and believe me, lots of them on the outside had WTF-style questions) - prior to this year: rather than the usual double cast, they quadruple casted. Except they only quadruple casted some roles, not all of them. For example, there were 4 Zerlinas...and only 2 Donna Annas. 

Look, I don’t want to dwell on this any more than I have, especially since it doesn’t matter anymore. Let me make this clear: I’M NOT ENTITLED TO ANYTHING AND THIS WAS A ‘ME’ PROBLEM. I was wrong to think that just because my teacher or even the conductor thought I had a real shot that it was going to happen. I hold NO animosity for my classmates who were cast. They’re all (mostly) wonderful people. It’s the department that made odd choices that everyone I’ve spoken to agrees on. The main objection I had is that you either quadruple cast ALL roles, or tell some people “no.” 

But the fact that the opera is not even happening, after all the work my classmates have put in up to now, is even more surreal. I feel bad for my friends. How can I be mad anymore that I didn’t get cast knowing now that I would be gutted now? It would almost feel worse than what happened with the McKinny masterclass I was supposed to be in 6 years ago. It’s crazy how things can change. After the goings-on this year (opera was not the only thing that surprised me), my mantra became “I don’t believe it until it’s in writing.” And now not even that is enough.

Anyway, this email says that now anyone in the cast can work (virtually) on any solo rep with the opera directors to build it up. And now that I can actually sing for these people...I can’t sing.

That’s fucking life.