#childlish

and i wish, i am like that too... as i hv been working on being like that, when i say, "i befriend you because........., and that all is for Allah, our Lord whom we shall return to,".

Childish: relying on others when you shouldn’t.

Or, it could be relying on only yourself. Either way, it’s thinking about your personal control in absolute terms; you either commit your success and well-being as a job for other people to do for you... or for you to do for yourself (despite the presence and needs of others)

Childlike: relying on others when you should. 

Or, the quality of being able to accept help when necessary without going so far as to expect/seek it out when it’s not (and thus burdening others). It is understanding limits and boundaries, respecting them, and responding to them accordingly.

You have legitimate authority. You also have legitimate limits, boundaries, and influence.

I haven't been active for almost a week, the posts you saw me posting was queued. I'm now in the bottom of an ocean of thoughts, in other words, I'm super depressed. I tried to obtain happiness from normal conversations, but it didn't help much, the things that made me sink reoccured to drown me more.

It hit me on one day in the previous week, I tried my best to act normal but couldn't get rid of all those negative thoughts. The worst is, whenever I feel left behind, I would resort to detachment - the policy of 'out of sigh, out of mind'.

I posted something before, if you've read it, you know I am skeptical. Of people and myself. In the first stage when I decided to detach from something, I will disappear for a while, watching from a distance. It's what I'm doing now, I will convince myself they don't need me, whether I am there is no difference.

Then, next stage I will step further away and slowly inactive from the community. I might appear at a time, but if the situation, basically my feel didn't change, I will give up.

Last stage, I may sudden deactivate everything.

So don't be surprise if you don't see me one day, you can un-follow this account if you wish. Queued posts would continue until I really abandon everything.

As for RP, I really love that community, it's like a warm family with many loves. Yet, the more I love it, the sulky I am. I only can think of how incapable I am, how boring my characters are. I feel sad about them, they might shine like diamonds on others' hands, but they are like dusted gems on mine. I can't find happiness in rp without thinking how poor I am. I tried, but I'm not good enough.