#chchat:tori

THEO: ….Did you leave? Did you actually just get up in the middle of the night and leave me alone in bed?

TORI: I had to let my dog out... She gets lonely at night.

TORI: So you're ignoring me I get that.

TORI: I said I was sorry okay? I freaked.

        It was getting close to that time of year again, when the phone calls and letter would start up again, they always did right when November rolled around. It was like her mother was still holding out hope that Tori would show up to Thanksgiving, her life together, and completely ready to start learning her father’s business. Once her brothers had ran off to Europe, leaving the youngest alone in that hellhole, her parents just assumed Tori would be taking Elliot’s place as next in line. That she would be the next great lawyer at her father’s firm. But Tori hadn’t wanted anything to do with that bullshit since she was six and made it perfectly clear, even if her parents were too dense to see it. 

        The first of the phone calls had come today, jumping right to the point this time. Her mother had threatened to come down to ‘that crack house’ of hers if she didn’t get a phone call back by noon. Of course, Tori didn’t take it seriously, she never did because if Margret Walker was known for one thing, it was empty threats. Instead, Tori invited Reese over, needing a good layer of alcohol in her system before the second wave of calls came. She needed the strength to handle hanging up, to not throw the phone out the window if her father was on the other line. 

        It was already far past noon, maybe even closer to three by now and Tori was sufficiently drunk. It wasn’t the kind of drunk that everyone assumed, one where she was slurring her words or stumbling around confessing how much she loved the girl in her living room. But the kind where she was able to just lean back against her couch without a care in the world, bottle of Jack in one hand and a remote in the other. “You’d think there would be better Halloween movies on now, instead of all the shitty remakes.” Tori grumbled as she flicked past all the Scream movies (some marathon they were doing it seemed), rolling her eyes at the terrible acting. “I give up, you pick.” She said, before tossing the remote over to Reese as she sat up. 

        Her head was slightly fuzzy, warm but fuzzy as she moved and she knew if she went too quickly she would lose her balance and sink back down onto the cushions. But even through all of the fog from the alcohol, a pounding came through her ears and she knew it was already too early for the migraine. Was it the door? It had to be, right? She didn’t have her dog at home to tell her if her suspicions were true. But who the hell would be knocking, and that rapidly? Tori groaned, looking over at Reese next to her. “Is someone knocking? I’m pretty sure mail already came today, right?” Tori asked, snatching the remote back to mute the TV, trying to hear better. “I should probably go get that---” She sighed, not wanting to get up off her comfortable spot on the couch. But the knocking persisted and it was ruining the warm buzz Tori had created for herself. Why wouldn’t they just go away?

It had been weeks since her repeat offense, since her relapse into the darkness deep within her. Since she embraced that part of her back with welcoming arms. At least, she did at that moment, and all moments until this one. Or these series of moments that lead to her being here, her car idling in her brother’s driveway. She knew it was silly, sitting in the car and pep talking herself to go inside, but at the same time, there was a real chance that she would just turn the car on completely and drive far away, very far away. Maybe they would kick her out? Throw her out of the family completely. Alastair might be angry enough to do so. But she was banking on Elliot’s understanding nature. He just might be able to save her ass from the wrath their middle brother would undoubtedly inflict upon her. 

She wasn’t sure what she was going to say, or how she was going to say it, but there was no way to hide it any longer. She had to explain, she had to confess and stop the guilt that was eating away at her insides. She knew it might not help, she might just make it worse, telling them. But she had to try, didn’t she? No, you idiot. You can turn around, you can pretend you never came here and that you never slept with him. Go back to your house. The voice in her head, the one that had told her to go for it with Malcolm was now hissing in her ears to run. To keep this one thing locked up nice and tight. It wasn’t like she even knew what to say, how to explain. But there was no hiding, the guilt in her stomach was too much to ignore now, and Tori finally pulled the keys out of the ignition. 

No, there was no hiding. There was no hiding how terrible she felt, betraying her family’s trust again. No hiding behind the excuse of drugs because this time she had been stone cold sober. This was a conscious choice she made, no excuses could work today and so Tori knew she had to face the music. She had to face her brothers no matter what their reactions were. It was better than running and hiding. She would be brave enough to do this, she had to be. 

Izzy’s car was gone, that much she noticed, and in her spot was Alastair’s, knowing that he had beat her here. At least Izzy wasn’t around, it was always easier to let everything out when Elliot’s wife wasn’t in the middle of it. Tori felt like it wouldn’t be so hard to say it without her eyes judging every move she made. It was a maternal kind of judgment like she was going to say ‘We just want what’s best for you’. It made Tori’s stomach churn. That was the last thing she needed right now. She needed fire, anger, and hatred. That was what she deserved. 

Tori: You don't even know what I was talking about.

Tori didn’t even wait for Reese to answer the door, she had knocked once and couldn’t muster up any more patience. “Hope you have enough time and jack for this one!” Tori called into the apartment, dropping her bag at the door as she ventured further inside.

        “----I swear if we get fucking lost out here, I’m beating the shit outta you.” Tori muttered, hating to be lost, it bothered her more than most other things.. Especially when she wasn’t in control of the situation. “No I don’t want any dip.. Why’re you just carrying dip around anyways?”

“You want a fucking medal? Yeah I know you were wrong.”