Fontrailles recounted that, having once entered very abruptly into M. le Grand’s chamber at Saint-Germain, he surprised him being rubbed from head to foot with jasmine oil, and as he slipped into bed, he said in an unsteady voice: “This is cleaner.” A moment later came a knock — it was the King. It would appear — so said the son of the late L’Huillier, to whom this was told — that he was oiling himself for combat.

Ahem.. Nice cover story, Henri.

Source : Mémoires de Tallemant des Réaux. - Project Gutenberg

I FORGOT TO FUCKING ANSWER THIS AND PRESS POST MILOU IM SO SORRY !!!!!!

13. Something random about some random historical person in a random era.

During his mission to the South, because the local aristocrats had already fled across the border to avoid him, Augustin allegedly took his frustration out on an "ancient tree" at Cap Martin and thwaaacked it into the ground.

The tree was a famous local spot where aristocrats used to dance and drink coffee, so Augustin reportedly ordered it chopped down as a symbolic execution of their social life.*

17. What historical item would you like to own?

100% one of Joachim Murat's possessions

But if we’re being sentimental (and I am, always), then I would also say the medal struck in honor of Augustin Robespierre. Yes, it’s ugly. Yes, it’s clumsy. Yes, it looks like it was designed by a man who had never seen a human face or. hair. before. ..

But that’s precisely why I love it 💕

24. Most underrated historical figure?

I don’t care how much recognition he’s gained recently—I will always say Augustin Robespierre, I am SORRY it's SUCH a predictable answer from me BUT STILL here’s the thing:

history (more importantly me) adores messy men. Petty men. Obsessive men. Men with tempers and contradictions and volatility. People EATTTT that UP

And Augustin has

and listen close

all of it.

AND LOOK i could have easily said somebody like Fabre who is extremely underseen but honestly he

deserves to stay underrated LMAO

all he did was. be stinky, try to run away with a >17 year old girl, and trip and fall into death while holding onto the ankles of herault :

Meanwhile Bonbon, our dear precious Bonbon: Eternally sidelined because he had the misfortune of standing next to someone canonized as Virtue Incarnate. If Augustin had existed without Maximilien looming over him like a marble statue, he would be hailed as one of the most compelling, human figures of the Revolution; and not just the brother.

IMAGINE THE FAN ART WE COULD HAVE HAD

IMAGINE ALL THE DRAMATIC, EMOTIONAL, SENTIMENTAL AND HEARTFELT SCENES BETWEEN AUGUSTIN AND MAXIMILLEN IN FILM!!!!

It's not even that I want Augustin to surpass Maximilien because good god Bonbon wouldn't want that either but I definitely think he needs to be seen more as his own actor. Does that make sense??? You better hope it does.

27. Favourite historical “ What if… ” ?

Okay i have a ton of these with my insanely creative mind AS YOU KNOW

You could've had Bernadotte take the throne of Spain (because really If that had happened, the Peninsular War might have ended differently.) We all know Bernadotte was a "Frondeur" at heart as Jean-François Berdah notes in The Triumph of Neutrality, Bernadotte’s survival instinct was his greatest talent: In Spain, he might have just declared neutrality and ignored Napoleon entirely, saving the French army from the "Spanish ulcer."

or

okay

and hear me out

What if the Coalition had let Murat keep the Kingdom of Naples after 1815? He had already betrayed Napoleon once to save his throne. If he’d stayed, the Kingdom of Naples might have become the driving force for Italian unification because Murat was genuinely popular and far less "awful" than the Bourbons who replaced him.

OR OKAY

What if Lord Alfred Douglas had checked his pockets? We all know Bosie inadvertently destroyed Oscar Wilde’s life because he gave one of his old suits to a male prostitute but forgot to remove the incriminating love letters Wilde had sent him: If he’d just done his laundry, Wilde might never have been blackmailed or sent to Reading Gaol...

OR

What if the Marquis de Cinq-Mars had actually succeeded in his conspiracy to overthrow Cardinal Richelieu? He’s the ultimate "tragic messy youth" of the 17th century and we all know he deserved it

OR

Second new opera of the day, ready to go! (I picked this because it was Gounod, the thumbnail screamed ‘beautiful!’, and it had a French-English libretto available lol)

the video for this part is set up really weird so they have a super-close-up image in a box in the top right hand corner (which this is) but a) I WANT THAT DRESS and b) it looks like she’s already having a rough time of it :(

(this is the zoomed-out part)

Church, State, and one very unhappy woman trapped in the middle of it all...does anyone else notice any resemblances?

oh so this is how the video’s gonna look the whole time uggggggggh okay

also I guess this is all a flashback???

also also PRETTY PRODUCTION AESTHETIC

so everyone’s fighting over whether the Cardinal or the King should have ultimate power. got it.

meanwhile Cinq-Mars is like ‘fighting is stupid can’t we all just get along’

fellas...?

these two are giving me MAJOR Carlo/Rodrigo vibes. like I’m following along with a French/English libretto and there are some spots where it’s almost exactly the same

verbatim exchange from the text (translated to English):

Cinq-Mars: “What is my destiny and what does it have in store?”

de Thou: “What does it matter! At least it cannot divide us.”

I mean...

(also they’re playing sortes, I see)

“Since your love binds you to my future...” *screams*

edit: they’re reading to see their fate and this is straight outta ‘Dio, che nell’alma infondere’

second edit: more verbatim text:

‘They were soon struck by the same sword, and their blood mingled in the same grave!’ - them reading from a book to see what their fate would be

like. what is the possible heterosexual explanation, huh?

LOOK AT THEM (also: creepy priest one o’clock)

“fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck did the priest really have to show up in the middle of us being gay?’

‘hey, uh, are you just gonna leave me hanging?’

admittedly I’m not the best at 17th-century French fashion history but why are all the Cardinalists dressed like...English or Dutch Protestants???

surprise surprise she’s getting married off to someone else

this ensemble slaps

girl’s got sass

pwetty

same goes for this aria

so many Don Carlo vibes (this is from ten years later, so...)

too cute tbh

COSTUME PORN

‘y’all are SO BAD at complimenting us’

so now they’re plotting revolution

I guess the Cardinal just has major beef with de Thou

so Cinq-Mars has become Master of the Horse. hmm.

creepy priest is just always there huh

“hey, remember when the king said you could marry your boyfriend after the cardinal initially said no? yeah, that’s off the table now”

like seriously. the similarities between this and Don Carlo are uncanny

also looks like Cinq-Mars is going to make himself head of the rebellion now

another scene, another party

fancy

well damn this girl’s got some coloratura chops

sometimes we all just need to take a break and watch some pastoral ballet

okay even I will admit that this is getting a little long although it still kinda bops

‘Oh! If I cannot curb his madness, I can and will defend his honour and his life. Here as everywhere, I will watch over him!’

yup. yup. just gonna leave that there.

plotting time

baby’s first conspiracy

(but seriously, he’s so Cute and Adorable and Very Good Tenor)

de Thou is trying to protect him <3

“y’know...maybe my boyfriend is right...maybe I should try to find another way...”

hey guys stop beating up my boy

de Thou may not agree with what Cinq-Mars is doing 100% but he’ll still stick by him anyway and I think that’s wonderful

The Eminent One, seeing well that the King needed some amusement, cast his eyes, upon Cinq-Mars, who was already quite pleasing to the King. He had had this plan in mind for a long time, for the Marquis de La Force spent three years unable to rid himself of the post of Grand Master of the Wardrobe (I believe it had been given to him in place of that of Captain of the Bodyguards). The Cardinal wished that none but Cinq-Mars should have it. In fact, M. d’Aumont, elder brother of Villequier, now Marshal d’Aumont, was not admitted to it, although he had the King’s good word.

At first, M. de Cinq-Mars led the King into debauchery. They danced; they drank toasts. But as he was a fiery young man who loved his pleasures, he soon grew weary of a life he had taken up only reluctantly. Moreover, La Chesnaye, first valet-de-chambre — who was his spy — put him in bad favor with the Cardinal, for he told him a hundred trifles about the King that Cinq-Mars never mentioned, but which the Cardinal wished to hear. Cinq-Mars, having become Grand Écuyer and Count of Dampmartin, dismissed La Chesnaye; but by doing so he also declared war on the Cardinal.

Source : Mémoires de Tallemant des Réaux. - Project Gutenberg

Just hours after being condemned to death on 12 September 1642, Henri Coiffier de Ruzé d’Effiat, Marquis de Cinq-Mars — the twenty-two-year-old favorite who once had three hundred pairs of boots, Gobelins tapestries worth a king’s ransom, and the entire court wrapped around his finger — sat down and wrote this to his mother, the Maréchale d’Effiat: He already knew he was never going to see her again.

Original French (from the manuscript):

Madame, ma tres chere et tres honorée mere, Je vous escris, puisqu’il ne m’est plus permis d’esperer de vous voir, pour vous conjurer, madame, de me rendre deux marques de votre derniere bonté : l’une, madame, en donnant à mon ame le plus de prieres qu’il vous sera possible, ce qui sera pour mon salut ; et l’autre soit que vous obtenies du Roy le bien que j’ay emploié dans ma charge de grand ecuyer et ce que j’en pouvois avoir d’autre part, auparavant qu’il fust confisqué, ou, soit que cette grace ne vous soit pas acordée, que vous aiez assés de generosité pour satisfaire à mes creanciers. Tout ce qui depand de la fortune est si peu de chose que vous ne me devez pas refuser en la derniere suplication que je vous fais pour le repos de mon ame. Croiés moy, madame, en cela plus tost que vos santimans, s’ils repugnent à mon soubet, puisque, ne fesant plus un pas qui ne me conduise à la mort, je suis plus capable que qui que ce soit de juger de la valeur des choses du monde. Adieu, madame, et me pardonnés si je ne vous ay pas assez respectée autant que j’ay vescu, et vous assures que je meurs, Madame, ma tres chere et tres honorée mere, votre tres humble, tres obeissant et tres obligé filz et serviteur, H. D’EFFIAT DE CINQ MARS

Modern English translation:

Madame, my very dear and very honored mother, I write to you, since it is no longer permitted for me to hope to see you, to beg you, madame, to grant me two last marks of your kindness: the first, madame, by giving my soul as many prayers as you possibly can — this will be for my salvation; and the second, either that you obtain from the King the property I used in my office of Grand Écuyer and whatever else I might have possessed before it was confiscated, or, if this grace is not granted to you, that you have enough generosity to satisfy my creditors. Everything that depends on fortune is so little a thing that you must not refuse me this last supplication I make to you for the repose of my soul. Believe me, madame, in this rather than your own feelings, if they go against my wish, for since I no longer take a single step that does not lead me to death, I am more capable than anyone of judging the true value of the things of this world. Adieu, madame, and forgive me if I have not respected you enough while I lived, and rest assured that I die, Madame, my very dear and very honored mother, your very humble, very obedient and very obliged son and servant, H. D’EFFIAT DE CINQ MARS

He even attached a little note listing some of the creditors (M. de Guénégaud, M. Catelan, etc.) — basically a medieval Venmo request from the scaffold: This is the same man Louis XIII once called “the most depraved and ungrateful creature” while complaining about his boot collection. Now he’s reduced to begging his mother to clean up his mess so his soul can rest in peace. 😌

(Attached to the letter was a separate note with the full creditor list — I’ll post that + the auction inventory next)

In the title of this article we have listed, among the favorites and upstarts of the reign of Louis XIII, Marguerite d’Autefort, the Marquis de Barradas, and Cinq-Mars, Marquis d’Effiat, who enjoyed the king’s special favor. This favor was the passing whim of the soulless Louis XIII. Boasting of his chastity, he courted Marguerite d’Autefort without seeking reciprocity, and at the same time mocked his beloved.

[ ... ]

Cinq-Mars — the hero of Alfred de Vigny’s famous novel, exalted to the heavens by the novelist — was in truth a wretched fellow, to use our own folk expression. It was Cardinal Richelieu who brought him into prominence, having made an agreement with this favorite that he should play the role of spy at the court of Louis XIII — a role Cinq-Mars fulfilled with particular zeal. His relations with the king were, it seems, the very same as those of Fedka Basmanov with Ivan the Terrible. Louis XIII was jealous of his favorite’s mistresses, Marion Delorme and Mademoiselle de Chamero. When Cinq-Mars left for the siege of Arras, the king exacted from him an oath to write twice a day, and when the favorite once lingered and sent no letter, His Majesty wept the whole day, fully convinced that Cinq-Mars — or, as he was called, Monsieur le Grand — had been killed.

With all the courtiers Cinq-Mars behaved insolently and roughly; he loved to boast of his finery, while before the king he coquetted no worse than some camellia. Forgetting all the cardinal’s favors, Cinq-Mars took part in a plot against his life and at the same time entered into communication with Spain. Marion Delorme did not delay in informing the cardinal of her lover… Seized in Sorbonne, interrogated, and found guilty of high treason, Cinq-Mars was executed (12 September 1642) together with his friend and accomplice de Thou. Two months before his fall Louis XIII said of him to Captain Faber:

L — He wearies me! For half a year now I feel sick whenever I look at him! F — I would have been ready to swear that Your Majesty’s favor knows no bounds. L — Everyone thinks so, but it is not so. Cinq-Mars is the most depraved and ungrateful creature; he values neither my affection nor the favors with which I shower him… And if only you knew what he costs me! Do you know that this spendthrift has no fewer than three hundred pairs of boots?

This remark of Louis XIII about his favorite recalls the complaints of an old father about the extravagance of his kept mistress. And this very Cinq-Mars became the hero of Alfred de Vigny’s novel — the novel over which our fathers shed tears! Indeed, the reign of Louis XIII — that is to say, Richelieu — is an inexhaustible source of romantic plots, from which the late Dumas drew his Three Musketeers, Twenty Years After, The Vicomte de Bragelonne, and, if we are not mistaken, two or three more novels familiar to our reading public in translations of varying merit.

Source : Кондратий Биркин - Временщики и фаворитки XVI, XVII и XVIII столетий. Книга II

Henri was surprised to find that there was no proper executioner's block, and that he was expected to lay his head down on a tree stump. He bent forward to test it and was then asked to remove his doublet. Before he did so, he handed Father Malavalette a diamond-studded box. "Inside is the portrait of the lady I loved. Burn it and give the box to charity." He snatched the scissors from his executioner's hands and trimmed off a couple of his brown curls and begged Malavalette to burn them with the portrait. He may have hoped that the priest would give these relics to Princesse Marie. We do not know if he ever did.

Finally, Henri requested that Father Malavalette's assistant, and not the executioner, should cut his hair off. As his hair fell about his shoulders, Cinq-Mars sighed, "My God, what a world." After praying for a few minutes he turned to his executioner and snapped, "What are you doing? What are you waiting for?" From a sack the man removed an ax 'that looked like a meat cleaver, only larger and squarer.'

"Let's go," Cinq-Mars whispered. "It's time to die. My God, have pity on me!"

He was not blindfolded. Monsieur le Grand 'with incredible self-control [. . .] placed his neck squarely on the stump and faced the front of the scaffold. He hugged the stump tightly, shut his eyes, clenched his teeth, and waited for the blow.

'The executioner stood on his victim's left, clasped the ax in both hands, raised it into the air, and let it fall slowly and heavily. Receiving the blow, Henri gave a loud cry — like an "Ah!" — that was drowned in blood. His knees jerked up as if he were about to stand, then knelt back again. The blow had not severed the head completely. The executioner stepped around Cinq-Mars from behind, grabbed his hair in his right hand, and sawed at the part of the tracheal artery and the piece of skin which had not been severed.'

The charming head which had troubled so many hearts rolled across the length of the scaffold to drop into the crowd below. 'The cries of horror and the groans made a sound so horrible that one forgot where one was.' Henri's body was removed with great difficulty, for his arms remained locked around the stump. The executioner covered the head and body with a cloth.

Source : Le mignon du roi, Philippe Erlanger, Pg. 222 - 223

✶ Analysis regarding the execution ↴