#chuubos

Or I guess, its a quest for exploring what it's like to go through something like that.

This started out purely as a werewolf thing, but then I noticed that what I had was more broadly applicable and leaned in. Some of these things are beats that could happen in any kind of story; you'd probably have trouble finding one where the character never notices a change in someone else, but that fact that you're drawing attention to such a thing while on a quest that is about how your character is changing and how they feel about it - that means something!

The Transformation (40 XP)

You’re going through a time in your life (or are about to be) where something about you is changing — physically, mentally, or socially, but often more than one of those at once; it could be a progression towards some end point, or a time where you alternate between different forms or modes of being. Maybe you’ve already changed and you’re dealing with the fallout and adjusting to it. By the end of this quest, you’ll have reached a new equilibrium, though there may be more changes ahead - have you returned to how you were, or struck a balance between the old and new? Have you found a way to be at peace with your new status quo or are you finally living the life you always wanted?

Major Goals: You earn 5XP towards this quest when…

You learn a startling truth about yourself or a group you are a part of (“When you jokingly pull on the sword driven through the stone at the end of the bar, it slides out with ease and an ethereal chorus sounds.”)

Someone you know fails to recognize you, or pretends to (“As you drive off the last of the umbrella spirits, your friend peeks out from where they were hiding - they’re looking at you with awe. Obviously they don’t recognize you with your mask on.”)

An important possession is destroyed, discarded or set aside because of your changes (“I’ve been putting it off for a while, but I finally pack away my art stuff to start preparing the nursery for the baby.”)

Three weeks/chapters pass without obvious IC progress on this quest.

Quest Flavor: 1/chapter you earn 1XP towards this quest when…

You pause to take stock of your appearance, physical condition or mental state (“I stand in front of the dressing room mirror in my new dress and do a little twirl.”)

You partake in a long standing pleasure or obligation despite your changes (“I might be a werewolf now but I’m still expected at Sunday dinner.”)

You notice how someone other than you has changed (“I nervously tell Gavin that I like his new haircut and ask him where he gets it done.”)

You have an emotional reaction that goes over the top (“I laugh hard enough that I start crying.”)

You propose a theory about how your changes could be useful ( “Becoming the god of death probably means I won’t have to bother with homework.”)

You are troubled by physical inconvenience related to your change (“Your new prep school dress shoes are not good for running, you’re facing a level1 Obstacle.”)

FRANCIS IS ON FIRE AND FRANCIS DOESN’T EXIST YET HE IS ALSO THE MOST REAL EVEN MORE THAN YOU AND I. I HOPE THAT MAKES SENSE.

And one of the party has complicated relationship with an ex that kidnapped Jasper and nearly stabbed Francis. The local party robot of the party nearly crushed that guy’s skull for it.

We’re talking about stuff like ice breath and learning to chirp someone so hard it counts as a psychic attack. He practices his face off face until he can glare at you and if you meet his eyes he can trap you in a genjutsu like motherfucking Itachi from Naruto. He practices his “deflect media questions” technique so much that when someone tries to read his mind all they can get is, “Yeah, we’ve got a great group of guys this year. We’re pushing hard and really making connections on the ice.”

Eventually he’d be able to train enough to learn how to deke causality and travel back in time. Slapshot things so hard they open portals into other dimensions. He learns a secret celly that lets him summon the spirit of hockey to fight for him. The ultimate nickname technique gives him power over someone as if he knew their true name.

so like, here's the thing; Actuals can't do cost-benefit analysis and they suck at being gentle.

These things are related.

Because Actuals are fucking desperate, okay. They're desperate like animals who will chew off their own legs to escape traps, they're desperate like people in a cave-in or a burning building climbing over each others' bodies to get out. Everything is at stake for an Actual, always, and even if they had enough self-awareness to realise how much damage their flailing does to Creation they would not have the luxury of being able to care.

A Power, or an Imperator, or an Excrucian-those are different, usually. And if they aren't different it is a sign they're in a very bad place. They want stuff, need stuff even, but unless their life is going really REALLY badly they will probably be able to think about what they are doing, pick a useful approach, try at least to refrain from damaging stuff they don't want hurt, learn from their failures, and if necessary give up on a goal that would cost them something they aren't prepared to sacrifice.

They're sane, basically. They aren't always nice. But they're mostly sane.

Actuals aren't. They aren't whole enough to be anything other than screaming mad.

Whenever I write Seizhi or Lilimund, that's always at the core of them; the desperation, the lack of middle gears. They have an existence of sorts now, yes, they have identities, but the habit of hungry terror is hard if not impossible to shake. Calm is impossible, because things matter so much.

They suck at being gentle. But they can be kind. They can love, and when they do it is with the same screaming desperate fury and fervour. I think Seizhi would legitimately tear the world down if they thought Chuubo needed it. I think they would stack corpses high as the moon and cap the pile with their own dead body. They wouldn't like it but they'd DO it.

In practice, though, they aren't likely to go on a murderspree, not as things stand now. What they're most likely to do is to hurt themself, trying to live into their roles as Best Friend and Real Person.

(...I can't help but think it must say something, about the people who love them. The sort of people who would want to be loved like that, intense and all-consuming.

It's the sort of thing we're told by sensible sages to run away from. Sick, twisted, that level of need.

For she was simply the reflection of a woman standing over the water, and not even a true woman, but a shape of straw.”

inktober 2019, day 22: prompt: “ghost”