#chilren

I (30F) don't really know what to do. My husband (30M) loves my daughter (2F) he would die for her, I have no doubts about it. But he doesn't seem to enjoy spending time with her. He's not a deadbeat in that when he comes home from work he will do the chores, like doing the dishes etc. But I tell him I'll do the chores and he can spend time with our daughter. But to be honest I think he much prefers to do the chores as he usually says no. When we're all hanging out in the living room he's rarely present, normally looking at his phone. He does sometimes play with my daughter and reads. And to his credit when he's in a good mood they look like they're having fun. But his threshold is quite low, max they will spend 45min together a few times a week. Sometimes when he comes back from work he barely interacts with her. I think the issue is he only wants to spend time with her on his terms, when he's in a good mood. Not when she wants to. Most of the time it feels like our daughter is a burden to him and I think she's picked up on it. I keep hearing that daughters are daddy's girls but she's definitely a mummy's girl. When she wants to play or read she wants me to do it rather than him. She doesn't seem to acknowledge him when he comes home, more excited to see grandma and grandad than her dad. I do really think he has a phone addiction too, he's on his phone all day and night which is another issue I have. I just wish he would come home from work looking forward to spending time with her, rather than thinking "oh great, can't rest now have to deal with the little one". He's always complaining about being tired and having no break. I just want to tell him to get over himself. Isn't this what he signed up for? I do think he's being unrealistic too. He goes to the gym once a week and goes out with his friends a couple of times a month. Surely that's enough of a break from being a parent? How do you make someone enthusiastic about being a mum or dad? We have spoken about this issue before but it feels like it will improve for a day or two then go back to old ways.

Daughters don't have to be daddy's girls. That's...quite frankly, just silly. It's really common for children, regardless of gender, to flip back and forth between favorites quite often, especially when younger. Or those favorites can last for years.

Your husband may just prefer older kids or teens rather than infants and toddlers. Not everyone is a baby person - even great parents can just be worn out by the baby years. Have you ever tried talking to him about it? Not throwing out accusations or asking him why he hates your daughter, but just having a real, open, genuine conversation with him where you make it safe for him to share your feelings?

You may also benefit from a touch of therapy and/or couples counseling. Your husband does his part around the house, he loves his daughter, he plays with her, he reads to her. Do you think perhaps your standards are too high? Maybe your husband isn't perfect, but he doesn't sound half-bad. He's involved, even if he's not present 24/7.

Your husband might become the favorite when your daughter is old enough to do other things, like games or sports or puzzles. Would you be happy if he did and he spent that time wondering 'wow, why doesn't my wife step it up and enjoy these games with us more?' You're allowed to have feelings and preferences, and that includes not always enjoying the same things.

Of course she's more excited to see people she sees less than her dad??? She's not a dog who you can expect to scratch up the door every time you come home.

Second-graders pick their pumpkins during a class outing Oct. 19, 1984, at a farm next to their school near Doylestown, Pa.