#chinesetheater

Thank you, Jerome R., Victor L., Daniel X., all from Brooklyn, NY, and thank you Flora B., Los Angeles, CA, for your one star reviews of Times Square. 

I’m lumping you all together because I absolutely could not decide which one of these I wanted to focus on. 

I just have a few notes/comments/questions I’d like to address individually.

Let’s start with Jerome. I’m a big fan of the list format. Everything is made succinct and specific. 

- LOVED the details about the Alabama corporate Dads with the Pete Rose haircuts. 

- And the braided belts.

- This is, also, the first time I’ve ever heard the expression “nuts-to-butts” and having been to Times Square an unfortunate amount of times that sounds pretty darn accurate. 

Jerome I’m going to have to your review of Times Square a 5 out of 5 stars. 

Moving onto Victor. There’s a lot going on here Victor. Not just literally with your words but I think inside of you as well. 

I remember feeling this way about New York. After 25 years of living there I felt myself on the brink of murdering the nearest tourist (or local, honestly) who stopped dead in their tracks directly in front of me without even the slightest inkling of the fact that there might be other people in world. Too often I thought to myself what if I just pushed them? as I watched the M79 (this is a bus) approach the curb. 

I developed a tremendous amount of jaw tension combined with extreme shoulder and neck pain. I started muttering under my breath, scoffed at PDA, became bitter and jaded - not even the peppiest of Broadway shows entertained me - and eventually I developed a hunchback. School children would scream at the sight of me, adults would audibly gasp. 

I even once heard them call me Quasimodo. And that’s when I knew that I had to leave New York. 

I fear that you’re heading in that direction Victor L., and I urge you to move on. Rethink all of your life decisions and move back home!

On a positive note I am going to give your review 5 out of 5 stars for you have truly captured the essence of Times Square. 

P.S. Excellent reference of 13 Going On 30. As a connoisseur of bad romantic comedies I found that reference charming and relatable. 

Ah yes, Daniel and your haikus. 

This review made me chuckle out loud to myself. 

Couple of questions though:

1. I like this, but why do you do this?

2. Do you attend the Gallatin School of Individualized Study at NYU? I can ask that because I went to NYU: Tisch and look at me now! (There’s that jadedness I was talking about in Victor’s review) I just feel like this is the sort of thing that they might consider “school work”, ya know? Like that kid who majored in Magic. I know you’ve heard of him. We all have. 

Just some things to think about.

Daniel I’m going to give your review of Times Square 5 out of 5 stars but first, and excuse the amateur nature of this but...

Dan thinks it’s too bright!

Maybe try some sunglasses? 

Or just don’t go there. 

Last but not least, Flora.

Your review also made me laugh but for a different reason.

The reason being that you live in LOS ANGELES. Ninety percent of the population in Los Angeles are street performers saving up to be massage therapists so they can (and this is the part you left out) make some goddamn money while they pursue real performance. I can say this because I now live in Los Angeles. 

So I don’t know what the Puh-lease was about. Have you been outside of the Chinese Theater? Or just outside in L.A. period?